Amor Omnia Vincit

I'm a Fool who Believed

[dreary-diaries]

March 22, 2026

My favourite spot has been tainted. Another one down and there's nowhere else to go. And you're not here today to make it better...

Reading in a corner, I've been zooming in on the slightest of my movements, most insignificant of my actions, quietest of my words. The devil on my shoulder is back again and the intensity of its screams are louder. I don't have your voice to find peace in this chaos.

I've been zooming in on people, the slightest of their movements, most insignificant of their actions, quietest of their words. All seems to be holding me in deep contempt. Rooting from only I know what.

How long until you return? I am hating my own company today. I find it as unbearable as this summer heat, late March in India. With a cup of tea quite a few times hotter for that final touch.

I wish I was sharing this moment with you. It isn't quiet because the voices in my head are demanding every second of my attention. With you, they'd disappear. All that'll be left, will be a voice that's yours and yours alone.

[dreary-diaries]

There is no way I'm the only one lost on this app. It's been three years and every time I come here, I just cannot find those aesthetic posts and phenomenal quotes or poetry. I can't be the only one.

[dreary-diaries]

Beauty in The Tale of Princess Kaguya

[dreary-diaries]

My nightmares haunt me in daylight

[dreary-diaries]

May 7, 22

On home and letting go

I walk down the roads I travel every day and once in a while, I really say out Ioud- "I wanna go home." But if I'm walking my way to where I live, shouldn' t that be obvious?

Home is where the heart lives but I don't know where's mine at these days. Maybe it's a wanderer now, urging me to take up to new places, to experiment and explore. But it forgot to take something; me. Or if not take me, then it did not tell me.

So if I go the way of place I stay at and still think about wanting to go home, clearly I'm not where I'm supposed to be or want to be. No place ever felt like home. I wouldn't want to be taking the entire blame either but that's a story for another day.

I'm putting on a facade for myself gaslighting myself through judgments of society on what kind of people I should be with, what kind of person I am. I think they've got it all messed up but they're succeeding at what they wanted and now I'm miserable. Letting go is really hard and even if it doesn't feel right, it's the only option you have. I'm still holding on to a lot of things like my skepticism on starting a new series in doubt whether I'll be able to commit or not or starting self study once again fearing if I'll be able to do it myself anymore or not. Out of everything, I've found fear to be the hardest to let go of. But in some instances....

That's for another day . I wouldn't like to see even a speck of optimism until I actually get some result.

[dreary-diaries]

May 5, 22

I've lost my sense of time

On my quest to find answers to oblivious, vague and needlessly philosophical questions (by which I mean they shouldn't be termed philosophical but rather, practical), I went a little deeper than just touching the surface of things in both real and virtual life and after 2 years of moving in a constant cycle found out that I fucked up.

I fucked up myself real bad too, if I say so. In terms of friends, family, school, people, you name it. Or don't. I am repelled by people consoling me that I have time to figure things out. The thing is, I know! Time isn't my concern but in the meanwhile, I should have something that keeps moving right? I can't stay still while everyone and everything around me keeps moving forward. Or can I? There's no point in asking that when I'm currently not making any efforts to move but...the meme right? The kid not doing any work but panicking over worrying after not doing any work. That's me and I know that's all of us (who us though I be really kidding myself). I have things to do but I don't want to do them now and I know I have time but I can't take it.

[dreary-diaries]

My Child Is Completely Fine

The Child: Deletes their social media existence to excersise control they don't have on themselves

[dreary-diaries]

So used to letting go

But don't wanna be alone

[dreary-diaries]

Imagining how powerful I'll be if clarity of purpose was my thing

[dreary-diaries]

@meanlawnmower is cute

[dreary-diaries]

I'll see them again

I'll see them when I'm ready

for now, all I can do is wait

with ears shut and back turned

to the incessant knocking

I'll be there one day

be there where I want to be

held and safe

forgone, forgiven

for now, all I can do is wait

[ritikajyala]

As a child, I was always searching for the meaning of it all, the big Why; and my father always said that there is no one big purpose but I had the most ripe orange today and kissed my cat goodnight, I think that's enough purpose for a day.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

[ritikajyala]

My 13 year old cousin came back from a date with her boyfriend and said, "I can't wait to grow up and spend sunday afternoons with him." At first, I wanted to laugh (after all they're just 13), but I remember being 13 and having the world in my hands. I remember getting excited to talk to someone about my dreams and wishes, and how happy these daydreams and fantasies made me. There's this innocence you can only have at 13 and the world rises and falls and crashes and burns every year... until you do not think about quiet sunday afternoons.

So I asked her about the date and heard her giggle about bubblegum flavored ice cream, and how much she loves this little life. I think she makes me love it too.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[dreary-diaries]

There's this thing about sacrifice.

When you are sacrificing one material thing in order to get another, chances are, you'll end with something more magnanimous which will surprisingly please you.

Because learning to sacrifice, is learning to let go. And in the process of learning to let go, you learn to make peace with a lot of things, and maybe...just maybe...yourself too.

[dreary-diaries]

I spend days wishing it was any different. What 'it' is, I don't know.

[dreary-diaries]

Can december be the end of me?

[dreary-diaries]

Caring doesn't sometimes lead to misery, it always does.