Scribbles

A place for my mindless scribbles and doodles

[duel-dools]

What I think of you

I like to reminisce with you.

Because you like to reminisce with me.

It’s like a secret that we like to tell eachother,

Because it reminds us of what it was.

We talk about the way we met a lot.

We talk about how the time passed,

We want to remember what time it was,

December 17th at 11:30 at night? or … something, I don’t remember.

I like the way you told me what you were listening to.

I broke up with a boy once because music didn’t make me think of him.

And oh boy,

Does music make me think of you.

I deleted a song off my playlist once because music made me think of him too much,

And I didn’t want to think of him anymore,

But I feel like the playlist I’m making right now should be titled with your name,

...not that it already is, or something.

I deleted a poem once because it was about love.

I refuse to write what I do not know,

So I don’t want to call what I’m writing a love poem.

It’s more of a ‘What I think of you’ Poem, and if you wanna call it love, I’m not necessarily arguing.  

And if I’m writing what I know here,

What I know is what I think of you and- of you- I think of you more than you can think.

And I know that I don’t know what love is but I love the way you look into me.

Into, yes into.

Because at me is not what it is, all I can say is into.

You look at art, you look at tv.

You look into the things you want to know, and I think you look into me. I think.

I like to think.

I like to think about you,

I like to think about what you think about and if what you think about is about me.

And I think I might know if it is,

Because I like to think like you think about me. If that makes sense.

I think my least favorite thing about you is you know I exist.

Because sometimes I feel like aliens,

I know I exist, but I wonder if you know I exist too,

And if you know I exist,

Why haven’t you texted me?  

[duel-dools]

It’s funny how we let people ruin things for us. 

As I’m clicking the skip button over and over, 

I begin to think about the last boy who ruined things for me. 

And I remember the broken pieces eventually losing their meaning

when I finally found the glue to repair them. 

once shattered, now only shows faint cracks in its skin. 

I decide this give it character. 

Putting on my headphones, I decide it’s about time I ran out of skips. 

[duel-dools]

I'm watching your reflection. Poetry covered glass layered over a poetry covered boy. If I reach out to touch you, I'm met with my own cold hand, Kissing my finger tips.

J. G

[duel-dools]

“Would you rather date someone with passion or someone who was good for you?” 

When you asked me that question I laughed. 

I thought you were my person who was good for me and had passion. 

But now I’m dating someone who’s good for me. 

and you have that passion that we were talking about. 

and I finally have a good answer for our 3 a.m. games. 

-j.g 

[hipindie]

forest

[geopsych]

May-time, fair season, perfect is its aspect then; blackbirds sing a full song, if there be a scanty beam of day. The hardy, busy cuckoo calls, welcome, noble summer! It calms the bitterness of bad weather, the branching wood is a prickly hedge. Summer brings low the little stream, the swift herd makes for the water, the long hair of the heather spreads out, the weak white cotton grass flourishes. … The smooth sea flows, season when the ocean falls asleep; flowers cover the world. Bees, whose strength is small, carry with their feet a load reaped from the flowers; the mountain allures the cattle, the ant makes a rich meal. The harp of the wood plays melody, its music brings perfect peace; colour has settled on every hill, haze on the lake of full water. … A timid persistent frail creature sings at the top of his voice, the lark chants a clear tale—excellent May-time of calm aspect! The hardy, busy cuckoo calls, welcome, noble summer! It calms the bitterness of bad weather, the branching wood is a prickly hedge. Summer brings low the little stream, the swift herd makes for the water, the long hair of the heather spreads out, the weak white cotton grass flourishes. … The smooth sea flows, season when the ocean falls asleep; flowers cover the world. A timid persistent frail creature sings at the top of his voice, the lark chants a clear tale—excellent May-time of calm aspect!

Unknown Irish author, ninth or tenth century.

Celebrating. Because May will be here anon. 

(via geopsych)

[labelledamesansdicell-deactivat]

Bits of woman earth

A book of poetry left Marked off on page two from where you began

Before you dozed Cornered in a pile A sign of things to come

To this I was not blind Pick me up from time to time though I may never know And you may never say

Step into those words and that world

Deservingly For what it’s worth They and it were yours

[thisvastlove]

Here’s the complete, honest truth: I’ll never know why you left. I’ll never know what changed inside of you, what ripped you out of my arms and placed you in hers. Because we were happy, we were in love, when I looked into your eyes I saw my future, I saw what I thought was the love of my life. And then suddenly that love turned into pain and anger. I’ll never know why we didn’t make it, only you know that. But what I do know is, you will never forget me. Because I changed you, no mater how much you try to deny it, you and I both know it’s the truth. You used to say that the only person you would ever care about was yourself, that the day you gave someone your heart would be the day the world ended. But you were wrong. You gave me your heart and I gave you mine and the world lived to see it, we made our love unforgettable. Because despite our ending, what we had was real and you know it. So no, you will never forget me, because every time you tell her you love her, you’ll remember who taught you what love was in the first place.

- Your heart has my fingerprints on it.

[threesixxtyfive]

Day Five Hundred Forty Five.

the memories fade leaving blank spaces where you should have been where i thought you would always stay

but if i could hold on to the little things  i would wrap my fingers round them tight fold them neatly into jean pockets and always nudge them ever so gently just to make sure you are still here

[quoteconfessions]

You may be able to tell someone that you’ll leave them, but that doesn’t mean you are capable of doing it.

Poets Love Her

[theclassicsreader]

Our civilization is flinging itself to pieces. Stand back from the centrifuge.

Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

[divinepoem]

I don’t know what’s going to happen This time tomorrow Or next week Or next month  Or next year.  But I do know that you’re my favorite conversation to have; You’re the wick in my candle Because without you I cannot burn. I can’t stay here, though. If I stay in this town, I swear to you, My mistakes are going to eat me alive. You deserve better than a breathing corpse.

[duel-dools]

We met at 12 a.m. when your friends have left And our choice of conversation started to dwindle. You told about a song you love, which was just my language. You told me about what you liked to do, What you liked to collect, All the girls you’ve kissed… And just like that, it was 8 a.m. . The night was gone, And honestly, so was I, I was so taken in the way that you told me about your favorite songs, And the way you made me feel like the only one that mattered at every moment, And the way you took the weight off my shoulders. . And before I could catch my breath, I was comparing you to him. I was checking off all the boxes, Adding to the list of pros, falling in love with the cons. . And for a breath... no one else mattered. Then the week ended. And my ex-boyfriend texted me. And everything became real again. . Then the way that you spoke about her broke my heart. Though you would never know it. And I’m sure the way I spoke about him broke yours… Or at least I hope it did.   . And you knew that things were blowing up in my world, You could tell that I was struggling constantly. But I wonder, at times like this, If you knew that you made me feel like Sweden. Peaceful. . I was in love with the way that you would avoid saying good night, Because that meant goodbye for a few hours And for us, that was simply unbearable. . And when I finally saw your face, I felt like I desperately needed to close that space between us, Because the longer I wasn’t next to you, The more magnetic you felt, And I haven’t felt that pull for so long. And I miss it, even more, each time. . I never knew that there could be someone so perfect in the world. I never knew that I could feel like this again, And one after another I slowly realized that I was falling into a bottomless pit. . The air became thinner Breathing became harsher. And I remember climbing out of the last one. . The more I thought about the ever-expanding walls forming around me, The more I felt the need to claw at them. To find a way to get up. A way to get out. . And before the next breath, I was banging on the walls for an exit. And while I was searching, I happened upon your face again. . You told me you wanted me. You wanted me for real. And I wanted out for real. . The more real you became the more similarities I felt with him. The more I felt my heart break all over again. The more I searched for a way not to hurt you to avoid hurting me. . It’s times like this that I want to think if you think about me still. It’s time like this that I want to know, if when you look at me, You remember kissing me. It’s times like this that I want to see if I was anything more than a body for you. . The more I dwell, the louder that thought becomes. A relationship of plastic and metal felt so much easier, And when I uncovered the living breathing veins of this, The more I began to breathe. . The more breaths I take, The thicker this pollution becomes. My metallic relationships taking over my living ones. My lungs struggling for purity. . You were a breeze of salvation, But sometimes salvation is scary, And you push it away faster than you push away the pain.   . You kissed me again, And the more I thought about the way you looked at me Those three seconds, marked by three breaths. And I felt my knees give out with each one. . You coulda blown a kiss my way, And I would have fallen back into this hole, Heart first. . It was that moment that I began to drown. As water filled my lungs, I swam to the surface, Out of the ocean we filled together. . And now I take another breath. And I take another one. I count how many breaths before I see you again. And it’s times like this, That I wonder if you do the same.

*and take a breath. 

[duel-dools]

Stay up all night with full mind that you will need to wake up in the morning. This is painful. Think about really nice conversations and moments with ex-lovers. This breaks your heart. Stand in front of a mirror for ten minutes. Stare at yourself. This feels wrong. Sit on the floor in the shower, think about anything. This is stressful. . Have a cup of coffee. This is relieving. Talk to your best friend about your day. This is healing. Feel your skin after a long shower, you put lotion on your skin this time around. You feel soft for yourself. This is a reminder. Write your thoughts down on paper. This is beautiful.

Simple Self-Sabotage

[duel-dools]

I sat in front of a friend of mine/she recounted a kiss she shared with a boy from our school a year before/as she spoke about this boy’s lips as if in that moment they were the oxygen she needed to go on/about his body being the only blanket thick enough to keep her warm/ I couldn’t help but think of us/ In this moment my friend is tearing up/she’s telling me that the boy she saw that day has never shown up again/she has shared countless kisses with him/but he will never make her feel as he did in that moment/which brings me to think a few things of you/and I find this slightly unsettling/you are the boy I dreamed of 5 years ago/then one who likes my games, my music, my thoughts/but you’re a boy who came much too early/you’re a boy who came as a complication/you’re a boy who had bad timing/you’re the boy that I can’t stop romanticizing/ I have a boyfriend now and it's not you/and when we first kissed I thought of someone else/and when you kissed me again i thought of you, you, you, you, you/ nothing has killed me more/ nothing burdens me more in this second than my mind and its inability to let it go and move on to the one I have told I enjoy more than you/ One that I feel like I'm blatantly lying to./ One that I know if I left him for you/ that I would need to leave you for him/ because I cannot need you/ you are a complication/ He is a simple answer to a long problem/ being with you would be like tying my shoes with one hand/ being with you would be like painting subjects before bases/ These are the things I must convince myself of to move forward/But then you say something else that just makes me think you’re so... perfect./ I quit.

[duel-dools]

The day I realized there's more care in the world than I can handle, is the day I left my phone in the other room and my mother couldn’t find me anywhere. She called one of my friends and like an instant, all of my friends and family dropped everything to find me. Even those I hadn’t spoken to in months. Eventually, I talked to one of these friends and they all keep telling me that within this half an hour believing I'm dead, 3 of them had turned to religion. I sat in the car crying. This world is so much more than we can perceive it to be. The more we view our relationships as a temporary engagement, the more we miss the point. No matter how temporary, caring right now, in this moment, is all that we can ever ask for. 

[duel-dools]

The more I sit here and dwell on the fact that I may have broken a friend’s heart for my own survival, the more I realize that I have a desperate need to survive/I have grown into a person who desires comfort but no matter which side I lay on in bed I will never find it/ I dig for the nights where I feel poetic again/ not a sad poetic/ I want to be a hopeful poetic/ I want to tell the world what it’s like after/ I want to tell the world happy is possible/ I want to erase the nights I think about struggle/ I want to erase the way I think too much about everyone else/ I want to think about everyone more/ I want everyone to know how much I think about them/ I want him to know I think about him/ I want all of them to know.