Eris x Reader ft. Azriel | Eris breaks your heart, unaware that youâre carrying his child. Now, both of you are left to grapple with the consequences of his actions, as your lives spiral in unexpected directions.
warnings: angst, hidden pregnancy, Eris being an asshole sometimes (other warnings will be specified by part)
a/n: The title is inspired by the song Que No Quede Huella (a classic), which is why the banner has the spanish lyrics. These parts are listed in chronological order. The parts with à§Ą are kind of like bonus parts.
(I will say this will most likely be a set of fics/drabbles that center around a story but not necessarily a plot? Idk if this makes sense. Basically me writing a series but without the full detailed commitment? I'm just happy that after dealing with a rough writer's block, I'm actually getting the inspo/urge to write something.)
à§Ą Tell Me I've Been Lied To coming soon
I. Stuck | After breaking your heart, Eris thinks you have moved on.
II. Think of You | Eris is unaware of how wrong he was. You're still picking up the pieces of your shattered heart. You find that it does not matter how far you distance yourself from Eris, a part of him will always be with you.
III. Something I Wait For | You're still overridden with stress over your unexpected pregnancy when an unexpected guest turns up at Day Court.
IV. Silver Soul | Azriel finds himself meddling in your business.
V. Lost in the Dark | Eris wants you back in Autumn. Meanwhile, you find yourself confiding in Azriel.
here is a little meme/post I made over one of the scenes from pt V.
VI. How Did We Get Here? | Things get heated at the High Lord's meeting and Azriel accidentally lets something slip.
VII. Protect Me From What I Want | After finding out you're carrying his child, Eris makes a sudden & unexpected visit to Day Court. sneak peak
series taglist: @kodafics , @shinyghosteclipse, @marrass, @posierosie, @solanaaaaaaa
Series synopsis: The looming threat of the Death God Koschei and the High Lord of Autumn allying has those of the Inner Circle fretting about the consequences on Prythian. However, the heir of the Autumn Court, Eris Vanserra, proposes a deadly machination of deceit to bypass laws and suspicions to remove his father from the boardâa show of wooing and manipulating a reason for murder. You, the second eldest Archeron sister, still dealing with the repercussions of your mortal changes and manifesting gifts, agree to play the partner in Erisâs wicked schemes of usurpation. As you pretend to fall for the heir who always manages to get under your skin, you uncover more than just a male of arrogance and entitlement. Sometimes, even the best playwrights change the script in the production's final moments. And nothing makes a performance more exhilarating than a little behind-the-scenes romance.Â
CHAPTER ONE: And The Dark Awaits Us All Around The Corner
CHAPTER TWO: Let Your Branches Fork My Veins
CHAPTER THREE: I Feel Them Drown My Name
CHAPTER FOUR: I Would Die Inside If You Ever Stopped Nurturing Me
Warnings: smut. mentions of abuse. mentions of torture. blood and injury. mentions of childbirth. inner circle being assholes. near death experience. [more warning will be given as story progresses]
Summary: Four years ago, Azriel and Y/N made a bargain. They would form a relationship until either of them find their mates, once that happens, their relationship would end. No tears. No arguments. That was how it would be. However once the four years pass, both Azriel and Y/N realise how they have settled down in the life they had built together.
At the celebration of the new Autumn High Lord, everything Y/N and Azriel had built comes crashing down as a mating bond snaps between Y/N and Eris. Staying true to the bargain, the relationship between Y/N and Azriel ends.
Though as Y/N and Eris get closer, through some kind of divine intervention, Azriel always seems to be around with the mated couple. Feeling arise and truths come to light the longer they all spend around each other. However, not everyone is approving of the budding relationship. Truths come to light and some may not be so positive.
Current Word Count: 15,189
A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist
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Contents:
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
Part Fifteen
Part Sixteen
Part Seventeen
Part Eighteen
Epilogue
A/N: Welcome to my new series I have coming out! Everything is planned and is a little bit longer than I originally intended though I cannot wait to share it with everyone!
If you would like to be tagged, reply to this post or send me an ask and I will add you. The first part will be posted on 25th December and other parts will be posted (hopefully if all goes to plan) regularly after.
warnings: swearing, misogyny, best friends that wanna fuck, sexual tension, possible violence, jealous!az, slowly shifting into slight darker content đ hope no one notices
summary: Going undercover alters your appearance more than your friends ever anticipatedânow Azriel canât tear his eyes away.
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âStop touching and just relax.â
âI canât,â You squirm under Morâs touch. Two hours spent around the city spending obscene amounts of money on a dress and heels that you were only going to wear once. Nimble fingers part through your hair, undoing paper curls and oiled fingers run through the ends of silky strands. Everything is too tightâtoo exposed. âI am deeply uncomfortable.â Your arms cross behind your back, fingers awkwardly intertwining to create some sort of barrier between your ass and the possibility of peering eyes.
The High Lords cousin doesnât take it personally, quickly finishing final touches on your makeup and the person you see in the mirror is so far off from what you were used to that it makes your breath catch. âItâs perfect. Youâre going to be perfectâthey wonât be able to keep their eyes off of you.â
Your hand shakes at the thought, painted fingers curling around the glass of champagne and knocking the whole thing back in one go.
âYouâre going to ruin your lipstick.â
âIf I donât have at least two more of those, Iâm going to ruin this whole night.â It felt weird having your hair down like this and your fingers twitch to tuck it back into your usual bun but Mor keeps throwing looks over her shoulder while she refills both glasses. Just daring you to fuck up her work.
After the second glass your brain finally stops hyper-fixating on the fact that you can actually feel the bare skin of your thighs touching with each step, an annoying change from the leathers that usually prevented things like this. âItâs just a few dances. Bat your lashes and smile pretty and the intel will come to you, Iâm sure of it.â
âI donât think one dress will get me all of that.â
âItâs not about the dress.â Sheâs rubbing oil into your skin that makes it shine when the light touches, the sweet smell lingering long after youâve left the room and the whole walk downstairs is filled with gentle reminders on everything sheâd been teaching you all week. âItâs you in it. Seriously, where have you been hiding all of this ass?â You swat her hands away, grateful that the others had left far earlier. You could just hear Az and Cass now, eyes rolling at the very thought of their relentless teasingâthis would be the topic of many jokes for weeks to come.
Slight sway of your hips, soften the length of your spine, shoulders back and head high. Confident steps even though the heels were fucking killer; five inches of added height and youâd still feel small in a room crawling with fully grown men. The champagne glass is finished and refilled once more before youâre tugged away to the balcony and past the wards.
Usually, winnowing was calming but for some reason, this time it had the hairs on the back of your neck prickling at attention from all the eyes that slid in your direction. âThat was subtle.â
âWeâre late,â Mor mutters through her teeth, flashing a less than sweet smile to the males undressing her with their eyes. Typical for Hewn City but still fucking disgusting. âI figured a flashy entrance would distract from that. Now, be nice.â
Easier said than done with anxiety beginning to ebb forth, fingers flexing and nails running over the details of your dress. The words from earlier repeat in your mind and instantly your spine straightens, chin raising and the added swish to your hips is enough to attract the attention of any male within a five mile radius.
Itâs customary to greet the High Lord and Lady, your heels clicking and face aloof when swiftly curtsying into a respectful bow. âRise,â Feyre commands, voice strong and filled with unquestionable power but you could see that look in her eyeâfamilial fondness creeping at the edges of blue irises and youâre quick to appear anxious. Less comfortable when surrounded by people youâd known longer than you could put into words. âJoin the others, thereâs plenty of food and drink for everyone.â
Better judgement screams in your mind not to look just a little to the right; your peripheral catching onto the faint glow of cobalt blue but your eyes slide over without permission.
Azriel looks godly standing guard near his High Lord and Lady. Heâs handsomely dressed in one of his fancier pairs of fighting leathers, lethally strapped to the nines with daggers at his thighs, switchblades tucked in pockets or strapped to his ankles and swords that cross at his back, right between his wings.
Like an angel of death; just as tempting as he was deadly.
You look away before he can catch you admiring the tailored cut of sturdy, dark tactical gear stretching across his muscles. Too quickly for you to notice the way he double takes, eyes widening a fraction and stance stiffening ever so slightly when he recognizes the slope of your nose and shape of your mouth glistening in gloss. He nearly chokes on his breath at the accentuation of your figure, curves on full display in a complete juxtaposition to your usual attire and his stare follows as you disappear into the crowd of bodies.
He canât leave his spot but it doesnât stop him from sending out his own personal surveillance to keep tabs on the way you shift about the room.
Everywhere you move, eyes follow.
Males halt their conversation, sipping on whiskey so expensive that it probably equates to a months worth of rent but judging by their tailored suits and gold cuff-linksâmoney was the least of their problems.
âA drink, miss?â
Relief works its way into your form when you accept, thanking the waitstaff politely while acting your ass off with the fluttery lashes and doe eyes. It paints a perfect little pictureâentrapping susceptible males with overly inflated egos and misogynistic thought processes. Youâre almost a little too deep in the facade, aimlessly wandering through the sea of bodies with ears specially attuned to every conversation; sifting through the meaninglessness in order to catch little pieces of a bigger picture that had yet to be deciphered.
âAnd who might you be?â
âNobody.â The response is instinctive, a second nature thatâs easily smoothed over with a demure smile.
Even you could admit the male was handsome, all solid muscle and alluringly ragged edges. His suit is immaculate, fitting the strong line of his shoulders to perfection as the halfway unbuttoned tunic beneath broadcasts the tawny tones of his chest loitered with inky tattoos. Dark hair frames his face, a silver scar cutting through the thick of one brow and yet its completely overshadowed when in the midst of such beauty. âYou certainly donât look like ânobodyâ to me.â
Warmth spreads at the nape of your neck, your body affected by the soulful bass of his voice and for a fleeting moment you have to remind yourself of the task at hand.
The male doesnât give time for you to come up with another one of your carefully curated lies. A hand is extended your way, the faelight above catching on the masculine rings adorning his pinky and pointer fingers when your hand is taken in his own.
Itâs almost embarrassingâthe spectacle he makes in spinning you slow, taking in every detail with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.
Thank the Mother for Mor and her attention to detail, picking out the perfect dress and glimmering diamonds that distracted from the true soldier that burned in your soul, a characteristic that had been exercised for decades enduring Cassian and Azrielâs relentless training regiment.
âWhoever youâve come with will never recover from the loss heâs about to take,â The males eyes are ravenous, that previously bored darkness finally flickering with life beneath the surface.
The surprised laugh you let out is genuine, a shocked bark of a thing thatâs anything but ladylike but he doesnât seem to mind. âYou have a very high sense of self in assuming Iâd go anywhere with you considering I donât have the slightest clue on who you are.â
Another lie added to the steadily growing web. Youâd been briefed on every single person in this room, memorized their faces and obsessively studying their lives and known connections until the only thing left was to figure out who possessed the most valuable information. âWho better to trust than Stewards right hand?â Feminine wonder masks the satisfaction of such an easily attained lead and suspicion begins to grow in your gut. Maybe itâs not as well concealed as youâd assumed because the cockiness is dialed down multiple levels and the smile he wears is far more flattering than that entitled smirk. âCall me Atlas.â
Music filters throughout the space and steadily the sea of bodies becomes more uniform, paired up couples shifting about the room with a hardened grace that allowed their movements to appear elegant, even if their faces were stripped of any semblance of emotion. âAtlas,â The name is foreign on your tongue but not entirely unpleasant. âHave any clue where they keep their stash?â
A cheshire grin accompanies the muscular bicep he holds out in offering. âAllow me to lead the way.â
Everything goes as planned, a knowing nod to Mor, a giddy smile when the Stewards second hand tugs you down a hallway, bypassing stationed guards and passing over a small pouch of silver coins to the scrawny soldier standing in front of a thick set of double doors. âWhere are we going?â
âYou wanted the good stuff. Kier keeps them in his office.â High heels click against the polished floors, taking in the layered colors of obsidian, onyx and oblivion. Itâs typical for a male, simple, with just enough overindulgence to make your eyes roll.
âAre we supposed to be in here?â
Atlas moves across the space with ease, unlatching the lock on the liquor cabinet and collecting two glasses and a thick crystal decanter filled halfway with a deep amber liquid. âAre you going to tell on me?â
Every movement you make hold more grace than youâve mustered up in a century. Femininity oozes from every pore and itâs intoxicatingâthis males reaction to the slightest graze of your nails against his fingers. It plants a terrifying seed, one eager to learn exactly how far you could take it. How many other people would react the same way?
Your mind takes a turn, sliding a key into a door youâd long since boarded up.
And you canât help but wonder if the simple seduction would work on Azriel too.
âI can be convinced to keep a secret,â Magic must be used to keep the liquor chilled because the crystal is cold to the touch. âIf you show me the balcony too.â
Atlas nods slowly, taking your words entirely different than intended but you donât bother correcting it. Not when he strides over to the doors with such ease, pulling out a personal set of keys and unlocking them as if heâd done so a million times before.
You supposed Hewn was a sight to behold from this angle, high heels click against the concrete, bracelets clinging against the iron railings as you peer over. In its own, hauntingly beautiful way; a darker part of you could find the appeal if you overlooked the horrors that took place there.
âNow, Iâve snuck you out here, breaking all kinds of rules and jeopardizing my job for you.â If itâs the truth, Atlas has a hell of a way of making it seem nonchalantâevery word laced in an amusement you canât quite place but itâd be lying to say you didnât find it slightly charming. âWill you finally tell me your name?â
Thereâs a mischievous sparkle in your eye, a taunting elongation of one leg, the shiny curve of your high heel dragging gently against his ankle. You almost answer when your eyes catch on the shadows in the corner, their color just a little too dark, their ebb just a little too sentient. Of course, Azriel would follow you out there when he believed you were taking too long, playing the perfect position of Night Court security when urging guests away from restricted areas but jealously slips its way into his tone when he finds you and Atlas on the balcony standing a little too close to be considered friendly. âYou arenât supposed to be out here.â
The male with you doesnât seem the slightest bit deterred, cockily tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear while the other hand fishes out a small pouch full of gold coins from his suit pocket and rudely stuffs it into Azrielâs chest without even looking. âHow about you go back inside and give us a few uninterrupted moments to get to know each other?â
Azrielâs brow raises, wings bristling when tracking the two fingers Atlas has grazing down your cheekbone and his tone is eerily even when responding. âDid you come alone tonight?â
âYes,â Atlas retorts none the wiser, a smirk curving at the corners of his mouth. âThough, I have no intentions on leaving how I came.â
âIs that so?â It happens so quickly. Azriel snatching the male away from you, his fist darting out and connecting with Atlasâ jaw with such precision that the impact sends the Stewardâs second in command unconscious on the cobblestone. âMissionâs over,â Azriel all but growls, his grip possessive when pulling you in. âWeâre leaving.â
âAzriel,â Your eyes widen, glass slipping from your grasp as your brain moves like molasses when trying to comprehend what youâd witnessed. It doesn't bother Az though, his hand a firm weight at the dip of your back, pinky finger just grazing the curve of your ass with every step. âI wasnât even close to being finishedâhe was about to give me everything.â
âOh, Iâm more than aware of what he was about to give you.â
He looks like heâs readying himself to winnow the two of you out of there, thick clouds of shadows materializing around his threatening frame but something forces him to decide against it. His jaw clenches, stance rigid and voice clipped when telling you to 'come this way', taking a sharp left turn before shoving your body inside. âAzriel, what the hell?â
âFunny, I was about to ask you the same thing.â The door slams behind him, lock twisting with a resounding click but none of that distracts from the downright murder-strut Azriel adopts when stalking towards you. Your heart hammers against your chest, heels scraping against the polished floors in your attempts to create space but the male before you eats it all up. âDo you have any idea what youâve been doing to me?â
The laugh that pushes free is breathless; taken aback. âWhat?"
A war wages in Azriel's mind as he strains to contain the small semblance of control he's ever been able to gather in your presence. You make him crazy; shove him out of his comfort zone and force him to take risks that his skillful training strictly rejects. You're an enigma, a flame that burns but also provides warmth to those who handle you with care. âI thought you in your leathers was sin.â
You swallow thickly as your body responds to the drop in his voice; the gravel that positively rattles his tone and morphs that strong soldier boy into a predator of a man with ravenous wants and needs. Rapturous desires that plagues his thoughts, tainting his actions and lingering in the void of his shadows with intent to kill.
Shock blends into need as Azriel backs you against the desk, the rigid line of his cock straining against the stitching of his leathers. It digs against your belly; teasing, taunting you with the possibilities. âBut then you come waltzing in wearing this dressâcauldron boil meâare you even wearing any underwear?â
"I couldn't," A blush burns at your cheeks, every inch of you sparking to life under his stare. "Mor said panty lines are tacky."
"Then it'd be best you refrain from telling her what happens in here because I'm about to make you sound fucking garish." Hips buck involuntarily, a helpless rut whittling away at whatever self-control Azriel has left. Itâs clearly not much because soon his lips are too preoccupied with learning yours and strong hands are busy familiarizing themselves with the curves you usually kept so carefully concealed. Eager fingers run over the tight fabric around your waist, gliding over the length of your stomach and cupping the weight of your breasts, thumbs grazing over peaked nipples. Mapping the canvas of your body like a man starved.
Denying his touch is out of the question; at least thatâs what your body decides as it leans into the heavy drag of his weight. For once, you lean into the girlish nature of allowing the male to leadâto comply as Azriel guides your face to his own. Indulging in feverish kisses because he started it and it was only fair for you to finish it.
The lines of friendship blur with his tongue in your mouth and youâre too drunk on the scent of his cologne to question what any of this could mean afterwards. What chaos could ensue from helping him hike the hem of your dress up, up, up with a needy groan. âCanât believe you hid all of this from me,â Azriel all but whines, golden irises gobbling up the fullness of your thighs. Pupils dilate at your lack of undergarments; the thin leather thigh holsters strapped tight against the muscle of your legs and inky shadows swipe at the weapon secured thereâstealing it as a prize.
âCan you blame me?â The words come out breathy, palms dragging along rigid muscle hidden beneath his clothes, nails seconds away from slicing through the offending fabric for more of his warmth, for more of him in general because this male was a thing of dreams. Of carefully curated fantasies that females with far more time on their hands wrote about in their journals. âHow would I get any work done with everyone staring at my ass?â
His touch is bold, two fingers sliding between your thighs to slide along the slick that collects between lower lips. "That won't be an issue for you anymore." A gasp forces your lips to part when he circles around your clit, feeling the area around it without actually giving what you want. Azriel likes it more that way; enjoys the ways your legs tremble and chest heaves. "You'll find that people don't stare much at the things that belong to me."
"I'm not yours," You struggle to verbalize the thought fully when he finally applies the right amount of pressure to your neglected bundle of nerves. Quick little circles under the calloused drag of two fingers works a strangled moan free. "I don't belong to anyone," You try to speak it aloud so the point comes across but all that's leaving your lips is pathetic pants of yesyesyes and pretty pleas for moremoremore.
Heâs cruel in his torture, pulling his hands away seconds before release can wash over you and a cocky smirk etches in the corner of his mouth. Itâs knowing; cognizant of the fact that your orgasm lies in the palm of his hands, rests under the willful press of his fingertips.
âPlease?â You whisper, voice cracked; broken, ruined from nothing but his hands alone and you still hadnât cum yet. Every nerve burns, toes curling, stomach clenching and pussy pulsing around nothing as your hips careen forwardâsearching for the sweet friction that Azriel just knows how to provide.
You thank the Mother for his lack of revolve, for it had to be her mercy that allows his stubborn defenses to crumble so quickly. To give in and offer everything youâd been begging for . Heâs not kind about it; doesnât coax the orgasm forward but yanks at it like a dog on a leash. Itâs claiming the way he watches you through your high, drinking up your sounds and committing the slick sight of you to memory.
He doesnât even give you enough time to catch your breath before heâs tugging his leathers down his hips, thick fabric bunching at his thighs. âSave your pretty pleas for soft pricks like Aaron.â
âAtlas.â
Azrielâs brow raises, a subtle twitch of muscle that shouldnât be as threatening as it is. Or at least it wouldnât be if it wasnât followed by the ominous drag of his cock through your folds, the heavy weight of him coating itself in your slick.
You know he wants to say something. Itâs hanging off the tip of his tongue; some venomous comment fueled by raw, unbridled jealousy. Some sick part of you wants him to say itâmaybe then heâll admit to his feelings; confessing to the tension that permeates when the two of you enter a room or share a joke or brush arms or get a little too heated during training.
âI believe your role tonight is soft and demure,â His voice is deceptively even considering the rough jolt of his hips that bullies the blunt head of his cock deep inside of you. âSo donât use that mouth of yours unless itâs to tell me how good I fucking feel.â
Az holds true to his word because every time your lips part to make some stupid comment for him to slow down or loosen his grip on your hips because youâre sure bruises are formingâAzriel just fucks you harder. Presses the palm of his hand against your mouth to muffle the moans, to seize the symphony of sighs that gasp free when he treats sensitive spots with such aggression.
He can feel your legs shaking, tuts his tongue in hushed amusement when he catches you trying to inch away; searching for a spare second to catch your breath. âWhere dâyou think youâre going?â
No mercy is shown for your choked breaths when Azrielâs focused on the ripple of your ass with each thrust. âItâs so fucking deep,â The words come out garbled against his palm and itâs only then that he pulls it away, fingers ghosting over the swollen plush of your lips in silent appreciation.
âFilthy pussyâs just sucking me right in,â Your cheeks burn, lids fluttering closed as you try not to acknowledge the fact that his voice and those syllables strung together is just enough to have you clenching around him; slick gushing down the length of him and dripping from the heavy weight of his balls.
A sharp smack of his hand against the fat of your ass; the perfect pinch of pain to accompany the mind-numbing pleasure that wracks through every nerve. âAzriel!â
âNow you remember my name?â His tone is pure venom, every rational part of his brain clouded with envy, leaking with a bitterness that scrunches up the perfect lines of his face. âCanât believe you were about to give this up to that fucking ingrate.â Cool air breezes against your sex as your ass is lewdly pried open enough for Azriel to stare at the sopping wet mess you make. âNot after Iâve been waiting so godsdammed long for thisâfor you.â A creamy ring of your cum catches at the base of his cock; cunt clenching over and over and over as he works you through orgasm after orgasm.
Mumbled praises and keening moans are your only reply, knees bending for better leverage as you lean back into the pace he sets. Screw the missionâfuck the objective. Damn anything that wasnât Azriel and his cock and those perfect hands that claims sweat-slicked skin. You donât even fight it, succumbing to the pleasure and the male administering it. âRight there!â You barely recognize the sound of your own voice, ears focused on Azrielâs grunts and whispered praises. âSo good. So goodâfuck!â
âThis is mine?â Itâs not really a question. That much you know when you feel the pressure of his thumb rubbing circles along your clit. âSay it so I can hear you.â
âYes!â Eyes roll. Words slur. Fists clutch at polished wood; manicured nails leaving indents in mahogany. âBelongs to you.â
Azrielâs too goodâtoo precise; too determined. Forces him to rut deep and carve out a place inside of you with his name branded on it. Thick ropes of his seed paints quivering walls; claiming with a kind of possessiveness that has your toes permanently curled in your heels.
Thereâs barely enough time to catch a proper breath or situate your dress when thick wad of papers are smacked before you like a godsdammed gift, all neatly stacked and basically tied with a fucking shadowy bow. All the intel youâd bitched at Az for compromisingâwritten right there in plain sight. âThose are theâyouâŠthank you.â
âDonât get all sweet for me now,â Azriel muses darkly, affectionately patting at your cheek as if you were some drowsy pup, his head nodding in gesture to the neat stack of stolen papers on the table while swiftly tucking himself away and redoing the ties on his breeches. âIâm only covering for your pretty ass so I can ruin it later.â
Summary: Azriel never thought he would find someone who loves him. Everyone around him has their own life and family and he feels like he is floating in between with no real purpose.
When Rhys gives him a mission consisting of thirty different tasks, Azriel thinks they are all stupid. Go to the beach. Bake a cake. Feed the ducks. He would rather be on a mission with his blade strapped to his thigh.
Instead, Azriel goes through with the tasks after inlisting the company of one particular individual he met only the night before.
Maybe these tasks will bring Azriel out of the slump he has been in. Maybe these tasks will give him the chance of finding the love he has been searching for after all. Maybe Azriel doesnât need to be alone any longer.
Warnings: mentions of blood and injury. sexual content. feelings on not being adequate. insecurity. mentions of parental death/loss.
SUMMARY:Â A child of light and dark, you are the Night Courtâs best kept secret. After decades spent in hiding, you yearn to stretch your wings. But you quickly learn that freedom comes with a price, as you find yourself trying to outfox the fox himself in his own den.
SUMMARY:Â A child of light and dark, you are the Night Courtâs best kept secret. After decades spent in hiding, you yearn to stretch your wings. But you quickly learn that freedom comes with a price, as you find yourself trying to outfox the fox himself in his own den.
Summary: you offer to make dinner for Azriel, but he gives you half-assed reasons as to why he canât make it.
Authorâs note: I love love love this idea itâs been floating around my head for a LONG time đ
âHave you ever had ratatouille?â You ask Azriel, taking a bite of the dish in front of you.
Every Thursday, you and the shadowsinger go out to a different restaurant, usually in Velaris, occasionally in other courts. Seeing the shadowsinger could be difficult during the week, especially with your busy schedule, so you two set aside Thursday nights to eating dinner together.
Your brain had a hard time understanding that these were not necessarily dates, even though that is exactly what Cassian, Mor, the whole IC, and even Azriel and yourself call them.
âNo, whatâs rat patootie?â He says, taking a bite of his pasta.
âRatatouille,â you correct, sighing wistfully, âitâs a traditional dish my mom used to make when I was a kid. I donât think annyone in Velaris makes it. This dish kind of reminds me of it, but itâs not the same.â
You sit up, a smile stretching across your face. âMaybe next Thursday Iâll cook it for us. Itâs so much better homemade - what do you say?â
He stills at your words, almost choking on his food. Through coughs he tells you, âsurely thereâs somewhere we can go for it, I wouldnât want to trouble you with cooking.â
âBut I like cooking,â you object. âAnd despite the copious amounts of meals weâve shared together, I donât think Iâve ever cooked for you.â
He doesnât want to budge, so you pull out the big guns.
You pout your lip, making your eyes look as sad and endearing as possible, âplease, Az? It reminds me of being a kid again. And Iâd love to share that with you.â
Mother forsake him, he couldnât say no to your sad, puppy dog eyes.
âFine,â he grumbles, sure heâll figure a way out of it before Thursday comes. Perhaps he could find a way to get impaled.
You squeal, âoooh youâre going to love it!â
-
Thursday was fast approaching, and Azriel was trying to use every excuse in the book to keep this dinner from happening. He told you Rhys had to send him on a mission that night, which you immediately turned around and went to Rhysâs office and asked him to send someone else.
Rhys, having no idea what you were talking about, sees Azriel in the doorway who tells him mind to mind, âcome on, say you have to send me.â
Rhys sends the equivalent of a smirk to Azriel mentally and tells you, âmy mistake, I didnât realize what day I was telling him to leave.â
Azriel stood in the doorway and gave his brother the finger from behind you.
Azriel made excuses, all ranging from Cassian needing help with training, Feyre needing an escort to the Hewn City, even to Mor needing help with the upkeep of the horses in the guard. Every excuse was denied by his so-called family, not allowing him to use them as scapegoats. It was starting to make you suspicious.
Thursday morning after Azrielâs last ditch attempt to get out of the dinner, involving some excuse about Eris needing rescuing, you sigh, exasperated.
âOkay Az, it was just an idea. Clearly you donât want to do it, so just.. donât bother, okay? Go save Eris from whatever it is thatâs attacking him.â
You turn, wanting to leave the kitchen before Azriel sees how much this actually upsets you. âThatâs not-â he starts, trying to grab you as you pass him, but you wriggle from his grasp, disappearing into the hallway up to your bedroom.
Az was sitting on the kitchen counter, wallowing in self-pity over how poorly he handled that situation, when Cassian walked in.
âAnd what do you have to be so upset about, pretty boy?â
Azriel lifts his head, looking at Cassian eating a stupid banana. Gods, he wanted to throttle him. âOh no, Iâm Azriel and a beautiful woman wants to cook me dinner, even though I eat dinner with her most nights and have weekly dates with her even though I deny anyth-â
Cassian stops, taking a bite of his banana. He looks up, and realization dawns on him.
âOh my gods,â he says, his mouth full of banana. Azriel decides to play the denial game, because surely Cassian did not figure out the secret heâs kept guarded for several months while eating a fucking banana.
Cassian looked at him, turning to look up the stairs where you had left just a few moments ago, âyou two?â
Azriel rolls his eyes, âweâre friends, yes.â
Cassian rolls his eyes even harder. âIâm not an idiot. You follow her around like a pitiful puppy,â he says, coming closer to his brother, âyou two eat just about every meal together, but the one day she offers to cook for you suddenly you canât find time for her?â
Cassian narrows his eyes at Azriel, âyou ashamed of her or something?â
Azrielâs eyes widen, not only at Cassianâs question that he could ever be ashamed of you, but also at Cassianâs change in demeanor.
Cassian slips into the protective big brother role when it comes to you quite easily, Azriel thinks as Cassian puffs out his chest while he strides over to stand next to Azriel.
âNow why on earth would I be ashamed of her?â
Cassian inspects Azriel for a second before asking, âthen why havenât you told her?â
He pauses, then asks, âhow long have you known?â
Azriel huffs, âknown what?â
âThat sheâs your mate.â
Azriel stills at Cassianâs words. They liked to poke fun of Cass, calling him a dumb brute, but Cassian was no fool. If any member of his family were to discover his secret, it would be Cassian.
Azriel looks at him, âa few months. Iâve been⊠waiting.â He sighs, âI keep wanting to tell her and then I psyche myself out. Once I tell her, things will be⊠different.â
Azriel hates how quiet his voice becomes as he says, âwhat if she is ashamed of who the mother picked for her?â
Cassianâs chest deflates, all sense of protectiveness over you gone and replaced with protectiveness over his brother.
âThen sheâd be a fool.â
Looking down, Azriel watches as Cassianâs foot gently nudges his own, a silent request from Cassian for him to look up.
âThere is no way she would ever be ashamed of you or be upset that youâre her mate.â
The way Cassian is looking at Azriel makes him want to shy away, but Cassian keeps his gaze steady, almost locking Azrielâs eyes into place.
âIâd be willing to bet she has journals full of doodles where she draws little hearts with your names in it, and she also writes âMrs. Shadowsingerâ
The rise in octave in his brotherâs voice causes a laugh to burst out of him, but Cassian continues.
âI once tried to sit next to you for a meal and Iâve never seen anyone move as quickly as she did to claim her seat. Honestly, this will come as a shock to no one.â
Azriel looked back up at his brother to find him already looking at him, a soft gaze grazing his face.
âWeâre happy for you two.â
Azriel scoffs, âI take that to mean youâve already told Rhysand?â
Cassian starts walking away, going to pick up the remainder of his banana. âOh yeah, weâve had a bet for about a year now. Rhys thought the bond had snapped for her, but I knew it would be you. Youâve made me a much richer man, Az.â
Cassian bows in thanks, ducking out the door as Azriel throws a different banana towards the space he was occupying.
-
You had been sulking in your room for what felt like hours after Azrielâs latest rejection. You spent the whole time flipping between thinking about all the little moments that had you swearing there was something happening between you two, and each and every excuse he had made to get out of this dinner.
Was your cooking that bad? Was he tired of you taking up every one of his Thursday nights?
The two of you spent an absurd amount of time together - you ate most meals together at the house, you saw each other multiple times every day. Were you wrong?
A knock on the door pulls you from your thoughts, but before you can respond, the door is opening and Cassian pokes his head in. He has a hand covering his eyes, but heâs made a slit between his middle and ring fingers, allowing him to still see.
âAre you decent?â He asks, looking around the room.
He sighs at seeing you dressed on your bed, pulling his hand away from his face as he walks in, closing the door behind him.
You giggled, âCass the whole point is to not see someone naked.â
He rolled his eyes as he plopped down next to you on your bed, âyou donât even want to give me a peak? Iâve had such a hard day, a little skin would make me feel better.â
You laugh, picking up a pillow and hitting him with it. He lets you hit him, pretending to fall dramatically onto his back.
âTell Rhys I loved him,â he sighs dramatically, pretending to die.
You laugh at his foolish antics, but Cassian continues to pretend heâs dead. You lean into him, about to poke his face, when he grabs your waist, hoisting you over his shoulder.
âNow come on, Iâve got shopping to do and I need your help.â
-
After Cassian had left, Azriel spent some time trying to decide how he could make this up to you. He didnât want to force you into accepting a bond that you didnât know about by presenting him with food.
He paced his room, his long legs gliding across the wooden floors making no noise. His shadows were combing through the house, trying to find out where you had gone after your earlier spat.
Azriel replaced with pacing with purposeful steps as he headed towards his bedroom door, the perfect solution coming to him.
-
âThank you Cassian,â you say, squeezing his arm your hand was tucked into.
âFor what? My incredibly charming presence?â He smirks down at you.
You scoff, âI felt awful earlier but you pulled me out of my spiraling, thanks.â You say, nudging him a bit.
Cassian had gotten you out of your room and the two of you walked around Velaris, mostly people watching and talking.
He hums, âwell, both of my brothers are idiots,â he says, getting a laugh out of you. âThey take turns on who holds the idiot stick. Today itâs Azriel.â
âDo you ever hold the idiot stick?â
âOccasionally, very rarely, I will pass it between the two of them, so I only have it for a moment or two.â
You snort, looking down at your feet. If Cassian thought Azriel was being stupid, does he see what you see?
You start to ask him, to prod him for more answers about Azriel, when he pats your hand, turning your attention to where the two of you had ended up on this walk.
The townhouse.
Your brows crease in confusion as Cassian removes your hand from his elbow, pats your shoulder, and tells you to have a good night.
You start to sputter, wanting to know why youâre here. He shrugs, âI donât question my orders.â He gives you a two finger salute before turning around and walking away.
You turn back around, looking at the entrance to the townhouse, afraid of what youâll find on the other side of the door, but going up and knocking anyway.
The door opens, but no one is there. A small shadow swirls around you, moving up from your feet to your face, caressing your cheek before zipping off to the kitchen.
You step through the threshold and a new shadow comes and shuts the door, another two come and help you take your coat off and hang it up for you.
You walk towards the kitchen, where you can hear the clattering of plates and some delicious aromas filling the whole house. Inside the kitchen you find Azriel, with a frilly apron tied around his waist, putting the finishing touches on two plates at the table.
âWhatâs all this?â You ask him, doubt creeping in that this isnât meant for you.
âSit, sit,â he beckons, pulling out a chair for you. You look around the room, covered in flickering candlelight and flowers. He must have been working on this for hours.
You look down at your plate, the bright colors of ratatouille catching your eye. You gasp, wanting to know how much effort he went to find a recipe for it.
He takes off the apron, sitting across from you.
âI⊠made an ass of myself, and Iâd like to apologize first and foremost for that.â You open your mouth to interrupt him, but he holds up a hand. âLet me finish, I have.. a lot to tell you.â
He takes a deep breath, stilling his nerves. You look so pretty in the glow of the candles, and the slight concern youâll hate him is enough to distract him, but he has to tell you this.
âThereâs a reason I didnât want you to cook for me. A few months ago we were in the library, reading, and I looked up and I watched you tuck your hair behind your ear, laughing at something in your book and I.. felt it.â
Youâre in a trance, listening to him speak.
âI felt like I was dying and coming back to life, like your hand was wrapped around my heart, squeezing in time, keeping it beating. I made up some half-assed excuse to leave, because I needed to talk to Rhys.â
You looked at him, hoping your gaze would encourage him to continue.
âRhys confirmed what I thought it was - the bond snapping. And I was terrified.â
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. âI was terrified if I told you, youâd deny the bond, youâd break my heart. So I⊠put off telling you. I couldnât.â
He looks down at his lap, fidgeting his fingers.
âI kept trying to tell you, then Iâd chicken out. Then when you offered to cook for me, I couldnât let it happen. I couldnât let you accidentally accept the bond, accept me without knowing about it.â
He sighs, âI felt awful when I realized you thought I was rejecting you. Far from it. So Iâve uh.. made you dinner.â
You finally speak, âyou made me dinner.â
âI made you dinner. And dessert, actually.â
Leave it to Azriel to outdo himself by finding the time to make dessert.
You werenât letting a single emotion show on your face, and it made a shiver run up Azrielâs spine.
After what could have been hours, you slowly smiled, looking at him, âwhat kind of dessert did you make?â
He pauses, âI uh made you- us, uh chocolate mousse. I made two, but I thought we could share one.â
He looks at you, still not giving anything away, âif you want to, of course.â
He shifts, your silence making him uneasy.
âIf you donât want to accept it, I understand. I kept it from you, and Iâm me, loving me would be rotten work- what are you doing?â
In the middle of his rambling, you picked up your fork, getting a nice helping of food on your fork, bringing it up to your mouth.
âWell, my mate made me dinner, and it looks incredible. Why would I not want to take a bite?â
He looks at you, a rush of emotions flooding him. Surprise, confusion, elation.
âBut, but I can promise you to love me, to be my mate, itâs rotten work.â
You smile, ânot to me itâs not.â
You pause, ânot if itâs you,â and take a bite.
His chest sings, feeling warmth radiating throughout him. Feeling love radiate through him, and he realizes thatâs you.
You keep eating the food, that hum getting louder and more vibrant, until youâve cleared your plate, and stride over to him.
You grab his face in your hands, tilting his head so heâll look into your eyes. âIf you think I am not aware of who you are, what you do, your darkest parts, you are mistaken. And if you think I will shy away from those things, you are a fool.â
He hadnât realized he was crying until you swiped your thumb across his cheek, swiping it away.
You smile down at him, and he has never felt so loved, so whole as he does in this moment. His mate, the one person the cauldron deemed would understand him, just chose him.
He feels like that little boy, looked in the dungeon, daydreaming about being saved by an angel. And he has.
He stands up, cupping your face in his hands, âI was in love with you before the bond snapped for me. Iâm not here just because the cauldron told me to be, let me assure you that.â
You smile, a heat creeping up your cheeks. âIâm only here for the chocolate mousse.â
He laughs, a genuine, roaring laugh.
You pull his face in close to yours, gazing into his eyes. âAnd I have been in love with you since the day after I met you.â
His eyebrows shoot up, âthe day after?â
You smile, âwell I thought I was in love with you that first day, but then on that second day I heard you speak, and I knew no one would ever compare.â
You feel his happiness in your chest, as if his heart is also in your ribcage, yours and his intertwined, dancing through your chest together.
âCan I kiss you?â He asks, his mouth so close to your own your breaths are intermingling.
whom the shadows sing for â (and the thief's echoing hymn)
a/n: here she is... chappie four <3 thank u for ur patience and 1000 kudos to the anon that made a plot suggestion that i had already written lmao-- as always let me know what u think! things are heating up....
word count: just under 4k
synopsis: You return to regular training for the first time in a month. Azriel asks a favor from Rhys and finds you in a less than stellar condition when he returns to camp
CHAPTER FOUR :: FRIENDS
Velaris is a sight for sore eyes.
After nearly a month of endless white scenery, of the blinding glint of the sun against snow, paired with endless pine, the sight of a city is a reprieve in itself.
And because itâs Velaris â because itâs home â something else settles within Azriel.
A hackle that always stays on high alert finally lies down. The constant agitation of his shadows falls into a calming hush. He breathes easier.
He's back with his family and can be here to keep them safe if need be. He's back to the closest semblance of comfort he's ever known.
Where do you find comfort?
Azriel blinks a little, taken aback at the abruptness of the thought.
The lone shelter in the mountains, spaced out from the circle of buildings, every bit representing your isolation from the people of the camp â that was your home.
Where you resided and took solace from the world in, the place you felt safest. But... it's no place of comfort. It's a crutch. A necessary support. Somehow, Azriel has no doubt that if you could survive out in the snow, burrowed amidst the elements, you would, if only to have one less thing to maintain.
You've never even seen a city before, he thinks. All you know is the mountains.
Suddenly, eyes cast across the breathtaking beauty of Velaris, the hum of the Sidra carving its way through his beloved home, the buzz of people on the streets, Azriel recalls the very time he lay eyes on it himself.
It never stops being breathtaking. That much is true, but then again, there was no comparison to the first time.
The warm feeling that had grown in his chest. The way something he hadn't known ever existed within him had unfurled, like a flower blooming in the sun. Something Azriel now knows to be hope.
He hadn't known a place this beautiful could exist.
Wouldn't have been able to dream it up when all he had known for so, so long was darkness and shadow.
Even in the time after the cage, all there was to see was the white of winter and the cold bite of the harsh mountains. He learned how blood looked melting into the snow, how to sleep with one eye open, and all the different shades of cruelty.
Azriel remembers being unable to comprehend the sight, the stumble in his heart at the indisputable proof before him. That despite what had been drilled into him by his father, his brothers, by every Illyrian warrior who punched down on bastards, there was a place where peace reigned above all.
People who lived in harmony. Where Art and music are considered a treasure alongside other skills, each equally important. And Azriel belonged there, as much as any of them.
It had been one thing to walk through the city, to marvel at every cobblestone, at the trims lining each and every window, to have people regard him with such a polite and casual manner â not a second glance at his wings or his hands.
It had been something else entirely to fly over it as night fell.
Mountain ridges illuminated by his most constant friend, the rising moon, watching the moonlight spill over the dark red rock of the mountain and paint it ever softer. Sweet ocean air and the very perfume of the city intertwined within the current as he soared above it, mighty wings beating.
Azriel could remember that first day and night in Velaris vividly, like an unforgettable dream. How easy it had been to fall in love with it, to let its arms unfurl and to allow himself to make a home within them.
Looking out across it now, as Faelights begin to twinkle and blink to life as the night creeps in, all Azriel can think of is how much he wants that for you.
To bring you here. To have both of you fly above the city and wander down the streets aimlessly, to show you that there were places far kinder in this world than all you had known before.
He yearns for you to have the same dawning realisation he didâthat so much more existed outside of those gods forsaken mountains.
Azriel knows you're a very guarded male. You have more than enough reasons to be. He's already pushed a thousand boundaries you have and each time you let him into your sanctuary in the mountains is a sign of enormous trust.
Maybe for that reason, Azriel wants to be the first to extend that kindness to you.
A twinge in his chest sings a different, golden answer.
Azriel ignores it and steals one more look out at his home, swallowing down how all logic seems to be pointing to the same thing, time and time again.
He finds the High Lord in his study, papers stacked high on his desk that have only grown higher in Azriel's absence. His dark hair is tousled in a way that means he's been running his hand through it too much.
Azriel lifts the shadows from beneath his feet as he enters, letting the other hear the sound of his soft footsteps. Rhys looks up at the new arrival. Despite his tired appearance, it does nothing to dim the grin that overtakes his lips at the sight of his brother.
"My, my, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"
Azriel grins back, stepping forward Rhys pushes back from his desk and stands. His usual wings have been hidden away through his magic and Azriel notices their absence when he pulls him into a brief hug. Rhys lingers close, his violet eyes raking over his friend.
"Not bad to see you either."
"You flatter me." Rhys purrs, his voice all buttery and smooth. "You've got new eyebags. Overworking yourself as usual, are we Az?"
"I presume you make such lovely comments about Feyre too?"
"And risk her wrath?" Rhys smiles, eyes glittering at the mention of his mate. "Never."
Azriel rolls his eyes, letting his obvious endearment at his brother's happiness show. They truly are a perfect pair.
He crosses his arms across his broad chest tightly, if only to hide the fleeting flicker of wanting the spools tight in his chest. A ribbon of envy, woven between his ribs.
If Rhys notices, he doesn't comment. Instead, he says, "Usually, you're itching to escape the mountains but not this time I see."
He pauses, eyeing up the Shadowsinger to see what response it'll give. Azriel yields no comment back. Expecting this, Rhys smiles.
"Either way, you'll be happy to hear that Cassian has returned from his time off and is ready to resume his usual duties."
Azriel stills at the words.
He knew that Cassian would at one point return to his usual positions and that Azriel himself, would return to his spymaster post. But it's come sooner than expected. Perhaps, time with you has been passing far quicker than Azriel thought.
"I found the cause of the rumours."
"Yes, I assumed you had," Rhys says, wandering back around the deck to slump into his chair. He leans one arm against the armrest, his knuckles against his temple.
"I also assumed that you spent all that time dealing with it. Much of a problem?"
Azriel considers his words carefully. The trust he's managed to garner with you is fragile, though he knows his friend would not severe it or interfere if he asked.
Another part of him knows it's unusual behavior of him, to offer his skills so willingly to a stranger. But, well, you're not exactly a stranger anymore.
"There's a male.â Azriel begins, choosing his words carefully. âA bastard, the one causing all the stir-ups. He feeds the other bastards when he can. It's what had Lord Mylind kicking a fuss."
Rhys curses lightly at the realisation of just which camp they are dealing with.
"He's learning to make healing tonics," Azriel continues, noting how Rhys' head straightens up a fraction. Interested. "In hopes of slipping them to freshly clipped females. To see if it can reverse the damage."
Rhys sits back in his chair completely, his hand brushing over his mouth in deep contemplation. For a moment, he says nothing.
"I suppose I don't need to ask if there's been any female training then."
Azriel feels himself glower instinctively, his wings hiking up an inch higher without meaning to. He thinks of Lord Mylind and the conversation he had on the first day in their camp. The sheer display of male arrogance, snarling, and threatening violence outright.
"No.â
Rhys curses again, his eyes crushing closed. He seems to filter through a pained reaction, his face contorting until it lands on a tired resignation.
âThe camp of Exordor made very good on a bargain struck during a very hard time.â Rhys grits the words out.
Something dangerous flashes in his eyes at the mention of the deal that had turned sour. A cold ripple of night shudders through the room.
No amount of soldiers supplied during the war had been worth the suffering that camp Exodor alone producedâ or continues to produce if the whispers that came out of there held an inkling of truth.
Itâs a rotten place, tucked deep in the mountains, and some of the worst brutes Rhys has ever had the displeasure of meeting were born in the bowels of that place.
âIt doesnât lift for another 50 years." Rhys sighs, his voice wavering with a hint of shame. "I canât touch them without slaughtering them allâ innocent or not.â
Azriel didnât say anything for a moment. This information is not new. He watches as Rhys digests his silence, leaning back in his chair as the wheels spin in his head, dizzyingly fast.
For the second time, Rhys' brows jump.
âYouâre helping him.â
Not a question.
Azriel nods.
"You don't want Cassian to take back over."
"No," Azriel murmurs. "Not yet. The male is... He's guarded. Isolated. It has taken time to earn his trust. I believe in what he wants to do and I believe he has what it takes to achieve it.â
He thinks of the quiet evenings within your shelter, your patience as you taught Azriel what you could â how you took every piece of information from him on the chin, not one complaint of ever tiring. He thinks of the heaving in his chest, the tug on his heart.
"I ask that you let me see this out." Azriel finishes, his shoulders rolling back as he stands tall. Let Rhys understand how this had become more than just a mission to him; itâs a personal calling, one he must answer, one that he needs to see out to the end.
Rhys surveys him intensely, unblinking for a moment. Then something devious crosses his face, catching in a smile.
"That's not the only thing you want to ask me, is it?"
Azriel looks to the ground, suddenly bashful. This would be entirely too revealing of the closeness he felt, to ask this, to offer this. He asks anyway.
"I wish, with your permission, to take Heartstriker." Azriel's voice rumbles lowly. He forces his eyes back up, meeting Rhys' strong gaze. "To gift to him."
Something dips into Rhys' smile, threatening a smirk and for that reason alone, Azriel feels his ears tinge hotly. His face remains calm, however, giving nothing away.
"Heartstriker? As a gift?" Rhys repeats, with a sly smile. "Pray tell Brother, when's the wedding? Since when have you ever been known for gift giving, let alone something as dear to you, such as a sword? I might just have to meet this bastard."
Azrielâs ears only get hotter, betraying him. He prays it doesn't show on his face, though he's sure the increased swirlings of his shadows give him away. And Rhysâ infallible ability to read his flustering each and every time.
"Is that permission?"
Rhys, seemingly realising he won't be getting any juicy details, quits tormenting his brother with a flourish of his hand. He leans back in his chair relaxed, a softness creeping into his expression.
"It's been yours to take all these years, Az." Rhys finally lands on. "You did earn it, after all."
â
The shelter looks bigger without him here.
Betrayingly, itâs the first thought you have when the door swings open, letting you into your nest of safety. You heave in a breath that rattles loudly and it gets swept up in the foul whistle of the Mother's Kiss.
On your side, your blood-soaked hand clutches your abdomen tightly. Pain spiderwebs up your body, fraying every nerve with a burning agony.
Every step feels loud and clumsy.
You cough as softly as you can, yet still feel the warmth of blood on your lips. The familiar metallic tang overwhelms your mouth.
You must be dripping blood behind you, dragging a slushy mess of crimson snow in on your boots. Fuck, what are you doing again? Your head throbs. They must've knocked your head hard this time if you're losing focus this quickly.
The Mother's Kiss howls fiercely, a reminder of the cruelty outside your little haven.
Right. You remember you need to close the doorâ and you shove the deadbolt closed along with it. If your ribs were aching a little less, you would reach up and do up the second deadbolt too, at the top of the door. You try to anyway.
Your arm gets mid-way up before you freeze, pain lashing every nerve in your midriff, enough to make you wince loudly. The bindings on your chest aren't helping. For a moment, dark spots dance before vision as you quickly tuck your arm back down, moving too quick.
Fuck. Fuck. One deadbolt will have to do.
It feels as if the whole world lurches when you take your next step, blurring like thick taffy for a split second. You stumble towards your bed and realise as you sink onto your knees on the edge of it, you need to dress your wounds.
Another bloody cough. Has your nose stopped bleeding yet? It's impossible to tell between each and every other ache.
What were you doing again?
Without meaning to, you begin to slump over, nearly lying down in your bed.
Dressings! That's right, you need to make sure the wound on your side isn't still bleeding, need to make sure it's clean when it finally begins to clot, need to...
Need to... what did you need to do?
That's rightâ you need to sleep.
Your head crumples against the pillow like a dead-weight as you collapse against it, exhausted. As your consciousness wanes, you cough again, a splatter of red spraying your pillow.
Not good, you think absentmindedly. Eyes slipping shut, you miss the familiar figure out the window, approaching through the storm.
â
You're wincing before you even realise you're awake.
Crackling. Logs spitting out little snaps fill the air, the quiet roar of a hearty fire; the first things you hear when you come too, far too slowly for your own liking. Your left ears hum loudly in discomfortâ no doubt a result of one of the harsh hooks you had caught in the face earlier today.
Next, you smell something... clean?
Your tongue comes out gingerly, licking your cracked lips and you realise quite suddenly, there's an absence of blood on them. The thought slams into you at the same time you realise; you hadn't been able to stay awake for long enough to even light a fire.
Panic reaches through your ribs and grips your heart, tight, and you sit up without thinking.
Pain follows you closely like a lazy afterthought that slams into you, soaking into your body meanly and making you regret moving so fast. Your head swims heavily, throbbing dully.
A pained noise threatens to leave your lips and you force it down. Then force your head up, eyes blinking rapidly, trying to assess the threat, trying to do something.
Panic squeezes your heart painfully again when your hazy vision clears just enough to reveal the shape of a body before youâ your blood chilling in your veins as you realise there's somebody else in here with you.
The whimper you held back before slips out before you can help it, your body squirming backward without thought. Your breaths comes out in sharp pants, bursts of pain accompanying each one, and right as you hit the wall, your vision focuses.
Your lungs empty in relief.
It's Azriel before you, on his knees, his scarred hands are held out in front of him.
They aren't touching you, just hovering, his palms up to indicate he means no harm. His wings are tucked back, hunched down to be smaller than usual, and all around him, his shadows whirl about animatedly.
There's an expression on his face you've never seen before.
"âon't move," He's saying, his low voice finally registering in your ringing ears. His hazel eyes are fixed on your face, darting about quickly. "You'll re-open your wounds."
He's talking about your wounds but for some gods forsaken reason, all you can think is how surprised you are that he came back.
The thought loops endlessly, like a holy mantra âhe came back, he came back, he came backâ and you realise that you were both terrified and also sure that he wouldn't be coming back at all.
That somehow, somewhere along his trip back to his home, he would have realised you weren't anything worth coming back for.
"Azriel?" You wheeze.
Just to checkâyou have to check.
Maybe he's a mirage. He certainly would be the kindest mirage you can think of.
You think you see something soften on his face, his wings dropping an inch lower behind him. His hands are still held out before you, still waiting. He's endlessly patient. His shadows seem to slow a bit, less frenzied.
"Yeah," He murmurs gently in response. His hazel eyes burn as they take in the sight of you again. "They got you pretty messed up. huh?â
You're sitting on your bed still, you realise. Blinking slow, you take an inhale, trying to put together how he got hereâ your eyes fly to the door. It's locked, this time with both deadbolts secured.
Azriel follows your gaze, turning his head slightly. "They're a good precaution. Don't be dissuaded that the spymaster of this court managed to get past them."
You wheeze again, some delirious laugh that gets cut off when pain splinters through your side. You groan lowly, unable to hold it in and your hand creeps slowly to paw at your side.
Faintly, you can feel the scrape of bandages on your skin, covering the wound, and sigh in relief. It makes your diaphragm sink down, the bindings around your chest shifting and that sends a frantic bolt of alarm through you once more.
âYouââ The word scratches out your throat and you cough weakly. Every instinct starts to light back up, hackles risingâ there has never been someone else around when you're too weak to defend yourself. It takes a moment with eyes closed and measured breaths to lean into your trust. You trust him, you know you do.
âYou... patched me up?â
The question comes out wary and pointed despite your efforts. Though, that might just be the gravel in your throat from having your face beaten in.
You donât know how to covertly ask if he sawâ if, that when he pushed your bloody shirt up to nurse the slash in your side, he noticed the gauze around your ribs.
It's an alien and terrifying thought, Azriel finding out. A worry deep in the marrow of your bones warbles in response, a thousand hairs standing up on end at the possibility.
How a revelation of that magnitude could sever the first trust you've had in years.
How it could lose... the first friend you've ever truly had.
A string of nausea tugs in your throat, bile threatening, and you have to swallow it down with the crippling fear that's been thrust into your system.
This is how it goes. The intrinsic balance of the world âto be gifted closeness and friendship, is to submit to the possibility of losing it.
Back against the wall, it settles into you very starkly, a thought sharp and clear; you do not want to lose him in any way.
Some part of you thinks he must see you as some kind of starving mutt, growing far too attached to the first hand that feeds it. But looking at him now, his shadowed face and kind expression, the depth of his eyes... you're convinced he sees something more to you.
And you want him to, desperately.
In a way you can't comprehend, can't begin to understandâ how can you be so tied to someone you've known for so little? How can it hurt so much to be parted from him when you're barely friends? When he doesn't even know who you truly are.
Perhaps, you think, this is what all friends are like. You wouldn't know, you haven't had any before.
Azriel nods mutely, a strand of his dark hair falling over his forehead. He seems to be considering his words carefully and you take the moment to steal a few deep breaths.
When he speaks, his voice is softer than youâve ever heard. "I understand that might be... crossing a line. Butâ" A waver in his voice. "â but I could smell the blood from out in the storm."
There's something left unsaid in his sentence, his tone clipped. Whatever it is, you're far too tired to discern it. Your body, overwhelmed with tension, abruptly loosens as the perceived threat of danger seeps away. It drains you, a sudden wave of tiredness cresting upon youâ because you know, undoubtedly, you're safe now.
Not quite meaning to but unable to stop yourself, you sink down and fall limply against your bed. Your wing curls over you defensively, a blanket and shield all in one.
Azriel's hands finally lower, resting gently atop his thick thighs. His shadows dim their chaotic activity, almost lazy with how they whirl about his neck and shoulders. You wonder absentmindedly what they feel like against his skin.
Looking back at his face, you find his eyes haven't broken their watchful gaze on youâ intense enough to stir up an unfamiliar warmth within your chest. You avoid it and his eyes, your tired eyes catch sight of something behind him.
"You brought...?" You can't quite finish your sentence, a vicious shiver wracking your frame, making you curl up closer. Tiredness chases it, the threat of sleep looming closer and closer.
Your eyes close without meaning. In the darkness, Azriel's voice swims before you muted and far away.
"You have to get better before I can give it to you." His voice has dropped to a whisper. It makes your lips twitch in an attempt of a smile. It's funny, hearing a legendary Illyrian warrior like him whispering.
"Okay," You might say backâ though you're not sure if it sounds like a word at all.
Sjm didnât write Nesta Archeron and Lidia Cervos in a scene together because the amount of cuntness they would have served would have made sjmâs laptop catch on fire
pairing: azriel x reader | type: angst | words: still counting
playlist: fill the void | demons | close | me and the devil | only love can hurt like this | break a broken heart | radioactive | hurts
warnings: mentions of violence and torure, explicit descriptions
summary: he locked you into the prison and now you are the only one who can help the inner circle in defeating koschei. but you have sworn revenge, the death of azriel at your hands, for locking you away centuries ago. you heart was shattered into pieces due to his betrayal, but might there be something more between your souls than the sworn vendetta simmering beneath your skin?
pairing: azriel x reader | type: angst | words: 2,8k words | masterlist
"She is waking up."
Someone is talking, but you donât know who it is, have never heard that voice before.Â
"Is she?" But that voice, you have heard before. And it makes your heart race, panic surging through you and gripping your insides with its invisible claws of fire and ice.
"Yes, Cassian," the female voice states. "She is waking. Thank the Mother."
You shudder â both from feeling cold and the mention of his name.Â
"Donât worry. Nothing will happen to you, you are safe." The female close to you must have felt your slight tremor, trying to soothe you. Under different circumstances you would have been grateful for this act â now, you canât really accept it. You donât know what to do with it. Can you trust her? The stranger? She is so close and it scares you, your eyes not yet opening. But you need to see, to know where you are, and what is going on.Â
You ponder over her words, the mention of the word safeâŠ
Nowhere is safe, you think. Not while Cassian and Azriel exist. With them in your life you are nowhere safe. And why the hell did you allow yourself to fall asleep?
You canât allow yourself to let that happen again. You can't allow yourself such reckless mistakes. You always need to be focused, one step ahead of your enemies.Â
Ignoring the voices, you struggle to rise, but your throbbing head spins you off balance.
"Where am I?" you breathe, not recognising your own voice. It sounds weaker than usual, hoarse and ragged. "What do you want from me?"
Blinking against harsh light, only shadows greet your blurred vision. You can only make out silhouettes, no faces, no bodies. Some people stand close to you, some a little further away and one lone figure at the door. You donât have to see them to know who they are.Â
You would always recognise him. Azriel. You start to tremble, your knees feeling wobbly despite sitting down. Blinking rapidly, slowly the haze starts to fade, and everything becomes clearer.
"We regret what occurred. Regret the measures we had to take."
The voice, oddly familiar, leaves you unsettled and cold sweat builds up on the back of your neck.Â
"YouâŠ" Your breath catches as a large, towering figure appears. Imposing, graceful, powerful.
His hands are shoved into the pockets of his trousers, his violet eyes trained on you. His features are sharp, but his expression is oddly soft.
"Are youâŠ?" Your voice breaks before you can finish your question.Â
"Rhysand, High Lord of the Night Court." The male's voice is loud and strong. "Lady Y/N, I am sorry for what my fatherâ"
"Gods!"
Rhysand. He looks different. Older. More mature. Like his father. You had only seen him a few times back then, never really talked to him, but you knew what he looked like. Everyone did.
You lift your hand. "Donât. Donât apologise. I donât want to hear that. It was centuries ago and...I don't want to hear it." You can't hear it. Not some silly apologies for things no apologising would ever be enough for.
You donât want to talk about it â about what happened to you, about what has been done to you. You donât want the memories to turn up again. You can't let them reach the surface ever again. And most definitely, not now.
Not with Azriel present.
There is unresolved business with everyone in this room, but in this moment it canât be dealt with. You are not strong enough, your powers still havenât returned, and there are too many people protecting each other in this moment.Â
Rhysand dips his chin, slowly assessing you. "You may wonder why we freed you?" he changes the topic.Â
The High Lord surrounds the couch and claims a seat on the couch table in front of you, but you remain silent.
"We need your help." Again, you offer no response.
"It concerns Koschei, theâ"
"Death God." Your lips part, meeting his violet gaze. "Why me?"
And so they explain. Everything and in great detail and you listen. To everything that is said until your head feels heavy and starts to spin. It is too much, too many people, too many noises, too much information.Â
Azriel stays at the door, and you fight the urge to look at him, not trusting yourself to not lunge at him again and try to claw his eyes out. Your hands are still shackled and telling by the scent of it, the High Lord of Night definitely put a protective shield around you â not to protect you, but rather the others from you. Â
You listen carefully to every word that is said, but sometimes your thoughts stray. To Azriel. To the Prison. To what has been done to you and to the betrayal. And to what you know of Koschei. It is so much, your brain nearly breaks your through skull.Â
"The bone carver, hisâ"
"Brother." Another female appears in your vision, she looks beautiful and young and there is a child on her arm. "He is dead. Gave his life for the sake of Prythian."
You speak a silent prayer to the Mother for another old friend you lost. Whispers of Strygaâs death reached you some time ago and it sent a pang of hurt to your heart. Slowly, everyone is fading from this world, also Lanthys whose charm and lethality you truly came to love in the Prison and mist desperately when he no longer was.
"Meet my wife, my mate and High Lady of the Night Court." Rhysandâs reaches his arm out, curling it around the young female. "Feyre Archeron and our son, Nyx." Rhysand also introduces all the other people in the room, but your mind catches on the High Lady part and for one moment you can ignore Azriel and what the mention of his name and title does to you.Â
You furrow your brows when he is done. "A High Lady?"
There had not once been a High Lady when youâ Your thoughts are cut off rapidlyâŠthat was centuries ago. Obviously things would change â have changed.
You give your head a little shake, chest heaving with a deep inhale. You've missed so much, it hurts. It is a sharp pain, almost like a dagger cutting into your chest, shredding it apart. You have missed centuries in this world. Only because of him. Because of the male who promised you the world. The male who you gave everything to you. Your soul. Your heart. Your body. You loved him and he broke you. Azriel⊠Your head whips into his direction, grinding your teeth so hard your jaw starts to ache. He is already looking at you, nothing but pain his eyes, his shadows nervously swirling around him. You don't even want to kill him anymore. In all honesty, you never really wanted to. But you want him to hurt. As much as you hurt.Â
Inhaling deeply, you clear your mind, ignore your vendetta for a moment, and blow out a long breath.
"What do you need me for? I canât fight Koschei. I donât have my powers back, the amuletâ"
"In our possession." He hadnât got ridden of it. Your head whips to Azriel and then to the short, black-haired female standing next to him. She was the one speaking and now her lips are pursed, eyes narrowed into slits through which she assess you. She takes a few steps forward, gaze not once straying from you.Â
"My amulet." You almost want to lunge at her, grasping the family heirloom in your hands, never letting go of it again. "I want it backâŠ"
The amulet of Oorid had once been your most treasured possession, the only thing you could keep of your mother, and it will bring your powers back. It is right there. So close and yet so far away. Never will they give it to you just like this. Your hands lift a little and you are reminded of something else â something else that restricts you from being in full control of powers.Â
"And apart from that I still have those. I want them removed." With a frown on your face you lift your hands, making the handcuffs and chains clatter. "Even with the amulet back, I canât do much if I have to keep wearing those." You avoid Azrielâs gaze, but you give Rhysand a reproachful look.Â
They want your help, then they must do something for it.
The High Lord once again shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants. "If we have your trust, you will have your freedom back."
This sounds good...and fishy. You canât trust them. And it wonât be freedom like you are used to. Freedom meant riding with them. Hunting and haunting with them. Travelling from one court to another in the dead of night. Freedomâ
"Forever?"
His eyes crinkle, and you feel a talon scratch against your mental shields. Did he truly think you would let him roam around in your mind? You had no idea he was a deamati but your wits made you react within mere seconds when you felt his power. Obviously you won't let him in.
"What do you meanâŠforever?" Cassian is the one asking and you bristle at him.Â
"That I am allowed to be free after he is defeated. That you wonât put me in the Prison or in shackles ever again. That I am allowed to lead a life on my own."
"If you can defeat him."Â
A female who resembles the High Lady jabs him in the ribs so quickly the general has no time to react, and you almost want to laugh. Serves him right.Â
"Yes." The short-haired female says.
"I once was a Prison inmate as well. If you earn our trust, you shall roam freely."
"And how do I earn your trust?" you spit and each word is punctuated. You rise to your feet, suddenly towering a little over the black-haired female. Your gazes lock, power clashing with power. You flash your teeth, fangs showing.Â
She has the audacity to smile. "I like her fire," she says to no one in particular. "When you prove yourself useful in destroying the Death Lord and don't spoil our loyalty towards you, then you shall have our trust."
You nearly grimace at the word loyalty because no one in this place, safe for the people you don't know, has ever been loyal to you.Â
"But I can't defeat him if I don't have my powers back."
"A bargain it is then."
The black-haired female reaches out her hand and you raise a brow. You have made many bargains in the past, mostly over not that important things. Never over your freedom.Â
"You regain your powers, and have your amulet back and you shall have freedom and for that you will help us with Koschei, starting with one special task now and then aiding us in ultimately defeating him."
The thin, loose nightgown suddenly feels so tight, too tight, making it hard to breathe. This decision is grand and should not be made on a whim, but you haven't got time.Â
You hold her gazeâŠShe used to be a Prison inmate too. Why would she lie about it? You think you can trust herâŠor at least partly. There is no one you can fully trust in this world.Â
But this bargain will remove the shackles and give you your powers back. And your freedom.Â
And so you accept. There is no other option anyway. You bow your hand and reach out both shackled hands, sliding one cold palm against hers. Lightning zips between your bodies and only mere moments after, a tattoo adorns the marred skin of your upper arm. Your gaze lingers on it for a long moment untilâ
"So shall be it," Rhysand bows his head and fetches you back to the moment. "Follow me into my office."
"First, I want these removed. We made a bargain!" You bare your teeth, holding his gaze while lifting your arms.Â
His answer unsettles you.
"Az, remove them." The High Lord tilts his chin at his shadowsinger. You almost want to tell Rhysand that you are actually quite fine with keeping them only to avoid having Azriel touch you, but it is too late. And you won't ever be weak again. You hate him, and he should have any effect on you. He has touched you before, he can also touch you now.Â
With the raise of one brow, you turn to Azriel and wave your handcuffed hands into his direction. "Now?"
He says nothing as he pushes off the wall, and slowly makes his way over to you, nothing but grace in his walk. Once again you clench your jaw, worried you'll grind down your teeth to nothing.Â
And it doesn't get better. Not when his scarred hands carefully reach for your arms, broad fingers accidentally brushing your skin. It tingles, little sparks flying from his fingertips to your skin.Â
Your breath catches. Â
Using his shadowsinger powers or whatever, he opens the shackles, catching them before they fall to the ground. "Y/Nâ"
You step away from him, not giving him a chance to say anything. "Let's go to the office."
"Y/N, please," he tries again and seemingly he doesn't care that his family hears it.
Do they know?
Rhys and Cass didn't know about your relationship back then. Do they know now.
Slowly, you tip your chin up and meet his gaze. It is all in the look you give him, the hurt, the pain, the anger, the hate. You let him see it all and it is answer enough. You don't need to say anything.
You almost shriek when your sharpened nails brush the onyx box, itâs power strong, electric, radiant, stretching out like a dark force that makes your lungs coil. It feels like death itself.Â
Your breath catches in your throat, the power the little box holds so similar to your own. Death.Â
You analyse the box, assessing it. How can such a little box, hold so much power? You don't even allow yourself to imagine what could be in it.Â
"I think I need some books," you breathe after a moment. "And time. As much as I can have."
"We thought so," Feyre says and in the corner of your eye you see how she curls her hand around Rhysand's elbow, their little babe now peacefully asleep in another room. "Hence why we thought it will be a good idea for you to start looking for all the necessary books in our big library. You can work with all of them, whatever you need shall be yours."
You dip your chin at her, once again focusing on the box. It could be opened with old runesâŠmaybe. Or some spells. Witches spells? You are not really acquainted with them, but maybe you need to have a look into those as well.Â
"And speaking of the LibraryâŠ" You turn to Feyre and Rhysand, an expectant look on your face, waiting for the High Lord to continue.Â
"After a conversation with the priestesses living in the Library, you are allowed to have a room there. The Library is beneath the House and can only be accessed through the House of Wind.â
How kind, you think. You are allowed to. You almost bristle at the way the High Lord phrased it, but you veil your face in indifference and merely shrug.Â
FreedomâŠright. Being locked into a Library. Underneath this house. That is what freedom looks like. Not.Â
"Am I allowed to roam freely there."
The High Lord bows his head. "You are to stay away from the priestesses living there, but you are allowed to roam freely. The females who live in this place have experienced terrible things, we won't allow anything to happen to them again. As long as you don't cause any trouble, you have all the freedom you want to have in there, but if you do something, consequences will follow."Â
You almost want to laugh. ConsequencesâŠThey need your help. And why the hell should you cause any of the priestesses living there trouble? You are deadly, but you are not heartless. Not cruel in that sense of the word.Â
You want to say something, to retort something, but the High Lord beats you to it.Â
"I think it is a good idea for us to call it a day. You shall rest, you have been through a lot, and getting you out of the Prison and to Velaris most definitely wasn't easy for you."
VelarisâŠVelara. The High Lord's daughter. Rhysand's sister. Where is she? Why isn't she present. You haven't known her that well, butâŠyou will ask about her another time. Another day.Â
"I assume you want to bath and then sleep?"
You do, you really do. Today has been too much and you only want to fall into a bed, now that there is the possibility of actually having a bed again. And warm water to wash.Â
Instead of answering, you only hold Rhysand's gaze and then slowly dip your chin.Â
"Alright. Then end it here for today. Nesta will escort you to the Library."
You are so very tired. So exhausted. It is all draining. All too much after the century-long imprisonment. And you want to get away from them. From him. You no longer want to be in a room with Azriel. You can't stand to be near him. You can't stand his closeness.
So you find yourself following after Nesta into the Library without saying another word to anyone. And most definitely without deigning Azriel another look.Â