i’ll be around soon!! i’m going to read twilight outside for a little while to get some sun.

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@dreamspilt-blog1
i’ll be around soon!! i’m going to read twilight outside for a little while to get some sun.
i will forever scream about how @twicelit and @icesout and i’s headcanons all fit in with one another’s portrayals i’m shooketh.
i just started chilling adventures of sabrina and.. while i love harvey and ross lynch is.. wow so important to me, i think i’ve fallen in love with sabrina and i’m going to write her?? it’s literally been about ten minutes...
hi guys i’ve got a migraine so i’ve been mia but i’ll be here tomorrow!
𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋-𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐂𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 / 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐍.
i have never posted a call out post, i don’t usually reblog them either. but this is one that i’ve been struggling to write and decide to even post. i don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable but i also realise that with numerous people coming forward about april’s behaviour, i can’t stand idly by and allow other people to feel harassed, afraid and manipulated / pressured into a follow because of her attitude and behaviour towards those she writes with.
not only is april a very toxic member of the grey’s anatomy fandom primarily, she is literally bullying those she writes with and those who decide to unfollow and block by posting indirects and openly bitching other members of the community.
i have had a numerous amount of people come to me expressing that they have had to undertake alias’s and remove themselves from a fandom completely due to the fact that this person makes them afraid. i do not want to name names for the simple fact that it’s important to me to keep these people shielded from any flack or hate, their privacy and their comfortability has been compromised enough due to this drama.
i’ll air my instances with april. not only have i been dragged into suicide baiting by her, i have another friend who experienced that type of behaviour from her as well. april rudely indirects whenever someone mildly disagrees with her opinion and will spread that to her friends, i’ve had people i’ve never followed indirecting me due to april’s opinions. i remember that she brought in a rape scenario in multiple threads to add dramatics to her verses and i felt insanely pressured to participate due to knowing what would happen if i didn’t comply and back then, i was super afraid of upsetting people and saying no and being indirected / bitched about. not only that april is so prominent in the grey’s anatomy fandom that i felt –––– and other people feel also –––– that if they’re not ‘in with this person’ no one will roleplay with them. i had an instance where april had indirected me because she had posted about suicidal thoughts and then included it into our thread which made me uncomfortable and this time i spoke up and i said that i really need to drop the thread because i don’t want to roleplay anything with suicide mention ( this was maybe a year or two ago ) and i got unfollowed and heavily indirected because i wanted to drop that thread but keep the other ones we had going on.
i have had people genuinely tell me that THEY ARE AFRAID OF UNFOLLOWING / BLOCKING THIS PERSON. does that not say something? that people are staying in toxic follows even if they’re not writing because they’re genuinely scared of what is going to get flung their way if they unfollow and block this person.
it might not be much to any of you to warrant a call out post, but this is an issue that i and i know a few other people have been having for the past 1-2 years. i felt it was something i needed to do to help make others feel safe and have other people be aware of the behaviours of april.
if ANYONE has anything to add to this or wants to message me and have their name crossed off and their experience added, let me know / reblog the post and add it on.
i apologise to anyone who is triggered or upset by this post. it was not my intent.
𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄
dark hues rise to the swinging corpse dangling from the spiral staircase , a breath gnashed between tired jaws , the ghost averted his gaze , arms folding tightly ‘cross his chest. he hadn’t watched what happened , not all of it. just bits & pieces. maybe he was as guilty as the ones who’d pushed her to do it , seeing as though he hadn’t tried to stop it. dried blood crusted ‘pon moth bitten clothes , entry & exit wounds visible through his shirt as he sidled into the parlor , the cadaver sank down against an ancient armchair , drawing a knee to his chin. waiting. a sound behind him made him turn , a cloud of dust shuddering at the cushion’s distress. his neck tilted , mop of blond curls cast along his forehead as he strained to meet her crooked gaze. the frown that graced his lips was a faint one , barely there. ❛ .. hey , nell. ❜
@dreamspilt / verse starter !
she feels nothing . not a thing . nell doesn’t even feel her weight , she is floating on her back in the middle of the ocean with nowhere to go and nothing to do . until her eyes open , and it’s not the ocean she’s lying in, but the middle of the floor. one that is so dusty , clad with leaves and overgrown weeds that she knows exactly where she is. nell remembers and her eyes look up to see her lifeless body , the insects already beginning to feast on her flesh. and her neck . . . it was just like the–––– ❝ bent neck lady. . . ❞
a hand rises up , landing on her neck and the bulge protruding confirms her fears , confirms her worst possible nightmare was a premonition for twenty five years . and she screams . the sound is echoing through hill house , making her throat burn and ache like sandpaper . she can feel now , everything all at once and she prays it will leave ; that the ability to feel will up and vanish . and god , can she scream . nell screams until she feels as though she’s about to retch , but it comes up dry . she knows she’s dead , she knows that she can scream until she simply can’t anymore but it will be an eternity before that happens . eternity is all she has left now . eternity and hill house .
“I lived in you, and now I die in you.”
— Conrad Aiken, from Selected Poems; “Tetélestai,” wr. c. September 1922
HEADCANON 004: –––– THE CUT OF STEVEN’S BOOK ROYALTIES.
the book that steven wrote will forever have a place of deep hurt in nell’s heart . she understands creative coping mechanisms , she believes that it is therapeutic for steve to write down what he experienced in hill house and she would have supported the need to write it , any member of their family for that matter , if it was to get it out of their system for themselves . what hurt nellie the most was that steven had turned all of their trauma into a money ploy and he had written the book , consulted his publisher and was set to push it through before even asking if any of them would be comfortable with it . one of the most traumatic events of their lives was being exaggerated to cater to the horror genre , the true crime fanatics and steven and leigh’s bank account .
nell has always been a big believer in keeping the peace . so , her silence in the scene where all of the crains minus luke were speaking about the book , was due to her feelings of genuine hurt and disappointment . when nell has nothing to say to someone , it’s a clear indication that she’s really , really hurt by whatever has happened . the damage is done and that’s that . nell will eventually push past it , because she doesn’t hold a grudge like shirley does or even theo for that matter , but it will always be there lingering . just as her feelings about the book lingered and steven’s fame , hence her attitude towards shirley’s comment about steve at her wedding .
the royalties that steven was offering to give each of them was something that nell thought was a cheap move on steve’s part , but the reason behind taking the money was for herself and truthfully that money could go a long way . nell worked hard and she had worked even harder to maintain her trauma ( i headcanon that nell knew the most about that night at hill house ), she took the money because if steve was going to make something out of exploiting his family’s secrets , she felt she deserved to get something out of it as well .
the fifteen grand that nellie received from steve was spent on expanding her business , buying another greenhouse and promoting her workplace . she kept some of it in savings as cushioning just in case , knowing how her mental illness could impair her ability to go into work and professionally run a business . she is never grateful for the book nor does she ever completely forgive steve for publishing it in the first place , but she is grateful for the fact that she was lucky enough to be given any sum of money to put to her own personal use .
“I lost my innocence very young and it had nothing to do with sex.”
— Jennifer Elisabeth (via bornreadygeneration)
𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓
MOMMY WAS GONE , AND THOSE THREE WORDS WERE LIKE A KNIFE IN HIS SIDE … having to repeat them , though . that was like twisting the blade in deeper . “ nell , it’s me— “ aunt janet could sleep through anything it seemed , probably even a hurricane , but not steve . that was one thing the house changed about him , ghost stories aside . he couldn’t sleep , not well anyways , and from the looks of it neither could his littlest sister whom shook like a leaf in the wind , with the whispers of it too spilling from her lips in small cries . “ hey– hey , you’re okay nellie . “ the bed dips as he sits on it’s edge , hazel eyes in the dark clouded , but filled to the brim with concern nonetheless . / @dreamspilt
❝ she doesn’t go away , stevie . ❞ she sniffles and wipes her nose , clutching onto her teddy bear . mommy and daddy weren’t around anymore and her little spills seemed to become increasingly scary without them there . there was no daddy to tell her that it was just a spill , that a child’s dreams are so amazing that some of it leaks out . her mommy was a story now , her locket taken with her . there were no more giggling requests to see what’s inside even though nell knew it was a photograph of herself and luke . ❝ the bent neck lady . ❞
hill house was behind them now , but the crain’s were still struggling with the loss of their mother and aching with the absence of their father . the lack of answers driving them to put the pieces together themselves ; half of it was tabloids . her little spills became bigger and the bent neck lady seemed to come every single night , waking her from her sleep only to keep her paralysed for what felt like hours on end . ❝ i couldn’t move . . . i could just see her . ❞
HEADCANON 003: –––– ARTHUR CRAIN.
in nell’s survival verse she takes a little time for mental health reasons , focusing entirely on her mental health and building stronger relationships with her family . she reclaims her maiden name to gain some closure from arthur’s passing and solidify her identity ( which i’ll write a headcanon about shortly ). during that time, nell happens to meet a teenage girl in group therapy who has recently fallen pregnant and is expressing her fear and unreadiness to raise a child as she’s in her senior year . a gut feeling tells nell to offer a hand to this young woman –––– her name was grace –––– and so she does , helping with taking her to and from appointments and lending her a hand when she felt alone . nell was an acquaintance at best , but when grace spoke of looking for a family to adopt ; nell had to take a chance .
on the 22nd of december in 2019 , that child was born . she named him arthur hugh crain and after being handed her child , nell walked straight into grace’s hospital room and allowed grace to spend that last night with the child she had created and cared for for nine months .
i woke up at the foot of these stairs, and i started walking. no more headaches, no more pain. no day, no night. no now, no then. and i would dream while i walked // olivia crain of the netflix adaption of the haunting of hill house – haunted by lara
I know I just called you dude but I’m trying to flirt with you
( * &. – AN ASSORTMENT OF RANDOM TV SENTENCE STARTERS .
‘ are you hitting me up for money with your hand on my uh— ’
‘ are you here to save me ? ’
‘ are you sure we should be doing this ? it kind of feels like cheating . ’
‘ come back to bed ! ’
‘ he just sent me flowers that you send to someone when you’re worried they’ll never see a flower again . ’
‘ he wore the perfume of death . ’
‘ hi there , little future train wreck . ’
‘ i accept that you will be a little intense – a little too much sometimes because you care so much . ’
‘ i came back because i’m in love with you . ’
‘ i couldn’t have you find out without me being there to hug you . ’
‘ i don’t think there’ll be a next time . ’
‘ i hate people . ’
‘ i knew you for such a short time & i’ve missed you forever . ’
‘ i know you’re not okay . i can tell . ’
‘ i like the hat . i was focused on that most of the time . ’
‘ i regretted it the moment i said it . ’
‘ i think she’s in big trouble . ’
‘ i wish i could make you feel dirty . ’
‘ invitation’s open . you can come along if you’d like to . ’
‘ it’s hard to face the truth sometimes . it’s scary . ’
‘ it’s scary not knowing what’s coming next , but you’ve got the worlds best safety net . ’
‘ it’s where it all began . ’
‘ i’ll make sure you get your jacket back . ’
‘ i’m a very curious person & i try not to underestimate people . ’
‘ i’m not here to see you , i have a life . good lord . ’
‘ i’m slowly poisoning my father - in - law . ’
‘ last week some regrettable utterances were . . . uttered . ’
‘ let’s go . or we could stay & . . . i’ll kill him . ’
‘ majority rules might’ve worked in medieval times , but we live in a civil society now . ’
‘ please don’t help . ’
‘ she is a little extra . i agree . ’
‘ stay here . it’s nice here . ’
‘ that doesn’t even make sense . ’
‘ that’s a far cry from cigarettes & sadness . that’s your usual m.o. ’
‘ there’s no way in hell that you should have a baby . ’
‘ this is unfortunate timing . ’
‘ was that anger or foreplay ? ’
‘ we are lame . we are so lame . ’
‘ we have a text chain . it’s mostly gifs , but sometimes we talk about how messed up y’all are . ’
‘ well , if you’d let me demonstrate . . . ’
‘ whatever you need , i’ve got you . all hands on deck . ’
‘ what’s wrong with you ? you look weird . ’
‘ why would you come back ? ’
‘ you are a bad girl . ’
‘ you are so lame . you are both so lame . ’
‘ you came across the country to say you’re sorry ? ’
‘ you can’t go into marriage thinking about ‘ forever ’ . who put that stupid idea into your head ? ’
‘ you dodged a very slow moving bullet . i’d call that a good use of your time . ’
‘ you don’t need—- you don’t need an explanation . ’
‘ you don’t overthink things like i do . that could be a good thing too . ’
‘ you feel like you need to be a rock for them & that apologizing shows vulnerability . ’
‘ you have trouble apologizing . ’
‘ you made me feel dirty . real dirty . ’
‘ your affair with her was over . you should’ve stayed away . why did you come back ? ’
‘ you’re just saying this stuff because you’re scared , or i’m scared , or we’re scared . ’
‘ you’re not here right now & , trust me , you really wanna be . ’
I absolutely adore seeing your Nell from your hesdcanons to just talking with you about the twins relationship. I feel as if you make her so much more than the series did AND meld book & show perfectly. You know I admire your writing so so much, and I feel like you understand Nell so well. I'm always grateful to write or to talk to you about your amazing muse. Hi hello you're doing her justice.
i don’t even know what to say to you because . . . you are just one of my favourite people to interact with anywhere and i was so , so excited when you told me you were picking up luke . i truly couldn’t have asked for a better partner when it comes to nell’s twin ! nellie has become so important to me and i ?? appreciate this message so much icb i have a f*cking tree in my eye . thank you !
– It’s a bee! – I know!
Phenomena (1985, Dario Argento)