Reasons I love being ALIVE

[dyinghighalive]

Welcome to Rapture City; a place of neon lights, celebrities worshipped like gods, and new vigilantes that seek to have some weird secret powers...

[dyinghighalive]

Yknow being so jealous if a dog they snarl at you was not on my 2026 bingo card, but it has to be some kind of record, right?

(Don't read into this too much.)

[dyinghighalive]

I wish you saw how much better you deserved. You're the light of so many people's lives, and you let them rip you down over and over. You're the reason I love life so much, so please don't let yourself hate yours.

(Please smile again, I miss it)

[dyinghighalive]

I'm sorry I get mad at you. I hate being mad at you, especially right now. I know you're going through a lot, please stay strong for me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'd lose a lot of me with you.

(I know this is a lot to ask, but stay sane for me, please)

[dyinghighalive]

You died in my dream. The blood and gore that coated my shoes of your death is a color I see everywhere now. That red haunts my mind like a plague. I doubt I'll ever forget the shadows that cloaked the scene, either. I wish it was the first time. I wish it would be enough to scare me awake still.

(I didn't know snake bites could cause people's heads to explode)

[dyinghighalive]

It's a little tragic that I'm sure the lenses in your phone and TV could more accurately recall your iris color than I could. Last I saw, yours were green. Maybe blue? A mix of both the more I think in it. I couldn't even guess in yours, though. Maybe the shows how little I've been able to ever work the courage up to look you in them.

(I feel like I'm already losing a war to technology. Sorry, I'm not as interesting)

[dyinghighalive]

I envy psychopaths sometimes. Their ability to not feel everything to entirely and with their whole being. My heart is too big for my chest, and it leaks into every fiber of everything I do. What I wouldn't sacrifice to be able to turn them off for just one day, one day of peace, from allowing them to interfere with my life.

(Can psychopaths still love? Or is that a luxury I earn for the torment)

Late but posted

[dyinghighalive]

I thought about it the other day. What happened in October could have killed me. You admitted it, too. So why is it that you put off calling for months, and even then, I had to be the one to figure it out on my own through tears?

(What do you mean you knew it was that dangerous?)

[dyinghighalive]

⚠️ AOT SPOILER ⚠️

Do you think the bloody ocean scene in AOT was a direct call out to the second of the plagues of revelation as a visual signifier that Eren was about to truly wipe o rival gods plan?

(I love the cannibal anime)

[dyinghighalive]

How's the search for the one person you depend on? How the search going for the one who would let you drink their blood to death if you needed to? The one who's very presence calms the hatred in your mind, who's very existence on the planet is what centers you back to being human.

(To all those who view themselves as the vampires)

[dyinghighalive]

I see you in places I have no business seeing you. I see you in the cold air of my fan hitting my face at night. I see you in the warmth of the sun during my breaks at work. I see you in the reflection of the ring on my left hand. But every time I reach out, all I find is the miles between us.

(I see you every day but I'm forgetting your face)

[dyinghighalive]

I imagine coming back from the dead is like getting over an illness you've been battling for years. Or an injury that takes years to heal. Because what do you mean the pain that started to embody your very being is just gone one day? You just got comfortable asking for help with what you can no longer do, and now you suddenly shouldn't need the help. I imagine the lack of pain is more uncomfortable than the pain ever was in the first place. And coming back from the dead is lack of that emptiness all over. Imagine having to remember how to breathe for the first time again.

(The ache that dictated your entire life)

[dyinghighalive]

The level of enlightenment I feel right now is the kind that eldritch horrors warn of when they speak of comprehending themselves. My whole body moves as one and I'm too painfully aware of every part itself maddening.

(High at work)

[dyinghighalive]

You sat on a bench in my dream. It was an old bench, and it dipped under your weight, so I wouldn't sit next to you too. At least, that's why I said I wouldn't sit down. I wonder where that red bench is outside my head?

(Why couldn't I bring myself to join you?)

[dyinghighalive]

You wanted to kill someone in my dream. I don't know who or why, but I blushed when you tried. So I know it was for me. But don't be like me. Don't self sacrifice for anyone like I do.

(The only thing I could recall enough to write for my dream last night)