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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@drfreex
The Devil Bear (1929)
So last year Gold Ninja Video sent me an email with the following synopsis: A mutiny breaks out in a ship over a chest of gold. In the fracas, the boat crashes along the shore of Ontario’s Lake Superior. From the wreckage emerges a hulking, snarling figure, caged no more! Now, with freedom clenched between its razor-sharp fangs, the furry beast escapes into Canada’s dense wilderness. Where it…
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Back From Graves and Stuff
I’ve always envied Micky Spillane one thing: his ability to craft a dynamite opening and closing line to his books. Which is a tremendously oblique way to say I had putting this off because I had no idea how to begin this after being away for so long. “Is time for treat, yes?” Life just got in the way and proceeded to muscle its way into the rest of my time, like a certain little spoiled black…
Noise and Toys
I resisted jumping to my keyboard during the ginned-up controversy surrounding the premiere of James Gunn’s Superman because a) I was extremely busy at the time and b) there was already more than enough digital ink being wasted over it. If you’ve been enjoying the Patrick the Starfish lifestyle and only just now crawled from under that rock, the kerfuffle was over the fact that Supes is,…
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The Movie Travails Continue
THE CONTINUING DRAMA OF THE NERD AND HIS MOVIE COLLECTION or, How Our Narrator Discovered to His Horror A Discrepancy Most Injurious, and Then Proceeded to Solve It, Although Many Factors Weighed Against Him Well, as collectors like myself are all too aware, the Barnes & Noble chain puts all Criterion discs at half-price during the month of July, a month when most people in Texas just sign over…
Well, That's Over
I finished the first version of this post just past Memorial Day. Why, you might ask, has it taken so long to actually publish? Well, gestures at everything around. Once again, I want to express my admiration for folks who do this on the regular, no matter what. I, however, am of a weaker bent. If the world is on fire, I’ve a mind to say, nobody needs to hear this. And all the polishing and…
Anyway.
Gott damn that was a packed three months since I’ve been here last. Let’s see how much I want to clutter your life with my travails. Longtime readers (there are a least a couple) will recall that the fallout of the COVID years finally caused me to declare bankruptcy, and for a couple of years that was the norm. The garnishing of my paycheck and my wife’s were good practice for surviving on Social…
Still Among the Living (so far)
Hey, how are you? Well, I hope. Looking out over the current landscape, I don’t know how, but I hope you’re okay. I’ve been meaning to get back here for some time, and given that I fully expect this administration to kill me, either directly or indirectly, I should probably do that sooner instead of later. So when we last left our hero, he was embarking upon a new project (and therefore…
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N: Nightshot (2018)
About a third of the way through Nightshot, my son looked into my office and commented, “That looks terrifying.” My response was “Does, doesn’t it?” and the rest was… Hm. Nightshot purports to be an urbex video (that’s urban exploration for all us oldsters), where our host (Nathalie Couturier) leads her cameraman through an expansive, abandoned hospital while talking about the history of the…
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M: Maybe Next Year (2023)
I’m actually surprised I managed to get this far. I’m still the only guy doing what I do at work (I have announced I am no longer interested in auditioning for the role of Superman, with my supervisor’s full support), I’ve been freed from the onus of most of the City meetings this month, and it still hasn’t been enough. As a brief interruption several hours later, the various paperwork snafus…
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L: Last Radio Call (2022)
Sarah Serling (Sarah Froelich) is on a mission: in 2018, her husband, police officer David Serling answered a call to an abandoend hospital, and disappeared. Only his damaged body camera was recovered, and ever since, no one has been able to help her, especially the police. Sarah’s hired a filmmaker to document her search, so there’s your found footage explanation right there. After she has…
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K: Kadaicha (1988)
A group of Australian teens have a problem; they are each having the same dream about a tunnel leading to a torchlit chamber covered in aboriginal markings, where a tall figure is chanting. The figure turns, revealing it is a rotting corpse, and it forces something into their hand before they wake in fright. Upon awakening, they find a kadaicha, a crystal inscribed with, again, aboriginal…
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J: Jack the Ripper (1976)
Klaus Kinski is a deviant weirdo who is a caring doctor by day and a murdering psycho rapist at night. No, that’s the character he plays, but I can see where the confusion lies. Jack the Ripper is a Swiss/German film directed and partially written by Jess Franco. The poster proclaims “Only NOW Can It Be Shown Like THIS!“, meaning that Kinksi can now rip off all an actress’ clothes before raping…
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I: If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971)
It may not be the classic definition of a Hubrisween movie, but If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? is a prime example of a conservative horror story. Of course, Stephen King has already posited that all horror stories are ultimately conservative, but this is a horror movie designed to strike fear in a certain demographic. This is the title of a sermon delivered by Mississippi Baptist…
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H: House by the Cemetery (1981)
I have questions. It’s tempting to just let that be the review, but where’s the fun in that? And that’s what we’re here for, right? Fun. About that. I saw House by the Cemetery back when it was released on VHS. Didn’t think much of it. Years later, I would find out that transfer had the reels out of order. Ah. No wonder. Though I assigned re-watching it in its intended order a very low priority,…
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G: The Great Buddha Arrival (2015)
This is a curious movie. It is based on a 1934 movie of the same name, which is presumed lost in the bombings of World War II. It featured a giant Buddha statue standing up and walking around Japan. Yoshiro Edamasa, the director, used trick photography to get the images, and produced not the first kaiju flick, but almost certainly the first tokusatsu movie. A video editor working on a program…
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F: Feed the Light (2014)
Sara (Lina Sundén) is a desperate woman who breaks into the Malmö Institute armed only with a knife and a set of lockpicks. She’s looking for her daughter, whom her recently-divorced husband has taken into the nondescript building. When the Chief (Jenny Lampa) mistakes her for a new hire, Sara finds that Malmo is much weirder than she thought; her job is to sweep up the sparkling dust that drops…
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E: Eerie Tales (1919)
Richard Oswald’s Eerie Tales is that most venerable of horror movie formats, the anthology, made long before Amicus claimed it as their territory. The original negative is considered lost, and what we are watching today is a restoration performed by the Cinémathéque Francais, which, according to the credits, is some 100 meters shorter than the original. Our framing device takes place in a rare…
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