Dregs & Drafts @dregsanddrafts - Tumblr Blog

idek her

There are so many things I should be doing right now... I have to be the least motivated person on the planet. I swear I'm not lazy, I just... can't? - Me, January 21, 2017

When I wrote that, I was exhausted and overstimulated. I had no language for what was happening in my head. I reblogged that post a moment ago with just three words: It was ADHD. That was how much I didn't know about my Self then.

Wild...

This blog has been three versions of me now:

shantamichelle -- depressed, seeking community, surviving

Harper's Eve -- blooming, learning, optimistic

Dregs & Drafts -- seasoned, unfiltered, in motion

There's a bittersweet kind of beauty that a blog can hold. Versions of me I don't speak to anymore still live here, ghosts with good intentions. Evolution has been messy and not always conscious. Sometimes it was a slow drift and others, a system collapse. Recently, it was a bit of both.

When I started here, I was seeking to know that I was still visible, that someone somewhere saw even a little bit of value in me based on what I shared. After a hiatus to crumble and rebuild, I came back to share the value I had finally found in my Self. Now, Dregs & Drafts comes from a shift in perspective after life lifed with back-to-back hard-learned lessons. I return again- after yet another crumbling and rebuilding- not to seek or to share this time, but to just Be.

These days, I don't speak poorly about my Self, I give my Self full permission to take up space, and I am unbothered. I live in other corners of the internet where I have to be more curated and polished but that's not what this space is for. These are the drafts, the notes scribbled in the margins, the doodles on the napkin.

This is the mess and the effort.

#dregs & drafts #self improvement #writerscommunity

mollybeenoel

#becoming #evolve #self improvement #growth

radical-revolution

#acceptance #surrender #evolve

zerounwantedvibrations

#truth #throat chakra #transmute

#earthgang #young thug #proud of you #Spotify

petaltexturedskies

Heliophile (n.) — a person who adores the sunlight and it’s warmth, who basks in the warmth of every ray and takes immense pleasure in cloudless days, who is drawn to sunlight for its comforting, life-giving qualities such as vitality, hope, and joy. The sun is essential and wants to be seen. It pours balmy light upon everyone and everything, with a blissful coziness that makes all living beings come alive. The word is derived from the Greek word "ἥλιος" meaning "sun", which in turn traces its roots to the name of the Greek god of the sun, Helios + "-φῐ́λη" denoting "a strong attraction to" or "love for".

#heliophile #sunlight

For the Motherless, and the Motherless Mothers, on Mother's Day

This is for the ones who don't buy cards anymore. Who scroll past the pastel posts and brunch photos with a quiet ache in their chest. Who wanted to be loved like the Hallmark movies promised -- but got silence, cruelty, or conditions instead.

This is for the daughters with living mothers who feel like ghosts. Or worse -- like landmines. For the ones who have spent years unlearning the idea that love must hurt, that motherhood means martyrdom, that softness is weakness.

This is for the motherless mothers -- the ones who became what they never received. Who break the cycle daily. Who tuck their kids in with gentleness they were never given. Who cry behind closed doors because no one ever taught them how to do this, and they're doing it anyway.

You are not ungrateful. You are not broken. You are not wrong for grieving someone still alive.

Today, I see you. And I say: Happy Mother's Day to the ones who had to mother themselves. To the ones who became the safe place they never had. To the ones still healing, still rising, still reparenting the child inside.