david is dead.

david carillo, 21 years deceased. the doctors say that i have cotard's delusion, but i'm really just a zombie.

[dust-todust-blog]

nurse-elaine-arden reblogged your post and added:

Elaine was slow and careful with David. She looked...

 David felt embarrassed. This wasn’t his usual shame, however. It wasn’t the shamefulness that permeated his thoughts anytime a living person laid eyes on his ill cared for body. This embarrassment was one he had not experienced in almost a decade. He was suddenly flooded with memories of his mother wiping dirt from his face with her saliva in front of his friends. This was the kind of embarrassment he felt when his father confronted the pastor for not putting David in the choir, and Joseph Dollick laughed. 

A familiar heat flooded his pale cheeks and immediately he wanted to return to the quiet safety of his room. “I don’t think I can do this. Take me back to my room.”

[atblackswan]

Day One (Open)

[atblackswan]

Asher took a seat on one of the couches as well, following David’s instructions. At hearing that David had been there for four years, Asher’s face visibly went white. He was not about to spend the prime years of his life and physical health locked up in a mental institution. 

He didn’t notice the scar until David pointed it out. Asher’s dark eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he swallowed, feeling as though he could not move out of his chair. It was not the suicide attempt that threw him off, it was the sheer lack of reality that this person was in touch with. “Well, sounds like that you probably scared them…” He said, picking his words delicately.

[dust-todust-blog]

Despite his best efforts to socialize, David was finding that his 3-year reclusion may have damaged his ability to make friends.  He watched as Asher turned paler than the ghost boy himself, and realized he may have misspoken as words feel nervously from his companion’s mouth. “Oh well, yeah, I mean, of course, I scared ‘em. I really wasn’t trying to, it’s just that...” You really almost just told him. You’re an idiot. You’re dead, you shouldn’t even be trying to communicate with the living.

“Well....anyway it was a long time ago now,” he continued, trying his very best to appear harmless. “I don’t try to leave my body anymore, particularly because slitting your own throat hurts like hell. Just isn’t worth it.” David leaned in just slightly, so as not to alarm his attending nurse. “Don’t worry about being in here too long though. You seem alright, and they know you have a life to live. You got a close family? People who care about you?”

[atblackswan]

Day One (Open)

[dust-todust-blog]

atblackswan:

Asher turned at the sound of the greeting. Asher looked over the man’s body with quiet, judging eyes before settling on his face. “Yes, I’m new here.” He took his hands off the window sill and fully turned his body to face the room’s new occupant.

“My name is Asher. It’s nice to meet you, David,” he said as he extended his hand to the man.

“They, um, don’t happen to have a gym here, do they?” He asked, a touch of anxiety in his voice. It was bad enough that he was going to spend the off season here. He needed to at least stay in shape.

“Ah, I am very not new.” David examined his new companion. The young man was shorter than him but most people were. Asher was far more fit than him, however, the sinew of his toned shape visible even through his clothes. It made David increasingly aware of how thin he’d really become. There was nary a bone in his body that wasn’t outlined in his skin. After hearing the question posed to him, he was reminded of how little he’d traveled outside of his room in 4 years. “I…I honestly don’t remember.”

Chuckling nervously, he sighed “I’m not sure if you’ve seen my body, but I’m not much of a gym rat.” He took a seat near the windowsill and smiled tight-lipped at the stubbled face of his acquaintance. “So, that would probably be a better question for one of the staff members,” he finished sheepishly. 

[atblackswan]

David was thinner than he was. A flash of jealousy appeared in his eyes before he reminded himself that he was more fit. He had to be. As much lifting as he did during rehearsal, he had to have some muscle. “How long have you been here? I have to be here until I’m no longer a danger to myself or others.” The lawyer said that could mean he was there 90 days or 5 years. It all depended on the asylum, “I’m not a gym rat either,” Asher said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. His ballet company had a private area. He was merely being less picky. “Have you seen the staff? You got a bipolar diagnosis with a supposed ‘violent history’ and they act like you’re going to snap on them,” he said, rolling his eyes. He shot the nurse a glare.

[dust-todust-blog]

Asher’s eyes burned holes into David’s slight frame. The lofty man sat down on one of the cushioned seats and looked back at the refined figure he shared the room with. “I’ve been here four years already, not sure how much more time I have. Could be forever, I don’t really care if I’m being honest. You though...” David looked at Asher’s fidgeting and smiled to himself. “You look like you’re in a hurry. In the meantime, you might wanna grab a seat though.”

David laughed in agreement as the ballerino shot daggers at their chaperone. “Oh, trust me, I can relate.” He motioned towards his red wristband, then moved to point at a deep scar on his neck. “You slit your throat in front of four screaming children and a convenience store security guard ONCE, and suddenly everyone’s afraid of you.” He rolled his deep-set eyes sarcastically.  

[fashion-girrrl]

Horror accessories at https://www.etsy.com/shop/Glamboyancy

[ragdan2]

Elias de Poot

Mango

[dust-todust-blog]

hayitsjess:

“I hope so. If there’s no hurts here then thats a good thing, I guess” She said shyly, picking at the fur of the small teddy bar placed in her lap. Jess didn’t have many possessions at home anyway, but she was glad they had at least let her bring him along.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m not sure why you’re here. Like, I’ve gotten hurt in here, but not in a while.” He noticed her toying with a stuffed bear and smiled slightly. He loved children, and there was something gentle and childlike in the way she caressed it’s faux fur. “That’s a very nice teddy bear...” he added, treating her as he would the child patients.

[dust-todust-blog]

dust to dust ┼ open starter

[dust-todust-blog]

nurse-elaine-arden:

The nurse wanted the best for David, and she hoped he knew that. Getting a feeding tube down a combative patient’s throat seemed like day to day for some patients here, but David had been better by the records kept. The past few days were merely a small setback, Elaine was certain of it. The dark haired woman had been there that day, and she didn’t want to see him go through that again. She always thought David was interesting to say the least, he was fragile and special, and he needed to be reasoned with, not forced to do something. 

Watching as the other swallowed down the food quickly, she worried a little. “I’m gonna talk with the doctors. Maybe smaller meals, yeah?” She always thought if she could take the time, she would go back to school and become a doctor. She couldn’t do that now, though, they were short staffed now more than ever. With the look that she was given, she wasn’t expecting the man’s reaction. “We can go outside.” She stood and started to walk towards the door.

David gulped back his queasiness, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, smaller meals.” He wiped remnants of the rapidly consumed mush from his full lips and stood. The 21-year-old towered over his senior. Looking down at her, he smiled softly. As she began to exit, he followed hesitantly. 

They were walking for no more than 20 seconds when he began to feel like a sideshow attraction. He was used to getting stares as a result of his height, but he couldn’t help but feel this was more. Yellow, green, yellow, yellow, green... He scanned every wrist, hoping to see another red band, someone with an escort like him. As he searched, his deep-set eyes met with many confused and intrigued pairs. Suddenly, feeling like a spectacle became too much. He leaned down and breathed “I don’t think I can do this...”

[lostin-white]

Elias de Poot | Milan via Le 21ème

[arcusxx]

[audiovisual-dept]

[atblackswan]

Day One (Open)

[dust-todust-blog]

atblackswan:

Asher turned at the sound of the greeting. Asher looked over the man’s body with quiet, judging eyes before settling on his face. “Yes, I’m new here.” He took his hands off the window sill and fully turned his body to face the room’s new occupant.

“My name is Asher. It’s nice to meet you, David,” he said as he extended his hand to the man.

“They, um, don’t happen to have a gym here, do they?” He asked, a touch of anxiety in his voice. It was bad enough that he was going to spend the off season here. He needed to at least stay in shape.

“Ah, I am very not new.” David examined his new companion. The young man was shorter than him but most people were. Asher was far more fit than him, however, the sinew of his toned shape visible even through his clothes. It made David increasingly aware of how thin he’d really become. There was nary a bone in his body that wasn’t outlined in his skin. After hearing the question posed to him, he was reminded of how little he’d traveled outside of his room in 4 years. “I...I honestly don’t remember.”

Chuckling nervously, he sighed “I’m not sure if you’ve seen my body, but I’m not much of a gym rat.” He took a seat near the windowsill and smiled tight-lipped at the stubbled face of his acquaintance. “So, that would probably be a better question for one of the staff members,” he finished sheepishly. 

[hayitsjess]

“I..I already don’t like this place. It’s all scary. Daddy will get mad if I’m not in my room at bedtime”

[dust-todust-blog]

The seasoned patient studied this new companion quietly, listening to her admission of fear. “It’s definitely not paradise, but you’ll get used to it.” He questioned if he should even be speaking to another patient, particularly one with a green wristband. It stood in strong contrast to the red one enveloping his own bony wrist. 

[dust-todust-blog]

dust to dust ┼ open starter

David sat quietly, observing. The small window in his room overlooked the courtyard, and so it had become one of his favorite activities to watch the children play. As much as he denied it, there was a longing way down in his heart for companionship. To know the frivolities of everyday life, however, was an impossibility. He had already created this world of loneliness for himself, and there was no chance of leaving now. He spotted a young man playing in the grass and smiled, pretending that he was that boy. So carefree, so vital, so alive. His fantasy ended, however, when a tap came on the window, frightening him to his very core. It was the child. David ducked beneath the windowsill, not wanting to ruin the boy’s fun with the face of death. He was only frightened further when he heard the sound of footsteps as a shadow loomed over him. He’d forgotten to shut the door when the attending nurse stepped out and there was someone in the doorway. He remained silent.

[fawningoveryou]

Fawn had been getting used to the place again after it had been so quiet for so long. It was odd seeing new faces in the halls, making her want to curl up and hide underneath her bed. Roaming the halls, she had passed an open door, and out of simply curiosity, peeked in as she passed, but froze when she saw some stranger hiding underneath the window. Leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, the small blonde raised her eyebrows in subtle confusion. “You alright there?”

[dust-todust-blog]

David raised his sunken eyes to meet hers. They fell from her face to the red band around her wrist. It was rare for him to see other red band patients as they were typically kept separate from each other. He stood slowly, feeble joints cracking as he rose. A few steps forward and he was less than a foot from her. He looked over her head into the hall, however, searching for her attending nurse. When his search came up empty, he returned his gaze to her. Closer now, he took stock of his visitor. She was small by normal standards and seemed even more so compared to his 6′3′’ frame. He hunched nearly a foot so that their eyes met. 

“You really shouldn’t be in here, especially not alone.” He knew that his red band was typically enough to intimidate the other patients into keeping away, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be enough with her. Thus, he knitted his brow and stared at her, silently pleading. Please go away, you don’t know what I am, you don’t want to know what I am.

[not-grey-enough]

🥀from one dead rose to another🥀

[dust-todust-blog]

meteletsa ┼ ubvaniya starter

It was early, the sun had just crept its way above the horizon. Everything was lit with a dim glow, tinges of orange dancing around the empty common room. He’d promised the nurses he’d get out of his room more, but he made no promises that he would go when there were other patients. Thus, for the past week, he’d awoke at exactly 5:45, and requested an escort to the common room. Due to the nature of his arrival at Stonefield coupled with his resistance to all treatment, David was a ‘red band’ patient. This meant he could not go anywhere unaccompanied. They feared that his violence to the body he felt did not belong to him would extend to other people's bodies. Any staff members who spent more than an hour with him knew that to be unlikely, still, none of them ever motioned to have his restrictions lessened. 

So, he came out when the world was still quiet, and all was calm. This morning in particular, however, David found himself musing on his existence before he discovered he was undead. He’d been a reasonably popular adolescent. Had a few girlfriends, a large friend group. Now, he sat in isolation in an asylum he was almost certain he’d never leave. As he mourned his young ignorance, he registered a third pair of feet entering the room. The corpse turned slowly, his eyes falling on a young woman. She was lovely, waifish, with a warm visage. “Hi,” he murmured, half hoping she wouldn’t hear.

[rubendebuck-deactivated20200811]

Elias®

[atblackswan]

Day One (Open)

He had really screwed up this time.

Asher’s hands were on the window sill in the common room. He was looking outside at the wooded area that surrounded the psychiatric hospital. Forest scenery always made him feel at peace. Maybe it was because he remembered flickers of his bedroom as a young child. Trees, clouds along with woodland creatures were painted in happy colors on the wall. He always assumed that his parents painted over the walls when he got older.

He sighed before pressing his head against the glass, feeling the cold material on his forehead. He had been committed to a mental hospital. He was a danger to himself and others. How humiliating. He was lost enough in his own thoughts that he did not realize that he was not alone in the room anymore.

[dust-todust-blog]

David had a tendency to sneak up on people. Unintentionally, but nevertheless, he often found himself so light of foot that he’d be in a room for ages before anyone realized he’d come in. Only recently had he been allowed to go to the common room, so long as he was accompanied by a staff member. The 21-year-old walked as quietly as usual behind a gruff nurse and upon entering the normally boisterous common room, he was greeted by a sole inhabitant. 

This man does not know you are dead. He cannot know unless you tell him. Do not tell him. David received non-verbal confirmation from the nurse that he was allowed to greet his fellow patient, and he made his way nearer to the stranger. “Hello, my name is David. Are you new here?”