dead star.

bipolar ii. cptsd. paranoid. sexual assault survivor. mental, physical, emotional, & verbal abuse survivor. // vent blog.

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starting to question my worth again.

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my feelings never last long enough. they die so quickly.

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don't worry, dear. maybe one day, you will be loved.

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i wanna kill myself but what good would it do?

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i want to overdose. i want to die.

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i'm always looking for a way to run. a way to escape. why does anyone ever become friends with me?

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how do you tell the people that you've come to care about that your time might be running out? is there a right way to cause such pain?

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i really do appreciate you. even if you've hurt me. i'm not just saying it to say it. i just can't love you the way you love me. i don't know how to do that anymore.

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the moment you stop fearing your abuser and start laughing at them instead is the moment you've won.

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why am i always the voice of reason?

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do not obsess over me. i will destroy you from the inside out if you do.

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did you want to haunt me, mother? do you mean to haunt my dreams after you've been gone for a year. i'm trying to heal. please go on.

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i can feel my life falling apart around me. nothing is stable, nothing is whole. only fragments of what used to be.

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you only think you love me. don't let the idea of me trip you up.

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nobody notices you dying in the kitchen because they're too busy looking at themselves in the mirror. it's okay. you can close your eyes and drift away. only a few people will care, but you loved them more than anything. very gently say goodbye because time's running out.

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i don't tell anyone i'm suffering because i already know they don't care.

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It's never too late to mold yourself into something greater.