What do I do if I can't stop drinking? I have BPD & I know it will ruin my marriage & my daughters life if I don't stop getting effed up. What do I do.
I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this right now. Unfortunately, alcohol can be really addictive and it can be a way to just kind of forget about other things and it becomes a coping mechanism and an addiction. It is awful to go through so I really hope you can get some help. The first step to tackling any addiction is to admit that you have a problem and that you need help. This can be one of the hardest parts so well done for already taking that first step and admitting to yourself that you cannot keep drinking.
Have you tried talking to your partner? It is important to set up a good support network, so if you haven’t yet I would recommend speaking to them and saying that you know you have a problem and that you want to sort it out and get better for them, your daughter and yourself. You can also speak to friends or family members too if you are comfortable with that, so that you have people who can understand and support you through it.
I would check out what services are available in your local area. There should be some kind of group or organisation that help with alcoholism and I have heard they can be really helpful and provide great support as well as teaching you ways to overcome your addiction. There may also be rehab centres or day centres for addiction near you too, which is definitely worth checking out. A good step is to see a doctor and explain to them that you have a problem with alcohol and need some help with it, they will be able to refer you or tell you about local services and therapies too. I think therapy could really help you because it will not only help with your alcohol issues, but also give you a safe place to let out the emotions that you may be trying to suppress with alcohol.
You could also look around at some different groups and activities in your area, and maybe take up a new hobby. It could be something you have wanted to do for a while but never got the chance to. For example, dancing classes, horse riding classes, cooking classes, art classes, theatre classes, singing classes ect. Anything that you enjoy or would like to try out. It can be really helpful to do something you enjoy and it also gives you something to do with your day to keep you busy. If you don’t have the time to go to a class because maybe you have to look after your daughter too, then you can get classes online! Check out youtube for tutorials on things like hair/make up, drawing, painting, making thing like with sewing or knitting or crocheting, dancing ect. Whatever would suit you better! :)
I think what the most important things to do is firstly, set up a support network with your partner and/or friends and family if you’re okay with that. Then, try to address why you are drinking- what is it that makes you drink? Is it to forget? Is it to try and cope with emotions? ect. Then once you know what it is, work on trying to find a substitute behaviour that isn’t damaging. So if it is for trying to deal with emotions, maybe you could try and address these emotions some how, by talking to your support network, by writing it all down either as a list or in poems or anything you like, and/or a therapist. Then try new activities and hobbies and meet new people.
There will be good times and bad times, and it may not be easy, but when things get hard remember why you are doing this- you are doing this for your beautiful family- you’re partner and your daughter. You deserve to be sober, you deserve to be able to control your drinking and you deserve to be happy and your partner and daughter deserve that too. You can do this, I promise. I believe in you!
