XXVII. Let Her Go (Explicit)
I don't know. He changed since I left for the camping. When I got back, he started to be quiet and a bit cold around me.
Leni started to feel a sudden change in Bongbong. She couldn't stay up like that with him so she decided to ask him what's wrong.
"Mahal?" She uttered as she entered his room. He was peacefully reading a book in his bed. "Mmm? Lika." He replied.
"Bakit?" He asked as she positioned herself beside him and rested her head in his shoulder. "Wala naman. Namiss lang kita." She replied and looked up to him, she puckered her lips and he placed a soft kiss on her lips.
She smiled upon receiving a sweet kiss from him. "Miss na kita." She uttered. "I miss you too, mahal." He replied.
"Talaga?" She asked. "Oo naman."
"E bakit parang lumalayo ka lately?" She asked. He felt a bit nervous thinking she is noticing the changes.
"Di ko alam kung paranoid lang ako pero feeling ko kase may nagbago. Ayoko ng ganito, namimiss kase kita" She confessed. "May problema ba tayo?" She asked again.
He looked away from her eye. "No... Walang problema... Sobrang busy lang talaga sa office, alam mo naman. Sorry if I make you feel that way." He apologized.
She saw the sincere sadness in his eyes. "Sige... Sabi mo e." She held his face and made him look back at her as she flashed a sweet smile next to his eyes.
"Basta pangako mo ako lang ang mahal mo ha? Di ka mapapagod saakin." She requested. "Oo naman. Bakit ako mapapagod e ikaw nga ang buhay ko." He retorted.
She blushed and kissed him. He reciprocated her kiss causing it to deepen. Suddenly, the thought of hurting her and the truth flashed back at the back of his head again causing him to gently break off from the kiss.
Leni looked at him out of curiosity of why he broke off. Upon looking into his eyes, she suddenly felt that he would request to stop whatever they are doing but she yearned for it — she missed him so bad, she wants him to take her.
"Please? Miss na miss na kita. Kahit ngayon lang?" She begged sweetly.
A part of him felt guilty about the possible thought of sleeping with her despite his mess but another part of him wanted to grab her and make love to her eternally.
"Mahal. I love you." She uttered whilst her brown eyes looking into his eyes making him melt away. He lost himself and fell into her. He gently grabbed her nape and exchanged a deep and tender kisses with her. He slowly rolled over her and unbuttoned her sleeping dress flashing her bare body next to his eyes.
He felt like his loins were on fire as it sank to him the feeling of his lips pressed against hers and the warmth of her body transferring into him. Amidst their deep exchange of kisses, he pulled her closer and parted her legs making it strangled around his pelvis. She broke off from the kiss and quickly removed his shirt to reveal his trunk that she caressed upon going back to making out with him.
He moved his hands down and undid his own pants — throwing it out on the floor like a mess. Soon then, he pulled her panties down and started to caress her thighs.
"I miss you so much." She whispered as she panted. Her core felt fiery as she could feel his hard length rubbing on her thigh during their kiss. "I missed you too, mahal. Sobra." He whispered next to her ears and started to gently kiss her earlobes while his hands caressed the arcs of her body, feeling the smooth touch of her skin rubbing against his palms.
She felt a scorching sensation all over her body as he pressed his body towards her. She moved her hands and held him through his jaws to make him look at her.
"Gaano mo ba ako kamahal..." She asked with an inch of her soft voice. He felt how much she was longing for it. He positioned his length towards her core starting it with a subtly rubbing to drench himself with her wetness.
"Sobra." He uttered simultaneously as his length dug into her core. She exhaled in sync with his motion as her palms rested hardly on his back. He could feel her heavy breaths through the movement of her chest and stomach pressed against his trunk.
"I wanna feel you..." She uttered breathlessly. "... Sobra." She whispered. "Please..." She continued.
He continued to thrust in her delivering some slow deep strokes. She was moaning and pressing her body harder against him in struggle with the pleasure she was enduring with his deep and slow strokes. Her fingertips gently dug into his flesh while her heavy breaths syncopated with the rhythm of pounding that he was making. "Mahal..." She was moaning.
It felt different. He knew it was different from the other times they slept together. They didn't see each other for three days, he has been cold on her for over a week and he really felt her longing and yearning through her moans and responses. She was even wet that quick without much foreplay.
She couldn't keep her mouth closed with his shallow penetratíons. He pulled off from their kiss and looked at her. He grabbed her hands and pinned it up to the bed.
She smiled weakly at him as if she was struggling. "I miss you, mahal." She uttered and looked into his eyes. He started to melt away again. He freed her hand and held her face with his both hands instead. Her hands rested around his neck.
She couldn't resist to moan as she felt him burying himself inside her. "Bong..." She mumbled as she felt him aiming to go deeper. Her breath trembled as she felt his length almost completely buried inside her core. "Ma-hal—" She stammered in pleasure.
He made a quick pound to fully insert his whole length inside her making her produce a quick hot groaning sound. She could clearly feel the depth that he was reaching and it was quite hard for her to endure as she is too small for him. He slowly pulled out his length rubbing his flesh against her insides before he went back to pushing inside again.
"Mahal." She moaned as he hasten his deep thrusts.
She kissed him and rolled over allowing him to settle below her. She grabbed his length and slowly sat on it.
He held her waist to assist her down. As she was halfway into taking his whole length, she hunkered towards him.
Her nerves felt galvanized as his whole length was completely inserted inside her core. She paused for a moment to recover from the struggle of taking him completely before she started to slowly lifted her hips to begin the motion. He could hear her suppressed moans and heavy breaths next to his ear as she was embracing him during the motion.
"God... Bong." She moaned as she could clearly feel the tip of his length hitting her perfect spot. "Bo—..." She cried. He motioned his own hips to reciprocate her motion and to intensify the thrusting giving her much more pleasure as his length hits her weak spot. "Mahal..." She was trying so hard not to make much sound but she just couldn't contain the flames rushing across her veins that moment.
The grounding went faster and deeper, his tip repeatedly hit her perfect spot leading her into an amazing orgásm with him.
"Ugh..." She exhaled sharply. They dropped themselves in exhaustion from the amazing experience, without moving away from their last position. He finally kissed her cheek and held her hand.
"That was amazing. Lagi naman." He uttered. "Oo nga e..." She was still catching her breath. They chuckled together.
"The best talaga, mahal. Promise!" She couldn't move on. She moved at his side and freed his length from her drenched core.
"Okay ka lang?" He asked as he saw her struggling to breathe well. "Oo." She giggled. "Di pa ako makamove on, wait." She chuckled. He smiled at her and took the blanket to cover her up.
"Ikaw talaga." He uttered and looked at her before kissing her hand and forehead. She smiled back at him. "I love you." She replied and positioned herself to sleep.
"Good night." She uttered and kissed him.
"Good night. I love you." He replied and kissed the top of her head.
He watched her fall asleep the whole night and appreciated her existence as it slowly went back to him how indefinite things are because of his mess with Louise.
He felt bad for sleeping with her while she is completely clueless of the mess he is making behind her awareness. He felt unworthy for her love. He closed his eyes in guilt.
I want to sleep with her. Wake up next to her. Hold her tight and never let her go but I know that once she discovers about Louise, she'll push me away and loathe me for being unfaithful to her despite her unconditional love for me. I am so unfair but I just don't want to hurt her. Maybe I'll just let you go.
Leni expected so much for the next days after spending the night with him but things just went back the same. What's worse is Bongbong's proposal for the Davao based company they were going after declined his project. He became even more colder to her and his moods swung harshly. She didn't like how it was going but she tried to be patient thinking it was just an after effect of the failure he had about his project.
Bongbong went out in the morning to come with Louise on her ultrasound schedule. He felt more down upon seeing the child in the ultrasound monitor with his own two eyes.
It's real. It's not a joke.
"Napakalusog ng baby niyo." The doctor happily informed them making Louise elated. "Bong, malusog daw yung baby natin." She cheered to Bongbong. "Yeah." He replied weakly forcing to pull of a smile. "Napakaswerte naman ng batang 'to. Napakaganda ng mga magulang. Mukang excited na kayong makita." The doctor happily informed them. "Excited narin po kami, doc!" She replied.
Bongbong just couldn't be happy about it. He never wanted it. Sure, it was a blessing to have a child but he never imagined having it with some other woman instead of Leni. He just couldn't celebrate about it as he knows that it will be the reason for the end of him and the only love of his life.
Louise handed him photos of the ultrasound but he refused to take it. "Hindi, nakita ko na naman sa monitor." He replied slightly disappointing her despite that she knew he never liked the child she is bearing from the very start. "Ok." She retorted and walked ahead of him towards his car.
So here it is. I saw it with my own two eyes. It's real. I'm gonna be a father. I am now required to take responsibility of the mess I made and I can no longer keep Leni...
"Mahal." Leni called his attention while he was sitting alone at the bedside in his room late at night as she felt that he was having a bad mood since morning — she wanted to cheer him up for whatever he is going through.
"Okay ka lang ba?" She asked. "Oo naman." He replied weakly. "Mahal..." She uttered as she knew he was lying, she knew he wasn't fine.
"Napag-usapan na natin 'to diba?" She reminded him. "Kung may problema ka, pwede mo naman ako sabihan."
"Okay lang ako." He insisted.
"Sabi ko okay lang ako, di ba?!" He yelled making her a but startled. "Ilang beses mo pa ba gustong ulitin ko?!" He continued.
"Sorry. Gusto lang naman kita i-cheer up. Masyado ka na kasing nagiging subsob sa trabaho lately." She replied calmly despite the astonishment.
"Oo nga, sabi ko okay ako. Hindi ko kailangan ng cheer up mo!" He yelled at her face hurting her feelings.
They were silenced for a moment. He felt bad for uttering harsh words at her. "I'm sorry." He apologized.
"Bong, hindi ko alam kung bakit nagkakaganyan ka. May nagawa ba ako?" She asked out of anxiety. "Sabihin mo naman para magawan natin ng paraan." She begged.
"Wala." He replied. "E bakit nagkakaganyan ka? Nasasaktan kase ako e." She stated.
He felt bad for knowing that with those simple words, she has been broken already. He could no longer imagine the pain he could bring to her once she discovers about his child with Louise.
"I'm sorry." He uttered vaguely. "Sabihin mo lang kung ano yung gumugulo diyan sa isip mo..." She pleaded and hugged him but he didn't reciprocate her embrace.
"It's not you, Leni. It's me." He uttered. She pulled away from the hug and looked up to him. "Panong ikaw?" She asked.
He gathered his courage before he was able to speak. "Hindi na kita mahal."
She was a bit bummed with what he just said, she took a step back away from him. "Ha?" Her voice faded upon uttering. He looked away as he tried to deal with the pain of denying his love for her.
"Bong, bakit?" Her voice started to crack.
"Leni." He called her attention and sighed. "Nung naging tayo, masyado akong naintoxicate. Sabi ko, ang sarap pala ng may companion kaso... Habang tumatagal narealize ko na unti unti ring nawawala.." He began as she slowly deteriorate upon listening to his explanation
"And that can't be it. Hindi pwedeng love 'to. Hindi naman naglalaho yung love pero yung nararamdaman ki sa'yo? Pawala na. Sorry, pero akala ko kase mahal kita e, hindi pala. Gusto ko lang magpakatotoo." He continued breaking her heart, she struggled to hold back her tears.
"Bong..." She uttered trying to stop him.
"Sorry. I just thought na you should know. Ayoko maging unfair. Siguro masyado lang akong naaliw sa mga taong sobrang supportive saatin. Yung fact na may nacucuddle ako, yung fact na I can grab you and just kiss you anytime, I have someone to call as my girlfriend, someone to give me amazing sèx pero I guess I'm just in love with the thought of all that... But not with you. So... Sorry." He clarified and paused for a moment waiting for her response.
"I was just having fun kaso sineryoso mo masyado and it's... terrifying." He added.
She remained quiet for a while as all his words sank to her slowly. She couldn't believe what she was hearing from his mouth. She closed her eyes to suppress her tears in and exhaled carefully.
"Bong... Kung joke 'to... Sabihin mo na. Please." She begged but he remained silent —breaking her even more.
"Bong, sabi ko hindi ko noon hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa ulit masaktan ng ganito. Nangako ka na hindi mo ako sasaktan... Ano 'to?!" She questioned as her voice raised. He didn't know how to respond to her anymore. He felt so bad to see her cry that hard but he forced himself to stay tough and cold.
"Kahit konti, Bong? Hindi mo ba talaga ako mahal? Kahit konti lang mula sayo, okay na ako. Please naman, Bong." Her words cluttered. "No." He replied coldly
"Bakit? Binigay ko naman lahat ha? Ano bang pagkukulang ko? Ginive up ko yung pangarap kong promotion para sa'yo, binigay ko lahat ng oras ko sayo, pati katawan ko, sayo ko lang pinagkatiwala.Saan ako nagkulang?" She bawled out.
"I'm sorry." He apologized coldly making her cry harder.
"Ang sakit, Bong. Bakit napakaselfish mo?" She broke down and it took her a while before she could even speak again.
"Tama ka, tigil na natin 'to." She stated as she recovered a little bit. He looked blankly from across the room. "Yeah." He uttered. She started to feel terrible again as it sank to her how easy it seemed for him to agree about ending everything when she hoped that he would feel sorry and stop her from leaving.
"Alam mo? Ikaw yung pinakamasamang taong nakilala ko. Napakaselfish mo! Insecure ka sa lahat. Akala mo yung pakikipagsèx lang ang tanging paraan para maging masaya. Wala kang pakielam sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao dahil sarili mo lang naman ang concern mo e. Basta nasasarapan ka, basta masaya ka, go lang, kahit may natatapakan ka nang iba! Napakaselfish mo, napakasama mo. And you know what..?" She hanged for a moment and waited for him to look back at her.
The tone of anger and disappointment was very lucid in her voice as she was clenching her teeth and hardening her jaws as she spoke. He remained silent despite all the agony he was enduring. She got fed up with his silence. She slammed the door and left his house with nothing but hate and anger left in her heart for him.
I'm so sorry, Leni, pero mas mabuti narin siguro na pakawalan kita ng galit ka saakin kahit masakit. At least mas madali sayong makapagmove on sa walang kwentang lalakeng katulad ko. It's better this way than to let you know about this mess that I made and let you go with the thought that I made a mistake that can't be fixed no matter how sorry I am about it. I hope you'll move on and find someone better than me. You deserve someone better. If at any point of my life that I become a better person, I hope you would still be there to accept me, kung hindi; siguro consequence ko na yon dahil sinaktan kita. But for now, I have to let you go.
I'm sorry for breaking your heart.
I'm sorry, Leni. I'm so sorry....
He talked in his head as he watched her go in complete anger and distress against him.
All this time, akala ko mahal niya ako. Nagbulag bulagan ako, ang tanga tanga ko dahil umasa ako na pang habang buhay na 'to... Pampalipas oras lang pala ako sakanya. Babaeng ngayon, pinagsawaan na.
She cried on her way home so broken and shattered.