flowers are how plants laugh

No one, nowhere. Poetry & prose here.

[guooey]

- A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers // kagonekoshiro

[inthefallofasparrow]

Best non-English word for 'butterfly'

Mariposa (Spanish)

Schmetterling (German)

Papillon (French)

Chouchou (Japanese)

Babochka (Russian)

Drugleis (Lithuanian)

Farfalla (Italian)

Alibangbang (Cebuano)

Sommerfugler (Danish)

Psyche (Ancient Greek)

Voting ended onFeb 25, 2023

[dystopian-dream-diary]

Pili-pala (Welsh)

[dystopian-dream-diary]

you get so alone at times that it just makes sense but does it? when does it start making sense?

[dystopian-dream-diary]

what really matters is what you do right now

[dystopian-dream-diary]

I probably can’t get that feeling back and I think it’s ok. I think it means I’ve grown out of this.

[dystopian-dream-diary]

ohh sorry that happened to you (you never learned how to think critically)

[dystopian-dream-diary]

what would it really mean to come back here and start writing without thinking about notes and followers? I mean what would it be like to write everything down, truly, exactly as it is and to realise no one cares? Recently I found my old livejournal from 2010/11 and it was so much more honest than everything that came after. I think something changed around 2012 and since then I’ve only ever been writing with an audience in mind. But then why write it here and not on paper or in a private document, just for myself? I guess I am really very lonely. I think nearly all my tumblr friends from the past have left but I’m still nostalgic for that feeling of belonging to something.

[dystopian-dream-diary]

if I still lived in London maybe we would sit opposite each other on the tube one evening by chance and I would glance over surreptitiously trying to be sure it was you until our eyes meet and you smile and say “Finn?” and I say “oh my god I can’t believe it’s been such a long time” and I get up and sit next to you so that we can hear each other better and we both say “you look great” and “what are you up to these days?” and I feel a little sick and nervous but my heart is also rising up out of its swamp and you’re on your way to a gig or something and I’m so happy to see you and then it’s my stop and as I get up you say “if you’re around we should meet up some time” and I say I’ll message you and the next day I actually do and the next week we get coffee and you’re back in my life just like that and we talk like we’ve never forgotten each other and I tell you how proud I am of you without it being weird, and how beautiful you are and how much I love you, and we help each other, and we understand each other, and I wouldn’t be in a small town in Germany reading twenty pages of your tumblr blog from 2015.

[finnualabutler]

My name is Finn. I'm 26. She/her.

Hi. For anyone who is interested, the above is my blog now. I haven’t posted regularly for quite a few years, but I’ve been doing a little more writing recently and will try to share some things from time to time.

I miss this community a lot. 

Finn

[dystopiandreamdiary-deactivated]

Most recent first: my spine still hurts from the hardwood floor and cushions she pulled down in her wine-steamed dance whilst I made tea and laughed as the pegs snapped and sheets fell again and again and our entourage atomised until we were only three and like a charm, on ‘it’s your birthday, give it one more chance,’ suddenly she had pulled a new layer of night around us, and we lay in the dark and talked about being afraid. Then our third left, to save his back, and the two of us lay there for a minute or so thinking we couldn’t possibly get to sleep here. Seems that was enough of a lullaby.      The next morning she told me we had a conversation whilst I was unconscious. She’d said I was having a bad dream and I didn’t believe her. How could it have been, if she was there?

extract from a poem about every bed I’ve ever slept in (via dystopiandreamhotel)

[dystopian-dream-diary]

actually I think I'm just upset because I realised I really do only have one friend who I can actually hang out with and I know I need to become less dependent on the internet for validation and love but it hurts I don't know ignore me I'm trash

[dystopian-dream-diary]

hi yeah i haven't been on this blog in ages but now i have a super serious blog and a personal blog which only like 3 people follow and I have nowhere to goof around and get love for my selfies so yeah hi idk I think I have nostalgia for the person I was last year

[dystopiandreamdiary-deactivated]

Visit Original Link

when we were young girls we dreamed endlessly of who we might be 

back then the whole world was a starter served before so-called reality

was shoved down our throats and rattled our bones and made us stay home cos we can’t walk at night safely

you started to smoke; I can’t answer the phone without “breathing deeply” call it ritual anxiety

summer, street corner I had nothing left to say  summer, drunken mourners  as our young hearts died that day

then we were young birds on the evening breeze  the seasons change; last chance to flee

I know you’re somewhere safer but I’ve run out of stories now I’m bleeding poetry

summer, street corner I had nothing left to say  summer, drunken mourners  as our young hearts died that day

I hope you know you’re worth more than him and me, and anything.

I never had a chance to mourn my girlhood never realised it would end and looking back I never really understood just how blessed I was to have you as a friend

the things that we’ve lost don’t return to us as constellations of the things we might have been

you drink yourself to sleep and I’m in therapy sometimes life really is as shit as it seems

yet there is still joy somewhere within me though it may be buried deep

I hope you feel it  sweet memory and I hope you remember to dream I hope you remember to dream. 

[dystopiandreamdiary-deactivated]

I sent you a postcard from Paris forgetting the first time either of us went we were together. The unwritten message: "there are still waves that crash over my breath as my train passes through your old station." There are still places we have only ever visited together. There are dreams sleeping safe between the hands of people we will never be again.

building the greatest reality:  

[finnualabutler]

Some News

After months and months of indecisiveness, I’ve finally put together my book, and I’m currently waiting for the proof copy to arrive before I put it on sale. It’s a short collection called From The Wreckage which chronicles my personal experiences with anxiety and depression, and recovery from some of the darkest periods of my life. It contains around 24 poems, including some of the most popular works I’ve posted on my blog. If I’m happy with the proof copy and don’t need to make any changes, it’ll be on sale through Lulu in early January. 

I know that many of my followers really wanted a collection of everything I wrote over the past year, but when I tried to put together that book it just didn’t seem to be working. My poems about depression didn’t fit with my poems about love with poems about random events in between and all in all the book didn’t seem to have any ‘truth’ to it. From The Wreckage may be a lot shorter than the 365 book, but I feel it has a much more honest quality to it, and is a much better example of what I wanted to achieve with my writing. 

If all goes well with From The Wreckage, I’m considering publishing another short collection of my love poetry, some of which I’m really proud of, but which simply didn’t fit into this first book. Please let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in! 

As I’ve mentioned before, I won’t be posting any new work on this blog from now on. I’m moving here, where I’ll probably be posting less, but more quality pieces. 

2013 has been an incredible year. I’ve written and achieved things I never thought myself capable of, and so much of that is thanks to your support. I will never stop appreciating that. As we move into the new year, I will be taking a step back from the tumblr community to focus on my novel, which I am still very passionate about, my studies, and my development as a writer outside of this blog. Of course, I’ll never leave you entirely. You made me who I am. Thank you. 

[dystopiandreamdiary-deactivated]

What do you mean I’m not going to be an instant visual journaling genius?

[dystopiandreamdiary-deactivated]

Mini Kaonashi embroidery!

[dystopian-dream-diary]

This is my new blog where I do weird stuff yo, my aim for 2014 is to create more!!