Her story.

My little chronicle hidden online. This is all about my life, my thoughts. my emotions. anything I feel like posting about myself. My silent sanctuary. My truest ally. Jahllyza P. Laurente. 25. Born to praise God, the one who have loved me first more...

[dziligence]

Hi, self.

Was having the feeling of being drained since.. since forever? I did not know I would be experiencing anxieties, a wide range of anxieties just because of the people around me.

This is the time when I all I could wish for was a reset button.

I happen to scroll a quote in my newsfeed, saying:

“kailan mo huling nakita

ang sarili mo na masaya?

- yung puro at tunay,

yung hindi huwad

hindi yung nakangiti ka

pero sa loob mo

nalulunod ka na pala sa luha.

Kailan?”

And I immediately read the comments and there are so many people that are trying to get by in life. And a lot of people are unhappy.

Then since I was feeling so down these past few months, I got to ask myself, “Kailan nga ba?”

I know, its too cliché to ask this kind, for some this is too petty to answer or too boring telling me that there are too many reasons to be happy.

Whenever I embrace myself to God’s word, I get the relief of being hold back from my sadness. The comfort is supernatural. Also, my heart was praying, Lord, please end this suffering and let us have your promised Kingdom, please.

I taught in one of our fellowships last Wednesday, November 3, 2021. I thought about love. What is love, how to love, how to live with love. And its never easy to follow.

Why?

Because people around me do not have the same foundation I have for love.

Sometimes I get myself so overdramatic and find myself comparing myself to them, asking, bakit sila ganito, sabi sila ang iglesia, or bakit sya ganyan, pagkatapos nya akong sabihan ng mga ganitong salita, while I was here trying to live my life the most loving way.

I guess I’m too exhausted giving myself and does not receive the love I wanted to feel. Sobra. Nakakapagod yung pakiramdam. Maybe this is the main reason my I’m overly demotivated. I can’t see any directions with my life.

I’m sad, that I can’t have the liberty to dream my own perfect wedding, coz surely, my mother will never attend.

Secondly, I can’t be the reason of someone failing to believe in life.

I seriously just wanted to put up my own business, alone, or should I say, I wanted to be alone. I wanted them to feel my absence. I am needing the feeling of being important. Am I important? Why do I feel that I wanted to be alone?

Pagod ako. Pagod ako because I wanted to be reciprocated. Or maybe I am not loving at all. I do not know how to love at all because I am exhausted.

Kailan ba ako magiging masaya.

[dziligence]

Things that I have to release.

It felt like I broke up with someone when Kaye had no choice but to agree being in a commitment with someone who pushes it thru harassment. It leaves Kaye no choice because life was on line.

I could not stop imagining things and I was asking myself why am I imagining so much. I was imagining scenarios now that they are technically committed, regardless on how they agreed on it.

I have cried three times because of Kaye. One, is because everything will change once they are in a relationship. She’ll be locked pleasing that person because she commits to that. Two, we cant have our normal lives talking our way the way we were all this time. It was really painful on my part to have lost the battle of convincing Kaye not to do it. More often than not, at the end of the day, I still thought the she’ll choose that someone over someone that understands her more than anyone, that is, me. 

Gusto ko nalang isipin na hindi naman ako nagkulang and naging masamang tao kay Kaye sakaling dumating ang araw na talagang bitawan na nya. Worst case scenario prep, kumbaga. Kaya nga hindi ako pwede maging emotionally dependent sakanya kasi tao lang rin si Kaye, it makes her limited. Ngayon pa nga lang, pinili na nya ang mali just to have time to breath.

Di mo talaga mabibli ang peace of mind.

I told her, dahil sa nangyari, natakot na ko lalo maattach sa tao. Kasi alam mo yun, kahit ikaw ang nasa tama, hindi naman parin pipiliin, dahil sa circumstances.

Minsan I was asking why am I pushing myself too hard para piliin ang views ko ni Kaye.

Ah. Maybe because she cant see what’s real and what’s not. And sayang kasi ang pagkatao niya that she gives it to someone na uubusin lang siya.

From now on, I must release myself from that dependency, kasi masyado mabigat and masakit yung iniyak ko nung thursday night, October 10. I told myself, ang dami kong pagsisisi... Pagsisisi na bakit ba ko naattach ng ganto sa taong may complicated na situation. 

Resignation was always an option sa akin. Hindi ko kasi kayang matanggap yung situation.

But I was telling myself that my value must not stop at someone who did not chose what I tell her is right. My family loves me, most of the people of work loves me, does not want me to leave because they believe in me. 

Kung sakali man dumating ang araw na hindi maging unfavorable sa akin, which I think will happen, that must be at a point were I am ready to release myself from this emotional attachment.

Ngayon palang I have to save myself by not expecting the best of both worlds, but will always be ready to help if Kaye needs me.

[dziligence]

Kaji <3

I believed you were the dog I longed for since 2015, when I was just wishing na sana magkaron ako ng aso na di ko na dapat bilhin but has breed and will take care of it no matter what happens.

I loved you the first time I saw you, kahit thru photo lang.

Sobrang lamlam ng mata mo. You feared everyone around you, but it seemed you were taken care of of your previous owner kasi ang taba mo. Mukha kang hotdog in a dog form.

I dont know what happened o ano ang nakain mo o kung ano ang nalanghap mo that you incurred sickness, na hindi ka nasave from it. I tried to give my best Kaji, but I’m sorry for not being enough for you. You lost your life because of me, I was not able to worry so much about you kasi I trust that you are a healthy dog na inaalagaan dito ni mama sa bahay.

But really, there are things that we cannot control, at hindi natin alam.. Pero Kaji, minahal kita as much as I could, I prayed for you harder than how I prayed for a partner. Because I was really ready to love you and to take care of you, kung sana nakapagsalita ka lang to tell me what to do.. Lahat kasi puro opinions and all and I just trusted a veterinarian and prayed for the best. 

We just met and it was too soon to let you go.. I have so much plans with you when you grow up, as we are seeing that you will replace Bip since halos same kayo ng breed.

Sorry Kaji, that I have failed your life.. but I will always remember you. I will always love you. :( You are my first dog that I will never forget kasi you taught me how to be a first time parent.. I will always remember you, my love. :(

[dziligence]

Was thinkin' bout..

How should you feel when somebody told you that you occupy a big chunk in their heart, even bigger than those they have valued before? I am still overwhelmed, until now, that Kaye values me that much. She even told me that I have leveled with her sister with the importance she gives me.

It overwhelms me to know that somebody loves me that much. Minsan naiisip ko nga pangjowa levels tong ganitong kaclingyhan. Nasanay na rin akong buhusan ko ng stress si Kaye sa lahat ng ganap sakin sa office. And it insults me to know she is being maltreated with words by someone na masyadong confident sa pagiintindi nung isa. I am not sure how did she come to be involved with my life pero one thing I know for sure is ayaw ko talaga sakanya (one who maltreats Kaye). And it comforts me somehow to know that all the other people that I mingle with does not like her too.

I guess I have to pause for a while, pray and release the overwhelm inside me. Im really happy, very happy knowing this.. but also, I have to be careful with everything because I still need to protect her at all costs. Someday, when I finally had the courage to leave Kajima, I will be free from the bondage of information I have with me.

Im thankful Kaye has been able to think clearly after what we've been through. All the things we talked about last August 10, 230 am to 4am meant so much to me that I am more confident that we will be careful of each other's emotions this time. She hugged me numerous times and she personally told me that she is sorry for all the pain I went through last week. We talked about it and got the clearer view of the issue. Told her I could not take it if I still talk to sir June after all that has happened. Im not sure if he has any idea of what has happened but I guess someday he will. (I was shocked to know that he planned to court me. Honestly speaking that was really one of the biggest sayang, pero ngayon, not of the right time na.)

Di ko alam how could I help her with her friend, but Im praying she could survive this. Im praying hindi ako maging selfish sa pagbibigay sakanya ng advice dahil sa ayaw ko sa taong pinaguusapan namin. May God's power rule in me trusting Him He'll do wonders to make everything fine.

[dziligence]

F.r.i.e.n.d.s

One thing, I try to watch this to somehow compare it with How I met Your Mother and second, Im having a hard time being with friends with those at work.

I do mean that Im sorry for trying to know what's the real score. Its just a shallow question that I do not think of having serious reactions thereafter. Its my first time to remove people from my IG followers list, because they cost me my friendship with Kaye.

I am not sure how she will forgive me for the things I have done. Ang ayaw ko kay Kaye ang overthinker nya masyado. Masakit lahat ng narinig ko sakanya pero walang mas sasakit parin sa sitwasyon ko dito sa bahay.

I have no true rest. Physically onti meron, emotionally no, I am really being challenged at all times since kaye and I begun being friends. I do not see that on a negative note pero issues kept on arising between us. Im still really hoping mapapatawad niya ko for being friends with June, that she could trust me again. Well sa akin it was hard to trust her again na di nya na ko iiwan before sa friendship na to but I was trying to do it again kasi it must not define our friendship. Sa ngayon, sa nangyari ngayon, hindi ko alam sakanya if she was willing to forgive me sa mga pagkakamali ko.

And dami na naming napagdaanan ni kaye. Ang dami na namang naramdaman. Ang dami na naming bes sinave ang isat isa.. only to be broken by asking one person na kinagagalitan nya. Ewan ko if it could define our friendsip pero sa akin hindi dapat. Lahat naman ng tao nagkakamali. Lahat ng tao ineearn ang tiwala ulit. Okay lang yun, hindi na siya magging open sakin sa lahat ng bagay. Okay lang yun. I deserve that. Tatanggapin ko naman what is deemed fit sa akin, kasi alam kong I could not have it all. If it is hard for her to offer the same help as before, then it doesnt matter. It its hard for me to be her friend, then what can I do besides letting go?

Sana.. sana di nya maging basehan to kung paanong dapat ang pagkakaibigan namin. Kasi nung nagkamali siya hindi ko inisip ang pagkakamali niya kundi kung gaano siya mahalaga kesa sa pagkakamali niya.

[dziligence]

😞

Sa pakiwari ko'y hanggang Hunyo ako malungkot ng dahil sayo. Gusto ko na matapos yung lungkot ko dahil sayo. Kaso bakit andito ka parin. :(

Ang hirap ipamukha sa sarili kong matatag na ako.. dahil sa totoo hindi talaga.

[dziligence]

Paalam, muli.

Ang lakas ng hatak mo sa buhay ko.

Waring ipuipo na ayaw ko na pero di sumusuko.

Bakit ba kasi?

Ano ba'ng hirap na ika'y mag-isip?

Mahirap ba talaga ang sa iyo'y magmahal?

Mahirap bang ako ang iyong minahal?

Kailangan mo ba talaga munang masaktan

Bago mo makita ay kung san ikaw na'y nakalimutan?

Ano bang silbi ng puso mong tumitibok?

Para lang sa dugo mo't mapanatili kang tumatayo?

Hindi mo masabi ang nasa isip.

Pero gawa mo'y hindi naman maitakip

Katotohanan ng nararamdaman mo'y kahit walang salita

Ramdam at naiintindihan kahit di ka makita.

Para ano't bumalik ka at saktan ako ulit?

Para lang masubukan kung maniniwala pa ko ulit?

Para saan pa at tinanggap kita?

Akala ko nama'y panghabang buhay ka na.

Hindi ko na mabilang ang luha kong inalay para sayo.

Kaswerte mo't may babaeng umiiyak dahil sa'yo.

Kung sana ay tinulungan mo tayo,

Sana'y andito pa ko, gumagapang pilit palayo sa pagsuko.

#022119

[dziligence]

Confused and unknown.

Di ko parin alam kung paano ko pipigilan ang sarili ko na hindi isiping for good na yung relationship namin ni Kelly. I do have countless doubts on him on making things work pero parang hinihintay ko nalang yung Palawan travel namin to know if things will work out.

We had an argument last night because of the things he had done 2 days before. He hasn't been caring at all. Di ko gets kung bakit kailangan magbago kapag sinagot mo na. Minsan naiisip kong ang dami kong tinatanggap sa kanya as less than what I expect to receive. Tinanong ko kung ano bang balak niya sa relationship namin. Anong klaseng pakialam ba ang meron siya sakin? For experimental lang ba, for long term ba? Ano?

Wala siyang sinasagot. Kasi, tinanong niya ako na kung nakikita ko na bang siya yung makakasama ko sa future.. sabi ko.. oo naman. Naiisip ko na yun. Siya daw kasi hindi pa. Mababaw pa yung relationship kasi 1 month palang. Para daw akong nagiging demanding sakanya. Sabi ko ofcourse you are in a relationship. Normal na may demands and may expectations. Ang simple simple na nga ng mga hinihingi ko sakanya. Ano bang mahirap don? Lahat na nga ng ikakagaan ng sitwasyon niya nagcocompromise ako. Pero bakit ako lagi ang nagaaddjust? Di ko maramdaman na girlfriend ako :(

Hindi daw siya ready pang ipakilala ako sa parents niya..hindi daw siya handang sabihin pa sa family niya. Sabi ko.. sabi mo noon ready ka na.. :( umiiyak ako habang sinasabi ko sakanya yon. Oo ready na siya pero pagdating sa family niya hindi pa.. kasi nga 1 month palang. Hindi pa malalim. Sabi ko.. pano lalalim kung walang effort? Kung hindi naman niya ko maituring na girlfriend in the first place. Di niya pwede sabihin saking di siya expressive kasi dumating nga kami sa point na ganito. Kasi naramdaman ko naman siya.

My point of confusion is.. how should I stop myself from thinking that I want to go serious with him? Like planning to do things and to work things out? Na kahit na marami pang mangyaring problema walang bibitaw? How should I treat him when he told me na wag ko muna isipin na kami na hanggang sa huli kasi marami pang pwedeng mangyari?

:'(

[dziligence]

Oct 22 2018

Halos dalawang buwan lang pala ang itatagal ng pagaabang ko para magdecide siyang gusto nya ng ituloy sa next level. Siguro effective rin yung paraan na wala ako pinapakita sa kanya ng hint na ayokong mawala siya. Kung gusto niya umalis, so be it. If gusto niya friends lang, maging fair siya and hanggang friends lang dapat talaga.

Funny last night, Oct 23, (coz its Oct 24 already) how he thought of his term of endearment for me. Ended up with Pangga. Hihi kilig me

We watched Hintayan ng Langit tonight. Yung iyak ko parang dun sa 100 tula. Yan ata yung sumunod na movie sobrang natouch ako sa pagmamahal ni Lisa kay Manalo. May umextrang bata nga lang at tinawanan ako 😒😒😒

Pero I wouldn't have it any other way. Masaya akong si Kelly kasama kong nanuod. Kinomfort niya rin ako kahit habang natatawa siya dahil naiiyak ako. Hahahaha kakabadtrip.

We sat at the park of Greenfield district. Mas gusto ko siya kesa sa Ayala Triangle. Hehe!

Ang payapa sa pakiramdam na kahit di kami naguusap, okay lang ako, kasi andiyan siya, kasama ko. We talked about our exes and all the ridiculous stuff na open naman ako pagusapan. Unti unti kong inoopen sarili ko sakanya. Dares him na alam ko namang kapag kako may di ka nagustuhan, mawawala ka lang ulit. Told him napapagod na ko na lagi akong iniiwan. Sabi ko, kung makakakita ka ng rason to leave, just do it. Ganun naman e. Laging sarili yung pinipili.

All of his answers were bearable to hear. Kaya ko siyang tanggapin. Wala akong nararamdaman pang alarma na baka imistreat niya ko soon.

I'm praying for us. Sana po, Yahweh, bumalik si Kelly kasi siya na. Sana po, siya na.

#latemidnight #latemidnightdrama #Sana

[dziligence]

Gusto kitang mahalin...

Kaso ikaw, gusto mo rin ba?

[dziligence]

What to do.

When its already 1 am and you are trying to study for midterms exam and yet you are here trying to grasp the fact that you are lonely because of an individual that does not think the same way you do when it comes to taking risks and maturity.

Bakit kasi! Bakit kasi hindi nalang maging matapang ang isang tao to take risks. Bakit ba kasi ako natatakot. :(

Im afraid of pushing people away. Baka kasi ako ang magsisi sa huli. Na sa kakagamit ko ng utak I'd forget how to feel for another person.

Pero sa totoo lang ang hirap magpigil. Isang taon ko bang lolokohin sarili ko?

:(

[dziligence]

Kelly.

One day I’ll send this link to you, to tell you how I first felt when you told me that you liked me but was not ready enough to commit.

One word. It was crazy.

Asking me to stay the same and telling me something good will come out of us, just take things slow.

Admitting you are not mature enough that’s why you want us to be friends for the mean time because you want to mature. Because you do not want to hurt me again.

That everything you do is true, that you know your limits when treating a friend - that I totally disagree. You have been very consistent in chatting me even when I end the conversation already.

Sana if you really know your limits you would have known how your actions would affect me. Friends? Nanonood ng movie together for how many times since august?

Andun na tayo sa wala kang close na babaeng kaibigan kaya ako nakakatanggap ng ganong treatment. Pero still, you cannot treat me with something out of the ordinary as friends. Hanggang dun lang, panindigan mong hanggang dun lang. Stop treating me special kasi hindi naman ako special child. Friends are just friends like occassional chats would be fine, not like this na nasasanay na akong nandiyan ka. Unfair ka sakin. Pano feelings ko?

Not that I am a hopeless romantic, pero in rational thinking mas maganda kung its all or nothing. Parang nangyayari kasi you want me to stay while you are still growing. Na kahit naman tulungan kita kung di ka pa willing wala namang mangyayari. Ako bilang tao nagmature lang naman ako sa paghandle ng relationships dahil nasaktan na ko numerous times, although hindi ganun kagrave tulad ng nakararami, kasi alam ko self worth ko. Hindi mo naman ako makikita kung hindi ako mawawala.

This time I wont let my emotions blur my self worth. If you do not see and understand from where I’m coming from, it would be hard for us to understand our relationship. Better leave than hurt. (but in leaving of course it will incorporate pain as well. But atleast I could move on.) 

Ayoko ng taong hindi sure sakin. Ayoko ng taong play safe. Gusto ko yung willing magtake ng risk para sakin kasi nakita na niya na worth ako ng risk, sa saya at sa sakit. 

Ewan ko sa’yo Kelly. 

[dziligence]

One Day.

I have no idea that it would have a story like Love, Rosie. Its just starred Anne Hathaway that immediately caught my heart’s attention. 

It was bittersweet, as always. It was about two people who treat each other like their better half but was always afraid to admit, simply because they knew that they want to do things otherwise, opposite of their own.

I thought of Gabby here, if he had thought the same. Somehow I did thought if we were a thing, if something would happen intimately someday. But I think, the difference between us and the movies, is that maybe really we will never be entertaining the fact that we could be together. We do have differences that contributes largely in our lives right now that the other is not willing to be a part of.

Somehow, admittingly,I get jealous of his other girl friends whom he tags with nonsensical things. I wonder why. Haha. But I immediately give it a shrug and tap myself to say, “Hey, he has learned to stand on his own ‘coz you helped him to, right?” And I must be happy for him for finding such kind of confidence and friends. I don’t know if they are for keeps but Gabby is smart enough to screen these things.

Still I’m grateful that he still has this unique bond with me, every month of the year, and more gratefully, the Christmas Dinner that he pushes so hard. Haha!

A real friend for keeps, right. I don’t know if how long the friendship will be, but I will always know in my heart that Gabs has made me feel I’m important as a human, and as a friend, maybe a family as well, too.

If ever I will sleep for good, I hope he could read this and I hope I could make him realize that he has matured waaay to far compared to Jayson that I first met. And I’m proud of him, and I will always love him as he was a part of my ups and downs, a part of my life. Thank you, for being one of my life’s gems. <3

[dziligence]

100 Tula Para Kay Stella

One of John Paul Laxamana's masterpiece. JC Santos really gave justice to Fidel's character, kung paanong naramdaman ko ang sakit na naramdaman niya nang malaman niyang hindi na sila pwede ni Stella. It was somehow a typical love story that has a heartwrenching, tearjerking ending. It felt like I'm Drunk, I Love You, but it has gave me a more painful burn in the chest, the way JC cringed in pain while crying in front of Stella. Hanggang ngayon nasasaktan ako. Huhu. This was the 2nd time I cried in a movie theater, next to A Second Chance. Hindi naman ako broken hearted pero they have this magical way of transmitting their emotions to their viewers. Huhu. I hope JC Santos would be given a huge break because he really deserve such. *still crying inside* How I wish I could find a man like Fidel. *sobs inside since I'm in the office. Huhu*

[dziligence]

Birdshot. Pauwi Na. Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino. Natulala ako.

Never have I thought na magkakaron ng mabigat na impact sakin ang dalawang pelikula na to. Inisip kong nat ulad lang siya ng mga napanuod ko sa Cinemalaya. Pero hindi. Masyadong pinabigat ng mga ito ang damdamin ko.

Birdshot.

Cruelty ng lipunan na nagsisimula sa mga nagbabantay ng presinto. Dito pa lang makikita mo ng walang magiging laban ang mga taong walang kakayanang magbayad. Ang kalaban nila ay hindi tao, kundi pera. Kahirapan. Kahirapan parin ang ugat ng mga bagay na ‘to. May mga taong nais makuha ang ebidensiya ng katotohanan pero may mas malaking hahadlang para sa sariling kapakanan. Ang tao’y sumisigaw ng hustisya pero tao rin mismo ang nagkakait nito. Tao laban sa tao. Lahat naman ng tao gustong mabuhay ng naaayon sa karapatan niya, pero sadyang masama ang nakapaligid sa mundo. Paano ang tao? 

Nawa’y magkaron ng aktwal na boses ang mga kaluluwang hindi natatahimik. Nawa’y hindi sila makalimutan ng Diyos kapag oras na Niyang ipaghiganti ang tao sa masama.

Tumatak sa isip kong.. hindi biro ang mag-isa. Hindi rin tama na ilayo natin ang mahal natin sa buhay sa katotohanan at batas. Bawat tao’y may karapatan na hindi dapat nakabatay sa pera ang pagkamit nito. 

Naisip ko’y, salvation ng Diyos ang makakafulfill ng justice na hinahanap ng tao.

Pauwi Na.

Isang pamilya na nagnanais makarating sa ninanais na kaginhawaan sa buhay. Sabi nga sa isang review, hindi sinabi kung saang probinsiya sila uuwi, dahil ang patutunguhan nila ay nagsisilbing simbolo ng paraiso para sakanila. They took the risk of travelling that far and have gone beyond what is legal until they reach the farthest that they can. Ang pelikula na to ay nagsisimbolo ng katotohanan at realidad sa buhay ng isang pamilyang Pilipino. Ang pagmamahal. Sa kabila ng kahirapan, ang sama-samang pagtahak ng landas na kahit hindi sila sigurado ay kinuha parin nila ang pagkakataon para lang sa pag-asang makakaraos din sila. Na ang pagtulong ng Diyos sa tao ay hindi sa pamamagitan ng pagbigay niya ng yaman o instant na solusyon sa mga bagay, kundi sa kung paano niya kayang baguhin ang pagkakataon para magkatugma ang pangyayari upang magkaron ito ng resulta o konklusyon. Sa simula palang ng storya ay nakikita na ni Isabel si Hesus pero wala namang binigay na ginto o nagbigay ng numbers sa lotto para maiahon sila sa kahirapan. Ang sabi niya sa isang eksena, lahat naman ng tao nakakaranas ng paghihirap. Ang tanong lang, ano ang gagawin mo? Totoo ‘to. Dahil may free will ang tao, siya ang may kakayanan na gumawa ng hakbang para sa kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari sa buhay. 

Nagbigay rin ito ng pahiwatig sa mga taong may blind faith. 

Isabel: “Kapag may nagsabi bang maganda ang ulap, maniniwala akong maganda ang ulap?” 

Remedios: “Kapag may nagsabi sa’yo, maniwala ka na lang.” 

Isabel was the perfect symbolism for people living in blind faith. I just hope that people like this understand what they are up to living in that kind of faith.

Nasaktan ako nung wala silang choice kundi iwan si Pina sa lugar kung san siya namatay. Wala silang pera para dalhin pa siya. Nasaktan din ako nung ikulong si JP. HIndi siya masamang tao, wala lang siyang magawang paraan kaya out of desperation, nagawa niya ang mga bagay na yon. Boiling down again on poverty.

Unti-unti silang nalagas. Nasaktan ako sa ideang yun. They traveled altogether as a family without any idea what would happen to them. Naglakbay silang baon ang bahala na at tatag ng kalooban at ang pananampalataya. That’s when I realize, anything could really happen. That is when I understand why should we not waste any chance to love all that matters to us, especially, our family. Kapag nawala ang buhay, hindi mo na siya maibabalik. Kahit ialay mo pa ang sarili mong buhay, wala na. Ang patay ay patay na.

There was also black humor regarding religion. I always loved it when indie films criticize religion. Sobrang lakas ng impact. Sobrang lakas na medium. Kumbaga sigaw para sa lahat ng nais makarinig. Yung mga magagalit, dapat muna nilang alamin, saan ba nanggagaling ang mga crisitismo na ito?

At the end of the story.. the family was left with nothing but faith. That’s how Filipino family is. Living and surviving through faith. Faith of what could happen, basta tuloy lang ang buhay. Ganun talaga e. Wala silang choice but to continually live and see where faith could lead them.

The casting was superb. I think it’s perfect.

Family will always be family. No matter what.

[dziligence]

○

Sa palagay ko.. you'll always be that hole in my heart. I may have erased your photos but the pain is in existence. Sobrang lungkot ko. Sobrang weak ko.

[dziligence]

Kelly.

Di ko alam bakit feeling ko may hard feelings ka sakin. Alam ko ata ang sagot pero hindi ako sigurado. Sa pakiramdam ko na to ito lang ang masasabi ko sayo. Hindi madali para sakin tanggapin ang maiwan ako sa ere. Tanggapin mo man o hindi, bigla kang nagbago, na parang wala lang sayo. Sa dami ng pinagsamahan natin na masaya tayo, ang dali sayong mawala nalang lahat, dahil uncertain ka sa gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo. You cannot hate me for trying to pour myself out. But trust me, they do not know the whole story. I kept my promise that they would never know. They just know that you left me hanging. Yun lang. Affected parin ako kasi di ko parin matanggap. Or baka bits and pieces of you nalang to. Magiging okay rin ako. In God's time mapapatawad rin kita. I hope that you'd be happy. I've learned so much from you.