la douleur exquise

Diana is a 21 year old mindless dreamer and wishful thinker from MNL, PHL. She is a struggling Industrial Pharmacy student from the University of the Philippines Manila. Books Daily Food GPOY Movies / TV Series Music Photography Reblogs Thoughts All content © duhhyana unless otherwise specified. Please do not repost without asking permission. Thank you. :) For this theme: Minimal customization done. Social network icons found using Google.

[duhhyana]

Day 4: Lo and behold the crammer in me. Had to hunt down 2 dresses for College Recognition and University Graduation. 

[duhhyana]

Day 3: Watched a movie after a looooong time of not being able to do so in the big screen. Simple joys :)

[duhhyana]

When you don’t see or hear from each other for months, but your conversation picks up where you left off. Thank you always, Gift. 

[duhhyana]

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” - Coco Chanel

To kick off, I decided to have my hair cut for Day 1. Bench Fix has always been my go to place for haircuts for the quality and the affordability of their services.

As most ladies do, I have an intense attachment to my hair and I actually take a lot of effort to maintain it. In the past months as I hustled my way through thesis and everything else in between, however, I settled for tying it up daily so I wouldn’t have to care, at all. 

It’s really a liberating feeling. I used to hate having my hair cut shorter. But now as I grew older, I started to look forward to trips to the salon. I guess this is partly due to the fact that my hair is one of the things  I have absolute control of. When life gets shitty and hell breaks lose.. when I feel like I’ve lost control of everything, there’s always that one thing I can take control of and change whenever I want to. 

Today, I decided I wanted to change my hair, and I did. Y’all know what goes next.

[duhhyana]

Hello! I’m beginning this new project since I think I’ll be needing something to work on and be busy with now that I’m officially graduating from UP. I got this idea right after the list was released last Monday. Relief, happiness and gratitude - a strange but wonderful wave of emotions passed through me, a feeling I can’t really quite express and give justice with words. 

Then my mind started racing - the things I wanted to do, the books I wanted to read, the places I wanted to go to.. all the things I wanted to do but never did. It took me quite a while to list all those things down and to actually conceptualize the whole project. 

Don’t get me wrong though, I am beyond thankful for the education that UPCP gave me. It has molded me into the person I am now -- not perfect and definitely not someone who’s going to graduate with flying colors, but someone who is stronger and equipped to face the world and give myself and my service to the country, just as how we were trained to be. But somehow, in the process, I feel like I lost some parts of myself -- beloved parts and things that I had to sacrifice in order to commit to the causes and the values that the University champions: honor and excellence. And to be able to give myself again fully, I could at least, try to have those things back. 

While others say “finally”.. let me proclaim “for a while, I’m free.” 

Thank you, UP.

Let this be a new chapter in my story.

PS to those asking, after this brief period of 100 days, my review for board exam begins, hence, the title. Also, I am really having quite a hard time trying to put words together and make sense out of everything. I haven’t written for quite a long time, and it makes me nervous and excited at the same time. 

[duhhyana]

hello, Ate Yana! =)) congratulations po sa inyo at sa sigaw. i'm not a sandi member/a sigaw supporter and I'm shy to say this to you in person, coming from a commoner like me, but I really look up to you when it comes to running a campaign. I never heard anyone from sigaw say or throw anything bad at nakita ko po talaga na sigaw is all about showing us na deserving ang inyong candidates. sobrang idol ko po kayo. congrats po uli! =)

Thank you. You are the reason why we’re still here, fighting. :)

And as I always say, I didn’t do much this campaign period. It was really the heads and the team who worked hard and deserves all the congratulations.

Don’t be a stranger! I pretty much have a hunch re: who you are ‘though. Still, thank you for these words. They are much appreciated. :)

[duhhyana]

Congratulations, Chair! Congratulations, SIGAW UP!

Thank you :)

[duhhyana]

I miss you. Date soon, yes?

Yes :) I miss you twice, whoever you are. 

[duhhyana]

To say that I am tired beyond reasonable comprehension would qualify to be one of the understatements of the century. It has been 2 painful weeks of campaign and a month of preparation, alongside concert rehearsals and Pharmakon duties. 

Needless to say, I will always be proud of this slate. These people who took the leap of faith - a risk in order to stand up and fight for SIGAW UP. To the wonderful team behind SIGAW UP, to the supporters and to everyone who believed, thank you. 

Last year’s straight loss was not SIGAW UP’s end because SIGAW UP will never give up. We will never give up. Thank you for the learning experience and for the wake up call. Thank you for making us better and stronger than ever before.

For genuine service. For leadership with integrity. For the student body. 

[duhhyana]

010216 - Welcomed 2016 with the constants through booze, food and the classic KTV. Also celebrated Xyra’s birthday who we deeply miss. Stay safe in New York, love! We cannot wait to see you here again. :)

2015 bears strong witness to this lovely bunch of people as it grows and changes.. from jobs to timezones to partners and even to surnames - yes, we stuck through it all. 

Who knows what 2016 has in store for us? Aside from Jorelle and me graduating, Xyra flying back here for a visit, Rox taking a year at Oxford for his PhD and the barkada’s very first baby coming along, I’m pretty sure it will be yet again another helluva ride. 

[duhhyana]

Keeping this here to remind myself that things always do work out in the end. And we’re not the mushy type, but to my resident psychologist and favorite ex: I’m really thankful that we’ve stayed really good friends and I can still run to you in trying times. Thank you for helping me understand myself whenever I fail to do so on my own. 

[duhhyana]

Hi diana! I want to apply for the Track A training at WYA but I always seem to forget the app deadline so i've missed two cycles now :)) hehe but i'll apply on the Batch 2 for 2016 :) if it's okay to ask, is the track A training time-consuming? Does it need a lot of time to finish? If you can offer any of your insights or opinion, i'd really appreciate it :) thank you!

Hello there! I’m glad to hear that :)

Track A changed me - it’s a series of philosophical readings and literary works handpicked by Anna Halpine (WYA’s founder) tackling a lot of really interesting subjects - from Freedom, Solidarity and even to as far as Culture (which was one of my favorite chapters). I was a full-time student when I decided to be an intern in WYA. Track A training was part of our weekly routine (just so we can say for sure that our beliefs are in line with that of WYA in case we are invited to do talks and intro sessions in behalf of the organization) and they were a lot (50-90 pages each chapter which I usually just read the night before) plus there’s a reaction paper of sorts after each week. It’s not really time-consuming since everything that’s asked in the paper was discussed during the training, you just really have to pay close attention during the discussion and you’re good to go. There’s an accreditation exam right after you finish the training which was, I have to admit, a bit hard but it’s passable. 

After undergoing Track A training, I had a wider perspective about our global differences in culture, and it has actually helped me deal with people - so I can understand them better.

If you can’t drop by the office to have the discussion with the current interns, you can sign up for the online training (but I prefer the group discussion better since you really get to understand all these words and concepts - oh and you might probably get assigned to report on a Chapter,too!). I’m sure Zars (the present RDO) would be of so much help to you.

If you want you can get off anon so we can talk more. :)

[duhhyana]

26 days

I have 26 days before my last enrollment as an undergraduate student and I feel a terrible need to get it right this time - even for the last time. It's like an awfully and excruciatingly present itch that you just can't seem to scratch - listing and planning things that you would do thinking of so much time in your hands.

To say that I am person who loves lists would be a huge understatement; I love making them, love ticking them off and, sometimes, love taking them for granted.  My desktop serves as an irrevocable evidence to such crime; guilty as charged. I have all sorts of list: Academic Requirements, Personal Errands, Series and Movies to Watch, Status of Ongoing Org Projects, Things to Follow-Up with my Execomm.. As well my schedule for the week and tasks that need urgent attention (even though I already keep both a planner and a bullet journal exactly for that - just so I won't forget). But still, sometimes, I feel like I am forgetting a lot of things. And that shit scares me.

One of the things I promised myself which I seem to have forgotten is that by the year 2016 - I should be a nearly half-baked independent woman. This gives me a little under a month to accomplish the following tasks, and I'm posting this here now, in public, knowing that only a few good friends really devote their time to reading this tiny page in the web (which is such a relief) and that I actually have to deliver on these things and not cheat on them because somebody else knows that I swore to do these things (trust me half of ‘em are probably the most mundane of tasks but still I forget, not for lack of trying):

• Set an appointment for a thorough check up and physical exam with my doctor and not ditch it - one task that my Mom has been begging me to do for 3 years now. Also, update my shots. • Get a passport so I no longer pass on off-shore trips just because I'm too lazy to get in line and wait • Get a driver's license • For the last time - go back to Wyeth and claim my accomplished internship papers (this should really fall under STAT) • Fixed my LinkedIn Account (CV included) • Shop for more formal dresses and shoes, apparently being an adult entails dressing up like one • Do my own Christmas Shopping (all godchildren included) • Do my Mom's Christmas Shopping (because she just doesn't have the time and she'd end up spending more than she should because she's too lazy - what can I say, I got it from  my momma) • Wrap my presents instead of buying gift bags (always)

Other things (for the rest of the days):

• Have my sun broadband/wifi fixed • Spend 3 days straight in Laguna without wanting to get back to Manila and thinking of all the work I could be doing - and not be guilty about it • Get a haircut • SEE TO EVERY-SINGLE-THING REGARDING SANDI'S ANNIV MONTH CELEBRATION IN JANUARY (STAT STAT STAT) • Accomplish our RGAO/REB Thesis Application and Research Grant

More fun things:

• Rewatch Star Wars • Update my Series List • Update my Spotify • Watch all the Golden Globe Nominees for Best Picture • Finish reading the 3 books I started to read last summer and never got to finish (Life of Pi, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Atonement)

Well then, wish me luck.

[duhhyana]

Yesterday I finally fed my hunger for a silent escape right in the middle of this terribly mundane semester. To save my instagram followers from witnessing a Pinto photo flood as an aftermath, here goes the dump.

To end, I give you my favorite piece from all of the galleries.

Send Her This Letter (Alab Pagarigan)

This installation represents the complexities of grief and the motions of affections of moving on from losing a loved one. While half of the figure is outside the cage her other half lingers within - an image of indecision to let go of pain even as the resolve to let it go is on the horizon. Loss of a loved one is a powerful thing as it also means losing part of ourselves. 

The process is gradual, working in phases and this work is the start of a personal journey of remembering and moving forward.

[duhhyana]

October in Photos

10.08: Museum of A History of Ideas

10.10:Francez’ gorgeous 18th at Acacia Hotel with my beloved UP Sandigan

10.11: UP Sandigan’s Tulong Karunungan Session 2 at Gawad Kalinga Baseco

10.15-10.17: WYA AP’s 4th Emerging Leaders Conference at The Bayleaf

10.21: Chryzl and Luis’ Wedding 

10.22: Applied for Voter Registration back home at the South

10.24: 2015 Ateneo Intercollegiate Marketing Seminar Day 1

Can’t help but count the days to 2016. One day at a time.

[duhhyana]

Always feels great to work and devote some of my time for WYA. Happy 10th Anniversary to WYA AP! Thank you for the endless learning and opportunities you gave me. 

[newyorker]

People are always asking me, ‘Who will you pass the torch to?’ The question makes me angry. There is no one torch—there are many torches—and I’m using my torch to light other torches.

Gloria Steinem, in “Road Warrior,” the Profile of her in this week’s issue. (via newyorker)