I think a considerable portion of the fandom expected Rei to break down completely after the news and imped her road to recovery, but she has completely subverted our expectations. Most of the time we have seen Rei sitting, but in this panel she’s standing, in an active position, no longer in that resting position. She’s no longer dormant. In fact it’s a contrast to Endeavour, who’s actually copying her previous sitting down position. And there’s so much strength in this panel: her back and shoulders are straight, eyes narrowed and serious, hands clasped, formal yet stern like a soldier.
I knew going into this hiatus that the only thing that would change would be my stance on whether or not to come back to the blog. And while I am still not 100% certain about that, I needed to get a few things off my chest.
The reason I left is because I felt as though my blog was dying. And I’m sure there are tons of people who are going to ask questions, things like “how when you’re still getting new followers, notes, etc.” Yes, yes all those things are true. But that doesn’t mean that the blog doesn’t still lack interaction. More/less notes or followers does not equate to interaction levels either, so don’t assume a “bigger blog with thousands of followers” has it any better than one just starting out.
I did log-in here and there since I posted about that, and exactly what I had suspected would happen, did. Yes, I got a shower of concern and love from my mutuals and the handful or two of diehards whose usernames I know by heart because they like every fucking post I make. Those are what I am most thankful for, those are what had been my lifeline in not doing this sooner. I love and appreciate all of you more than you even know. <3
Before I left, I had been clearing out my asks for another reason and do you know how many I came back to after a few days? One. A single anon ask about the hiatus. Now the sad fact is, despite all of this, when I would log-in, I had tons of notifications–nothing on the reader side of things seemed to be affected at all. I knew it wouldn’t. I knew that chances were, had I deleted/deactivated completely, my mutuals might have been sent asks about me along the lines of, “oh no! What happened, so sad…blah blah blah.” I’ve watched it happen with others who have left.
And it will continue to happen just like this. Despite the posts about the writing community on here dying due to lack of interaction from our readers, here is the truth of the matter: no matter what we as creators do, it won’t change a goddamn thing. Even when we go on hiatus or delete, because you just run to the next newest blog. That’s just the circle of life, I can’t be mad about that. I mean I can, but what good does it do? Y’all crave instant satisfaction so when you can’t get it from one source, you flip onto the next without batting an eye. (And no, I’m not bashing newer creators getting support either. That’s the main reason I will never be mad about this truth.)
It blows my mind how posts like that can get thousands of notes, get reblogged by creators and readers alike, but nothing really changes. Same thing goes for how fast people are to like, reblog and send in asks for fucking discourse but you simply can’t be assed to do the same to your favorite fics, your favorite authors. Part of me believed, and still does to a degree, that things might get better when the new season drops. That y’all are just bored without that new anime content, too busy stirring shit pots and hopping fandoms to get your fix.
And before some of you take it upon yourselves to get shit twisted, this is not about notes. Even if it was, still a valid fucking reason some creators give up and leave, its something that literally takes maybe 5 minutes or less of your life. I, personally, did not leave because of lowered notes–that I was dealing with just fine. Its the lack of interaction: comments (whether on the fic or in a reblog, fuck even nice tags) and most importantly asks. Why? Because as it was proven during my check-ins, non-interactive (or silent) notes are always going to happen. But blogs will die out without interaction.
Let’s paint you a picture. I’m sure you’ve seen some of your favorite creators mention or post about having 50-100+ asks in their box. Yes it is daunting at times but it is still an amazing feeling and yes there is also a good chance not all of them will be answered for various reasons. What I have seen is this: you close your requests? Instant drop in asks, y’all move on to the next open person. If your ask is not answered after some time? Another drop. And so forth. Do you know how fucking depressing it is to watch what used to be a full inbox dwindle down to nothing?
Several months back I still had, on average, 50ish asks at any given time. For the last two or so months that number never got above 20 at any given time, most of which were asks attached to WIPs I was hoarding. Then I deleted most of it and now I have a whopping 4. Can you see how that might affect someone? Now, once more so you don’t get it twisted, I’ll explain why this is an issue because I can already sense people will want to scream about “needing validation, why should it matter if you love writing, etc.”
This is the part that most of you ‘silent readers’ do not get. You ready?
I love and enjoy writing. I, personally, do not need validation to love and enjoy my own writing. However, I can do do both without ever fucking sharing my work with others. Let me repeat that so it sticks: we do not have to share our work with you, the readers/community, in order to enjoy it.
So why do we? Well, I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I do it (or rather did it) because I wanted to interact with people who were just as excited, passionate and stoked on the same things I was. It didn’t matter if that interaction was in the comments or reblogs, via asks, thirsting or just generally chatting with you. And yes, I can acknowledge it is a two way street and I was sometimes shit at working on my end of things. But the issue that I struggled with is: it seems like once you lose that interaction, nothing you try to do to spark it back up works.
Before I posted that hiatus message, I had a different post planned, written out and still tucked in my drafts. I had a whole outlined plan for how to inject life back into this blog, one I was already working on behind the scenes, that would (hopefully) bring back some interaction as I became more consistent on my end. And as I ran through working my ass off to get things in place, spending hours in the mass post editor, I saw how drastically interaction on my blog changed. From the loss of all my emoji anons to just a general decline in any asks at all,I was able to watch it plummet all over again.
Then it hit me, it hit me fucking hard, that maybe all that work and all those plans were going to be for nothing. And you know what? I gave the fuck up. I did, why? Because I am only human. And over the last few months it was dawning on me that very few of you saw me or any creator for that matter, as humans. No, to the vast majority of people we are content machines, little cogs in the tumblr writing community and that if we break down or disappear, you just move on to the next. Most of the time not even giving it a second thought. That’s just fucking sad and it almost made me not want to write at all.
So I left, and started cross-posting on AO3 and I realized that I never stopped loving or enjoying writing. Just tumblr. That I missed that interaction between us so much, that I just no longer felt the need to share myself or my work. I’m sure some might ask why it’s such a big deal, and maybe you don’t believe us when we reply to things and tell you that your ask or comment or whatever it may be made our day. We are not being facetious when we say these things, even if it’s just tags on a reblog…that shit genuinely puts smiles on our faces. It can change our whole mood, our whole day or week around. I cannot count the number of times your asks flustered me or brought me to tears because they warmed my heart.
Perfect personal example is this: my shittest, most frustrating day of the work week is Sundays. They are usually hell in my store, they are so fucking draining that I would literally come home, eat and pass out for hours without the intention to. I came up with Thirst Church not only as a great way to interact more with y’all at the time but to give me something to look forward to. It was a small but very helpful remedy to my shitty Sundays.
I will admit, sometimes I got overwhelmed by them (as I was putting out anywhere between 5-20+ posts per session) or skipped them because my mood or energy levels just weren’t there. I let them die off, but I tried to bring them back recently (and had intended to make them a weekly event again) with poor results. It was a sting, and one that made me immediately drop the idea again because there just obviously wasn’t enough interest anymore. You had moved on. So I threw in the towel and decided maybe it was time I did too.
While there is a chance this post may impact some of you, an even slimmer chance it’ll spark a change in how you go about things, I know that for the most part it will fall on deaf ears. It won’t make a drop in the bucket that is tumblr. I’m not even sure if writing it all out made me feel any better. I just had to do it. Because just as much as hate anons, drama and/or lack of notes may drive creators to leave, so does lack of interaction and it’s not talked about nearly as much.
So next time you’re debating whether its worth your time or whatever other excuse you’ll undoubtedly make before commenting, or sending in an ask? Ask yourself if it could make a difference in that creator’s day, will it cheer them up or inspire them to start a new WIP or share more of themselves and their work with you? Because while I don’t think there will ever not be writers on tumblr, you may just cost yourselves your favorites or a wider selection of content to greedily consume simply because you couldn’t be assed.
Then what will you do? I guess at that point you’ll have to write for yourselves and join the cycle.
Req: Izuku isn't one to keep grudges. He'd rather bury the hatchet & move on. But when word got out that Bakugō's past as a bully & an abuser got exposed at the latest annual Hero Gala, where he just got promoted to the #1 Hero no less, Izuku couldn't deny the small feeling of satisfaction within him. Soon, Bakugō lost the respect of his fellow Class 1-A graduates, former UA teachers, most of Japanese citizens & the whole world. His Hero license got revoked. He becomes what Izuku used to be.
Me: Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?
Izuku: N- Not partic-
Me: TOO LATE!
I kinda incorporated these two asks, so please enjoy ~5000 words of Bakugou Katsuki / My Fist In His Face! :D
Edit: Ao3 Link: Fall from Grace
______
‘And taking the number two spot, moving down a place from last time, is the second coming of the symbol of peace, Hero Dekiru!’ The announcer exclaimed excitedly.
Forcing a bright smile onto his face, Izuku stepped out onto the stage and took his place next to Creati, who had secured the third spot. He looked out over the audience and waved as his fans cheered excitedly. Inside though, he wanted nothing more than to hide away and take his frustrations out on one of his home gym’s punching bags.
‘That means, folks, this season’s number one hero isss...’ The announcer paused for dramatic effect. ‘The Great Explosion Murder God, Dynamight!’
Izuku had to refrain from wincing when the audience’s cries and cheers became almost deafening. Kacchan strode out onto the stage, a manic smile on his face as he set off some celebratory explosions from his palms. As the blonde walked past Izuku, he muttered a quiet ‘Take that, Deku’ that only Momo and Shoto could hear. Izuku glanced out of the corner of his eye at the two; Momo furrowed her eyebrows, unimpressed, while Shoto didn’t even bother to hide his eye roll and displeased snort.
Kacchan took his place next to Izuku, smirking for all to see. When the crowd eventually fell silent, the announcer made her way down the line, asking each of the top ten heroes for a comment. Usually, Izuku would listen intently and nod along, but it was currently taking all of his energy just to maintain his reassuring presence.
All Might never had this problem. He thought to himself, as Suneater nervously stuttered through his speech.
His mentor always seemed so far away from the other heroes that he never had a problem bagging first place.
Ever since Izuku graduated from UA though, it had been a constant battle between who gained the spot of number one hero. Izuku liked friendly competition and rivalry, having dealt with it long enough that he had to learn to like it; he liked the competition because it meant he could build himself to be the best hero he could possibly be. However, the fact that it was always between him and Kacchan was getting a little old.
Izuku couldn’t fathom it. He wasn’t a bitter person; he knew that he had to work hard to earn the number one spot… But it was no secret that he had saved the most people throughout their careers so far. He had done everything he could to be the next symbol of peace and people did see him that way. They relied on him and believed in him. If they were in trouble, it wasn’t Dynamight they called for. It was Dekiru...
Everyone just seemed to like Kacchan more.
Izuku should be used to it by now. Ever since they were kids, it had been the same. He knew he shouldn’t let this get to him. He became what he was meant to be. He was the symbol of peace and he didn’t need a ranking to prove that-
‘Hero Dekiru!’ The announcer greeted, rounding on Izuku and startling him enough that he nearly launched himself into the air. She shoved the microphone in his face expectantly and he had to remind himself that it was his turn to speak.
'Er…' He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled endearingly. 'I know I'm prone to rambling, so I'll keep it short haha!'
The room laughed along with him and Izuku blushed a little. 'I just want to say that I am so proud of my fellow heroes! You've all been amazing and deserve recognition for it.' He swallowed thickly. 'And congratulations to Ka- to Dynamight for reaching number one! I'll be sure to work extra hard to catch up!'
He felt a pair of crimson eyes burning holes into his side. Ignoring it, Izuku raised his fist into the air. 'Let's all continue to do our best! Pluuuuus…'
'Ultra!' The audience chorused, before erupting into a round of applause. Izuku's smile felt genuine when he saw so many people inspired by his words.
'Yeah, good luck with that, Deku!' His smile faltered slightly when Kacchan grabbed the mic and started his own speech. 'I've made it to number one and I'm here to stay! I'm the best of the best and I can't wait to punch some more bastards!'
'Language!' The announcer squeaked, albeit she giggled along with the crowd.
While everyone was distracted, Izuku snuck a glance at Shoto, only to find his partner already staring at him knowingly.
You okay? His eyes seemed to say.
Izuku shrugged ever so slightly.
Aren't I always?
☀️🌙
Everything felt fuzzy.
Izuku raised a hand to his face and regarded it with narrow eyes as it slowly came into focus.
'You okay, love?'
Izuku pulled his head back, forming a double chin, and looked over at the person beside him who had spoken. He instantly recognised the long white and red hair, styled into a loose braid that framed his partner's angelic face, and relaxed.
'Shouchan!' He slurred out, leaning forwards and throwing his arms around him. 'Where have you been? I missed you!'
'I've been sitting next to you for the past 15 minutes.' Shoto pulled back and raised an eyebrow. 'You've been staring out into space for a while. You okay?'
'Just thinking.' Izuku leaned his elbow on the table in front of them and rested his cheek in his hand.
The two of them were at the annual hero gala that always occurred two days after the summer rankings were announced. Usually, Shoto was the one begging them not to go, while Izuku dragged him with a promise of cold soba at the end of it. This time, however, the opposite had happened. Not only had Izuku been adamant about not wanting to go, but Shoto had actively encouraged him to attend, reasoning that Izuku would regret it if he didn’t. Eventually, he begrudgingly caved and agreed to go, but only after a two hour pouting session.
Oh well, At least there was alcohol at this thing.
'What’re you thinking about?' Shoto asked. 'Usually, you mumble when you're thinking.'
'It's improper to bitch about the number one hero out loud, Shoto-kun.' Izuku replied easily, looking over at where some fancy people from the Hero Commission were congratulating Kacchan, who looked so smug Izuku couldn't help but scrunch his face up in distaste.
'Those results were such bullshit.' Shoto muttered, following his gaze. 'You're better than him by a long shot and people love you, yet-’
'-Kacchan always wins.' Izuku sighed. 'Maybe I need to be more like him and-'
'Don't even go there, Izuku.' Shoto warned. 'I'll give you a pass because you're a bit tipsy, but don't ever suggest that again.’
His partner raised his hands and cupped his cheeks, forcing Izuku to look at him. 'People love you so much because you're you. You don't need to change anything about yourself. All Might didn't pick Bakugou. One for All didn't pick Bakugou. I didn't pick Bakugou. We picked you, because you are worthy. You defeated All for One. You saved the world more times than I can count. You're brave and kind and somehow gentle despite being a fucking powerhouse, so don't even think for a moment that you need to be more like him, because Midoriya Izuku is so much better.'
‘Shoto-kun...’
Izuku felt his eyes begin to water and hurriedly moved to bury his face in the crook of his partner’s neck to hide his tears. He wished he didn’t have to be here, under the constant gaze of the media. He wanted to be able to cry freely, but he was a symbol and symbols didn’t cry.
Unless they were the symbol of crying… Izuku reckoned he’d be pretty good at that.
He felt Shoto freeze in his arms when some camera shutters suddenly went off not too far away.
‘I’m sorry, love.’ He murmured against his ear. ‘Time to be Dekiru again.’
Izuku sighed heavily, before lifting his head and turning towards the camera, a bright smile on his face as he waved to the lens.
‘Dekiru!’ One journalist shouted. ‘We were hoping to take pictures of the top three heroes together. Would you mind joining us for a moment?’
‘Of course!’ Izuku beamed. He stood then, before bowing to Shoto. In a moment of boldness, he took his partner’s hand in his own and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. The cameras went wild, but Izuku focused only on the lovely blush dusting Shoto’s cheeks. ‘See you soon.’
Shoto hummed in response, not knowing what to do with himself, and Izuku smiled softly, before he stepped away and allowed himself to be shimmied over to the desired area. He stumbled slightly from the alcohol - if anyone noticed, they didn’t comment.
Izuku’s jaw dropped when his eyes landed on Momo, who was already waiting for them on the red carpet. She looked absolutely gorgeous tonight; her hair was styled in a half-up half-down braid, allowing her loose hair to cover her shoulders and run down her body without getting in her eyes. She donned a sleeveless scarlet dress, which accentuated the muscles of her arms and complimented her ebony eyes exquisitely. The material fit snugly at her waist, before flowing out around her, like the petals of a red lily flower, until it reached the floor. She made Izuku look incredibly underdressed, with his forest green suit, lack of tie and signature red shoes.
Granted, at the start of the night, Shoto had insisted that Izuku’s legs looked so good that he wouldn’t mind being crushed by them, but he had quickly waved him off. His partner was biased.
‘Momo-san!’ He greeted, taking her hands in his own when he reached her. ‘You look as beautiful as always!’
‘Oh stop!’ She giggled, squeezing his hands affectionately. ‘You’re one to talk. Shoto-san took me aside earlier to complain about how handsome you looked.’
Izuku’s face turned the same colour as her outfit.
‘He what now?’
Momo merely laughed in response, but before she could say anything else, the booming voice of the number one hero drowned out all other sounds.
‘Let’s get this over with, extras.’ Kacchan rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles, joining them on the carpet.
Izuku and Momo nodded in greeting and the three of them waited for the photographers to tell them where to stand.
The shoot lasted all of ten minutes, but to Izuku, it felt like an hour. Having to listen to Kacchan’s quiet jibes about how great he was was starting to get on his nerves. Izuku knew he shouldn’t let his words grate at him so badly, but the alcohol was starting to exacerbate his resentment towards the blonde, to the point where he was about to explode.
It wasn’t until they were making their way back to the main area that he finally cracked.
‘It must suck to be you, Deku.’ Kacchan grinned, hands deep in his pockets as he looked ahead at the Dynamight posters plastered to the walls.
Izuku grit his teeth to keep his signature smile on his face, but otherwise didn’t respond.
Kacchan took that as his cue to continue. ‘I mean, I can’t imagine how disappointed All Might must feel right now. Even with all those quirks and One for All, I’m still better than you.’
He’s just being Kacchan. Ignore him.
‘It seems All Might’s legacy ends with him, if his successor can’t even keep the number one spot. Seems you’ll always be behind me, no matter how many times I have to put you in your place.’
He’s wrong… Toshinori-san is proud of me.
‘Remember when I told you to hope for a quirk in the next life?’ Kacchan laughed. ‘I take it back. Turns out that even with a quirk, you’ll always be a loser.’
Izuku’s eye twitched.
‘Maybe you and Icyhot really are meant for each other. After all, you’re both disappointments to your families.’
Izuku’s body moved before he could comprehend what was happening. One moment, his fist was at his side, the next it was colliding with Kacchan’s jaw. Despite his lightning fast reflexes, the blonde hadn’t anticipated such an attack and was sent flying. In midair, he set off a series of explosions from his palms to steady himself as he descended.
When he landed, the entire room went silent.
‘What the fu-’
‘How dare you talk about Shoto like that!’ Izuku yelled. ‘Shoto is twice the man you will ever be. Don’t you dare call him a disappointment’
His entire body was shaking and he felt like his face was on fire. What was he doing? He was making a scene. What was everyone going to think of him after this?
‘You wanna fucking go?’ Kacchan roared.
Izuku quickly decided he didn’t care.
‘You think you’re so great, don’t you?’ He stood up straight, staring into those raging crimson eyes. His inhibitions had dissolved and all those pent-up emotions quickly flowed out, unfiltered. ‘You want everyone to think you’re the best of the best, when you couldn’t be further from it!’
‘Looks like someone’s pissed because I’m the number one-’
‘I don’t care about that!’ Izuku yelled. ‘I’m pissed because I used to actually think you were the greatest! I used to think your quirk was so amazing and that you really were the best! And what did I get for it? Broken bones, second-degree burns and taunts that I was a worthless nobody.’
‘Deku.’ Kacchan warned. Izuku noticed his expression change into something he almost didn’t recognise on his old friend’s face: fear.
‘What’s wrong, Kacchan? Afraid I’m going to expose you as the shitty person you really are?!’ He mocked, trying to keep his voice even. ‘Do you even remember what you used to do to me back when we were kids? I remember. I still live with the consequences every single day. Do you know how long it took for me to stop flinching whenever you spoke? Do you know that every time I hear a loud noise, my skin aches? It remembers all the times you used your quirk on me. You bullied me for over a decade and yet you have the audacity to say that I’m somehow the one who-’
‘I was trying to protect you!’ Kacchan shouted. He started to stride towards Izuku, but Kirishima quickly appeared from the crowd of curious onlookers and held him back. ‘You never took yourself into account! I was trying to stop you from hurting yourself!’
‘So you thought you’d hurt me instead?!’ Izuku couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips. ‘“Protecting” me? Is that what you tell yourself at night? That you were protecting me when you punched me for standing up to you? That you were protecting me when you destroyed my notebooks and threatened me daily?’
Izuku took a deep breath. No going back after this. ‘Were you protecting me when you told me to take a swan dive off the school’s roof when I was 14?’
The entire room gasped, before erupting into scattered noise. Journalists addressed Kacchan, asking if Izuku was telling the truth; several pro-heroes were murmuring to each other, mortified, while the hosts of the event tried to de-escalate the situation but to no avail. Izuku wasn’t listening to all that though. His heart was pounding against his chest, the drumming in his ears drowning out all other noise. He squeezed his eyes shut.
What have I done? I can't believe I said all that! The symbol of peace is meant to keep it together all the time. I’m supposed to be strong for others. How can I be that, now that everyone knows that I’m useless Deku-
‘Izuku.’ He felt a hand brush against his own and Izuku opened his eyes to find Shoto standing in front of him, his expression one of concern. ‘My love, can you hear me?’
Izuku nodded rapidly and leant forward, allowing his partner to wrap him in a hug. He rested his forehead against a sturdy shoulder.
‘I fucked up.’ He murmured against the material of his kimono. ‘I fucked up so bad.’
‘Shhh, don’t say that.’ Shoto whispered, stroking his hair, before turning his head away to address the strangers approaching. His voice turned icy. ‘No, Dekiru will not be taking comments. Back off if you know what’s good for you.’
When they took the hint and dispersed, Shoto sighed and rested his cheek on top of his head. ‘Talk to me, Izuku.’
‘I was so tired of it all.’ He pulled back enough so that he had a clear view of Kacchan being swarmed by the press over Shoto’s shoulder. The blonde looked angry and worried as he shouted at the crowd and - wait, is that Ochaco-chan being restrained by Iida-kun not too far away?
Izuku shook his head and watched the display. ‘He kept saying things and I got angry and then he called you a disappointment and I just...’ His eyes widened and he grasped at his hair. ‘I punched him. Oh my god, I punched Kacchan!’
‘He deserved it.’
‘That doesn’t make it okay, Shoto-kun!’ Izuku exclaimed, tugging on his curls until it hurt. ‘I don’t- I’m meant to be the symbol of peace, but I just punched another hero! I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen… And what I said… Everyone heard. They’re gonna think I’m weak. Maybe I am. I’m just so tired. Maybe Kacchan’s right. Maybe I should’ve taken a swan di-’
‘Don’t even fucking go there, Izuku.’ Shoto’s arms tightened fiercely around him. ‘Don’t think like that. You’re gonna be okay, I promise. We’ll get through this.’
‘Shoto-kun...’
‘Let’s go home.’ His partner wrapped his hands around Izuku’s wrists, coaxing him to let go of his hair. ‘We’ll go home. You don’t have to deal with this now. Clear your head first.’
Izuku searched Shoto’s eyes, before he nodded in agreement. He took his partner's hand and let himself be led through the hall, towards the exit. They made it halfway, when Kacchan suddenly blasted himself into the air to escape the crowd and landed in front of them.
‘You think you’re gonna drop me in it and just leave?’ He growled. ‘Fucking coward.’
‘Izuku owes you nothing, Bakugou.’ Shoto’s voice was cold, unforgiving. ‘If it were up to me, I’d have exposed you years ago.’
‘This has nothing to do with you, Icyhot.’ Kacchan moved so that he was at the centre of Izuku’s vision. ‘I wanna make something clear to Deku.’
Several years ago, Izuku would’ve looked away under such an intense glare, but at that moment, he stared right back. He straightened his posture and furrowed his eyebrows, expectantly. He was tired of staying silent and letting his old bully walk all over him.
‘What do you want?’
Kacchan tsked.
‘These extras are gonna ask you if what you just said was true.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘You're gonna tell them you've had too much to drink.'
Emerald met piercing scarlet and Izuku knew immediately what his answer was. He had always hoped he could bury the hatchet and move on, but as he regarded Kacchan in front of him now, he knew deep down he couldn't do that. He didn't want Kacchan to suffer…
But he couldn't just continue to let him believe that what he did was right either.
'No, I'm not.'
‘Excuse me?’
‘I said,’ Izuku stood up a little straighter and tightened his grip on Shoto’s hand. Anxiety riddled through his body, pumping him with so much adrenaline he felt his heart pounding against his chest. ‘No. I’m not going to deny what I’ve said. You may be a hero, I may admire you, but I’m not going to lie for you anymore. You need to take responsibility.’
Kacchan opened his mouth, but Izuku raised a hand to silence him. ‘We’re done here, Bakugou.’
Wordlessly, he then stepped forwards and walked past the blonde, who seemed at a loss of what to say. Izuku trembled violently as he walked and felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes - he hoped Kacchan hadn’t noticed - and didn’t slow his pace until Shoto caught up to him.
‘Izuku.’ His partner spoke, rubbing his arm to get his attention. When Izuku turned his head to look at him, Shoto linked his hand around his bicep. ‘Come with me a second.’
He allowed himself to be towed towards a bathroom. The room was blurry, but when Shoto locked the door behind them and turned to look at him, Izuku’s vision sharpened; all he could focus on were dichromatic eyes that shone like the sky, the loose strands of red and white hair that hung in front of his face, the smooth porcelain skin that juxtaposed the roughened scar tissue around his left eye.
The beautiful, full lips that opened to speak.
‘Let it out, my love.’
The words were spoken so softly, but echoed loudly in his ears. Izuku’s lip trembled, and when strong arms came to wrap around him, one hand against the curve of his spine while the other cradled the back of his head protectively, Izuku slumped against him. He buried his head in his partner’s chest and clutched at the fine material of his blue kimono as he finally succumbed to the tears that had ached for release.
He cried loud, broken sobs, muffled only by the drenched fabric that he clung to so desperately; all the anger, hurt and fear he had suppressed for so long flowed out of him with each ragged breath. Izuku had always been an emotional person, but this felt different. These weren’t happy tears or frustrated tears. These were almost cathartic.
He didn’t know how long they stayed there in the bathroom, ignoring the irate knocks from the outside as Shoto gently soothed him. All he knew was that when his eyes eventually dried out and he was out of breath, his partner gently held his face in his hands and leaned down so that their foreheads were touching. Izuku sighed tiredly and felt their noses brush slightly when Shoto finally whispered,
‘I’m so proud of you. I love you.’
☀️🌙
'Breaking news: The next Endeavour? Sources report that number one hero, Dynamight, is facing allegations of bullying and past-abuse.'
Izuku looked up at the tv screen, alarmed. Him and Shoto were visiting his mum and Toshinori. Usually, the two heroes don't watch tv, but his mum liked to have it on so that the apartment was never too quiet. It calmed her.
Now though, Izuku was anything but calm. His heartbeat quickened and he felt his back straighten. His eyes were glued to the screen, which was broadcasting video footage from the annual hero gala last night. He had known that the media was going to blow up after his little… Outburst, but he didn’t know someone had filmed it.
'During the annual hero gala last night, pro-hero Dekiru was seen having a confrontation with the number one hero, where he revealed that he used to be physically and emotionally abused by the explosion hero. While the symbol of peace appeared to be a little bit tipsy, outside sources have revealed that there may be truth to the allegations and a formal investigation has been launched.'
Izuku felt nauseous, his palms were sweaty and he refused to look anywhere but at the screen. He felt three pairs of eyes on him, but tried to ignore it.
He couldn't bear to see their disappointment. Weak, defenseless Deku, revealed for the whole nation to see.
'Here is some footage from their argument last night. Viewer discretion is advised due to the nature of the conversation.’
The reporter went silent and the video unmuted; the static of the low-quality microphone buzzed in his ears.
'You think you’re so great, don’t you? You want everyone to think you’re the best of the best, when you couldn’t be further from it!'
Izuku stared at the screen, his own words echoing back through the TV. He breathed heavily, trying to maintain his composure, but when Kacchan tried to justify himself, he couldn’t take it anymore and turned it off.
The room went silent.
Izuku quickly decided he hated that even more.
‘Sweetheart...’ Before he could comprehend what was happening, small arms wrapped around his waist and his mum’s comforting embrace suddenly surrounded him. Izuku froze for a moment, before he gingerly returned the hug. ‘I knew he could be a little rough with you when you were younger, but this? Why didn’t you say something sooner?’
‘Because it wouldn't have made a difference.’ Izuku shrugged. When his mum moved to say something else, he quickly added. ‘Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.’
‘Izuku, baby-‘
‘It wasn’t your fault.’ He repeated firmly, pulling back to look into her tearful eyes. When she shook her head, distraught, Izuku sighed. ‘I didn’t want you to find out this way.’
‘Sounds like you didn’t want either of us to find out at all, my boy.’ Toshinori suddenly spoke from behind. A large hand came to rest on his shoulder and Izuku turned his head to find his mentor regarding him with regretful eyes. ‘I should’ve known really.’
‘You couldn’t-’
‘Young Bakugou told me once that he used to bully you.’ Toshinori admitted, ashamed. ‘He didn’t go into details and he used the same excuse as he did last night, but I should’ve realised immediately that there was more to it than that. At the time, I tried to reassure young Bakugou that by helping with your training, he was repenting for what he had done. Instead, I should’ve spoken to you, my boy. I should’ve asked for the full story. I should’ve noticed the way he acted during training exercises, the way he talked to you during our meetings. I should’ve released that your relationship wasn’t as simple as deep rivalry.’
Izuku saw his mentor glance at his mum for a moment, before removing his hand from his shoulder. ‘I used to be a hero; I promised your mother I would protect you and dedicate myself to training you, yet I was blind to the iniquity that was happening around me. I put you in an unsafe environment without even realising and made you work with your abuser. I will never forgive myself for that.’
Izuku stared at Toshinori. A whirl of emotions scattered across his face, before he settled for something he was familiar with: tears.
‘I forgive you.’ He spoke, voice hoarse from the lump in his throat.
☀️🌙
Shoto stared at the sight before him, shuffling on his feet rather awkwardly as his partner forced All Might into a bone-crushing hug. Not knowing what to do with himself, he scanned the rest of the room, before noticing Izuku’s phone buzzing violently on the table.
Intrigued, Shoto reached down and scanned over the notifications.
Ur my rock bro [1:24]:
Hey man, hope you’re okay! Yaoyorozu and I tried looking for you and Todoroki, but we couldn’t find you. Hope you got home safe. Let me know, yeah? We’re worried[...]
Breaking News! Petty rivalry or power complexes between the number one and two heroes?
Heroes Weekly: Drama down at the annual hero gala last night as Dekiru drunkenly reveals Dynamight’s problematic past.
Tokyo News: The Hero Public Safety Commission has temporarily suspended the hero licence of number one hero Dynaminght, in light of recent allegations.
Speedy Gonzales [07:29]:
Good morning, Midoriya-san! Please give me a ring when you get the chance. I am wishing you all the best during this time and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you[…]
Plus Ultra Press: Truth to Dekiru’s words? Several individuals have come forward to reveal that they were also tormented by Dynamight as children.
Eraserhead [10:36]:
I have taken it upon myself to expel Bakugou. If you need a break from it all, let me know. I should’ve told you more when you were my student, but you’re a good kid. I[…]
The Problem Children of UA:
Aizawa’s Secret Love Child removed LordExplosionMurder from the chat
Aizawa’s Secret Love Child [4:58]: @He Need Some Milk hope you[…]
Crazy Frog [11:32]: *Kero* Wishing you all the best Midoriya-chan[…]
FlexTape420 [11:33]: ^^^ If you need anything, let us know!
Calamari [11:33]: We’re here for you! <3
An actual Goddess [11:37]: I hope you’re safe. Know that we support[…]
Prince Charming [11:40]: Oui oui! I have an assortment of cheese for[…]
Dr Dolittle [11:42]: @Dr 5PeePeeMan are you with Midoriya-kun now[…]
15 more messages
Uwawaka [11:59]:
Deku-kun, I know this isn’t the bestest of times, but I need bail money and Iida-kun won’t help. Seems *you* can punch Bakugou, but when I do it, it’s aSsAuLt
Shoto raised a brow at the last one, clearly amused, and made a mental note to go down to the station later with bail money. He then looked up to find Izuku walking towards him; his eyes were red and puffy, although he wore a small smile. Immediately, Shoto put the phone down and opened his arms, wrapping his partner in a gentle hug.
‘You okay, love?’ He murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
‘Getting there.’ Izuku nuzzled his neck. ‘What were you looking at while the rest of us talked about our feelings?’
Shoto huffed at that.
‘I was checking your messages. Everyone’s worried.’ He answered honestly. When his partner hummed softly, he continued. ‘They really care about you. We all do. We’re on your side.’
‘I’ll reply to them later, promise.’ Izuku paused for a moment, struggling to get his words out. I just feel… Weird.’
‘Weird? In what way?’
‘Like… I’m glad of their support, but I can’t help but think I’m causing a fuss.’ Izuku exhaled, warm breath fanning Shoto’s neck. ‘I mean, he doesn’t bully me anymore and he really is a good hero. Maybe I’m just being petty? Part of me is even relieved… Is that bad? To get satisfaction from something like this? I mean, it’s my fault this is happening in the first place.’
Shoto closed his eyes and sighed, resting his chin on top of his partner’s head.
‘It’s not bad. I felt the same way when my family’s past got leaked.’ He admitted softly. ‘At that point, my old man was trying to make amends and the world needed the number one hero, so I felt like bringing his past to light was selfish - even though it wasn’t my fault it got exposed… But that didn’t stop me feeling relieved when the world finally got to see him for who he truly was.’
He felt Izuku’s arms tighten around his waist; a comforting gesture. ‘You’re not selfish for wanting justice, Izuku. You already give the world so much. You may have exposed Bakugou, but the true fault lies with him.’
Shoto hoped his words sounded reassuring. He wasn’t as good as his partner was with these kinds of things.
‘It’s going to be okay.’ Shoto soothed, sincerity laced behind every word. ‘I promise.’
☀️🌙
Several weeks went by and still, the investigation continued. While the Hero Commission had temporarily suspended Bakugou’s hero licence, they still seemed reluctant to find any concrete evidence of their number one hero’s past record of abuse - probably due the damage caused by Endeavour several years back.
Imagine having two number one heroes being found guilty of abuse in less than a decade.
Izuku could understand it, but it didn’t make him any less frustrated. He was tired of being bombarded with questions by insensitive journalists; he was tired of having to put on a fake smile and laugh awkwardly when they said something that was inappropriate. He was tired of dealing with numerous investigators trying to twist his words and convince him that he was overplaying the abuse he suffered at the hands of his old friend.
After a particularly bad interview, where he was asked if he was making it all up in order to get to the number one spot, Izuku had broken down in Shoto’s arms, asking if it was always going to be like that. He had even considered asking the Commission to drop the investigation all together, but Shoto convinced him not to.
‘There’s always going to be people out there who doubt you. It will get better though.’
Five months after the investigation commenced, Izuku’s phone buzzed in his pocket to reveal that enough evidence had finally been gathered to find Bakugou Katsuki guilty of all the allegations made against him Despite the evidence though, Bakugou wasn’t sent to prison, or made to do community service. The only formal punishment he received was something much worse than that.
His hero licence was permanently revoked.
Izuku's eyes scanned the text and felt his knees give out from underneath him. He crashed to the floor; distantly, he could hear Shoto's worried footsteps coming to check on him, but he couldn't bring himself to reassure his partner. Instead, he threw his head back and closed his eyes, smiling peacefully at the ceiling.
When they were five, Izuku was alone and quirkless, told he could never be a hero. Twenty years later, Bakugou was told he could never be a hero ever again.
Most hero names are named after the hero’s quirk. We’ve got All Might, whose quirk is strength, Hawks, whose quirk is Bird™️, Present Mic, whose quirk is being loud, etc.
Same with the 1A kids. Uravity—gravity manipulation. Creati—creating things. Earphone Jack—earphone jack.
So Shouto, who’s been defined by and reduced to his quirk his whole life, chose to use his first name as his hero name, showing that he isn’t his quirk. Rather, he’s Shouto. Love that for him.
yo being black and depressed is hard as fuck. being black with anxiety is hard as fuck. being black with a chronic illness or disability is hard a fuck. everybody expects you to be ‘strong’ at all times and no one sees black people as complex or nuanced enough to be capable of suffering. no one ever thinks we could possibly need help. and if you’re a black woman, the moment you stop thinking about others and try to tend to yourself you’re a selfish lazy ungrateful bitch.
support black people, esp women, who need help. don’t just call us strong or tell us we’ll get through it, help us. protect us. uplift us. allow us to be beings capable of suffering. give us the same space you’d give white women to express our pain and be there for us like you would for anyone else.
another izu lover i see, thank you for existing and making my dashboard better- i love midoriya izuku so very much i might just die he's so sweet okay I Need to contain myself (thank you for the izu love tho)
When Izuku and Shouto make the Hero Billboard top ten, they both announce they'll be number one and, when that day happens, they'll propose to their significant other. The general public sees them as rivals and they aggressively keep trying to get ahead of each other. Everyone follows their progress, waiting to see who reaches the top first.
Finally, they do it. Shouto is awarded number two and he looks pissed. The announcer asks him if he's going to keep trying for the number one spot, so he can propose, and Shouto grumpily says he's never going to propose now. The audience murmurs, people whispering about how much Shouto must hate Deku.
The announcer awkwardly moves onto Izuku, congratulating him on reaching number one and asking about his proposal. And Izuku, with the biggest smile in the world, says he's going to propose right now, then walks over to Shouto and drops to one knee in front of him.
The audience loses their fucking minds.
(Shouto says yes, of course, but he's a little sour about it.)
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
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theartofmadeline
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