I can sum myself up into six words.
And those six words are: āI am gay. I am gay.ā
And yes, you heard that correctly, Iām gay.
And I guess you guys might be wondering why I said that twice. Well, thatās because the word āgayā has two meanings and both accurately describe who I am.
The word āgayā, if you look it up in a dictionary, particularly Merriam-Websterās, the first definition youāll see is that the word āgayā means āhappily excitedā or ākeenly alive and exuberantā. And thatās exactly what I am. Iām āhappily excitedā and Iām āexuberantā.
Iām awfully grateful for everything thatās going on in my life right now and Iām happy. The type of happy that is full of content, corny jokes, awful pick up lines that donāt work, and a lot of self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance that came when I finally admitted to myself that the second meaning of the word āgayā also applied to me.
The second meaning of that word being āan individual who is attracted to the same genderā or as I prefer to define it āa brave individual who loves who they want to loveā.
And thatās me. I love who I want to love. I am gay.
A word that, even though it originally means āhappyā, is said with so much hate, disgust, and disdain when it is said by people who donāt understand.
A word that, even though it originally means ākeenly aliveā, is said with so much fear, sadness, and frustration when it is said by people who canāt come out of the closet because theyāre too afraid.
A word that doesnāt easily go along with the word āacceptanceā because of hate and prejudice.
A word that describes a community full of brave, kind, determined, passionate, loving, and selfless people.
A word that I used to be so scared of saying but can now say with so much pride and joy.
A word that once I finally admitted out loud felt like a rush of butterflies and rainbows.
My favorite word. The word that made me realize and accept who I am. Ā
And it took a lot of courage for me to do this but I hope that this inspired you to not only be brave and courageous but also inspired you to accept yourself in all types of contexts - because of the feeling of self acceptance is the best feeling in the world.
I came out to my block last week during my speech in oral comm. I was shaking the whole time. I remember feeling so scared and nervous as I waited for my turn. I remember wanting to just stick to my original idea of presenting a speech about food because I was just that scared. I was so full of fear because in my current school being a member of the LGBT community wasn't a norm. I was so scared of the possible reactions I would get. But I did it anyway. I came out anyway and Iām so glad that I did because the feeling after was amazing. It felt so liberating. It was as if Iāve been drowning for so long and I finally reached the shore. It was beautiful and the reaction that I got from my blockmates was even more heartwarming. They were all supportive and my teacher praised me for being brave enough to share this part of me to them. And Iām just so happy. Happy because I donāt have to hide myself anymore. Happy because I get to share this story to you guys and maybe help you realize that being gay is okay and that thereās nothing wrong with loving who you want to love. So if you were looking for a sign or something, here it is. And also if you want someone to talk to about stuff like this or just whatever, feel free to message me. I may not know you but I would love to help you out.
Stay brave and love only! (and yes Iām a Camilizer! Sheās one of the reasons why I came out. She inspired me to be brave and to accept myself and I hope that I managed to do the same for you!)
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