Unsaid Words

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I am “FINE”

The toxicity in love could leave a person with a completely different mindset with the meaning and idea of love, attachment, affection and any other emotion which is related to being with someone or being emotionally linked with someone.

The type of love which I had encountered left deep impacts on my mind and set deep roots within my broken heart. The roots gave rise to insecurities, trust issues and making me believe that I can never be good enough to be loved by anyone.The toxicity was so overwhelming that I absolutely stopped feeling any emotion and all I could feel within me was the sinking of my heart leaving a void which I believed could never be filled again as it was surrounded by my fears which now were impossible to overcome due the idea which I had formed about love. Emotions were dead which left me feeling NUMB to absolutely everything and anything happening with me or around me.

“I AM FINE”, became my savior to every question which was shot at me and the feeling of numbness had settled completely. Nights became traumatizing as overthinking drowned me in the pool of sadness and left me confused or furious.Anxiety became my best friend putting me in a state where I became extremely vulnerable and worried about what everyone thinks of me. FINE still remained my savior but it was only me who knew that this simple 4 letter word hid everything my heart felt, if it felt anything because it my mind distracting me and controlling  me as the heart was long burried under the insecurities ,trust issues and the feeling of never being enough which left my heart dead and as a burden to my soul which was already ripped into pieces with each day passing remembering how my body was taken as a token of love and played till the time it became boring. Amidst everything I went through and whatever I go through even today, I am just FINE for everyone but now all I care is for a person who knows the hidden emotions behind me being fine and is willingly to hold my hand and helping me to cross these oceans of emotions in which I feel I am drowned and doomed......

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It wouldn't have been so complex and not many people would not have been afraid of it if people didn't use it as per their own desired convenience.Using it as a way to get to know about someone's vulnerability and then exploiting it later only for a single motive under the influence of something so powerful which is capable of ruining someone or empowering someone.This isn't a weapon or piece of technology I am talking about , it's the most common word used with the most complex meaning to be understood ,LOVE.

A single word with numerous meaning which are taken to be misused and used to mislead many girls who are in love with the idea of being in love, the new feelings of attachment are so overwhelming for them that they are willing to cross oceans for someone who isn't even willing to cross a road for them. Toxicity in love can easily arise when people portray their love for soul when actually it is their lust for body. This toxicity is often ignored as sex is presumed to be a method to showcase your true love for your partner. Love can become toxic when the greed for the body is overwhelming and hindering the basic peace of your emotions and mental state leaving you wondering if this what love is meant to be.

Thinking if laying low with legs open wide signifies your love for your partner or just following what your partner tells you would portray your immense love you have for him, but when you realise that your partner isn't holding your hand when you are emotionally unstable, then you feel the love becoming toxic, when you feel the distance arising between you too just because you too didn't meet in your private space, just because you didn't send him your photographs he asked for which made him angry and left you in tears , it is now that you realise that he didn't adore your scars but only caressed them for they gave him a look into your body and not into your soul, now you realise how toxic love could be leaving you broken, filled with trust issues thinking every man is the same and filling you with hatred with the idea of ever being in love

On the other hand it was just a mere joke for someone to use the name of love to get the access card to your body and burning the most beautiful feeling of love to ashes for someone who was already in love with the idea of being in love.

P.s- too tired to express it all, as the words arent in my favour at all, wait for the day I'll be strong again, to tell my tale with a powerful end...

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To the people who are happy to be quarantined just because they don't face their daily challenges of meeting some people they are scared to meet because of the mental or emotional discomfort they might face after meeting them . In this quarantine when you've got all you ever wanted, why not reach within yourself and work it out so that when you are free to go ,you go out with a damn hot appearance and a strong emotional and mental peace which no one dares to shake because of the confidence you gain in loving yourself because you are indeed the most beautiful, loveable , caring and a diligent person who deserves to be given equal respect and love from a person as much as you give it to yourself.

This quarantine is not only about staying safe from corona, make this about becoming a better person and to challenge your fears and overcoming them.

This is a break which we could have been waiting for as the broken and healing could cherish some longer time with themselves and adore their scars as traits of courage and ability to fight problems and to love their own body than adoring someone else's.

Learn to love other people too but, love yourself more and express what you desire, cherish what you love and most importantly be someone you look forward to become because you never know about time now.

~dried-quill

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To the Boy, whom I texted for the first time seriously in my life.

A carefree teenage soul never thought to find peace and happiness in the arms of another teenager who was also quite a carefree soul in the carefree age.

How me and my heart talk to each other when my better half sleeps:

Began with a simple text message now and i just can’t sleep without his message, never realized how a short journey could set up a strong base for a beautiful journey with him,hoping to end with his hand in mine at the age where we lose our teeth and might have to share the mashed food.

Recollecting our initial memories I blush at my foolishness thinking that real attachment exists only in movies or are myths and formed a biased opinion about the idea of love.Stupid of me to think that all men are same when I had the perfect one to prove me wrong standing right beside me and by god’s grace now standing hand in hand with me and helping me fight the world which I was unaware of and showing me that those who love actually care and that care need not always be coming from our parents, those who love you would know how much silence screams but in my

MY SILENCE DOES NOT SCREAM YET HE IS ABLE TO HEAR

AND WHEN HE REASSURES HIS LOVE FOR ME THEN I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.

I can’t sleep because  sometimes my insecurities hit me hard , then I find his love surrounding me in the form of his handwritten cards.

okayyy, heart enough I know I can’t get over him but how do I express it all? because words are never in my favour, not at all.

Sometimes I fear that my lack of experience in the art of expression of love might make him feel that I love him less but he isn’t aware that having him as my companion I am truly blessed.

Never thought I could love someone as much as I love him and why wouldn’t I because he is someone who loved me more at my worst and made me the best

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A cunning life to a sweet end , the journey you decide to make your life with a sweet end is in your hands , so why don't we start on a beautiful day with a bright morning, doing our bit in loving ourselves and loving others.

Focus on yourself more and love yourself more everyday for that is the thing the life is all about but never forget what your actions are today but would be reflected back to you as the actions you receive in future, so why not be kind and help others while loving yourself more and grow in life everyday to make it the best journey to a sweet end becuase the cunning start to teenage is just the beginning and you never know what rollercoaster lies ahead, so why not be positive because that's only choice for a good end because life is what you make of it. Fall in love with yourself because at the end of the day your positive mental growth is the best gift you could give yourself

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It was HER Birthday

But a special day for him,

As his excitement and planning

Were to display the UNCONDITIONAL Love

He had within him...❤️

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Another day, while I was having my coffee with the earphones plugged in with old songs which made me run down the memory lane.

It made me feel how much my emotional stability had changed and how evolved we become by coming across events which make us love ourselves more or hate ourselves more, there's no in between.

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A chilling night with a cool mist, sitting against the balcony I make a thorough list.

Creative writing isn't a piece of cake I supposed it to be, but now I just wanna be determined enough to let it bring out the best in me.