Dylon

We all have something to share and this is my story. Right here. Right now. Therefore, welcome to my safe haven!

[dyloncaleb]

bonny - “to attractive or beautiful.”

babe, it’s not your personality or your touch that makes them a hideous human. it’s not the way you walk or the way you talk. it’s not the tears that only you see at night that makes them more vile. it’s who you are - it’s the beauty that you illuminate when the sun shines on your body. it’s the artistry that you create when you look in the mirror and your smile that makes birds sing ever so gallantly at your glamor of self-love. it’s their insecurity, their self-doubt because no one’s loved them the way you have. put your hand on your heart. do you feel that? you’re still alive. your attractive, your beauty, you are what makes those who are right for you gravitate towards you. it’s your smile, your humor, the way the stars align new friendships because oftentimes, friendships are better than relationships. bonny, a beautiful word to express fondness. do me a favor and self-reflect in the mirror and remind your inner-child who you are. because failure doesn’t exist with you. you’ve tried everything to help a dishonorable person love themselves. now it’s your turn. love you. LOVE YOU!

— Dylon Caleb

[dyloncaleb]

feelings:

it’s not the sun, the motion of running through flowers in a field, the wind howling at your name. it’s the awareness of knowing yourself, how you do your nightly routine, the way you talk to yourself in the mirror, do you boost your morale or beat up your confidence, do you find beauty or pain within. feelings to feel attached, or attracted. do you honor the gift that fruits came baring to give? remember, that you’re a dreamboat, a mountain that can stand on its own. you can have feelings, but feel good within yourself. don’t self deprecate what you hold. you’re a king or queen, a fortress to be worshipped. before him or her, they or them, comes you first. feel what you feel, love whom you may love, but never allow someone to break down your walls for there own selfishness. allow your glory to shine, allow your heart to feel who’s inside. as a good of friend of mine reminds, heaven doesn’t have bunk beds six feet underground. make your now the best present of your life. the feeling of loving you. the feeling of giving you the joy no one else can offer.

— Dylon Caleb 🤍

[dyloncaleb]

love isn’t real:

i see the doors close. i feel the heat rising from the ground. i am running from the voices in my head. because i want this so badly, but it doesn’t want me. this is my imprudence, my defeat, my misery. i wish i could explain why i do this to myself. it’s like a dehiscence on my heart that constantly gets replaced with fallacy. love isn’t real. those who say i love you, i judge myself for falling into the trap of disarray. if there was an emmy that went to how many times i’ve failed in the emotion of lust i’d be the most awarded. i’m sure somewhere love exists, but in my libra moon it’s nonexistent. maybe i’m to bold, to brave, or i’m just to impassible to the notion of my own sickness (love).

— Dylon Caleb

[dyloncaleb]

to grow:

it’s time to start over. relive a journey that you once bestowed to yourself before. a living, a long, a life that you gave up for the wrong. grow my flower-child as your wings swell upon the people who sit below you sniggering that would make any normal person sick. the weak can’t break the halo that you were gifted. don’t sit down in lack and don’t allow love to break your soul. for it’s time to amplify what your mom created. a gift baring charm, a profound lambency. go. don’t look back. don’t allow darkness to take away from you. son, daughter, a person of someone else — it’s your turn to fly, it’s your turn to grow.

— Dylon Caleb

[dyloncaleb]

you know that feeling when you feel you’re not loved anymore? yeah, i’m feeling it.

[dyloncaleb]

please don’t break my heart.

[dyloncaleb]

I never -

I never left that little boys body. I never forgot his pain. I never forgot the abuse. I never forgot his scars. I never forgot his first real smile. I never forgot his parents abandoning him. I never forgot him being taken advantage of. I never forgot when I said no, and he wouldn’t stop. I never forgot his first time getting drunk. I never forgot his first time getting high. I never forgot his first argument. I never forgot him trying to take his life. I never forgot him crying and blaming himself. I never forgot his trauma. I never forgot him crying more. I never forgot him feeling alone. I never forgot him, and I’m still trying to figure him out. I am him.

[dyloncaleb]

It’s like that one time when I fell down the stairs and my parents rushed to save me, but I was a kid and cried for a few minutes then I laughed. Now it’s like when I fall down the stairs I cry, and then look around, and no one is there. I feel the urge to sometimes scream louder hoping someone in my empty house would hear me, but I’m still sitting there alone, crying by myself.

[dyloncaleb]

I feel you creeping through the holes of my brain, reminding me of my worst memories, trying to poison me with thoughts that would ruin my life. I hear your deep voice telling me that you’ll win over me and that I won’t be missed or loved, and the louder your voice gets the stronger I trained myself to make you silent. It’s not my fault that I was stuck with you and anxiety — if I could I’d kick you far away. Yet you’re still stuck even when I think I got rid of you. The saying “the dog wags the tail the tail doesn’t wag the dog” is something that is true, but it takes time for me due to your abuse sitting up there in a thrown that won’t be yours forever. I know in dues time of me progressively reminding myself how much worth, how much love, how much people are around me will put an eviction notice on your door. Just like any abusive person/thing it gets easier for me to tell you no and walk away. Using my GOD as my escape goat, because when I pray for happy thoughts I feel I get answered by him. You might be taking a shuttle, plane, train and even a car through my memory lane but you won’t get the chance to hear a bullet go through my brain. I’ve silenced you enough to make sad turn into das and das not what we’re gonna be (sad). You might think you’re winning the war inside my brain, but I’m winning the award for standing tall by myself in a room full of what you don’t like — happiness. Now although you’re thinking you’re an achiever right now; just wait. Last time I checked God don’t like ugly, and you’re sure full of it.

It’s time for you to check out depression.

[dyloncaleb]

I’m sorry that you’re so insecure about yourself that you have to put me down. Wait, let me give you a head start so you don’t think I completely don’t like you. I met you - like every movie starts. You made yourself seem like I could fall on you, trust you, listen to you and give you a mile to run for. Yet, every single arguement my trust faded away because every secret I’d tell you would make its way in our arguements. Never have I been the one to throw things in your face, cheat on you, bring up your darkest moments but it’s okay for you to do all of those things? I’m sorry that you can’t treat people with an ounce of respect, and you find the most vulnerable people and destroy everything great about them. You’d remind me when you threw things in my face “I want you to realize how much better I am” and that is not the case. How much better you are for me to never tell you anything again? I don’t want anything to do with it. I’ve dated toxicity and I left that on read. It took me a long time to be the bigger person and walk away, but with you, someone I really love it will be hard but bigger people do the right things. I just hope you don’t continue to destroy men’s heart, the mind of making them overthink, and continue your vicious cycle of cheating like I’m some kind of toy.

Sincerely the bigger one.

[dyloncaleb]

I wish people didn’t have secrets... and also were honest, but we live in a world where if you care to much you will get farted on the most.

[dyloncaleb]

It kind of felt like a baseball when your eyes landed on me. The hit of your love vibrated radio waves that sent signals to my heart. The painting you created of yourself was almost as beautiful as a  Mona Lisa, but your shadows in the dark became the stronger part of you. It was like you were Batman during the day and the Joker at dawn. I still see the good in you but it’s all slowly fading away. Not as bad as a Nightmare on Elm Street, but like a snowball that is quickly melting away. Don’t burn to fast because you’ll lose the good, and that’s me. The Quinn to your Joker can only take so much of this.

[surqrised]

“It is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.”

— Henry Rollins (via meineluft)

[dyloncaleb]

My head suddenly hurts when I think of you. It’s not because of you, but the feeling that you’re giving up, or maybe you already gave up, but your comfortable and stay. It’s painstakingly hard for my brain to encounter another hurt with a man that I truly love more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I try to not worry, ask you or tell you my feelings because it only makes you more annoyed with me. Is my feelings not valid though? As I sit back and cry during the night I allow you to continue with your secrets. I just hope you’re an honest man and don’t hide everything from me. Because we’re a team I thought. I still look at you as my best friend, my lover, my sugar and as my boyfriend. But the question is, do you feel the same?

[dyloncaleb]

He’s like magic to my mind, a rocket that takes me away, a man who can make me smile without even trying. His looks, the warmth of his hands, his touch can light me up like the 4th of July. He’s not perfect. He might have a few flaws, but slowly I think we’re working on that downfall. Sometimes we’re like a rollercoaster not always going up, but I’m the man that doesn’t want any type of fake love. I don’t know what he really thinks of me, because we’re two different types of books. I’m more vocal and he’s  quiet like a mouse, but his heart is pure gold. He’s perfect to me, but don’t let this love letter be a token of granted. Listen with your and let your heart take you away.

I love you...

[dyloncaleb]

If only you were honest about the things I already know🥀

[dyloncaleb]

I was a flower blooming before the fire came and burned it, but now I’m a rose blossoming because you helped it.