just survive somehow.

My whole wretched life swam before my weary eyes, and I realised no [ m a t t e r ] what you do, it's bound to be a waste of time in the end so you might as well go MAD. CASSIAN ADAM CALLAGHAN (fc: jesse lee soffer) LUCIANUS ALEXANDER "LUCIEN" BLACKTHORNE (fc: ben barnes) SERAPHINA M. BLACKWELL-BYERS (fc: kat mcnamara) VIKTOR MICHAIL EVANOFF (fc: sebastian stan)

[dvlwthn]

PJ  AND  SERAPHINA.

PJ stood with her help and stumbled a little which knocked himself into her. Not that he’d complain about that, “You know, I think I prefer the things I’m good at. You enjoy some of them as much as I do,” he smirked suggestively and leaned in to kiss her. He still held onto her hand and grabbed onto the other. He was more than happy with what they had, whether it had a label or not. He’d always cared about her but now it had deepened and continued to do so with every kiss. He couldn’t get enough.

              WHEN  HE  STUMBLED  SLIGHTLY,  SERA  ONLY  SMILED  MORE –-  tightening  her  hold  on  him.  “  ooh?  do  i?  ”  she  mumbled  with  a  smirk  before  their  lips  touched.  things  have  changed  so  much  between  the  two  and  sera  found  herself  really  HAPPY  about  it.  the  witch  did  try  not  to  think  about  it  too  often,  worried  that  if  either  put  too  much  thought  into  it,  it  might  change  things  for  the  worse.  this  was  something  she  wanted  to  keep.  pulling  away  from  the  kiss  a  little,   sera  spoke  again...  “  yeah,  you  might  be  right.  ”  she  said  playfully.  before  moving  forward  to  kiss  him  again. 

[dvlwthn]

VIKTOR  AND  MAGDALENA. 

Maggie immediately knew by the look on his face that they were on the same page. Though when he finally spoke back, she shrugged. She was a few drinks in, so it was easier to be honest. “Because the kids I abandoned at birth are adults and are here and I’m trying to make amends so they hate me a little less,” she replied. “Why haven’t you?”

             HEARING  HER  WORDS  MADE  SOMETHING  CLICK  FOR  THE  HUNTER.  his  mind   i n s t a n t l y   going  to  ariadne,  viktor  had  only  heard  his  fellow  hunter  (his  friend)  complain  about  her  mother.  he  hadn’t  seen  what  the  woman  looked  like,  but  hearing  this  woman  speak,  his  gut  told  him  they  were  the  same  person.  vik  wasn’t  one  to  get  involved  in  drama,  especially  one  of  the  family  sort.  and  this  was  something  he  DEFINITELY  didn’t  wanna  touch.  it  wasn’t  his  place,  but  he  would  back  ariadne  no  matter  what.  but  until  he  spoke  to  the  huntress,  to  find  out  if  he  was  right,  he’d  act  like  nothing.  picking  up  his  shot  glass,  viktor  tossed  it  back  before  answering  her.  “  nothing  better  to  do.  ”  which  was  basically  the  truth.  he  had  realised  this  place  needed  to  stay  safe,  but  part  of  him  couldn’t  help  but  wonder  if  it  wouldn’t  just  be  easier  to  find  somewhere  else  for  everyone.  “  guess  i’ve  grown  to  actually  like  it  here–-  i  just  don’t  know  why.  ”  he  half  joked.  

[dvlwthn]

LUCIANUS  AND  AIDA.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind to share,” she told her brother. Aida wiped a bit of ketchup from her lip, and shrugged when Lucianus spoke to her again. “It’s very different. It was one thing when I couldn’t touch anything, couldn’t do anything but talk and float around. But now, there’s so much I need to learn, and I feel like there isn’t ever going to be enough time for me to learn it all,” she explained. “We didn’t have all of this back when I died. It’s all so.. new, and complicated. It took me ten minutes to get my cereal open.”

                  SHAKING  HIS  HEAD,  LUCIEN  LEANED  BACK  AND  WATCHED  HIS  SISTER  A  MOMENT.  he  didn’t  think  having  moments  like  this  were  possible.  with  how  long  the  blackthornes  have  been  around,  he’s  NEVER  seen  anything  like  this.  and  despite  there  being  a  spell  making  it  possible,  lucianus  didn’t  trust  it.  he  didn’t  know  how  much  time  they’d  have  to  get   t h i s .  so  the  eldest  blackthorne  brother  was  trying  to  take  full  advantage.  “  well,  you  know  we’re  all  willing  to  help.  ”  he  replied  honestly.  the  relationship  he  had  with  his  siblings  wasn’t  the  best.  he’d  be  the  first  to  admit that, but  he  knew  they’d  all  put  that  aside  to  get  more  time  with  aida.  “  you’re  doing  fine  though.  ”  he  reassured.  

[dvlwthn]

SERAPHINA  AND  PJ.

When PJ fell again, he did just lie there for a moment. He had fallen hard and just needed to catch his breath. He managed a laugh as Phi skated over and he lifted his hand for the help, “I can’t believe you talked me into this,” he said, shaking his head. He actually could believe it. She could talk him into almost anything these days.

               SHE  COULD  ONLY  SMIRK  AT  HIS  WORDS.  seraphina  loved  that  she  got  to  see  this  side  of  him.   r e a c h i n g   her  hand  out  to  help  him,  she  joked  with  him  slightly.  “  well–-  no  one’s  good  at  EVERYTHING.  ”  she  teased,  her  laughter  distracting  her  from  helping  him  despite  keeping  her  hand  out  for  him.

[dvlwthn]

LUCIANUS  AND  NOVA.  *past thread*

Nova froze lightly when Lucien had embraced her, but she soon leaned into it. She couldn’t remember the last time her and Lucien hugged. It was years, maybe centuries. The anger that she was feeling started to dissipate lightly, but the trauma that they endured growing up was still there. “I just want us to be a family, or something, I don’t know, and I don’t even know how to make that happen, if that could happen. I could at least try to work it out with everyone,” she mentioned. She sighed, “Us broken makes me feel like I’m missing something, and I don’t know if that something that can be fixed, I don’t know if it ever can, especially without Aida. But I’m willing to try, if you are too. I’m willing to try and be something new, better even, obviously what was happening before wasn’t working.”

               PART  OF  HIM  WANTED  TO  POINT  OUT  THAT  HOLDING  OUT  HOPE  THAT  THE  FAMILY  COULD  BE  JUST  THAT  ––-  family...  he  wasn’t  sure  it  could  happen.  not  in  the  way  they   w a n t e d ,  not  in  the  way  they  once  were  [which is probably for the best].  and  maybe  it  was  a  good  thing,  maybe  it  wasn’t.  but  he  managed  to  hold  back,  which  seemed  fine  since  even  nova  seemed  to  realise  that  if  she  wanted  something  from  them,  it  would  have  to  be  something  new.  lucien  didn’t  want  to  let  her  down,  he  really  didn’t,  he  just  couldn’t  promise  that  him  trying  with  HER  meant  he’d  be  able  to  fix  things  with  the  others.  “  we’ll  figure  it  out.  ”  he  promised.  “  i’m  willing  to  try.  ”  he  reassured.  

[dvlwthn]

LUCIANUS  AND  AIDA.

“Mmm.” Aida dipped another piece of cereal into ketchup. Looking up, she smiled. “Oh, hello. Have you ever had these? They’re called Honey Nut Cheerios. They’re so crunchy and sweet. And apparently this red stuff is called ketchup. It’s delicious,” she said. “Would you like some?”

              LUCIANUS  TRIED  NOT  TO  LAUGH  AT  HIS  SISTER.  he  knew  it  wasn’t  fair.  unlike  the  rest  of  them,  she  didn’t  get to  experience  all  these  things  they  took  for  granted.  “  i’m  good,  aida.  ”  he  said  with  a  smile.  it  still  seemed  too  good  to  be  true.  having  his  back.  it  seemed  like  a  fever  dream.  he  wasn’t  sure  what  to  do  with  it.  none  of  them  were  who  she  knew  them  as,  yet  being  around  her  brought  back  a  bit  of  the  old  lucien.  the  human  lucien.  it  was  odd.  but  he  would  gladly  take  that  feeling  if  it  meant  aida  was  around.  “  how  are  you  doing?  i  know  it’s  a  lot–  ”  he  could  only  imagine  how  overwhelming  this  was  for  her.  

[dvlwthn]

VIKTOR  AND  MAGDALENA.

“Yeah, this place is doomed,” Magdalena sighed. “I mean, come on. Can this place really not avoid things like this happening? It definitely makes me question why I came back. Well no, I know why I came back, but it makes me wonder why I’ve stayed as long as I have, and makes me wonder if I need to just drift back into the shadows and rear my head here again in another few hundred years. Maybe it’ll be less dramatic.”

                VIKTOR  HAD  JUST  CAME  TO  THE  BAR  TO  TAKE  A  LOAD  OFF.  but  when  the  woman  started  speaking  to  him,  he  couldn’t  help  but  agree.  glancing  in  her  direction,  he  couldn’t  help  but  make  a  face  of  annoyance.  not  because  she  was  talking  to  him,  and  DEFINITELY  not  because  he  disagreed.  but  because  he  DID  agree.  he  understood  her  thought  process.  but  viktor,  long  ago.  got  tired  of  running.  “  so  why  haven’t  you  left  yet?  ”  he  asked  curiously,  no  judgement.  

[dvlwthn]

CASSIAN  AND  ORLAITH.

“Hey you,” Orlaith said, smiling as she opened the door to her brother. A few hours after her proposal she had texted her brother to invite him over for lunch. She wanted to share the big news. She pulled the door open further so he could come in, “I’m glad you came. I have some really exciting news to share.”

               HE  HADN’T  WANTED  TO  COME,  but  he  had  agreed  before  he  found  out  his  sister  was  engaged.  cassian  couldn’t  share  his  sister’s  enthusiasm  as  he  walked  in.  obviously  keeping  his  distance  from  her.  he  wanted  this  over  with.  “  yeah–-  i  hear  congratulations  are  in  order.  ”  he  spoke  cooly,  his  back  to  her  as  he  rolled  his  eyes.  “  loved  hearing  that  from  a  stranger  by  the  way.  ”  he  said  sarcastically  as  he  turned  back  around  to  face  her.

[pearriisms]

the babes on a date ❤️❤️

[immcrtalsx]

@dvlwthn ( Seraphina Blackwell-Byers)

[dvlwthn]

CASSIAN  AND  ELSA.

When Cassian spoke, Elsa went silent. Out of everything she said, that was what he had grabbed on to and focused on. She immediately started to regret coming there at all, because now by telling him this, she could very well be jeopardizing whatever he and Orlaith’s relationship currently is. Part of her figured she would have told him, but it was her own naivety that forgot not all families work like that. It happened and all she could think about was how she wanted to tell Quinn whenever she could get the chance. She would have told her parents if they weren’t ghosts that she wanted nothing to do with. She thought Orlaith would tell him.

“I do,” she said finally. She wasn’t going to lie to him and say no. She quickly showed him her hand with the ring for a moment, and sighed. “She proposed. It was pretty recent,” she told him, knowing that it probably wouldn’t soften the blow. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think she would have held off telling you, I wouldn’t have said anything if I’d thought otherwise,” she told him. “I love your sister with everything I am.”

                HE  WASN’T  SURE  IF  HER  HONESTY  MADE  HIM  FEEL  BETTER  OR  WORSE.  the  way  his  stomach  turned  felt  worse.  he  was  happy  for  his  sister,  he  was  even  happy  for  the  stranger  that  stood  in  front  of  him,  but  he  couldn’t  deny  how  hurt  he  felt.  his  sister  made  it  seem  like  she  WANTED  a  better  relationship  with  him,  like  she  was   t r y i n g   but  than  she  went  and  made  one  of  the  most  life  altering  decision  and  didn’t  think  to  even  share  it  with  him.  

maybe  he  was  being  dramatic,  he  certainly  felt  that  way.  but  he  couldn’t  help  it.  people  made  him  feel  like  the  bad  guy  for  feeling  the  way  he  does  about  his  family.  they  made  him  feel  like  HE  was  the  selfish  one,  yet  they  ALL  treated  him  like  an  after  thought....  if  they  thought  about  him  at  all.  sighing,  he  shook  his  head  to  try  to  clear  his  mind.  as  hurt  as  he  was,  he  couldn’t  blame  elsa.  shrugging,  he  didn’t  know  what  to  say  to  her  other  than  “  congratulations.  ”  and  he  meant  it,  in  the  same  way  he  would  for  any  two  strangers  getting  married.  

[dvlwthn]

SERAPHINA  AND  EMILIA.

Emilia held up the tray of coffees when she entered. She had come by to pick Miles up, they had a picnic planned for the afternoon. “Hey, I brought over some coffees for everything. I think I got your order right. Is Miles still upstairs?”

               “  yeah ...  sure,  come  on  in.  ”  she  spoke  teasingly.  SERA  WASN’T  CLOSE  WITH  HER  ROOMMATES  GIRLFRIEND,  but  they  got  along  well  enough.  “  ooohh.  ”  she  said  excitedly,  searching  for  what  would  be  he  cup.  “  luckily  my  coffee  order  is  super  easy.  ”  she  liked  her  coffee  black,  plain...  and  or  sometimes  with  just  a  littler  sugar.  so  it  was  usually  hard  to  get  wrong.  “  this  is  why  i  like  you  more  than  your  other  half.  ”  she  JOKED.  “  yeah,  pretty  boy  like  that  needs  time  to  look  that  good.  ”  the  blonde  witch  loved  teasing  miles  any  chance  she  could.  “  so  what  are  you  two  up  to?  ”  she  asked  casually.  sera  wasn’t  always  great  with  small  talk,  but  she  was  willing  to  try  to  give  her  roommate  more  time  to  finish  up  whatever  he  was  doing. 

[dvlwthn]

ELSA   AND  CASSIAN.

Elsa was uncomfortable, and she was fairly certain that he’d be able to see that. She nodded slowly when he said she didn’t have to leave, and swallowed hard. “I..” she began, biting her lip for a moment. “I’m in love with your sister, I’m going to marry her, and be there for the rest of our lives. And I know that you two aren’t really close. That pink haired, menace of a woman you ran into in the coffee shop, that’s not me. That was a mess, someone who’s light had been put out and didn’t know what to do. That wasn’t the impression I ever wanted to leave,” she told him. “So I’m sorry.” She paused, licking her lips which felt unusually dry. Her voice was as soft as always, and all of the words came out gentle. “In my life, family is something you hold onto. Quinn and I only have had each other for years now. And now I have Orlaith, and she’s my family. I guess I just.. I want to know you too. You don’t have to want that, and I’ll leave you alone if that’s the case, but..” she sighed. “I don’t know. I just hope you’ll consider it. I’ll even pay you for a tattoo if you sit with me for the duration and tell me something as simple as your favorite colour.”

               HIS  FIRST  REACTION  WAS  TO  BE  SARCASTIC  –-  but  before  he  could  even  do  that,  she  kept  going.  i’m  going  to  marry  her.  he  froze  at  that.  but  the  fairy  was  too  busy  with  her  word  vomit  to  even  notice.  he  hadn’t  known  that.  his  sister  never  shared  that.  had  orlaith  asked  without  telling  him  [ it  wasn’t  that  she  needed  his  permission  or  anything,  but  isn’t  that  something  you  share  with  your  so  called  family ] ?  did  elsa  ask  and  orlaith  just  didn’t  reach  out  after?!  it’s  not  like  he  thought  his  opinion  mattered,  but  to  not  even  share  this  news  with  him?  and  then  people  wanna  act  like  it  makes  no  sense  for  him  to  feel  the  way  he  does  about  his  family.

he  wasn’t  even  sure  what  elsa  was  saying  anymore.  he  had   b l o c k e d   it  out,  so  stuck  on  the  fact  that  this  woman  he  barely  knew  was  the  one  to  tell  him  she  was  gonna  marry  his  sister.  he  caught  the  end  of  what  she  was  saying...  something  about  holding  onto  family  and  then  wanting  to  know  him.  had  he  not  just  been  blindsided  he  would  have  laughed  at  her  paying  for  a  tattoo  comment.  any  other  time  he  would  have  waved  off  her  apology,  shared  his  favourite  colour,  and  moved  on.  but  this  was  different.  so  instead,  he  ignored  everything  she  said  and  asked  a  question  of  his  own.  “  when  you  say  you’re  gonna  marry  her,  do  you  mean  ––?  ”  he  trailed  off  as  his  eyes  darted  to  his  hands,  to  see  if  he  could  see  a  ring.  despite  not  finishing  his  question,  it  was  pretty  obvious  what  he  meant.  were  they  already  engaged? 

[dvlwthn]

everett && seraphina.

Everett laughed, “Why are you talking like you’re trying to defend yourself?” He asked, “I completely agree with you. We do deserve this. We deserve fun,” he said, “Though, to be honest, it’s kind of sad that that needs to be pointed out. With everything going on, we have to remind ourselves that we deserve fun.”

                SHE  WANTED  TO  AGREE,  SHE  REALLY  DID –-  but  part  of  her  had  just  grown  used  to  it.  having  to  point  it  out  or  remind  herself  that  having  fun  was  allowed...  deserved  even.  but  she  didn’t  mind  using  the  fact  that  so  much  was  going  on  right  now  as  an  excuse.  pausing  what  she  was  doing,  she  turned  to  look  at  him  better.  “  so  how  are  you  holding  up  with  everything?  ”  she  asked. 

[dvlwthn]

elsa  &&  cassian.

Elsa knew that the other would probably be surprised to see her there. She knew her sibling wasn’t there. “I was looking for you, actually,” she said softly. Their encounter at the coffee shop in the midst of her breakdown was not something she liked having, and she only hoped she could try to make a better impression. She wasn’t so sure that was going to happen though. “It is getting rough out there. I appreciate being able to wait it out, but I.. I can go if you want me to,” she said, shifting nervously.

                TO  SAY  HE  WAS  SURPRISED  BY  HER  WORDS  WOULD  BE  AN  UNDER  STATEMENT.  out  of  all  the  things  he  thought,  he  didn’t  think  she’d  be  there  for  him.  he  was  trying  to  figure  out  why...  based  off  their  first  meeting,  she  wasn’t  all  that  great  and  not  at  all  what  he  pictured  when  his sister  told  him  about  her.  but  he  also  didn’t  know  much  cause  he  tended  to  avoid  talking  to  his  sister  most  of  the  time.  HOWEVER,  he  couldn’t  help  but  noticed  that  now,  elsa  seemed  to  hold  herself  differently  than  before.  he  didn’t  know  her,  nor  was  he  sure  he  wanted  to.  but  something  told  him  this  wasn’t  the  same  person  from  the  coffee  shop.  he  couldn’t  help  but  eye  her  suspiciously  before  looking  away.  rolling  his  eyes  after  he  turned  away  from  her.  “  you  don’t  have  to  leave.  ”  he  didn’t  point  out  how  he’d  never  do  that  to someone.  starting  to  clean  up  some  papers  that  had  sketches  on  them,  he  barely  glanced  up...  “  so  what  can  i  do  for  you?  ”  he  finally  asked.

[dvlwthn]

NOVA  &&  LUCIANUS.

Nova didn’t recognize that she had been crying lightly, till a soft tear dripped down her cheek. Her heart ached, she had spent her entire life pushing Lucien away, when really he and Azlee were the ones who had protected her for years. Her words came out like a mess of sentences, like a bird flying away after being caged for so long. She had kept them private for so long. “I know,” she replied. “I realize that now, and I’m so so stupid that I didn’t before. I think when we were kids you and Azlee were more my parents, and I didn’t like that because… well because at the end of the day, you weren’t. I wanted our parents to be our parents instead of everything else. I wanted you guys to be able to be my older siblings. I pushed you away because I felt safe to, you and Azlee made me feel safe when so many things weren’t.”

Nova paused, for more than a second. She let the silence fill between them, let it hang in the air before she spoke again. “I felt… scared… all the time. I felt like I was never enough, being nearly the youngest, everyone else hit milestones and by the time I got to anything it felt like old news, and sometimes I could never live up to some of you, and then half the time Aida was surpassing me. It felt like I could never be good enough. Sometimes I still feel that way, sometimes I think that if Aida hadn’t died, I’d never be close with Erik, and then I think about how I’m a horrible sister for even thinking that… that I’m a pretty horrible sister for letting those feelings stick a wedge between most of you guys and I. I guess, I didn’t want to get so close to you and Az because, well… I knew that at the end of the day, you were probably going to get hurt over me, because I was almost non-existent to Dad. Seeing you guys hurt, that hurt so much, and knowing sometimes it was because you protected me, it felt unbearable. I was scared one day you were going to resent me for that, both you and Azlee. I guess I tried to beat you to it, but it didn’t ease any hurt I tried to spare myself. I don’t want to be angry anymore, Luc, I don’t want us to be how we are right now anymore.”

               SEEING  THE  TEARS  IN  HER  EYES  MADE  HIM  WANT  NOTHING  MORE  THAN  TO  BRING  HER  INTO  HIS  ARMS.  to  comfort  her,  but  that  wasn’t  them  anymore...  maybe  it  never  was  since  she  always  pushed  him  away  and  he  always  allowed  it.  so  lucien  listened,  and  when  she  paused  he  stayed  silent  to  give  her  the  moment  she  clearly  needed.  when  she  mentioned  how  she  wasn’t  sure  erik  and  her  would  be  close  if  it  wasn’t  for  the  death  of  their  youngest  sister,  lucien  ALMOST  flinched.  cause  he  understood  that.  he  really  did.  why  wouldn’t  that  be  a  fear  of  hers,  with  the  way  she  already  felt....  of  course  she’d  feel  that  way.  hell,  he  would  too.  

“  it  wasn’t  fair–-  to  any  of  us,  but  especially  you.  ”  he  could  admit  that.  it  ALMOST  seemed  easier  for  the  rest  of  them  because  they  had  someone  to  relate  to.  but  nova  never  felt  like  she  did.  it  was  probably  something  lucien  understood  now  more  than  ever.    i don’t want us to be how we are right now anymore.     her  words  echoed  in  his  head  for  a  moment  before  he  moved  toward  her  and  finally  brought  her  into  his  arms.  “  i  don’t  either.  ”  it  was  true,  he  really  didn’t.  but  he  also  wasn’t  sure  what  they  could  be  anymore.  it  felt  too  late.  too  much  time,  too  much  damage,  too  much  hurt...  how  did  they  move  forward?  he  let  her  go  and  stepped  away,  as  if  he  didn’t  just  hug  his  youngest  sibling  for  the  first  time  in  centuries.  he  wanted  this  to work  and  knew  it  wouldn’t  be  easy.  especially  cause  it  seemed  nova  just  wanted  everyone  to  be  a  family  again  and  lucien  couldn’t  promise  that.  he  hadn’t  spoken  to  erik  since  erik  snapped  at  him  over  kat  and  he  hadn’t  spoken  to  az  since  the  hospital.  and  who  knew  what  the  twins  were  up  to...  but  he  could  promise  to  try  to  fix  things  with  her.  

[dvlwthn]

ATHENA  &&  LUCIANUS.

“Very smooth, Lucien.” Athena complimented, a soft laugh falling from her lips as he reached out to pluck the glass from her grasp and then kissed her hand. Ever the gentleman. Even if she knew she looked good and had been expecting the confirmation of that fact, it still made her face heat pleasantly to hear it coming from his lips. “Well… it’s good to know that I have your approval. It’s the only one that matters after all.” Athena confirmed, her eyes soft as she watched him. “Just how much of your time do I get to lay claim to tonight? I’m hoping a solid 90 percent at least.” Came the teasing tone.

               LUCIEN  ONLY  SMIRKED  AT  HER  WORDS–-  and  while  his  smile  was  cocky  and  playful...  his  eyes  held  a  more  genuine  gleam.  and  refused  to  leave  her  since  she  approached.  to  say  he  only  had  eyes  for  her  would  be  an  understatement.  raising  a  brow  at  her  question,  lucien  leaned  back  ( away  from  her )  for  a  moment.  as  if  in thought.  his  eyes  still not  leaving  her.  “  hmmm..  ”  he  hummed.  “  i’m  not  sure,  my  time  is  very  precious.  ”  he  joked.  chuckling  slightly  before  leaning  back  in  toward  her.  “  you  can  have  it  all  if  you  want.  ”  his  tone  was  flirty  but  honest  and  he  was  sure  they  both  knew  it.

[dvlwthn]

NOVA  &&  LUCIANUS.   [ PAST THREAD ]

She was silent for a long moment, looking at her brother when she entered. It felt as thought time stopped for a minute, slowed to help Nova catch up to her racing thoughts. She honestly didn’t think she would’ve gotten this far. “I…” God, weird did she start. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I was cold, and harsh, and… angry. I’ve been really really angry at all of you for a long time, because it felt like none of you understood me, but you really can’t if I don’t tell you. I took it out on you because I always thought you’d be there when I came back, and one day you weren’t, and that hurt because I always counted on you being there, you were more of a Dad to me than our actual Dad, you were always there and I felt safety in that, and then you weren’t, especially when I came back because I was in a pretty shitty place when I came back at first, and you weren’t here, and it was easier to blame you than it was to blame myself and admit that you shouldn’t have to wait for everyone to come back.”

               LUCIEN  DIDN’T  KNOW  WHAT  TO  EXPECT  FROM  NOVA  SEEKING  HIM  OUT,  but  he  definitely  didn’t  expect  the  first  words  out  of  her  to  be  i’m sorry.  the  sudden  rush  of  emotions  that  washed  over  him  were  not  ones  he  normally  allowed  anyone  but  athena  to  witness.  there  was  a  pause  after  she  spoke.  her  words  repeating  in  his  head.  i’ve been really really angry at all of you.  that  felt  like  a  lie  since  he  was  the  only  one  she  seemed  short  with.  i took it out on you.  ah,  there  it  is.  it  made  sense.  it  was  easy  to  blame  him.  he  was  always  what  his  siblings  needed,  even  if  it  meant  he  was  the  one  to  blame.  you were more of a dad to me  ;  and you weren’t here.  it  felt  like  so  much  time  had  passed  but  knew  it  was  only  a  moment.  guilt  hit  him  first.  guilt  that  she  felt  such  a  way  despite  him  trying  before.  it  wasn’t  enough.  which  made  the  hurt  come  second.  hurt  that  no  matter  how  hard  he  tried  before  it  wasn’t  enough  and  it  seemed  she  only  noticed  when  he  was  just  finally  done.  and  then  anger.  anger  that  she  only  acknowledged  him  once  he  was  the  one  to  give  up.  anger  over  the  fact  that  he  was  the  one  to  be  blamed.  he  was  the  one  who  was  pushed  away  yet  still,  somehow  the  one  in  the  wrong.  but  the  tiredness  overpowered  it  all.  “  i  tried–-  ”  he  started  but  paused  again.  “  i  tried  even  before...  when  we  were  human.  ”  lucien  knew  how  it  always  SEEMED.  he  and  az  were  a  team.  than  the  twins.  and  than  instead  of  erik  and  nova  it  was  erik  and  aida.  lucien  understood  it,  which  is  why  he  tried.  why  he  tried  to  be  both  the  father  figure  and  her  big  brother.  “  i  understood  that  it  was  hard  to  ignore.  that  you  felt  alone.  and  i  tried.  ”  he  finally  met  her  eye  again.  “  i’m  sorry.  ”  lucien  spoke  again  after  another  pause.  they  had  more  in  common  then  he  was  willing  to  admit.  he  knew  that.  but  he  still  wasn’t  sure  where  to  go  from  here.  “  about  everything.  ”  for  they  way  she  felt,  for  not  being  enough,  for  letting  her  down  as  a  father  figure  and  a  brother...  for  not  waiting  anymore.