Quirky nicknames aside, my friends call me Ericca, yes with 2 C’s. 35+, Wife, Mother, and Nerd, especially for MCU. I mainly write fluff, a little smut, and angst for Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Brock Rumlow, Dean Winchester and a few other miscellaneous characters. Things I post and reblog generally aren’t for minors (18+ please) Thoughts/Masterlist
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Dean/Demon Dean Winchester x F! Reader
Warnings: Some swearing, implied smexy time, smooches, syringes/needles, blood ritual of turning a demon back to a human, a little violence, and of course some fluffy bunnies and unicorns.
A/N: I’m putting the author’s note before the summary because this fic is another spin on episode 3 of season 10, when Sam cures Dean from being a demon. I must have watched that episode and certain parts of that episode countless times and I even inserted some of the same dialogue between the brothers used in the episode. I just wanted to add another element to the mix. I hope you like it. I didn’t know who to tag so I just tagged my normal Dean readers. If you’re not around anymore or into it, it’s ok. I understand.
Word Count: 8.8K-ish
Summary: After tracking down Dean and bringing him back to the bunker, you and Sam began the long process of trying to turn him from demon back to human again. The ritual does work but would the mark of Cain allow you to change him back? Back to the man you love? Or will it kill him instead? You’re willing to try anything.
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
Sam was very adamant that he didn’t want you to watch.
He wanted you anywhere else but in that room with him, with Dean, with the man you loved more than anyone in the world. He was bound tightly to a chair with that red hot scorching glare coming from his eyes. Unrecognizable to you, that wasn’t the Dean you fell in love with…it was something else, something cold, something evil.
His loud, demonic growl echoed throughout the bunker so it didn’t matter if you were in the room with him or not. You could still hear his screams that traveled from the surface of your skin and burrowed deep down into your bones. But Sam still didn’t want you to watch or hear what Dean had to say, the horrible things he had to say that you knew he didn’t mean.
Before he left the bunker to pick up the purified blood for the ritual that would hopefully turn Dean back into a human, Sam made you promise not to go in that room. It killed you to agree, but you did. But it didn’t stop you from standing outside that room, listening, wondering if the man you loved was still inside, and hoping that Sam could save not just his brother but your husband, as they were one in the same.
**********
A Few Months Ago
The two of you worked tirelessly to find out where Dean was, did unspeakable things to get the information you desperately needed, and you didn’t care who you had to hurt in the process. Sam tried to do most of the heavy lifting to keep your conscience clear but you were a hunter too and had no problem torturing any demon or anyone else to try and find out where Dean and Crowley were hiding.
You didn’t care what the note he left behind had said. He doesn’t get to just walk away from the life you’ve built together.
Let Me Go.
Dean wrote the words but he didn’t leave his ring behind which hopefully meant he was still wearing it. It gave you solace that the man you married was still in there, that he wasn’t just a mindless demon, and that he still loved you.
**********
“That guy tried to kill him, Sam.” You had said, while looking at the footage from the convenience store.
Sam replied, “And he’s not the only one who’s trying, y/n. That’s why we have to find him.”
Sam wanted you to stay behind. The trail of bodies and debauchery Dean had left in his wake was something Sam was trying his hardest to make sure you didn’t see because you would never be able to unsee it, especially the video footage from the strip clubs and karaoke bars.
The surveillance camera footage from the convenience store was the first time you had seen Dean with the black eyes. The demon's eyes, like a doll’s eyes or a shark’s eyes. They’re soulless with no emotion or feeling behind them. Those eyes sent a sharp shiver down your spine and you thought to yourself that he might as well be dead. Those were not his beautiful spring green eyes you fell in love with and that you desperately wanted back.
“I want him back, Sam. I need him back!” You demanded with tears in your eyes.
You weren’t the only one who needed him back.
“I do too. We’ll find him. We’ll get him back.” Said Sam.
*********
Every night he was away, your dreams were tortured by all of the confusion, the anger you had for Crowley for taking him, and the self-doubt. Did he just not love you enough? Why didn’t he fight the mark harder? But the mark is probably what brought him back to life in the first place.
With the pillow cradling your head, you tried your hardest just to get even an hour’s worth of sleep at night but those two endless pools of black were the only things you could see when you closed your eyes.
The blood turned to ice in your veins while an eerie sensation inched slowly up the back of your neck like Dean’s demon eyes were watching you in your bed even though you knew they weren’t.
Repeatedly, you’d reach for him on his side of the bed at night, only to be met with the cold, empty space of where he used to sleep. You remembered burying yourself into his warm chest at night and how he’d pull you in close, wrap his strong arms around you to keep you warm and safe every night.
Crying out into the unwelcoming darkness, you said you’d give anything to have that again and no matter what that note said, you weren’t just going to let him go.
Fuck that. Fuck that demon. And fuck Crowley for taking him from you.
**********
Now: Inside the Bunker
As a hunter, you knew how to be light on your feet. You knew how to be quiet, to sneak up on the enemy, and to hide well without being seen. But you could never hide from Dean. You could be as quiet as a church mouse and he’d find you. He would always find you.
The demon holding room with the devil’s trap permanently placed on the floor was where Sam put Dean after capturing him. He was finally tired from struggling to try and free himself from the restraints, so you just sat on the other side of those shelves and patiently waited for Sam to come back.
With your back resting against some old boxes, you weren’t sure how long you had fallen asleep for but a deep, gravelly voice woke you.
“Sweeeeeetheart…I know you’re there. I can smell your perfume.” Growled Dean.
Shit.
You couldn’t see him but you could tell he had a sly smile on his face and no matter how much you wanted to, you didn’t respond. You just let him talk.
“It’s the blood orange one I got you for Christmas, isn’t it. I love that one on you.” He said with a deep inhale and long exhale.
“Sam wouldn’t let me see you when he brought me in here. I bet you look as beautiful as ever. But I gotta say, there are a LOT of beautiful women out there, especially at those strip clubs. Well, I’m sure you saw them on that surveillance footage. The one in the red, white and blue bikini with the cowboy boots, smooth, tan skin, really made me wonder why I got married in the first place!” He yelled out.
You kept telling yourself that he didn’t mean it, that wasn’t your husband talking, and he was still in love with you. Dean was still wearing his wedding ring. You saw it. He didn’t take it off and leave it somewhere, he still had it on, so your husband was still inside that demon somewhere.
Was he saying these things to get you to talk to him, to engage with him when Sam specifically told you not to? He told you to wait until he got back but it was difficult to stop yourself from moving those shelves, walking up to him, and punching him right in the nose.
His words still hurt though, they made you angry as tears stung the back of your eyes and you desperately tried to not make any noise while sitting perfectly still on that hard, cold floor.
“And then there was this blond bartender that kept giving me the eyes. I mean, I thought I got laid a lot before but these women wouldn’t leave me alone! I had some serious thoughts, sweetheart. If you could have seen what was inside my head, you would have been disgusted…” Dean continued before you couldn’t take it anymore and cut him off.
You screamed angrily, opened those hidden shelves, and took long strides over to the vile creature that looked like your husband and just started punching his perfect face. Large tears welled up in your eyes, making it difficult to see before spilling over and streaming down your cheeks as you continued to punch him.
While his face healed as soon as you hit him, your knuckles turned red and began to throb with intense pain. Dean just looked at you with a devilish grin on his face then began to laugh at your pain. He got what he wanted. He had broken you.
Between your screams and Dean’s laughs, you didn’t even hear Sam come in. His arm was still in the sling so he only had one free arm but that was all he needed to pull you off of Dean.
“Y/N!!! STOP!! You promised me you wouldn’t come in here!! You know that’s not Dean talking!” Yelled Sam.
He saw the tears in your eyes and as fresh sobs tore loose, you collapsed against his chest and he softly cradled your head to try and comfort you as best he could.
You tried to grind out some words between clenched teeth but you were so upset that your speech was incoherent and jumbled so Sam continued to tightly hold you and keep you away from Dean whose lips curled into an evil grin as his eyes met Sam’s.
“Aw, come on Sammy! Should let her keep goin’! Let her get that aggression out! I’ve been gone a few months soooo…unless…” Dean paused. “You’re holding my wife kinda tight there, Sam. You two haven’t been…ya know…” He asked with narrowed eyes.
Before Sam had pulled you off of Dean, he had placed the cooler with the blood in it on the table, in the syringes, and ready to be administered.
Your cheeks were still flushed with rage as your arms dropped to your sides, and you walked away from Sam. Your muscles stiffened and you developed tunnel vision as you walked toward the table, opened the cooler, gently picked up one of the syringes, removed the cap and said, “I’m not the one who left, Dean. I’m not the one on camera dangling dollar bills in front of strippers, trying to touch them, and doing probably many other things that I don’t know about! You’re the one who left a note that said ‘Let me go’, remember?! So, according to you, I’d have every right to invite whoever I’d like to into my bed, including your brother. Isn’t that right?!!” You yelled.
Dean angrily clenched his fists together. Clearly what you had said, upset him so you decided to keep going to see how far you could take it. Maybe you could get him to snap just like he got you to.
“Oh…you don’t like that, do ya baby?” You asked him softly.
Dean struggled against the ropes as low growls escaped his lips.
You continued, “You don’t like the idea of Sam sleeping next to me at night, do ya? Sleeping in your spot, his hands resting on my hip, pulling me flush against his chest, kissing that spot where my neck meets my shoulder like you used to do.”
Nervously, Sam interrupted, “Uh y/n, I’m, I’m not sure you should be saying stuff like this to him.”
“Oooh, you hate that idea, don’t you. The thought of that kills you, doesn’t it.” You said.
Dean looked away as you slowly walked toward him with the flask of holy water in one hand and a syringe of purified blood in the other.
Sam tried to stop you, “Wait y/n, stop!”
He reached for you but it was too late.
Dean growled and snarled at you but you threw holy water on him and with the sound of the holy water sizzling against his skin, you stuck him in the arm with syringe number one.
“I love you more than anything, Dean Winchester! And I would NEVER do anything like that to you!! You’re my husband and I know you’re still in there!!” You shouted in his face before throwing the empty syringe on the floor.
Briefly, you could see his face change from sly demon back to the man you loved but back to the demon again before letting out what sounded like a guttural cry of pain.
“I hate needles, sweetheart. You didn’t even warn me.” Said Dean.
Sam answered, “Yeah well, we hate demons.”
He motioned for you to follow him out of the room even though you didn’t want to leave Dean alone but you couldn’t give him any more blood quite yet. Sam turned the light off and shut the door behind you, leaving Dean alone to prepare for when the two of you would return later on to give him another shot.
Frustrated and practically foaming at the mouth, you stalked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.
“You want one?” You asked Sam, holding the bottle out for him to take.
Sam accepted and replied, “Yeah, thanks. We should probably switch to coffee after this though. We have 7 more of these shots to give in 7 hours so it’s gonna be a long night, Y/N.”
The two of you sat in silence at the kitchen table. You could only imagine what was going through Sam’s head right now, just as he could only imagine what was going through yours. Everything the two of you had been through the past few months from tracking Dean down, learning he was a demon, to making the decision that you weren’t just going to let him go and that you were going to cure him. You were going to get your husband back and Sam was going to get his brother back, no matter the cost. That moment was here now. He was in the other room and you were going to look into his eyes again and see moss green, not pitch black.
“I’m sorry, Sam.” You said, swiping a tear away from your cheek. “I know you told me not to go in there until you got back but he broke me. He kept going on about the strippers and this bartender that I don’t want to believe he slept with but…” Your voice cracked as another tear spilled over and streaked down your cheek.
Sam interrupted, encasing his hand over yours, “Hey, hey…listen to me y/n! Look at me! My brother, your husband, is still in there! He would NEVER hurt you like that. No matter what he says…that’s not him talking!”
“But what if he is trying to push us away, Sam?! What if he actually thinks that being a demon is what he actually wants?!” You asked.
Sam shook his head and angrily replied, “No…he doesn’t get to just quit. We are a family and he doesn’t get to just walk away from us!”
He quickly drank the rest of his beer, slammed the bottle on the table and headed back toward the demon holding chamber.
As the door swung open, Dean picked his head up and without breaking stride, Sam snatched another syringe off the table and injected it into the back of Dean’s neck. The growling and snarling that followed echoed loudly throughout that room as goosebumps danced across your skin and your hands began to shake.
Six more shots to go.
Both of you were unsure of whether or not this was actually going to cure Dean because as he said before, he does still have the mark of Cain also. The blood could be curing him but it also might be killing him.
There was only one way to find out which one it would be and time was starting to run together after the third shot.
Later, after a 20 minute nap and a quick bite to eat, it was time to give Dean his fourth shot. Sam went in first. He told you to stay outside the door but you wanted to see him. You wanted to see your husband or the demon that was occupying your husband.
“Where is she, Sammy? I know she’s close. I can feel her, plus I just love that perfume on her. You’re just outside that door, aren’t ya sweetheart. Come on in here, baby. Lemme see that beautiful face.” He purred.
Slowly, you walked around the corner and into the chamber. You didn’t want him to see how broken you probably still were inside by the awful things he had said to you earlier even though he could probably still feel it. You put on a cold, emotionless face for him. You stood up straight with your shoulders back but then narrowed your expression and curled one corner of your mouth into a sly smile.
Dean’s reaction was to give a wry smile back and say, “There she is. The two of you together. My brother and my wife. Two of the biggest monsters I’ve probably ever known.”
You and Sam gave each other a confused quick glance.
“What are you talking about, Dean?” You asked him.
Touching his tongue to his top teeth, Dean replied, “Oh you don’t think I know what you two did to try and find me, to try and find Crowley? Does the name Lester ring a bell, sweetheart?”
Lester was an unfortunate casualty of the carnage you left behind in your wake on your way to finding Dean and Crowley. You didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did. You tried to stop it before it went too far but you weren’t fast enough. He didn’t listen and he paid the ultimate price. Lester lost his life and his soul.
“I-I didn’t mean for…” You started to say before Dean interrupted.
“Oh but you took it there, didn’t you, baby. You looked at him with those beautiful eyes of yours, batted your eyelashes, and told him there was a way to get back at his wife for breaking his heart, right? Ya know somethin’...you two might actually be worse than me!” He barked.
You didn’t care anymore. You were going to just come out and say it because maybe Dean was right.
“Ya know what Dean? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am worse than you!” You cried.
Sam interrupted, “Y/N, DON’T!”
“Maybe I am selfish and a terrible person and when I die I deserve to go downstairs instead of up because of what I’ve done! But I wanted my husband back! I wanted you back and I didn’t care what I had to do to get you back either! Yes, it’s true Sam did a lot of the heavy lifting but he felt a lot worse about it than I did. Did Crowley tell you that too? Did he?! Of course I felt bad but I want my life back with you, Dean!” You said with your whole body shaking.
Dean growled back, “And I told you to let me go!”
“Not an option, baby! You don’t just get to quit!” You replied, shaking your head. “So I’m going to ask you and I want MY Dean to answer, NOT the demon…If you actually wanted me to let you go, then why are you still wearing your wedding ring?! Why did you get so angry at the thought of your brother in my bed, in OUR bed?!”
As you yelled in his face, you stuck him in the neck again with another shot of blood. His expression became less angry and his eyes were filled with pain and sadness. They looked more…human.
“Because you’re MY wife, not Sam’s, not anyone else’s…MINE and I love you, sweetheart! And the thought of anyone else touching you makes me…” Dean trailed off, tightly clenching his jaw.
That human moment was short lived when his voice changed back to a loud growl and the demon eyes were back but that showed you and Sam that the treatments were working.
“Oooh a little moment of weakness there but I’m back, baby. And it’s true, I do love you, but I like the new me better though. Lean, mean, Dean. And while you were there for Lester selling his soul, I actually killed him, myself.” Dean admitted.
His confession shocked you.
“Oh my God.” You whispered as your hand covered your mouth.
A deep evil laugh escaped his lips as you left the room and Sam followed close behind you and closed the door.
“He killed him, Sam!” You yelled.
Sam replied, “I think we did that first, Y/N.”
You knew he was right. You set Lester up to contact the crossroads demon, to capture her, to torture her, to try and find out where Crowley and Dean were. And as a result of all of that, Lester sold his soul, Dean killed him and you were a horrible person.
“I am worse than he is, aren't I, Sam.” You said, sitting down in the library.
Sam pulled out a chair and sat down across from you and replied, “Maybe Dean’s right. Maybe we’re both monsters.”
With your elbows resting on the table and in barely more than a whisper, you said, “Ya know, I’m not perfect, Sam. I never have been and I’m not gonna pretend that I am. I’ve done some very questionable things in my life and honestly, the thing with Lester is probably not the worst thing I’ve ever done. And if I’m being perfectly honest, if I had to do it over again, I’d probably do it the same way in order to get Dean back. Maybe that makes me selfish but that’s how much I love him. I’d burn the world down for him.”
You let out a slight nervous chuckle as you took a sip of your bourbon. You didn’t mean to but you couldn’t help it. Sam did too.
“Am I crazy?” You asked.
Sam shook his head and shrugged as he poured more bourbon into his glass.
He replied with a kind smile, “Maybe a little. But you’re a Winchester. We’re a little crazy. We’re family.”
You smiled back, finished your drink, and set an alarm on your phone.
“Why don’t you try and catch a little nap before the next shot, Sam? He’s not going anywhere. I’ll be fine and I’ll wake you up when it’s time.” You said.
Sam replied, “You sure? I don’t know that I feel comfortable leaving you alone.”
“He’s cuffed, tied, and inside the Devil’s trap. Dean’s not going anywhere.” You said. “Just try for 20 minutes or so. You’ll feel better. We’re halfway there.”
“You promise me you’re not gonna hit him again?” Sam asked.
Your lips curled into a slight smile.
“I actually can’t promise you that, Sam. I’m sorry.” You replied with a wink.
“Fair enough.” He said. “Look, I know I said before that I didn’t want you around while I did this but I always forget you’re tougher than I think you are. I’m glad you’re helping me, Y/N.”
“Of course, Sam. We’re family.” You said with a warm smile.
Sam walked down the hall toward his room, walked in, and closed the door behind him.
You took the last sip of your bourbon, cracked your neck, and headed back toward the demon holding chamber to have another little chat with your husband.
**********
The room was eerily quiet, a little too quiet for your liking as you crept into the room and saw Dean slumped over in the chair, his eyes closed, and his full lips were parted ever so slightly. For that moment, he looked almost peaceful before he felt your presence, before he caught your scent once again. Damn that perfume.
“Damn, that stuff smells good. You don’t even spray a lot of it, do ya baby.” He growled with a slightly evil grin stretched across his lips as he touched his tongue to his top teeth.
As you narrowed your eyes at him, he winked at you. Fuck, even as a demon he turns you on. You suddenly felt an ache between your thighs that had been missing ever since he left. You’ve missed everything about him. You haven’t stopped thinking about his scent of leather and whiskey, tasting the whiskey on his lips, and catching the scent of clean cotton just as he puts on his favorite flannel shirt.
With a slight smile, you replied, “No, you don’t. That bottle should last me a long time.”
“Pull up a chair, sweetheart. Talk to me. I know you’ve missed me.” Said Dean, his eyes focused on you and inviting you to hold his gaze.
He wasn’t wrong. Those words sent fresh shivers down your spine while goosebumps erupted across your skin. Dean flashed you another sexy smile as you pulled up a chair, placed it a few feet from his, and sat down with your elbows resting on your thighs. As your heart raced, heat rushed to your cheeks, and all you seemed to hear was the beating of your own heart in your ears and feel it hitting hard against your chest while looking at how inviting his lap was as he sat helplessly bound to that chair.
“You have missed me, haven’t you, baby?” He asked, almost sincerely.
Desperately trying to hold back your tears, your gaze went from his eyes to the floor before you replied, “You know I have, Dean. Your trail of activities make me think you don’t feel the same way though.”
You swiped a tear away that escaped and trailed down your cheek.
As you tried to harden your expression, Dean replied, “I knew you would be watching so I thought it might make it easier for you to let me go and give up on me if you thought I was doing all that stuff.”
Furiously, you replied, “Did you really think we were just going to give up? That Sam and I were just going to let you go run wild with CROWLEY?!!”
The moments of clarity and human Dean were lasting longer with each shot of blood. Now you actually felt like you were talking to the man you fell in love with, your husband, and not the demon that had taken over all those months ago.
“Don’t you get it, sweetheart?! It’s not just the demon juice! It’s this fucking mark! It’s never coming off!” He yelled, as his voice echoed throughout the room.
You yelled back, “You don’t know that, Dean!!”
“Oh and you do?!” He growled sarcastically.
You didn’t care if he saw your tears now.
“At least I’m willing to try! I love you and I will try anything and everything to try and get that fucking mark off because I love you! But it sounds like you’ve given up already.” You said with tears streaming down your cheeks and your voice quivering.
“Baby, even if this works, I can’t promise that the mark isn’t gonna take over and I don’t want you around if it does! I don’t EVER want to hurt you!” Growled Dean.
Your voice cracked again as you asked, “You’re not even willing to try? For me? For Sam?”
Dean was silent as he stared at you, holding your gaze, his eyes still the color of early spring grass and not like two endless pools of black ink. You waited patiently for him to say something, anything but as the silence hung heavy in the room, you stood up and started to walk away but before you reached the door, he broke the silence.
In a very low voice, almost a whisper, Dean said, “Sweetheart, please don’t go. Don’t…don’t leave me.”
As you reached for the door handle, you turned to look over your shoulder at your husband. There was a sadness in his eyes, his very human eyes. You knew you were only halfway finished with the blood treatments and there was still plenty of demon Dean left to get rid of but at that moment you didn’t care. It had been too long since you had even touched him so without thinking of the consequences, you let your black and red flannel shirt fall to the floor, walked back over to Dean, straddled him, and let your lips crash hard against his.
He parted your lips with his tongue, pushing gently against your teeth, silently begging for his tongue to twist and knot with yours. Completely absorbed in his kisses, you moaned into his mouth while raking your fingers through his soft brown hair. Fuck, you’ve missed this. You’ve missed his full lips on yours, his teeth gently nipping at your bottom lip and along your jaw while breathlessly whispering your name in your ear.
“Dean…Baby, I’ve missed you so much.” You purred in his ear.
Dean whispered back, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I just thought that if I left that it would be easier on you and Sam and that…”
You cut him off, “You don’t get to quit on me, baby. You don’t…EVER.”
“Please let me touch you, sweetheart. Please? One free hand? It’s been too long. I’ve missed you so much.” Begged Dean, in between kisses.
“You know I can’t do that, my love.” You replied. “I wish I could. And I can feel how much you’ve missed me.”
A wet spot had formed on your panties and the painful ache between your thighs was complete torture as it had been months since Dean had touched you and you wanted him desperately. His hardening length was pressed firmly against your core and no matter how badly you wanted to release him from the ropes and the handcuffs, you knew you couldn’t until he was cured.
“Where’s Sammy?” Asked Dean.
In between kisses, you replied, “Taking a nap. Why?”
Dean stuck out his lower lip and replied, “Well, ya know I don’t really need my hands if you wanna go for a ride. Ya know what I mean, beautiful?”
He gave you a wink and you couldn’t help but clench as one side of his mouth curled up into a sly smile. It was almost like he was your Dean again but you knew he wasn’t there yet. You and Sam were only halfway finished with his treatments and that demon was still inside somewhere. But right now his perfect lips were on yours as you gently tugged on his soft brown hair and lightly scraped his scalp with your nails. And it felt so good just to be able to touch him again.
“You know I want to, baby. Oh God, I want to but I can’t…not yet, Dean.” You whined.
Aggressively, you captured his lips again as your thumbs softly brushed against his cheeks while grinding down against his crotch.
“You’re driving me crazy, sweetheart.” Growled Dean.
“We’re halfway done, baby. Please come back to me. I love you.” You whispered in his ear then kissed his cheek.
Dean gazed at you with his calming green eyes and replied, “I love you too. Kiss me again, baby.”
While the two of you made out like a couple of horny teenagers, you didn’t even hear the door open behind you. It wasn’t until you heard the sound of someone clearing their throat that you realized Sam was standing behind you.
“What happened to the 20 minute alarm?” He asked, in a slightly agitated tone.
Just as he asked the question, the alarm on your phone went off.
With your arms still snaked around Dean’s neck, you turned to look over your shoulder at Sam.
Busted.
“It’s right there. See…time to get up.” You said with a slightly scared smile, grabbing the phone from your back pocket and holding it up for him to see.
“Ah shit, Sammy. You had to ruin this too?!” Said Dean.
Confused, Sam asked, “Ruin? What else have I ruined, Dean?”
The evil smile had returned and stretched across his lips as he growled, “Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you.”
Stunned that he would say something so horrible but realizing that it wasn’t Dean talking, you still couldn’t stop yourself from slapping him across the face and then pulling another syringe from your other back pocket and sticking him in the neck with it before he even had a chance to growl and snarl at you.
It doesn't matter how many times you’ve watched it so far, each time you’ve seen the purified blood react with the demon blood, it was absolutely terrifying. The echoes of pain bounced off of the walls inside that small room. It was incredibly loud and sent sharp chilled shivers down your spine.
“That’s not Dean talking, Sam. He didn’t mean it. You know that.” You said, pushing yourself off Dean’s lap.
“I-I know. I do.” Said Sam, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the room.
Dean yelled after you, “Where ya goin’, sweetheart?!! I thought we were havin’ fun!”
As soon as you were in the hallway, you stopped Sam before he could say anything.
“I already know what you’re gonna say, Sam, so let me just save you the trouble of yelling at me, ok? I know I shouldn’t have done that but I just missed him. And it WAS him for a little while, it IS working! I was talking to and kissing Dean, not demon Dean. I haven’t touched him in months and he was right there, talking to me, telling me that he missed me, that he loved me…and that he was sorry. We can’t stop.”
Sam saw the hopeful look in your eyes and was still confident that the two of you would be able to bring Dean back.
He replied with a slight smile, “And we’re not gonna stop. Come on, we need some more coffee, ok?”
You smiled back and walked with him to the kitchen to kill some time before Dean’s next shot.
**********
After downing a couple cups of coffee, some of your energy came back but a lump formed in your throat when you walked into the demon holding room and saw an empty chair.
Shit.
Dean was gone.
You and Sam quickly came to the conclusion that while he was still a demon, he must be just human enough for the demon handcuffs and the devil’s trap to not hold him anymore. But there were two of you and only one of him. You needed to give Dean another shot and get him back inside the devil’s trap to finish his treatments.
“Sam…the bunker’s only so big. He’s around here somewhere. You don’t think he’d actually try to kill us, do you?!” You said with panic in your voice.
Sam replied, “I don’t think he’d try and kill you. Me on the other hand…”
He trailed off with a look of worry on his face.
“No, no, no…Sam, he’d never! You’re brothers!” You exclaimed.
Suddenly you heard Dean’s loud booming voice coming from across the bunker.
“SAMMY!!!” He shouted.
You and Sam decided to kill the power to the bunker so Dean would have to turn it back on. The breaker is in its own room so if you could trap him, it might make it easier for the two of you to overpower him to capture him again. But you knew it wasn’t going to be easy, Sam was down one arm and even though there were two of you, Dean still had demon strength.
You were going to have to try and outsmart him.
Armed with the demon killing blade, Sam waited patiently for Dean to turn the power back on then closed and locked the door behind him. Luckily, it was two against one. You had the handcuffs, the holy water in one back pocket, and a syringe in another back pocket.
Listening to the fear in Sam’s voice as Dean was breaking down the door with the hammer to get at him, broke your heart. You knew he’d never be able to kill Dean if he had to, just like you’d never be able to either.
“I don’t wanna use this blade on you!” Shouted Sam.
Dean retorted, “That sucks for you, doesn’t it? ‘Cause you really mean that!”
A sinister chuckle escaped his lips.
“I won’t have a choice, Dean!” Sam replied.
“Sure ya will!! And she will too! And I know which one both of you will make! Where is she, Sammy?!” He demanded.
Holding the blade out at arms length, Sam replied, “I’m not gonna tell you that, Dean.”
The next words he spoke sent chills down your spine. You didn’t want to believe them but they came from a dark place and they sent goosebumps dancing across your skin.
“Well there’s just enough demon left in me to kill you…and her!” He hissed.
No, that wasn’t your husband talking and now you were angry, actually you were pissed off and ready to finish this.
You heard Dean break free from the locked door, Sam took off to get away from him and you were keeping your distance but trying to get close enough to throw the holy water on him and slap the cuffs on him.
Outsmarting him was easier than you thought it would be. You swiped the bottle of blood orange perfume Dean bought you for Christmas off of your dresser so as a distraction, you decided to spray it down every hallway so he’d have a hard time pinpointing your location.
“Where are you, sweetheart? You’re trying to distract me but you know I’ll always find you!” He boomed. “And you know I love you guys but I gotta tell ya, I kinda like the disease!”
The scent of blood oranges swept through the bunker along with the sensual blend of musk, woods and smoky leather. You loved this fragrance because you thought it was the perfect combination of you and Dean, refreshingly zesty yet soft and warm.
Trying to be as light on your feet as possible, you crept along the faintly lit hallways of the bunker, knowing Dean was in front of you and knowing you were the one that was going to have to save Sam if Dean cornered him. You had the tools to subdue Dean but Sam had the only tool that would kill him.
With the hammer gripped tightly in his hand, Dean took a hard swing. He was aiming right for Sam’s head and you had to bite down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from screaming. Dean couldn’t know you were sneaking up behind him. Luckily, Sam’s reflexes were quick and he ducked just in time. With the hammer stuck in the wall, Dean was left empty handed and Sam held the blade to Dean’s throat.
Sam’s face was struck with worry, and filled with fear like he might actually have to kill his own brother, the brother that raised him, the one that took care of him when they were young, and the brother that reassured him that everything would be ok even when he wasn’t even sure he believed it himself. He might really have to do it or else he was going to die.
“Well…look at you.” Dean said with an evil smile, as the blade sizzled against his skin. “Do it. It’s all you.”
Sam’s expression went from fear to sadness as he let the blade drop from Dean’s throat. He couldn’t do it. How could he? You moved a little closer, Dean was still too fixated on Sam to notice you inching closer toward him. As Dean moved in for the kill, you took the holy water from your back pocket and threw it all over him. His skin began to sizzle and steam as he cried out in pain and you swiftly slapped the demon handcuffs on him once again. The loud echo of his growls and snarls bounced off the bunker walls when the needle pierced the skin of his neck and as the pure blood mixed with his demon blood, Dean began to cough and wince from the agony you’ve inflicted on him yet again. That one sounded like it really hurt him and there was only one syringe left now.
Dean was asleep and tied to the chair…again. His head had fallen to one side and you were watching his chest slowly rise and fall. Glancing at your watch, you mentioned to Sam that you only had to wait another five minutes before you could give him the last shot. One more and hopefully this will all be over, he will be your Dean again, and Sam will have his brother back.
You picked up the last syringe out of the cooler and handed it to Sam.
“Last one, Sam.” You said with a slight smile.
With a little hesitation, he took the blood from you, walked over to Dean who was still sleeping, and gave him his last shot. He didn’t even wake up.
“Do you think he meant it? That he liked being a demon?” You asked.
With a hitch in his voice, Sam replied, “We’ve been through so much together. Maybe this was easier than feeling all that pain, all that heartache, and all of that loss. He was the one who felt like he had to be strong for me so he hid his feelings but no one ever checked to see if he was ok…until you. I mean I tried but he just held it all inside. He was different with you.”
You nudged Sam’s shoulder as you said, “Well…I am prettier than you are, Sam.”
The two of you started to laugh as Dean began to stir. He grumbled while you took the top off the holy water, ready to give him another dose if there was even the smallest indication that he was not cured. The two of you had narrowed expressions across your faces as Dean raised his head, still skeptical and wondering if everything you had been through tonight had brought the relief you desperately wanted. His eyes shifted from pools of black back to the shade of green you fell in love with, the shade of green that looks like blades of grass after a summer rainstorm.
Dean looked up at you and Sam with a slight look of worry then a little relief. A nervous smile stretched across his lips as his eyes darted back and forth between you and Sam.
“You two look worried.” Said Dean with a slight chuckle.
You and Sam exchanged a nervous look before you threw some holy water on him just as a test. Nothing happened.
You exhaled forcefully and let out a huge sigh of relief.
Sam looked at his brother and said with confidence, “Welcome back, Dean. Go ahead, untie him, Y/N.”
Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded, and ran toward the chair. Throwing your arms around him, your lips collided with Dean’s.
In between kisses and chasing each other’s smiles, Dean said “I missed you so much, sweetheart. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
You didn’t want to let him go. Holding him tight, your hand gripped the back of his head, and you lightly tugged on his soft brown hair.
“I missed you too, baby. I love you.” You whispered in his ear.
Looking at Sam, Dean said, “I’m sorry, Sammy. You know I didn’t mean any of what I said.”
Sam replied, “I know, Dean. It’s ok.”
Throwing the ropes onto the floor, you couldn’t wait for Dean to actually hold you back. It had been so long…months, in fact. Months of sleeping alone, waking up alone, not being touched by him, kissed by him, talking to him, hearing him laugh, or making him smile.
You couldn’t get the ropes off fast enough and before you knew it, Dean’s large strong, hands were on you, his arms were wrapped around you, and you felt his hands lift the back of your shirt so he could touch your bare skin. He buried his face into the crook of your neck and breathed a huge sigh of relief. His warm breath hit against the side of your neck and caused goosebumps to ripple across your skin.
Dean’s lips collided with yours again, the stubble on his chin gently scratched your chin as his tongue gently pressed against your teeth begging for access to yours. A breath got caught in your throat as you choked on your need for him and he growled against your mouth. You almost forgot Sam was still in the room too.
“Baby…” You said, breathlessly. “Sam’s still here.”
“Oops, you’re right. Don’t go anywhere.” Dean replied with a wink and then he smacked you on the ass.
“Ow! Dean!” You said.
Dean walked over to Sam.
“Sam…I’m…I’m…” Dean started to say with shame in his voice.
Sam pulled him into an embrace with his good arm.
“We’re good, Dean. I told you…it’s ok.” Sam said, in barely more than a whisper. “You must be hungry. I’ll run out and find us some food and that will give you two some time to…be alone.”
Sam gave you both a warm smile, turned, and started to walk out of the room before stopping.
“I love you guys.” He said with another slight smile.
You wouldn’t have been able to do this without him. Sam was your family too so you quickly moved past Dean and wrapped your arms around him.
“We love you too, Sam.” You replied.
He kissed the top of your head, nodded at Dean, and walked out.
Shyly, you turned to Dean and asked, “Soooo…what do you wanna do?”
Dean bit down on his bottom lip, eyed you from head to toe and replied, “I will give you a 15 second head start, sweetheart. And if you are not naked by the time I get to my room, you better be on your way to being naked when I get to my room. Ready?”
The excitement disappeared from your face because even though you didn’t want to, you needed to ask him something that had been bothering you ever since you saw him on those videos in those strip clubs and when he talked about the bartender.
Slowly, you moved closer to him, placed your hands on his chest and with a hitch in your voice, asked him, “Dean…I just need to know one thing. Did you…It’s just when I saw you on those videos…and when you talked about the bartender…”
Your voice began to trail off and your hands started to shake. Without breaking eye contact, Dean reached for your hands and took them in his and gently pressed his lips to yours. He let his forehead rest against yours before replying, “Sweetheart, I don’t have eyes for anyone except for you. Not even those cold black demon eyes could make me hurt you like that. I think that’s what I fought the hardest against, ya know? That temptation. All the killing, all those terrible things I said…you guys know that I didn’t mean that stuff and you could forgive me for that. You knew that wasn’t me but I couldn’t let myself do that to you…even if it meant absolutely nothing, even if it wasn't even me doing it. I’d never forgive myself.”
His words brought tears to your eyes, knowing that even while he was a demon, he was still fighting a battle within himself to make sure he didn’t break your heart by physically being with another woman even if it meant nothing.
“Oh Dean…” You whispered, snaking your arms around his neck and raking your nails against his scalp. “I love you so much.”
Dean slipped his hands around your waist and pulled you flush to his chest. He pressed his full lips to yours, sliding his mouth over yours, you parted your lips, inviting his tongue to tangle with yours. You fit perfectly against him like he was made for you and his kisses finally made you whole again. Your missing piece was finally home.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He said with a warm smile. “So? 15 seconds?” He asked with raised eyebrows and biting down on his bottom lip.
He looked so cute and hard to resist.
You gently pushed him backwards, “Start counting, handsome.” And you started running toward his bedroom, giggling while you heard him counting out loud behind you.
**********
Wrapped up in the sheets and tangled in each other's limbs, you let your head rest against his bare chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Dean laced his fingers with yours and you caught a glimpse of it, the mark…the mark of Cain. He tried to put his arm down before you noticed it but it was too late. Looking up at him, he looked ashamed, scared, but he tried to play it off.
“You ok, baby?” You asked, propping yourself up onto your side.
Dean stared up at the ceiling, glanced over at you, then returned his gaze to the ceiling before answering, “Me? Yeah, I got my life back, I got you back, and I can start hunting again.”
“Baby, you might wanna take it easy before jumping back into work again. Just a thought.” You said.
Dean still looked uneasy. You knew something was still bothering him but it was never easy to get him to talk about how he was feeling. He always loved when you raked your nails against his scalp so while doing that, you asked him again, “You sure you’re ok, Dean?”
“I don’t ever wanna hurt you.” He blurted out.
“You’re not gonna hurt me, baby.” You replied.
Dean pressed his lips together, forcefully. He was a little aggravated. “I still have this, sweetheart!” He said with a raised voice, pointing to the mark.
“And we’re gonna figure out how to remove it, Dean.” You stated.
“Yeah? We’ve been over this! And how do you know it can be removed?!” He asked.
Dean was your husband and he learned that he could feel vulnerable around you. Whatever problem he had, the two of you could figure it out together and this wasn’t any different but there was sheer terror in his voice because what if it couldn’t be removed? Is there a chance that he could go dark again? And if he did, would he succeed in accomplishing what he didn’t last time?
“Because we’re not quitters, Dean! You, me, and Sam! I don’t care how, but we are going to figure it out! I love you too much and I’m not gonna let you get away from me ever again.” You said, as a tear streaked down your cheek.
Dean swiped the tear away with his thumb and gently brushed your cheek with his knuckles. He settled in between your legs, smiled at you, and looked at you with hopeful eyes, and replied, “I love it when you’re bossy. It’s sexy and it turns me on.”
You playfully slapped his shoulder and whined, “Dean! I’m serious!”
“Oh I know you are…I am too. You feel that?” He asked playfully as he pressed down into your core.
You gave him another “look.”
“Ok, I’m sorry. Truce, sweetheart.” He said with his hands in the air.
You couldn’t help but giggle.
“I’d just never ever forgive myself if I hurt you…or worse.” He said, in a somber tone.
You ran your fingers through his soft brown hair and replied, “I know, Dean. I know, baby. We’ll figure it out, ok? We always do.”
One side of his mouth curled into a smile as he replied, “Ok, sweetheart.”
“Now kiss me like you mean it, Winchester!” You demanded with your eyes narrowed and a wide smile stretched across your lips.
Before his lips touched yours, he replied, “I do love it when you’re bossy and if I knew that blood orange perfume would smell this good on you, I would have bought you more than one bottle.”
“You still can, handsome.” You said with a warm smile.
As he smiled back at you, the lines around his sage green eyes told a long story of adventures, loss, and heartbreaks. The Winchesters have saved the world on more than one occasion and while only a small community knew who they were, the whole world owed them everything but who did they turn to when they needed saving? Their family was gone…John, Mary, Bobby. The only ones they had left were each other so they weren’t allowed to quit on one another, not now, not ever.
Dean chose you but he also still chose the life. Hunters didn’t get married. But you agreed to it. You were a hunter too, you understood the life, and what it would be like being married to one, especially a Winchester. And now that you were a Winchester, you’d never quit on him either or on Sam.
For however long you all would be on this earth, they were your family.
In the gathering darkness, as Dean’s lips roamed over yours and explored the rest of your body, you held him closer than you ever had before. You would get that mark off of him. The three of you will find a way, if it’s the last thing you ever do.
lol @e-dubbc11 I would be screaming at him, fr. I saw this and thought of you because you said recently you were writing a Dean fic, which I’m excited for btw! ♥️
I’d have my head in his lap 🤣 I think I read he practiced that one time before doing that on the first take. I might be remembering that wrong but it’s something like that. I swear that man is perfect in every way 🥰🥵😍 And I’m putting together that Dean fic as we speak, Katherine! Strap in, it’s a bit of a long one, I hope you enjoy it! 💜
commitment issues. trauma reference. implied sexual abuse. fluff. fem!reader. au where Billy never betrayed frank. slight angst.
welp. I like this one. at least for now, lol. just a bit of fanfic that isn’t too deep. it’s 335 words. thank you to anyone who reads and enjoys it. this is just my little hobby.
Billy was endeared by the way you were drunk after only three glasses of wine, and a shot of vodka. You pressed against his side on the lift, teetering on your three inch heels, clumsily digging in his coat for the caramel candies you loved, he usually kept some just for you. And giggling when he told you there was a candy tax. “What kind?” You asked.
His mouth turned up, but he never answered, fingers wrapped around your waist. He teased you, and it made you crave him more.
You never found the candy, but maybe Billy would taste sweeter than any candy you could ever have. It made you burn at the thought of having him, even knowing his aversion to commitment. You loved your best friend.
And the smell of cologne teased you as the elevator doors opened, and he pulled you along, his calloused fingers wrapped around yours. A reminder of the marine who had 134 kills under his belt. You wanted to see that marine.
He pulled you into his bedroom, and you stumbled.
You kept trying to kiss him, as he helped you shimmy out of your dress, getting you ready for bed. Your fingers digging into his hair, as you licked into his mouth, eager for him. He tasted better than you imagined. He had seen you undressed before, but fuck, if his mouth didn’t water for a taste of you. For the sweet sounds you'd make. Your taste.
You kissed him again, and he indulged it because he was desperate to be wanted. You pulled on his belt, and he pulled back from your lips, "Not when you're drunk." He groaned with effort.
You whined low, "Wanna make love to you Billy." You said, kissing him again.
The boy who had never been loved burned for you at your words. But the boy who had been sexually taken advantage of, stopped.
"In the morning, if you still want me." He said, tracing your lips with his finger.
For anyone worried because they write the same trope more than once: I love that shit. I will love that first one and I will still be excited for the thirtieth one. Let these idiots do the same thing over and over again. We deserve that.
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Benjamin Poindexter x F! Reader
Warnings: Mild stalking, PG-13 smooching, fluffy bunnies and unicorns, Dex talking about his childhood and Dr. Mercer, maybe a swear word or two
Summary: After a close call at work, Dex needs something to bring him back to his center, back to his mental baseline, and he finds it in your secondhand bookstore. He finds his North Star in a place where he least expects it…and maybe he finds more than one but not without a few bumps along the way.
Word Count: 7.8K-ish (Another long one…sorry, not sorry)
A/N: I’m having such a good time writing for Dex. I’m sorry, it’s taking me so long to get stuff out, it’s hard finding the time and the headspace (brain fog is real) Thank you again to @bartonsparrow25 for beta reading this for me, love and appreciate you to the moon and back! I hope you all like it!
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
The cut across his cheek appeared to be fresh as well as the one above his eye. Otherwise he was very handsome with his blond hair, very chiseled jawline, and green eyes that looked like a few drops of dark roast coffee had been added to them. There was also a sadness to them, a look of desperation that he was looking for something specific in your bookstore window although he wasn’t exactly sure what that could be yet.
Suddenly he saw it, whatever it was that caught his eye, he found it, as you saw one side of his mouth curl into a slight smile. He also had no idea you were watching him, studying him, and even admiring him. You felt guilty for doing all of this without his knowledge but he intrigued you.
Who was he? Why did he choose your shop? What happened to his face? And the most important question of all…What was he looking at inside your storefront window?
But before you could go outside to introduce yourself and ask him, he was already gone.
Ah well…Maybe he’ll come back.
**********
And he did come back…a few more times but you still didn’t know which book in the window he was looking at. He always showed up at the same time, like clockwork. He stood outside, sipping on his cup of coffee, taking quick glances inside the window, almost like he was making sure the book, whichever one it was, was still there.
People from all over wandered into your secondhand bookstore, Paper Stars Used Books, sometimes looking for something specific but most times they were just browsing and they wandered in because it was just so inviting.
Every used bookstore had a very unique scent and they were all similar but different and you had come to recognize yours every morning when you unlocked those doors, ready to welcome customers from all over the city, some visiting from different parts of the country and even travellers from all over the world. People from all over love books and they love to read.
Books absorb the scents of their environments, like if they had been stored in an attic or a basement, abandoned and forgotten about for many years until they had somehow found their way to your shop.
The deep, earthy odor set into a vintage volume that may never leave, had mixed with dried binding glue was sandwiched between two pieces of weathered leather.
All of these books came together to bring people a sense of adventure, humanity, and because they were pre-loved, a sense of decay.
If time had a scent, it would smell like a used bookstore. It would smell of faded ink, oxidized paper, and memories of past readers.
Opening this store was your dream so watching people leave with a new, used book and smiles on their faces brought a smile to yours. That’s why you were incredibly curious about what was so interesting in the window to the man outside. You wanted him to have it but you couldn’t give it to him if you didn’t know what it was.
Someone had distracted you from him and had asked to be rung up. He briefly locked eyes with you for a moment through the large display window and then he was gone again.
His behavior was almost like a stray dog, looking at fresh, hanging meat from the window of a butcher shop, but gets scared with any movement from the butcher if he lingers too long.
He showed up again the next day, same time, same cup of coffee, and he immediately checked the window upon arrival. Lucky for you, he hadn’t been out there very long before the unsettling gray clouds grew darker and they were followed by a low rumble. The skies parted, allowing large raindrops to pelt against the littered city sidewalk.
It was early, your shop was empty, and it was raining…a perfect time to invite your mysterious, handsome stranger to come inside.
“Come in here, before you get soaked.” You said, holding the door open and motioning for him to come inside.
He hesitated briefly but the rain was really starting to come down now so he quickly ducked inside and you closed the door behind him.
He looked around to check to see if anyone else was inside. Your mysterious stranger seemed to always be aware of his surroundings.
“It’s ok, no one else is here right now. It’s just us.” You said, softly, trying to make him feel more at ease.
“I’m actually glad it’s pouring outside because it’s an excuse to finally get you to come in here. Hi, I’m Y/N and welcome to my store, Paper Stars Used Books!” You said with a wide smile. “So, there are two things I need to know…What is your name and what caught your eye in my display window?”
His face was filled with apprehension as he extended his hand and answered, “I’m…Dex.”
You gave him a kind smile and shook his hand.
He continued, “And I, uh, noticed you have one of my favorite books from when I was a kid. I grew up in a boys home so as far as possessions go, I didn’t really have much but I had that book. It even looks like the one I had…old with a hard cover and a shiny gold spine.”
After he described it, you knew which book he was talking about.
“Where the Wild Things Are.” You said.
Dex answered, “Y-yeah, that’s it.”
“Ya know, I used to read that book to my younger brother all the time when we were kids. It was one of his favorites too.” You said.
The cuts and marks on his face had started to heal but you could still see them. The bruises were now changing colors with the healing process so you felt the need to ask because you were nosey.
“Are you…ok, Dex?” You asked, pointing to the marks on his face.
Dex reached up and grazed the cut above his eye and replied, “Oh…yeah. I’m fine. Happened at work a few days ago, and after it happened, it’s actually the reason I…uh…came looking for…” He started to trail off. “Ya know, maybe coming here was a mistake. I should just…”
He turned and started to walk toward the door.
But you didn’t want him to leave. That was the last thing you wanted him to do so you did the only thing you could think of to get him to stay, even if it was just for a couple more minutes.
“Wait! Dex! Please don’t go!” You called out after him in a concerned tone as you walked toward the front window, grabbed the book and caught him before he walked out.
You watched his shoulders relax when he saw you had the book in your hands.
As your lips curled into a warm smile, you held out the book to him and said, “Here…I want you to have it.”
Dex started to protest, “Oh no, Y/N, I couldn’t…”
But you interrupted, “No, I really want you to have it, Dex. Something tells me that you really need it right now. Maybe with whatever happened at work for you to get those injuries…or not. Maybe I’m way off base and you can tell me I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about but something tells me I do know…what I’m talking about.”
Both of you had your hands on the book now as you closed the gap between your bodies, the width of the book was the only space that kept you from touching him as you looked up at him through your long, dark lashes into his deep green eyes. His expression softened, like he was unsure on how to act when someone was showing him kindness.
“It’s just a book, Y/N.” Dex scoffed, trying to brush off the kind gesture you had just shown him.
You replied, “It’s ok, Dex. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe one day you’d like to. You know where to find me, if you do.” You said, letting go of the book.
But he couldn’t hide his excitement for very long. The apprehension, the tough exterior, not making a big deal about it…all signs of someone who’s never known what it’s like to have never been shown kindness, genuine kindness before.
You were a stranger to him and actually surprised him and threw him off his script. Giving him that book meant the world to him.
With a nervous smile, he stammered, I-I don’t really know what to s-say, Y/N, except…thank you.”
As Dex took the book from your hands, he couldn’t help but stare at the dainty pendant around your neck. The diamond in the center caught the light just right.
“Your necklace is really pretty, Y/N.” He said, touching it lightly with his finger.
Glancing down, you replied, “Oh you like it? Thank you. It’s the North Star. You probably picked up on it but I kinda have a thing for stars…The name of my store, as you can see, this whole place is decorated with stars, they’re on my business cards, the bookmarks I designed and sell…all the things!”
Dex’s breathing became increasingly shallow which concerned you.
“Your necklace is the North Star?” He asked.
You reached out and gently touched his arm and asked, “Hey…Dex? Are you ok? Here…sit down for a minute. I’m gonna get you some water.”
He shook his head and bolted for the door.
“No…I, uh, I have to go. Thank you again for the book, Y/N.” He said, his voice cracking.
Before you could reply or even say “you’re welcome”, he was gone again and you were left wondering if you would ever see him again. Even if you didn’t, your only wish was you hoped the book would bring him the relief he seemed he desperately needed.
**********
A few weeks passed with no sign of Dex, no sign of him at all but you didn’t let that get you down. You had a store to run and it was doing really well but every day that he didn’t come back was a day you thought about him…where he was, if he was ok, and maybe, was he thinking of you too?
It even continued when you went home at night. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Something happened when you touched his arm that day. The flutters in the pit of your stomach danced around in circles when he looked at you and heat rose to your cheeks as you inched closer to him to give him that book.
You needed to know how Dex just didn’t know how to react to someone just being nice to him. You desperately wanted to see him again but had no idea where to begin to look for him. Dex probably wasn’t even his actual name, it was probably short for something.
After a long day, you returned home and started to think out loud.
“He said he got those injuries at work. Who gets THOSE types of injuries at work?” You asked yourself.
You thought it was maybe some type of law enforcement. And then you thought about why he was at your store in the first place.
“He had started to say that after he got those injuries was the reason he came looking for…and then he stopped talking. He came looking for something that would bring him comfort, maybe be a mental baseline? Be a…a” You said.
You were talking it out, trying to figure him out, and then it hit you like a punch in the face and why he got scared when he saw what your necklace actually was.
“He came looking for a…North Star.” You whispered to yourself as your knees started to shake and you made it to your couch just before they gave out.
You weren’t positive Dex was in some sort of law enforcement but he definitely could be. What were you supposed to do though? Go around and to every police station or government agency in the city asking for someone named “Dex?”
With the pillow cradling your head, you listened to howling wind cut through the silence of your eerily dark bedroom as you tried to fall asleep. Your only hope of seeing Dex again was if he showed up at your store or if you ran into him on the street which seemed highly unlikely. He seemed like the type of person that if he didn’t want to see you, he’d make sure you didn’t.
Maybe it would be best to try and forget about him, at least for tonight so you could get some sleep. You could certainly use one less distraction in your life, although it would be difficult to forget one so handsome.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.
**********
You always arrive to get ready to open the shop at 8 AM. You liked to take your time, get things ready, change the display window if the mood strikes you, so that’s why you liked to show up early and you always went in through the back entrance. It was mostly so customers wouldn’t see you walk in and follow you in, assuming you were open that early.
This morning when you went around to the back door, you found a piping hot cup of coffee with your name on it and a star drawn on the paper cup. You looked around and didn’t see anyone, no one came around the corner when you were getting your keys out to unlock the door, it was like the coffee was left by a ghost. When you picked up the cup caddy, you noticed a little slip of paper inside one of the cup holders so after bringing everything inside, you picked up the note and began to read.
Y/N,
I’m so sorry for just bolting on you. I hope this makes up for it a little bit.
-Dex
He obviously knew what time you arrived at the store every morning, otherwise the coffee wouldn’t be this hot. He knows your schedule. Has he been following you? Watching you? Maybe you were being too paranoid, reading too much into it. It was a sweet gesture and finding out what time someone shows up to work every morning was THAT crazy. You only wish he was around to thank him for it.
**********
It had been a long day, a busy day, and it was Thursday which meant after you closed for the night, you stayed to do some bookkeeping before heading home for the night. After staring at your laptop screen for what felt like hours, the numbers were all starting to run together and your stomach was making some pretty loud growling noises.
You decided to take a break, so you removed your blue light glasses, glanced away from your laptop screen and pinched the bridge of your nose, releasing some of the tension behind your eyes. As you let out a long, deep exhale, you heard a gentle tapping against your display window.
The closer you walked to the window, the clearer his face became. The blond hair, the chin dimple, his handsome face that was all angles…one corner of his mouth was curled into half a smile and he had a pizza box in his hands. You gave him a smile in return and motioned for him to go to the front door.
Still surprised to see him, you asked, “Dex? What are you doin’ here?”
He replied, “Hey, Y/N, I was on my way home, saw your light was still on, thought you might be hungry too.”
“I’m starving, actually. Come in, please.” You said, holding the door open and locking it behind him.
You cleared some space on the glass counter, found some paper plates, napkins, and took out two sparkling waters from your mini fridge.
Dex opened the pizza box and said, “I got margherita tonight, I hope that’s ok.”
Your eyes widened and your lips curled into a warm smile as you replied, “Margherita is actually my favorite but I’d probably eat this plate if you covered it in sauce and cheese, because I’m so hungry right now. You’re a lifesaver.”
He got a good chuckle out of that as the two of you sat down to eat.
You found out a few things about Dex during your late night impromptu dinner at your store. His actual first name is Benjamin but everyone calls him “Dex” because of his last name which is Poindexter and he is a Special Agent for the FBI.
The conversation was nice. It was easy and he was very sweet. You didn’t want to scare him off again so you decided to thank him for the coffee first before you brought up anything else.
“Thank you…for the coffee this morning, Dex. It really hit the spot and saved me from having to order one. I had one at home before coming here but I was extra tired this morning and thought I would need another one.” You said with a kind smile, slowly reaching out and gently touching his arm.
Dex glanced down at your hand touching him, and as he slowly brought his gaze up to meet yours, his mouth tipped up into half a smile.
“You’re welcome, Y/N. I felt really bad for running away like I did, especially after you did something so nice for me when you didn’t have to.” He said softly.
Still smiling at him, you began to delicately graze his arm with your thumb.
“Dex? Did something happen at work that made you go looking for that book? Or something like that book?” You asked.
Visibly agitated, but still calm, he reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through his hair and spasms of irritation crossed his face.
Dex’s lips curled back to reveal clenched teeth as he replied, “I did what I was trained to do. The convoy was attacked and I took out everyone who pointed a gun in my or my fellow officers direction and now they wanna try and take my badge for it. They’d all be dead if it wasn’t for my accuracy. So when I saw your shop, I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for but I knew I needed something.”
He paused, while he tried to get his breathing under control.
In an effort to try and comfort him, you whispered, “Hey, hey…Dex, it’s ok. You’re ok.”
Dex inhaled sharply, let out a deep exhale and said, “I just needed something to bring me back to my center and that book always did that for me when I was a kid.”
You decided to push a little harder.
“Did that happen a lot when you were young?” You asked, in a concerned tone.
Dex answered calmly, “Ya know, even when I outgrew the book, it still brought me comfort to look at it, even just holding it like I did the day you gave it to me, helped me a lot.”
Knowing that such a small gesture brought him the level of comfort he needed to get through a tough time was an almost euphoric feeling. To be able to help someone in their time of need warmed your heart and put the biggest smile on your face.
You were happy you were able to do that for him and Dex seemed like he could really use a friend.
“Well, I’m just glad I could help.” You said, lightly squeezing his arm. “And thank you for sharing your pizza with me, that’s very sweet of you. It’s from my favorite place too.”
He leaned in slowly, inching closer to your face until the two of you were sharing the same air.
“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He replied.
You were nervously biting down on your lower lip as Dex continued to close the gap between your faces until there was only a breath of room between the two of you.
“I don’t know if you can tell but I kinda like you, Y/N.” Dex said nervously, in barely more than a whisper as he brushed your cheek with his knuckles.
You could feel your heart beating firmly against your chest as you swallowed hard before whispering back, “Well…I kinda like you too.”
He delicately pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, then touched his soft lips to yours, sending a delightful spark down your spine. You wanted to be closer to him but the glass counter in between your bodies prevented that from happening as your fingers wandered through his soft blond hair, your lips parted, and his tongue lightly stroked yours while needy whimpers fell from your lips.
Dex abruptly stopped, pulled away, and started to apologize.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He stammered.
You asked, “Why? Why are you sorry, Dex?”
Nervously, he replied, “I-I dunno, maybe I s-should just go, I’ll let you get back to your bookkeeping.”
You never told him you were doing the books when he showed up tonight.
“How did you know I was doing my books, Dex?” You asked, in an uneasy tone.
Smoothly, he replied, “I just assumed that’s what you were doing with your laptop here. You can online shop at home…on your phone. I figured you wouldn’t be doing that here.”
Well…he wasn’t wrong.
“Well…you’re not wrong. I was doing my books. And I do shop…on my phone…late at night.” You said with a shy smile.
“I probably should get goin’ though.” He said.
In a disappointed tone, you replied, “Oh…ok. I understand. It is getting late.”
Dex then asked, “But, could I have your number? I’d love to talk to you tomorrow.”
Your lips curled into a wide smile as you replied with an emphatic, “YES!”
He put your number into his phone and said he couldn’t wait to talk to you tomorrow. When he started to walk toward the door, you stopped him, “Wait Dex! You forgot your leftover pizza.”
Dex cupped your cheeks, leaned in close, gently pressed his lips to yours, and replied with a sly smile, “You keep it, sweetheart. Have it for lunch tomorrow or somethin’. You did say it was your favorite.”
“I did say that, didn’t I.” You replied. “Well, goodnight Dex. I had a nice time tonight.”
“Goodnight, Y/N. Don’t stay too late. A lot of weirdos out there.” He said with a wink and a smile. “I had a nice time too. I really can’t thank you enough for just… being so kind to me and…listening to me.”
“You’re welcome, Dex.” You whispered in his ear, then kissed him on the cheek. “Get home safe, ok?”
“Of course…you too. Like I said, a lot of weirdos out there.” He replied.
You promised, “I will.” Then asked, “Talk to you tomorrow?”
Dex nodded.
“Ok, goodnight.” You said, closing the door behind him.
You waved and watched Dex walk away not knowing that he was just moving out of sight to a spot where he would patiently wait for you to lock all the doors for the night and then he followed you home to make sure you would get there safely and unharmed. He had done that every night you had worked since he had met you and he had obviously done it without your knowledge.
At first it was just the book that he thought he needed to use as his mental baseline. Standing outside your book store, he had gone over all of the different ways he could have gone in to just take it because he needed it, desperately.
After that mission went poorly, he’d do anything to feel grounded again and that book was the pathway to getting there again until he actually met you. The kindness and generosity you showed him was something he hasn’t been shown in quite some time.
And then he saw your necklace. The book is something tangible he can hold, something he can touch but you could actually be his “North Star.” You’re wearing the necklace so that must be some sort of sign, right? A sign that you are his purpose, that you are someone that he has to intensely protect.
But how could he tell you that without scaring you? He liked you. He liked the way you smiled at him, how generous and kind you are, and not just with him but he watched you with others and he really admired that. Dex also loved the way your lips felt against his and he wanted to feel that again but he was scared of what your reaction would be if you found out he had been following you…everywhere.
It wasn’t just your work schedule. He knew what you did outside of work and when you did it. It wasn’t just a coincidence Dex bought pizza from your favorite place or ordered your favorite pizza. He knew those things because he watched you, studied you, and he was starting to know you better than you know yourself.
His instincts were deeply ingrained and couldn’t be helped when it came to manipulating or trying to destroy the things he cares about. Obviously, Dex could tell you liked him too. He only hoped that those feelings would be strong enough to forgive him for what he was doing and for what he had been doing since he met you because he didn’t know any other way to be.
**********
Just as he had done every other night, he made sure you arrived home safely before he went home for the night and woke up extra early because he had something for you, a small gift that he wanted to leave for you in addition to the cup of coffee he ordered for you.
When you arrived at the store the following morning, another cup of piping hot coffee was waiting for you as well as a small origami crane folded out of what looked like a picture from a magazine and it was a picture of the night sky, filled with stars. The crane was perfectly folded with its crisp creases and clean geometric folds. The razor-sharp edges and precise points seemed almost impossible to create with the size paper that he used but Dex did it and it was…perfection.
A small gift like that might seem trivial to someone else but you loved it and thought it was incredibly sweet. After setting your things down, you took out your phone because you wanted to thank him but when you looked at your phone, you noticed you already had a message from Dex.
Do you like your gift?
His message made you smile so you wrote him back.
I love it! Thank you, Dex. And thank you for my coffee.
The three dots appeared which meant he was typing so you waited for his response.
You’re welcome, sweetheart. I have to get to work. Is it ok if I text you around lunch time?
Seeing the word “sweetheart” in his message gave you butterflies.
Of course it’s ok!
The three dots appeared again.
Great, I’ll talk to you soon.
You couldn’t wait.
**********
Just like he said he would, Dex texted around noon. Back and forth you went as you tried to keep up between helping customers and answering his texts. You were really starting to like him more and more but he was still quite a mystery to you. There just wasn’t a lot of time for you to really get to know someone. Running your store took up most of your time so there wasn’t a lot of time left over for dating or a love life but you really wanted to try because you liked Dex a lot.
He startled you after locking up the store for the night. You weren’t expecting him to walk around the corner after hearing the click from the lock but there he was and he looked flustered and overwhelmed.
“Dex? Are you ok? What’s wrong?” You asked, slowly reaching for his arm.
In between breaths, he answered, “Um, Y/N…sweetheart…hey, do you think we could go somewhere and talk? My boss…well I, uh, they suspended me from work and I just…”
Dex had a hard time catching his breath.
“Ok, I need to take some deep breaths for me, Dex. It’s ok. Come on, let’s go get some pie back at my place.” You said.
His breathing slowed down long enough to answer you.
“Pie? Cherry?” He asked.
“Yeah…how did you know that?” You asked with a furrowed brow.
One corner of his mouth curled into a shy smile as he said, “Well, it’s in season.”
An uneasy smile stretched across your lips as you hooked your arm with his and walked with him until you reached your apartment.
When you unlocked the door to your apartment, you said, as you turned on the lights, “Make yourself comfortable, Dex. I’ll get the pie and make us some tea, ok?”
He nodded and made his way over to the couch.
As you walked into the kitchen, your hands began to shake slightly and you could practically hear your heart thumping rapidly in your ears. Dex was inside your apartment but you had to get a grip because he wasn’t here for fun, he was here because he needed to talk.
With two mugs of tea in your hands, you asked, “Will you put two coasters down for me, please?”
Dex set down two coasters.
“Thank you…Just two more seconds, hang on.” You said.
Grabbing the pie slices from the kitchen counter, you walked into the living room and handed him his slice of pie.
“Here you go…” You said with a warm smile.
Dex replied, “Thank you, sweetheart.”
You sat and listened while he talked. One thing you had learned about Dex is not only did he love his job, he loved the structure that his job brought to his life. He needed it. He craved it. And without it, his world would become chaotic and start to unravel. Dex was starting to have that feeling again of becoming unhinged, the one he had before you gave him that book. He needed you now more than ever…his North Star.
“How’s the pie?” You asked, trying to distract him.
Dex answered, ‘It’s good, Y/N. It’s really good.”
“Good…You feel a little better?” You asked, resting your hand on his arm.
He set his plate on the coffee table, turned to you, smiled and replied “Yes, sweetheart.”
Dex stared down at your necklace.
“That really is a pretty necklace. Ya know, when I was younger I had a therapist, Dr. Mercer, that told me I would benefit from finding a ‘North Star.’” He said.
With a confused look on your face, you asked, “So, what does that mean exactly?”
“It just means she wanted me to find a structured environment, ya know, like my job to fixate on. She said I needed it.” He said.
You replied, “She actually used those words? North Star?”
“She did.” Said Dex.
“And when I was young, I fixated on my book when I was having a hard time and then when I got older, I had the army for structure and then my job but when my job was up in the air, I needed something else to bring me back. And then you gave me the book but when I saw your necklace and you said it was the North Star…well, you know I kinda freaked out. Mostly because I thought…” He trailed off.
You asked, “Do you still see her?”
“She passed away. Cancer.” He said with a tight jaw and through clenched teeth.
“Oh Dex, I’m so sorry.” You said, reaching for his hand.
“So when I saw your necklace, I thought maybe…she sent you…to me.”
You inched closer to him, closing the gap between your bodies until you were sharing the same air.
“Maybe she did.” You whispered, ghosting your lips over his.
You could feel the heat radiating from under his shirt as he gazed down at you with his dark green eyes. Looking up at him through your long, dark lashes, you silently begged for him to kiss you, the tension continued to build before he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to yours. His kisses were soft and delicate at first before he parted your lips with his tongue, pressed it against your teeth, begging to twist and knot with yours. Pulling you into his lap, Dex nipped at your jaw and chin before leaving little love bites down the side of your neck.
It felt so good to have him pressed against your body like this as you snaked your arms around his neck and scraped your nails against his scalp, gently tugging on his soft blond hair while his large hands explored your body and touched the soft skin of your lower back underneath your shirt. Goosebumps erupted across your skin and his touches sent fresh shivers down your spine.
This is what you wanted last night but the glass counter had been in your way. His hardening length was pressed against your core as soft whimpers escaped your lips. As you threw your head back to give him better access, you felt his lips skim along your collarbone while his rough calloused fingertips dug into the soft skin of your back. You hear him breath out your name which causes a wet spot to form on your panties and as you close your eyes to kiss him again, you picture him with his head between your thighs.
In barely more than a whisper, you said, “Dex…”
“What is it, sweetheart?” He replied.
“I…Oh…Oops. I forgot.” You popped off of his lap. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”
“No, it’s ok. What’s the matter?” He asked.
You started to head toward your bedroom.
“Just stay right there, I just forgot to feed…” You started to say.
Dex interrupted you, “Your fish?”
“Dex? How did you know I have a fish?” You asked in an uneasy tone.
He became visibly uncomfortable.
“Oh…Just a lucky guess.” Dex said.
“No…No, that wasn’t a lucky guess. Dex, how did you know that? Oh my god. Have you been watching me?!” You asked.
Dex didn’t answer.
“Answer me, Dex!!” You demanded.
Dex got up from the couch and started to walk toward you but you put a hand up to make him stop.
“Don’t come any closer. Stay away from me, Dex.” You said.
Dex pleaded, “Sweetheart, just let me explain.”
“Explain?!! You’ve been watching me since you met me, haven’t you?!! The pizza, the coffee, me doing my books and staying late on Thursday nights. You knew about it all!” You shouted. “I want you to leave.”
“You’re my North Star, Y/N and I was meant to find your shop! Please!” He begged.
“I can’t be around you right now, Dex. You need to go! Now!” You commanded, pointing at your front door.
He had a deep sadness in his eyes as he closed the door behind him when he left your apartment. They were silently apologizing for what he had done. Dex knew he shouldn’t have done it but he just couldn’t help himself. That instinct is always there, no matter how hard he tries to push it away or ignore it. It’s deep-rooted in his DNA to try and influence and sabotage any relationships or friendships he ends up having.
You felt so stupid. Nothing was that coincidental. Locking the door behind him, tears welled up in your eyes and spilled down your cheeks. You were wondering if the story about his therapist was even true but the look on his face while he was telling you the story said he wasn’t lying. You could tell he was very fond of her, maybe even had a motherly type love for her. It seemed like she taught him a lot which has carried him from childhood all the way to adulthood.
That still wasn’t an excuse for spying on you, for following you, stalking you. He manipulated you and used it to get closer to you, to get you to think it was a coincidence that he was just walking by late on a Thursday or that he happened to buy your favorite pizza from your favorite place, that it was all just fate, or that it was…in the stars.
But it wasn’t and it broke your heart to find out because you really like Dex. The look on his face when you gave him that book was genuine appreciation and it was clear to you that Dex wasn’t used to receiving gifts in any form but he needed to know that following you and spying on you was not ok. Hopefully throwing him out tonight got that message across.
**********
His texts didn’t go unanswered but you kept your distance. You told him you needed space and made it clear to him that he can’t spy on you or follow you. The morning after you kicked him out, you woke up to a series of messages.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking. I just really like you. Please forgive me.
You didn’t want to ignore him but you didn’t want to just forgive him right away either. He hurt you and you needed him to know that.
I need space right now, Dex. If you really like me, you’ll give me that.
It was radio silence after that but it didn’t stop him from leaving you an origami crane outside your door every morning, nothing else.
After two weeks and 14 cranes, you sat in front of your laptop, late on a Thursday night, nibbling on your cold pizza while trying to do your books but it was hard to concentrate. All you could seem to think about was Dex…what he was doing, wondering if he was ok, hoping that Where the Wild Things Are was keeping him centered. You completely forgot about him telling you the FBI suspended him so you hoped he wasn’t spiraling out of control.
You decided to text him.
Dex?
The three dots appeared almost immediately.
Hey, sweetheart.
The “sweetheart” still gave you butterflies.
Are you ok?
He replied…
I’ve been better.
His answer gutted you but you knew what you did was the right thing to do.
You know I had to do that, Dex. Now, I hate to ask this but are you watching me right now?
The three dots didn’t appear right away this time but he did reply.
No.
You weren’t sure you believed him.
Dex??
The three dots appeared right away.
I promise you, sweetheart. I’m not.
You replied.
If I asked you to come down here, would you?
Dex answered again, right away.
I’m on my way.
Impatiently, you waited for Dex to arrive at the shop. You tried to continue to work on your laptop but all you managed to do was tap your nails on the glass countertop in a silly little melody you made up until you heard a light tapping on the glass window out front.
You rushed to the display window and caught his gaze. Dex awkwardly waved and smiled. He looked so sweet and cute, you almost felt bad for making him leave your apartment that night but no, he betrayed your trust and he can’t just do things like that.
One side of your mouth curled into a shy smile when you opened the door and you greeted him, “Hey…come on in.”
Dex replied with a warm smile, “Hey, sweetheart…thanks.”
You pointed toward the chairs near the glass countertop, “Take a seat, please. You’re probably wondering why I asked you to come down here.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I’ve missed seeing you, Y/N.” Said Dex.
You asked, “Have you? You haven’t been watching me without me knowing again, have you, Dex?”
Dex looked a little uncomfortable like he wasn’t telling you something, so you asked him again to see if he would tell you the truth.
“Dex? I want you to tell me the truth. Have you been watching me?” You asked again, curtly.
“After you kicked me out, it was hard for me to stop. I just felt like I needed to protect you and you walk alone at night, I don’t want anything to happen to you! But I understand why that’s not really ok so I stopped and I stayed away like you wanted me to except to drop off your gifts every morning and that’s it, I swear.” He said with his eyebrows raised, a hitch in his voice, and his arms outstretched.
“Do you always try to destroy things that you care about by doing stupid shit, Dex? I show you genuine kindness and your first instinct is to stalk me and think that’s going to win me over?” You asked, somewhat sarcastically.
Dex became very quiet, almost like he didn’t know how to answer you. His movements were nervous and uneasy.
“I don’t know any other way to be, sweetheart and I don’t want to use that as an excuse but I am sorry. And I did my best to stay away.” He said.
“It’s difficult for you, isn’t it? To try and understand how people are feeling? Almost like you don’t know how.” You said softly, reaching for his hand.
Dex replied, “You can say it, I’m used to it…I’m a monster.”
“That’s not true. And you’re not a monster, Dex.” You said. “That’s what Dr. Mercer was helping you with, wasn’t she? She was trying to teach you about empathy. I know you have strong feelings, Dex. It’s just hard for you to understand how what you did made me feel. Would that be accurate?”
Dex pondered for a minute and then replied, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“And that’s why she had you keep everything structured and regimented…so you would stay on the straight and narrow and all you need is your North Star.” You said with a warm smile.
He nodded.
“Maybe you should have been a therapist instead of a bookstore owner.” He said with a slight chuckle.
You laughed a little and replied, “I don’t know about that.”
Smiling at each other, the tension between the two of you eased slightly as you inched a little closer to him. His feet were propped up on the bars underneath the tall chair and his knees fell open, inviting you to come closer.
“Did I tell you why I wanted to open a secondhand bookstore instead of a new one, Dex?” You asked, moving in a little closer.
“I don’t believe so, sweetheart. We haven’t gotten that far yet.” He replied, capturing your gaze with his deep green eyes.
Glancing down at the floor, you brought your eyes up to meet his and replied, “It’s because I wanted to give discarded things a second chance, another chance to bring a smile to someone’s face that’s never read Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Harry Potter series. Or to help someone looking for a certain book to complete their collection. They wander in here, hoping I might have what they’ve been looking for for months, maybe years! And I actually end up having it? That’s why I love running this place. Or when a handsome FBI agent finds his favorite book from his childhood in your store and it helps bring him back to his center…to his North Star. That’s why I love this place, Dex.”
A sly smile stretched across Dex’s lips when he said, “You think I’m handsome?”
You could feel heat rush across your cheeks as you replied, “That’s all you took away from that speech? Is that you’re handsome?”
A lighthearted chuckle escaped your lips.
“Look, I know I probably don’t deserve it but do you think you could give this discarded thing a second chance?” Asked Dex.
You moved in close so you were standing in between his legs. As you snaked your arms around his neck, you gazed up at him through your long dark lashes and thought for a moment about Dex’s life and what he’s been through, what he’s had to endure, and how you might have turned out if you were in his shoes. Wouldn’t you want someone to give you another chance? Would you want someone just to read you over one time and then toss you aside when your pages were still crisp but dogeared and your binding was still firm but a little bent?
He placed his strong hands on your hips, pulled you in close, and said in barely more than a whisper, “Please, sweetheart. You gave a piece back to me that was missing, that I needed to get back on track. Will you be my other one? My other…North Star?”
Inching your face closer to his, all of a sudden all you could hear was your heart pounding loudly inside your head and it was all you could feel forcefully beating against your chest. You could feel his breath coasting across your lashes and fresh shivers dance down your spine as you gently press your lips to his. Parting your lips with his tongue, he silently begged to twist and knot with yours as your nails delicately scraped against his scalp. His body was a hard cradle for yours and you fit perfectly against him. You could stay like this all night and be content.
“You know there’s only ONE North Star, right Dex?” You said with a slight giggle.
Dex rolled his eyes and his mouth tipped up into a half smile, “I’m trying to be a little romantic here, sweetheart. You don’t have to get all ‘Well, actually’ on me.”
He laughed a little. It was nice to see him laugh. Maybe you could get him to do that more often.
“I think second chances are my specialty so, I’d love to try to be your other North Star.” You replied.
He gave you a warm smile, relaxed his shoulders and touched his forehead to yours. His gaze slipped from your eyes to your mouth and he kissed you again before letting his forehead rest against yours.
Dex let go of the tension from the past few weeks with one kiss, one forehead touch, and then he forcefully exhaled into the side of your neck as you squeezed him as tightly as you could, showing him that just like the books in your store, he deserved another look and he deserved to be with someone who knows what they have and will appreciate a good man when they find one…even if his cover is a little dented and his pages are a little wrinkled.
It’s the content of his story that matters. You believed Dex had a good heart, he just needed a second chance to prove it. And starting tonight…you might just let him.
**********
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Inside all of us is Hope.
Inside all of us is Fear.
Inside all of us is Adventure.
Inside all of us is…A Wild Thing.
Tag List: @gijos
Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago
I don’t really have a tag list for Dex as of right now but if you would like to be tagged in anything I write for him, feel free to let me know!
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader
Warnings: Trauma, mentions of abuse, couple of swear words, some fluff
Word Count: 2.5K-ish
Summary: You are in the process of trying to heal from a past relationship with a man who was verbally abusive and somewhat violent. Billy is doing his best to help you.
A/N: So I know it’s been a minute since I’ve written for Billy. I hope you like it and a shout out to @prompts-and-circumstance I used a couple of your prompts “She flinches when I reach for her face. If I ever find out who did that to her, I won’t hold back.” And “Remember this sunrise. You won’t live to see another.”
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
The wine glass fell in slow motion, like a snow flurry, but crashed to the floor like a turbulent avalanche and scattered across the kitchen floor. Glittering in the dim lights, the chips of glass were peppered everywhere.
Horrified, you were frozen in place and didn’t want to move on account of your bare feet but Billy put you at ease by gently draping his arm across your body and telling you not to move.
“Stay right there, baby. I’ll clean it up…don’t want you getting cut now, do we.” He said with a perfect smile.
Billy retrieved the broom and dustpan and began to sweep up the broken glass. You had hand washed them and while you were drying one, it slipped from your grip and before you knew what was happening, it was in pieces at your feet.
“Billy, I am SO sorry! It slipped…I-I’m s-sorry! I’ll replace it, I swear.” You said, nervously.
With your hands resting at your sides, you felt your hands begin to shake and your heart start to race. It was beating rapidly inside your chest, and felt like it would explode at any moment. Little beads of sweat formed on your brow as you tried to stop yourself from shaking uncontrollably.
“No need, beautiful. I’ve been meaning to buy new ones anyway. You did me a favor.” Said Billy.
Protectively, you immediately put your hand up as a reflex when he reached for your face to try and comfort you. Catching his hand in yours, you closed your other hand over his and tried to smile and distract him.
“I really am sorry, Billy.” You said, as tears stung the back of your eyes.
He knew that look well. The look of someone who’s been hurt, possibly by someone who claimed to love you, by a narcissist who blamed everyone else for their failures except themselves, and takes zero responsibility for their actions.
Oh yeah, he knew that look.
Slowly, he moved his hand toward your face and gently wiped the tear away from your cheek. He deliberately did it very slowly so as to not scare you or cause you to flinch just as you did the same for him. Billy didn’t really like you touching his face either but he was more open to the idea as your relationship progressed.
You knew it wouldn’t happen overnight and you were getting help for the emotional pain you had because of him but your fight or flight responses still happened just not as often.
And Billy was a big reason why it happened less frequently.
No one had ever made you feel safer, more loved, or understood what you have been through more than Billy did. He did not like talking about his past but if it helped you talk about yours, then he was willing to share more than he ever had before.
The only thing you hadn’t told him was your ex’s name. He didn’t need to know, but mostly, you were afraid of what he might do if he knew.
“Sweet girl, I told you, it’s ok. Now I’m gonna lift you and set you on the counter so you don’t get cut.” Billy said with a warm smile.
Before moving his hands down to your waist, Billy looked down at you with his eyes that were the color of wells of ink. You were thinking that if you looked hard enough into his endless brown eyes, they might tell you all of his deepest darkest secrets. But he distracted you by gently pressing his lips to yours, still faintly tasting like red wine and marinara sauce.
Billy finished cleaning the broken glass, went over every inch of the kitchen to make sure he didn’t miss any and even took out the vacuum to really make sure.
He was so sweet. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you and he did everything he could to prove to you that you deserved love, not ridicule.
**********
The first time Billy had reached for your face to cup your cheeks, you shied away from him and briefly shut your eyes. He thought maybe it was a one-time thing and he just caught you off guard but when it happened again, he just knew someone had hurt you.
The flared nostrils, the way his lips pulled back to expose clenched teeth, and the way his jaw tensed even before you started to speak…you knew he was beyond angry.
Billy listened intently as you told stories of your ex. His knuckles were white as he tightly gripped the glass with his bourbon in it, muscles stiffened as you told him story after story, but he was surprised to hear that your ex had never put his hands on you.
He only threatened to, acted like he was going to, and came close to doing so only to abort at the last minute and punch the wall or kick the door. He threw things though…a lot. He broke glasses, dishes, and anything small enough that he could grip in his hands and throw in your direction.
That was his favorite thing to do.
You didn’t stick around long enough for him to graduate to physical violence but it was long enough to leave you with scarring that wasn’t visible on the outside. Your heart was snow flaked with tiny cuts, each one a little deeper than the last, from every time he lost his temper.
In the softly filtered glow of the fire light, Billy spoke in a wicked hissing whisper and his face darkened with rage.
“Do you swear to me, he never hit you?” Growled Billy.
You swallowed hard before you replied, “I promise you, he never laid a finger on me, Billy. He didn’t have to. His threats and violent behavior scared me enough. And with the violence and the threats, came the empty apologies afterwards.”
Billy replied, “I should make him pay for what he did to you.”
As you placed your hand against his chest, you leaned forward to delicately place a kiss against his lips and said, “He will pay…sooner or later. He will, baby.”
Your words seemed to soothe him a little and calm the anger that coursed through his veins. You felt his body relax under your touch as he slowly snaked his arms around you and pulled you into a tender embrace.
Every little cut on your heart was a reminder that you had every right to get revenge. He should pay for every time he broke the glass in a picture frame, put a hole in the wall with his fist, or kicked the door in if you were taking too long in the bathroom.
Revenge would definitely be freeing but actually carrying it out would be immoral which you knew Billy didn’t care about that. He had done a lot of immoral things and smiled like a Cheshire cat while he did it.
Billy knew it wouldn’t fix everything but it would make him feel better, not powerless which he hated more than anything especially when it came to you.
But he could try and all he needed was a name.
**********
You strived to just feel normal again so that’s why you liked going to get drinks with Frank Castle and his wife, Maria. It was a standing weekly date and you really enjoyed unwinding from the week and their company.
As you sat and chatted with Maria, Billy and Frank went up to the bar to get more drinks where they had a conversation of their own.
“…And how is that going? She still a little, uh, jumpy?” Frank asked.
Billy took a sip of his beer and replied, “She flinches when I reach for her face, Frankie. If I ever find out who did that to her, I won’t hold back.”
“She won’t tell ya, huh?” Said Frank.
Billy said, “She said it’s not important because he’s not in her life anymore and she just wants to concentrate on feeling ‘normal’ again.”
Frank took a sip of his beer.
“But you can’t let it go, can ya Bill.” Frank said.
“Would you be able to?” Asked Billy. “If someone hurt the person you love most, would you?”
Frank pressed his lips together in a straight line, shook his head, picked up Maria’s drink as Billy picked up yours and headed back to the table.
He knew the answer to that, he just didn’t want to say it out loud.
While enjoying another round, you suddenly heard a laugh you hadn’t heard in a long time. It was menacing, almost evil sounding which caused your body to seize and stiffen like a statue and you felt all of the color drain from your face.
You knew who that laugh belonged to.
Thankfully, he was across the bar and with the dim lighting, you didn’t think he could see you but you’d rather not take that chance.
Billy felt you tense up immediately.
“What is it, sweet girl? What’s wrong?” Asked Billy.
You leaned over and replied into his ear, “Can we go, please?”
Billy looked across the bar and somehow knew which one he was. Your ex was a large brick wall of a man, strong, and arrogant.
You pleaded with Billy to leave the bar, to not even make eye contact with him, and try and slip out, unnoticed. There was no explanation needed as both Frank and Maria knew what had happened to you.
Before leaving the bar, Billy whispered something in Frank’s ear. Frank nodded, the two of you escaped the bar undetected, and headed home.
“What did you say to Frank?” You asked.
Billy replied, “I just told him I’d pay him for the drinks after we get home. That’s all, sweet girl.”
Now that Billy has actually seen your ex’s face, you may have a harder time keeping his identity a secret. Maybe he didn’t get a good look at him, the bar lights were in his way, or he didn’t know which one you were looking at. But if you knew anything about Billy, it was he didn’t give up, always remained determined, and always got what he wanted.
And he wanted nothing more than for you to feel safe again.
**********
A Few Weeks Later: Billy’s POV
The frigid winter air stung the exposed skin on your face as the cold infiltrated your entire body. It was going to take some time before you could get warm again.
You hated lying to her, told her last night that you had to work late and so you would just see her later tomorrow morning but it was easier to set up on the rooftop at night while the city was mostly asleep.
During the very early morning hours, the city sounds were elevated, very clear, and unmistakable. Car alarms, police sirens, people stumbling over glass bottles on the sidewalk underneath you…they all sounded like they were right next to you as you waited patiently for any movement in the apartment across the street.
Your mind drifted to y/n, to the paper that Frankie brought you after he found out who he was and his laundry list of crimes he’s committed. His name is Arthur Lennon and by his name alone, you knew why she didn’t want you to know it.
Fired from a couple of jobs because of his anger, Arthur Lennon added court ordered anger management and assault and battery to his resume. He nearly beat a man to death that had accidentally spilled beer on his boots in a bar and then decided to take a couple of swings at the arresting officer before being tased a few times.
But when you found out he had seen her that night while out with you and then followed her home from work a couple of days later, your blind rage could not be contained. Arthur said he missed her and could easily get rid of you so they could be together again. That was when your mind was made up and you were going to kill him.
You had told Frankie, “I won’t be threatened…ever again, Frankie. And I’ll die before I let anyone threaten her either. The world would be a better place without him in it.”
Frank replied, “Leave your phone with me and lemme know if you need anything else.”
Frank was a good friend.
The sun would be coming up soon.
You’ve had Arthur followed for the past two weeks, someone watching his every movement, where he goes and at what times…exact times like what time he gets up in the morning. And how he drinks his coffee in front of the window as the sun starts to rise.
“He won’t even feel it, be dead before he hits the floor. And good fuckin’ riddance.” You thought to yourself.
The sky was just starting to brighten; the fluffy clouds above were lined with a lavender hue as the morning winter sky began to turn pink with the sun breaking the horizon.
Camouflaged, your rifle rested on the ledge of the building directly across from his. The rooftop was comfortable compared to some of the surfaces you were forced to sleep on overseas and you had learned to sleep anywhere whenever you needed to.
This was child’s play.
Covered in black from head to toe, you focused your weapon on the window, and waited for him to appear. It should be soon.
You could feel the sun warming your backside as it started to appear on the opposite side of the building. Laser focused, you needed him to show his face soon before the glare would become too much.
“Don’t worry, sweet girl. He’ll never bother you again.” You whispered.
You wondered if y/n was awake yet; she was very much a morning person, loved to get up early and make coffee for the two of you but she would have to enjoy her coffee alone this morning.
You had a mission to accomplish.
A large figure with tousled hair and sleepy eyes slowly moved into your line of sight, a cup of coffee in his hand, and almost a smug look on his face like he was trying to figure out how he was going to ruin someone’s day today.
Your blood boiled just seeing his face again but this will be the last time you’d have to lay eyes on him. Carefully, Arthur brought his hot coffee up to his lips, and took the last sip of coffee he’ll ever have.
Through gritted teeth, you growled, “Remember this sunrise, Arthur. You won’t live to see another.”
As Arthur swallowed his coffee, you watched his throat move up and down, almost like it was in slow motion, felt the corners of your mouth curl up into a sinister smile, and slowly squeezed the trigger.
Your target was dead and y/n was finally free. No more run-ins and no more looking over her shoulder; maybe she can really start to heal now.
You’ll be home in time to enjoy coffee with her after all.
If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again
I low-key wish Billy beat the shit out of this guy instead of giving him a swift ending so that he could feel the fear he had instilled in the reader. Does that make me a bad person? 😅
It absolutely does not make you a bad person! 🤣 Thank you my lovely Dove for reading and sharing. I really like this one and appreciate you my dear friend. Probably would have been very satisfying to write Billy beating the shit out of this guy too 😉
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Benjamin Poindexter x F! Reader
Warnings: Mild stalking, PG-13 smooching, fluffy bunnies and unicorns, Dex talking about his childhood and Dr. Mercer, maybe a swear word or two
Summary: After a close call at work, Dex needs something to bring him back to his center, back to his mental baseline, and he finds it in your secondhand bookstore. He finds his North Star in a place where he least expects it…and maybe he finds more than one but not without a few bumps along the way.
Word Count: 7.8K-ish (Another long one…sorry, not sorry)
A/N: I’m having such a good time writing for Dex. I’m sorry, it’s taking me so long to get stuff out, it’s hard finding the time and the headspace (brain fog is real) Thank you again to @bartonsparrow25 for beta reading this for me, love and appreciate you to the moon and back! I hope you all like it!
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
The cut across his cheek appeared to be fresh as well as the one above his eye. Otherwise he was very handsome with his blond hair, very chiseled jawline, and green eyes that looked like a few drops of dark roast coffee had been added to them. There was also a sadness to them, a look of desperation that he was looking for something specific in your bookstore window although he wasn’t exactly sure what that could be yet.
Suddenly he saw it, whatever it was that caught his eye, he found it, as you saw one side of his mouth curl into a slight smile. He also had no idea you were watching him, studying him, and even admiring him. You felt guilty for doing all of this without his knowledge but he intrigued you.
Who was he? Why did he choose your shop? What happened to his face? And the most important question of all…What was he looking at inside your storefront window?
But before you could go outside to introduce yourself and ask him, he was already gone.
Ah well…Maybe he’ll come back.
**********
And he did come back…a few more times but you still didn’t know which book in the window he was looking at. He always showed up at the same time, like clockwork. He stood outside, sipping on his cup of coffee, taking quick glances inside the window, almost like he was making sure the book, whichever one it was, was still there.
People from all over wandered into your secondhand bookstore, Paper Stars Used Books, sometimes looking for something specific but most times they were just browsing and they wandered in because it was just so inviting.
Every used bookstore had a very unique scent and they were all similar but different and you had come to recognize yours every morning when you unlocked those doors, ready to welcome customers from all over the city, some visiting from different parts of the country and even travellers from all over the world. People from all over love books and they love to read.
Books absorb the scents of their environments, like if they had been stored in an attic or a basement, abandoned and forgotten about for many years until they had somehow found their way to your shop.
The deep, earthy odor set into a vintage volume that may never leave, had mixed with dried binding glue was sandwiched between two pieces of weathered leather.
All of these books came together to bring people a sense of adventure, humanity, and because they were pre-loved, a sense of decay.
If time had a scent, it would smell like a used bookstore. It would smell of faded ink, oxidized paper, and memories of past readers.
Opening this store was your dream so watching people leave with a new, used book and smiles on their faces brought a smile to yours. That’s why you were incredibly curious about what was so interesting in the window to the man outside. You wanted him to have it but you couldn’t give it to him if you didn’t know what it was.
Someone had distracted you from him and had asked to be rung up. He briefly locked eyes with you for a moment through the large display window and then he was gone again.
His behavior was almost like a stray dog, looking at fresh, hanging meat from the window of a butcher shop, but gets scared with any movement from the butcher if he lingers too long.
He showed up again the next day, same time, same cup of coffee, and he immediately checked the window upon arrival. Lucky for you, he hadn’t been out there very long before the unsettling gray clouds grew darker and they were followed by a low rumble. The skies parted, allowing large raindrops to pelt against the littered city sidewalk.
It was early, your shop was empty, and it was raining…a perfect time to invite your mysterious, handsome stranger to come inside.
“Come in here, before you get soaked.” You said, holding the door open and motioning for him to come inside.
He hesitated briefly but the rain was really starting to come down now so he quickly ducked inside and you closed the door behind him.
He looked around to check to see if anyone else was inside. Your mysterious stranger seemed to always be aware of his surroundings.
“It’s ok, no one else is here right now. It’s just us.” You said, softly, trying to make him feel more at ease.
“I’m actually glad it’s pouring outside because it’s an excuse to finally get you to come in here. Hi, I’m Y/N and welcome to my store, Paper Stars Used Books!” You said with a wide smile. “So, there are two things I need to know…What is your name and what caught your eye in my display window?”
His face was filled with apprehension as he extended his hand and answered, “I’m…Dex.”
You gave him a kind smile and shook his hand.
He continued, “And I, uh, noticed you have one of my favorite books from when I was a kid. I grew up in a boys home so as far as possessions go, I didn’t really have much but I had that book. It even looks like the one I had…old with a hard cover and a shiny gold spine.”
After he described it, you knew which book he was talking about.
“Where the Wild Things Are.” You said.
Dex answered, “Y-yeah, that’s it.”
“Ya know, I used to read that book to my younger brother all the time when we were kids. It was one of his favorites too.” You said.
The cuts and marks on his face had started to heal but you could still see them. The bruises were now changing colors with the healing process so you felt the need to ask because you were nosey.
“Are you…ok, Dex?” You asked, pointing to the marks on his face.
Dex reached up and grazed the cut above his eye and replied, “Oh…yeah. I’m fine. Happened at work a few days ago, and after it happened, it’s actually the reason I…uh…came looking for…” He started to trail off. “Ya know, maybe coming here was a mistake. I should just…”
He turned and started to walk toward the door.
But you didn’t want him to leave. That was the last thing you wanted him to do so you did the only thing you could think of to get him to stay, even if it was just for a couple more minutes.
“Wait! Dex! Please don’t go!” You called out after him in a concerned tone as you walked toward the front window, grabbed the book and caught him before he walked out.
You watched his shoulders relax when he saw you had the book in your hands.
As your lips curled into a warm smile, you held out the book to him and said, “Here…I want you to have it.”
Dex started to protest, “Oh no, Y/N, I couldn’t…”
But you interrupted, “No, I really want you to have it, Dex. Something tells me that you really need it right now. Maybe with whatever happened at work for you to get those injuries…or not. Maybe I’m way off base and you can tell me I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about but something tells me I do know…what I’m talking about.”
Both of you had your hands on the book now as you closed the gap between your bodies, the width of the book was the only space that kept you from touching him as you looked up at him through your long, dark lashes into his deep green eyes. His expression softened, like he was unsure on how to act when someone was showing him kindness.
“It’s just a book, Y/N.” Dex scoffed, trying to brush off the kind gesture you had just shown him.
You replied, “It’s ok, Dex. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe one day you’d like to. You know where to find me, if you do.” You said, letting go of the book.
But he couldn’t hide his excitement for very long. The apprehension, the tough exterior, not making a big deal about it…all signs of someone who’s never known what it’s like to have never been shown kindness, genuine kindness before.
You were a stranger to him and actually surprised him and threw him off his script. Giving him that book meant the world to him.
With a nervous smile, he stammered, I-I don’t really know what to s-say, Y/N, except…thank you.”
As Dex took the book from your hands, he couldn’t help but stare at the dainty pendant around your neck. The diamond in the center caught the light just right.
“Your necklace is really pretty, Y/N.” He said, touching it lightly with his finger.
Glancing down, you replied, “Oh you like it? Thank you. It’s the North Star. You probably picked up on it but I kinda have a thing for stars…The name of my store, as you can see, this whole place is decorated with stars, they’re on my business cards, the bookmarks I designed and sell…all the things!”
Dex’s breathing became increasingly shallow which concerned you.
“Your necklace is the North Star?” He asked.
You reached out and gently touched his arm and asked, “Hey…Dex? Are you ok? Here…sit down for a minute. I’m gonna get you some water.”
He shook his head and bolted for the door.
“No…I, uh, I have to go. Thank you again for the book, Y/N.” He said, his voice cracking.
Before you could reply or even say “you’re welcome”, he was gone again and you were left wondering if you would ever see him again. Even if you didn’t, your only wish was you hoped the book would bring him the relief he seemed he desperately needed.
**********
A few weeks passed with no sign of Dex, no sign of him at all but you didn’t let that get you down. You had a store to run and it was doing really well but every day that he didn’t come back was a day you thought about him…where he was, if he was ok, and maybe, was he thinking of you too?
It even continued when you went home at night. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Something happened when you touched his arm that day. The flutters in the pit of your stomach danced around in circles when he looked at you and heat rose to your cheeks as you inched closer to him to give him that book.
You needed to know how Dex just didn’t know how to react to someone just being nice to him. You desperately wanted to see him again but had no idea where to begin to look for him. Dex probably wasn’t even his actual name, it was probably short for something.
After a long day, you returned home and started to think out loud.
“He said he got those injuries at work. Who gets THOSE types of injuries at work?” You asked yourself.
You thought it was maybe some type of law enforcement. And then you thought about why he was at your store in the first place.
“He had started to say that after he got those injuries was the reason he came looking for…and then he stopped talking. He came looking for something that would bring him comfort, maybe be a mental baseline? Be a…a” You said.
You were talking it out, trying to figure him out, and then it hit you like a punch in the face and why he got scared when he saw what your necklace actually was.
“He came looking for a…North Star.” You whispered to yourself as your knees started to shake and you made it to your couch just before they gave out.
You weren’t positive Dex was in some sort of law enforcement but he definitely could be. What were you supposed to do though? Go around and to every police station or government agency in the city asking for someone named “Dex?”
With the pillow cradling your head, you listened to howling wind cut through the silence of your eerily dark bedroom as you tried to fall asleep. Your only hope of seeing Dex again was if he showed up at your store or if you ran into him on the street which seemed highly unlikely. He seemed like the type of person that if he didn’t want to see you, he’d make sure you didn’t.
Maybe it would be best to try and forget about him, at least for tonight so you could get some sleep. You could certainly use one less distraction in your life, although it would be difficult to forget one so handsome.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.
**********
You always arrive to get ready to open the shop at 8 AM. You liked to take your time, get things ready, change the display window if the mood strikes you, so that’s why you liked to show up early and you always went in through the back entrance. It was mostly so customers wouldn’t see you walk in and follow you in, assuming you were open that early.
This morning when you went around to the back door, you found a piping hot cup of coffee with your name on it and a star drawn on the paper cup. You looked around and didn’t see anyone, no one came around the corner when you were getting your keys out to unlock the door, it was like the coffee was left by a ghost. When you picked up the cup caddy, you noticed a little slip of paper inside one of the cup holders so after bringing everything inside, you picked up the note and began to read.
Y/N,
I’m so sorry for just bolting on you. I hope this makes up for it a little bit.
-Dex
He obviously knew what time you arrived at the store every morning, otherwise the coffee wouldn’t be this hot. He knows your schedule. Has he been following you? Watching you? Maybe you were being too paranoid, reading too much into it. It was a sweet gesture and finding out what time someone shows up to work every morning was THAT crazy. You only wish he was around to thank him for it.
**********
It had been a long day, a busy day, and it was Thursday which meant after you closed for the night, you stayed to do some bookkeeping before heading home for the night. After staring at your laptop screen for what felt like hours, the numbers were all starting to run together and your stomach was making some pretty loud growling noises.
You decided to take a break, so you removed your blue light glasses, glanced away from your laptop screen and pinched the bridge of your nose, releasing some of the tension behind your eyes. As you let out a long, deep exhale, you heard a gentle tapping against your display window.
The closer you walked to the window, the clearer his face became. The blond hair, the chin dimple, his handsome face that was all angles…one corner of his mouth was curled into half a smile and he had a pizza box in his hands. You gave him a smile in return and motioned for him to go to the front door.
Still surprised to see him, you asked, “Dex? What are you doin’ here?”
He replied, “Hey, Y/N, I was on my way home, saw your light was still on, thought you might be hungry too.”
“I’m starving, actually. Come in, please.” You said, holding the door open and locking it behind him.
You cleared some space on the glass counter, found some paper plates, napkins, and took out two sparkling waters from your mini fridge.
Dex opened the pizza box and said, “I got margherita tonight, I hope that’s ok.”
Your eyes widened and your lips curled into a warm smile as you replied, “Margherita is actually my favorite but I’d probably eat this plate if you covered it in sauce and cheese, because I’m so hungry right now. You’re a lifesaver.”
He got a good chuckle out of that as the two of you sat down to eat.
You found out a few things about Dex during your late night impromptu dinner at your store. His actual first name is Benjamin but everyone calls him “Dex” because of his last name which is Poindexter and he is a Special Agent for the FBI.
The conversation was nice. It was easy and he was very sweet. You didn’t want to scare him off again so you decided to thank him for the coffee first before you brought up anything else.
“Thank you…for the coffee this morning, Dex. It really hit the spot and saved me from having to order one. I had one at home before coming here but I was extra tired this morning and thought I would need another one.” You said with a kind smile, slowly reaching out and gently touching his arm.
Dex glanced down at your hand touching him, and as he slowly brought his gaze up to meet yours, his mouth tipped up into half a smile.
“You’re welcome, Y/N. I felt really bad for running away like I did, especially after you did something so nice for me when you didn’t have to.” He said softly.
Still smiling at him, you began to delicately graze his arm with your thumb.
“Dex? Did something happen at work that made you go looking for that book? Or something like that book?” You asked.
Visibly agitated, but still calm, he reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through his hair and spasms of irritation crossed his face.
Dex’s lips curled back to reveal clenched teeth as he replied, “I did what I was trained to do. The convoy was attacked and I took out everyone who pointed a gun in my or my fellow officers direction and now they wanna try and take my badge for it. They’d all be dead if it wasn’t for my accuracy. So when I saw your shop, I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for but I knew I needed something.”
He paused, while he tried to get his breathing under control.
In an effort to try and comfort him, you whispered, “Hey, hey…Dex, it’s ok. You’re ok.”
Dex inhaled sharply, let out a deep exhale and said, “I just needed something to bring me back to my center and that book always did that for me when I was a kid.”
You decided to push a little harder.
“Did that happen a lot when you were young?” You asked, in a concerned tone.
Dex answered calmly, “Ya know, even when I outgrew the book, it still brought me comfort to look at it, even just holding it like I did the day you gave it to me, helped me a lot.”
Knowing that such a small gesture brought him the level of comfort he needed to get through a tough time was an almost euphoric feeling. To be able to help someone in their time of need warmed your heart and put the biggest smile on your face.
You were happy you were able to do that for him and Dex seemed like he could really use a friend.
“Well, I’m just glad I could help.” You said, lightly squeezing his arm. “And thank you for sharing your pizza with me, that’s very sweet of you. It’s from my favorite place too.”
He leaned in slowly, inching closer to your face until the two of you were sharing the same air.
“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He replied.
You were nervously biting down on your lower lip as Dex continued to close the gap between your faces until there was only a breath of room between the two of you.
“I don’t know if you can tell but I kinda like you, Y/N.” Dex said nervously, in barely more than a whisper as he brushed your cheek with his knuckles.
You could feel your heart beating firmly against your chest as you swallowed hard before whispering back, “Well…I kinda like you too.”
He delicately pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, then touched his soft lips to yours, sending a delightful spark down your spine. You wanted to be closer to him but the glass counter in between your bodies prevented that from happening as your fingers wandered through his soft blond hair, your lips parted, and his tongue lightly stroked yours while needy whimpers fell from your lips.
Dex abruptly stopped, pulled away, and started to apologize.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He stammered.
You asked, “Why? Why are you sorry, Dex?”
Nervously, he replied, “I-I dunno, maybe I s-should just go, I’ll let you get back to your bookkeeping.”
You never told him you were doing the books when he showed up tonight.
“How did you know I was doing my books, Dex?” You asked, in an uneasy tone.
Smoothly, he replied, “I just assumed that’s what you were doing with your laptop here. You can online shop at home…on your phone. I figured you wouldn’t be doing that here.”
Well…he wasn’t wrong.
“Well…you’re not wrong. I was doing my books. And I do shop…on my phone…late at night.” You said with a shy smile.
“I probably should get goin’ though.” He said.
In a disappointed tone, you replied, “Oh…ok. I understand. It is getting late.”
Dex then asked, “But, could I have your number? I’d love to talk to you tomorrow.”
Your lips curled into a wide smile as you replied with an emphatic, “YES!”
He put your number into his phone and said he couldn’t wait to talk to you tomorrow. When he started to walk toward the door, you stopped him, “Wait Dex! You forgot your leftover pizza.”
Dex cupped your cheeks, leaned in close, gently pressed his lips to yours, and replied with a sly smile, “You keep it, sweetheart. Have it for lunch tomorrow or somethin’. You did say it was your favorite.”
“I did say that, didn’t I.” You replied. “Well, goodnight Dex. I had a nice time tonight.”
“Goodnight, Y/N. Don’t stay too late. A lot of weirdos out there.” He said with a wink and a smile. “I had a nice time too. I really can’t thank you enough for just… being so kind to me and…listening to me.”
“You’re welcome, Dex.” You whispered in his ear, then kissed him on the cheek. “Get home safe, ok?”
“Of course…you too. Like I said, a lot of weirdos out there.” He replied.
You promised, “I will.” Then asked, “Talk to you tomorrow?”
Dex nodded.
“Ok, goodnight.” You said, closing the door behind him.
You waved and watched Dex walk away not knowing that he was just moving out of sight to a spot where he would patiently wait for you to lock all the doors for the night and then he followed you home to make sure you would get there safely and unharmed. He had done that every night you had worked since he had met you and he had obviously done it without your knowledge.
At first it was just the book that he thought he needed to use as his mental baseline. Standing outside your book store, he had gone over all of the different ways he could have gone in to just take it because he needed it, desperately.
After that mission went poorly, he’d do anything to feel grounded again and that book was the pathway to getting there again until he actually met you. The kindness and generosity you showed him was something he hasn’t been shown in quite some time.
And then he saw your necklace. The book is something tangible he can hold, something he can touch but you could actually be his “North Star.” You’re wearing the necklace so that must be some sort of sign, right? A sign that you are his purpose, that you are someone that he has to intensely protect.
But how could he tell you that without scaring you? He liked you. He liked the way you smiled at him, how generous and kind you are, and not just with him but he watched you with others and he really admired that. Dex also loved the way your lips felt against his and he wanted to feel that again but he was scared of what your reaction would be if you found out he had been following you…everywhere.
It wasn’t just your work schedule. He knew what you did outside of work and when you did it. It wasn’t just a coincidence Dex bought pizza from your favorite place or ordered your favorite pizza. He knew those things because he watched you, studied you, and he was starting to know you better than you know yourself.
His instincts were deeply ingrained and couldn’t be helped when it came to manipulating or trying to destroy the things he cares about. Obviously, Dex could tell you liked him too. He only hoped that those feelings would be strong enough to forgive him for what he was doing and for what he had been doing since he met you because he didn’t know any other way to be.
**********
Just as he had done every other night, he made sure you arrived home safely before he went home for the night and woke up extra early because he had something for you, a small gift that he wanted to leave for you in addition to the cup of coffee he ordered for you.
When you arrived at the store the following morning, another cup of piping hot coffee was waiting for you as well as a small origami crane folded out of what looked like a picture from a magazine and it was a picture of the night sky, filled with stars. The crane was perfectly folded with its crisp creases and clean geometric folds. The razor-sharp edges and precise points seemed almost impossible to create with the size paper that he used but Dex did it and it was…perfection.
A small gift like that might seem trivial to someone else but you loved it and thought it was incredibly sweet. After setting your things down, you took out your phone because you wanted to thank him but when you looked at your phone, you noticed you already had a message from Dex.
Do you like your gift?
His message made you smile so you wrote him back.
I love it! Thank you, Dex. And thank you for my coffee.
The three dots appeared which meant he was typing so you waited for his response.
You’re welcome, sweetheart. I have to get to work. Is it ok if I text you around lunch time?
Seeing the word “sweetheart” in his message gave you butterflies.
Of course it’s ok!
The three dots appeared again.
Great, I’ll talk to you soon.
You couldn’t wait.
**********
Just like he said he would, Dex texted around noon. Back and forth you went as you tried to keep up between helping customers and answering his texts. You were really starting to like him more and more but he was still quite a mystery to you. There just wasn’t a lot of time for you to really get to know someone. Running your store took up most of your time so there wasn’t a lot of time left over for dating or a love life but you really wanted to try because you liked Dex a lot.
He startled you after locking up the store for the night. You weren’t expecting him to walk around the corner after hearing the click from the lock but there he was and he looked flustered and overwhelmed.
“Dex? Are you ok? What’s wrong?” You asked, slowly reaching for his arm.
In between breaths, he answered, “Um, Y/N…sweetheart…hey, do you think we could go somewhere and talk? My boss…well I, uh, they suspended me from work and I just…”
Dex had a hard time catching his breath.
“Ok, I need to take some deep breaths for me, Dex. It’s ok. Come on, let’s go get some pie back at my place.” You said.
His breathing slowed down long enough to answer you.
“Pie? Cherry?” He asked.
“Yeah…how did you know that?” You asked with a furrowed brow.
One corner of his mouth curled into a shy smile as he said, “Well, it’s in season.”
An uneasy smile stretched across your lips as you hooked your arm with his and walked with him until you reached your apartment.
When you unlocked the door to your apartment, you said, as you turned on the lights, “Make yourself comfortable, Dex. I’ll get the pie and make us some tea, ok?”
He nodded and made his way over to the couch.
As you walked into the kitchen, your hands began to shake slightly and you could practically hear your heart thumping rapidly in your ears. Dex was inside your apartment but you had to get a grip because he wasn’t here for fun, he was here because he needed to talk.
With two mugs of tea in your hands, you asked, “Will you put two coasters down for me, please?”
Dex set down two coasters.
“Thank you…Just two more seconds, hang on.” You said.
Grabbing the pie slices from the kitchen counter, you walked into the living room and handed him his slice of pie.
“Here you go…” You said with a warm smile.
Dex replied, “Thank you, sweetheart.”
You sat and listened while he talked. One thing you had learned about Dex is not only did he love his job, he loved the structure that his job brought to his life. He needed it. He craved it. And without it, his world would become chaotic and start to unravel. Dex was starting to have that feeling again of becoming unhinged, the one he had before you gave him that book. He needed you now more than ever…his North Star.
“How’s the pie?” You asked, trying to distract him.
Dex answered, ‘It’s good, Y/N. It’s really good.”
“Good…You feel a little better?” You asked, resting your hand on his arm.
He set his plate on the coffee table, turned to you, smiled and replied “Yes, sweetheart.”
Dex stared down at your necklace.
“That really is a pretty necklace. Ya know, when I was younger I had a therapist, Dr. Mercer, that told me I would benefit from finding a ‘North Star.’” He said.
With a confused look on your face, you asked, “So, what does that mean exactly?”
“It just means she wanted me to find a structured environment, ya know, like my job to fixate on. She said I needed it.” He said.
You replied, “She actually used those words? North Star?”
“She did.” Said Dex.
“And when I was young, I fixated on my book when I was having a hard time and then when I got older, I had the army for structure and then my job but when my job was up in the air, I needed something else to bring me back. And then you gave me the book but when I saw your necklace and you said it was the North Star…well, you know I kinda freaked out. Mostly because I thought…” He trailed off.
You asked, “Do you still see her?”
“She passed away. Cancer.” He said with a tight jaw and through clenched teeth.
“Oh Dex, I’m so sorry.” You said, reaching for his hand.
“So when I saw your necklace, I thought maybe…she sent you…to me.”
You inched closer to him, closing the gap between your bodies until you were sharing the same air.
“Maybe she did.” You whispered, ghosting your lips over his.
You could feel the heat radiating from under his shirt as he gazed down at you with his dark green eyes. Looking up at him through your long, dark lashes, you silently begged for him to kiss you, the tension continued to build before he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to yours. His kisses were soft and delicate at first before he parted your lips with his tongue, pressed it against your teeth, begging to twist and knot with yours. Pulling you into his lap, Dex nipped at your jaw and chin before leaving little love bites down the side of your neck.
It felt so good to have him pressed against your body like this as you snaked your arms around his neck and scraped your nails against his scalp, gently tugging on his soft blond hair while his large hands explored your body and touched the soft skin of your lower back underneath your shirt. Goosebumps erupted across your skin and his touches sent fresh shivers down your spine.
This is what you wanted last night but the glass counter had been in your way. His hardening length was pressed against your core as soft whimpers escaped your lips. As you threw your head back to give him better access, you felt his lips skim along your collarbone while his rough calloused fingertips dug into the soft skin of your back. You hear him breath out your name which causes a wet spot to form on your panties and as you close your eyes to kiss him again, you picture him with his head between your thighs.
In barely more than a whisper, you said, “Dex…”
“What is it, sweetheart?” He replied.
“I…Oh…Oops. I forgot.” You popped off of his lap. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”
“No, it’s ok. What’s the matter?” He asked.
You started to head toward your bedroom.
“Just stay right there, I just forgot to feed…” You started to say.
Dex interrupted you, “Your fish?”
“Dex? How did you know I have a fish?” You asked in an uneasy tone.
He became visibly uncomfortable.
“Oh…Just a lucky guess.” Dex said.
“No…No, that wasn’t a lucky guess. Dex, how did you know that? Oh my god. Have you been watching me?!” You asked.
Dex didn’t answer.
“Answer me, Dex!!” You demanded.
Dex got up from the couch and started to walk toward you but you put a hand up to make him stop.
“Don’t come any closer. Stay away from me, Dex.” You said.
Dex pleaded, “Sweetheart, just let me explain.”
“Explain?!! You’ve been watching me since you met me, haven’t you?!! The pizza, the coffee, me doing my books and staying late on Thursday nights. You knew about it all!” You shouted. “I want you to leave.”
“You’re my North Star, Y/N and I was meant to find your shop! Please!” He begged.
“I can’t be around you right now, Dex. You need to go! Now!” You commanded, pointing at your front door.
He had a deep sadness in his eyes as he closed the door behind him when he left your apartment. They were silently apologizing for what he had done. Dex knew he shouldn’t have done it but he just couldn’t help himself. That instinct is always there, no matter how hard he tries to push it away or ignore it. It’s deep-rooted in his DNA to try and influence and sabotage any relationships or friendships he ends up having.
You felt so stupid. Nothing was that coincidental. Locking the door behind him, tears welled up in your eyes and spilled down your cheeks. You were wondering if the story about his therapist was even true but the look on his face while he was telling you the story said he wasn’t lying. You could tell he was very fond of her, maybe even had a motherly type love for her. It seemed like she taught him a lot which has carried him from childhood all the way to adulthood.
That still wasn’t an excuse for spying on you, for following you, stalking you. He manipulated you and used it to get closer to you, to get you to think it was a coincidence that he was just walking by late on a Thursday or that he happened to buy your favorite pizza from your favorite place, that it was all just fate, or that it was…in the stars.
But it wasn’t and it broke your heart to find out because you really like Dex. The look on his face when you gave him that book was genuine appreciation and it was clear to you that Dex wasn’t used to receiving gifts in any form but he needed to know that following you and spying on you was not ok. Hopefully throwing him out tonight got that message across.
**********
His texts didn’t go unanswered but you kept your distance. You told him you needed space and made it clear to him that he can’t spy on you or follow you. The morning after you kicked him out, you woke up to a series of messages.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking. I just really like you. Please forgive me.
You didn’t want to ignore him but you didn’t want to just forgive him right away either. He hurt you and you needed him to know that.
I need space right now, Dex. If you really like me, you’ll give me that.
It was radio silence after that but it didn’t stop him from leaving you an origami crane outside your door every morning, nothing else.
After two weeks and 14 cranes, you sat in front of your laptop, late on a Thursday night, nibbling on your cold pizza while trying to do your books but it was hard to concentrate. All you could seem to think about was Dex…what he was doing, wondering if he was ok, hoping that Where the Wild Things Are was keeping him centered. You completely forgot about him telling you the FBI suspended him so you hoped he wasn’t spiraling out of control.
You decided to text him.
Dex?
The three dots appeared almost immediately.
Hey, sweetheart.
The “sweetheart” still gave you butterflies.
Are you ok?
He replied…
I’ve been better.
His answer gutted you but you knew what you did was the right thing to do.
You know I had to do that, Dex. Now, I hate to ask this but are you watching me right now?
The three dots didn’t appear right away this time but he did reply.
No.
You weren’t sure you believed him.
Dex??
The three dots appeared right away.
I promise you, sweetheart. I’m not.
You replied.
If I asked you to come down here, would you?
Dex answered again, right away.
I’m on my way.
Impatiently, you waited for Dex to arrive at the shop. You tried to continue to work on your laptop but all you managed to do was tap your nails on the glass countertop in a silly little melody you made up until you heard a light tapping on the glass window out front.
You rushed to the display window and caught his gaze. Dex awkwardly waved and smiled. He looked so sweet and cute, you almost felt bad for making him leave your apartment that night but no, he betrayed your trust and he can’t just do things like that.
One side of your mouth curled into a shy smile when you opened the door and you greeted him, “Hey…come on in.”
Dex replied with a warm smile, “Hey, sweetheart…thanks.”
You pointed toward the chairs near the glass countertop, “Take a seat, please. You’re probably wondering why I asked you to come down here.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I’ve missed seeing you, Y/N.” Said Dex.
You asked, “Have you? You haven’t been watching me without me knowing again, have you, Dex?”
Dex looked a little uncomfortable like he wasn’t telling you something, so you asked him again to see if he would tell you the truth.
“Dex? I want you to tell me the truth. Have you been watching me?” You asked again, curtly.
“After you kicked me out, it was hard for me to stop. I just felt like I needed to protect you and you walk alone at night, I don’t want anything to happen to you! But I understand why that’s not really ok so I stopped and I stayed away like you wanted me to except to drop off your gifts every morning and that’s it, I swear.” He said with his eyebrows raised, a hitch in his voice, and his arms outstretched.
“Do you always try to destroy things that you care about by doing stupid shit, Dex? I show you genuine kindness and your first instinct is to stalk me and think that’s going to win me over?” You asked, somewhat sarcastically.
Dex became very quiet, almost like he didn’t know how to answer you. His movements were nervous and uneasy.
“I don’t know any other way to be, sweetheart and I don’t want to use that as an excuse but I am sorry. And I did my best to stay away.” He said.
“It’s difficult for you, isn’t it? To try and understand how people are feeling? Almost like you don’t know how.” You said softly, reaching for his hand.
Dex replied, “You can say it, I’m used to it…I’m a monster.”
“That’s not true. And you’re not a monster, Dex.” You said. “That’s what Dr. Mercer was helping you with, wasn’t she? She was trying to teach you about empathy. I know you have strong feelings, Dex. It’s just hard for you to understand how what you did made me feel. Would that be accurate?”
Dex pondered for a minute and then replied, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“And that’s why she had you keep everything structured and regimented…so you would stay on the straight and narrow and all you need is your North Star.” You said with a warm smile.
He nodded.
“Maybe you should have been a therapist instead of a bookstore owner.” He said with a slight chuckle.
You laughed a little and replied, “I don’t know about that.”
Smiling at each other, the tension between the two of you eased slightly as you inched a little closer to him. His feet were propped up on the bars underneath the tall chair and his knees fell open, inviting you to come closer.
“Did I tell you why I wanted to open a secondhand bookstore instead of a new one, Dex?” You asked, moving in a little closer.
“I don’t believe so, sweetheart. We haven’t gotten that far yet.” He replied, capturing your gaze with his deep green eyes.
Glancing down at the floor, you brought your eyes up to meet his and replied, “It’s because I wanted to give discarded things a second chance, another chance to bring a smile to someone’s face that’s never read Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Harry Potter series. Or to help someone looking for a certain book to complete their collection. They wander in here, hoping I might have what they’ve been looking for for months, maybe years! And I actually end up having it? That’s why I love running this place. Or when a handsome FBI agent finds his favorite book from his childhood in your store and it helps bring him back to his center…to his North Star. That’s why I love this place, Dex.”
A sly smile stretched across Dex’s lips when he said, “You think I’m handsome?”
You could feel heat rush across your cheeks as you replied, “That’s all you took away from that speech? Is that you’re handsome?”
A lighthearted chuckle escaped your lips.
“Look, I know I probably don’t deserve it but do you think you could give this discarded thing a second chance?” Asked Dex.
You moved in close so you were standing in between his legs. As you snaked your arms around his neck, you gazed up at him through your long dark lashes and thought for a moment about Dex’s life and what he’s been through, what he’s had to endure, and how you might have turned out if you were in his shoes. Wouldn’t you want someone to give you another chance? Would you want someone just to read you over one time and then toss you aside when your pages were still crisp but dogeared and your binding was still firm but a little bent?
He placed his strong hands on your hips, pulled you in close, and said in barely more than a whisper, “Please, sweetheart. You gave a piece back to me that was missing, that I needed to get back on track. Will you be my other one? My other…North Star?”
Inching your face closer to his, all of a sudden all you could hear was your heart pounding loudly inside your head and it was all you could feel forcefully beating against your chest. You could feel his breath coasting across your lashes and fresh shivers dance down your spine as you gently press your lips to his. Parting your lips with his tongue, he silently begged to twist and knot with yours as your nails delicately scraped against his scalp. His body was a hard cradle for yours and you fit perfectly against him. You could stay like this all night and be content.
“You know there’s only ONE North Star, right Dex?” You said with a slight giggle.
Dex rolled his eyes and his mouth tipped up into a half smile, “I’m trying to be a little romantic here, sweetheart. You don’t have to get all ‘Well, actually’ on me.”
He laughed a little. It was nice to see him laugh. Maybe you could get him to do that more often.
“I think second chances are my specialty so, I’d love to try to be your other North Star.” You replied.
He gave you a warm smile, relaxed his shoulders and touched his forehead to yours. His gaze slipped from your eyes to your mouth and he kissed you again before letting his forehead rest against yours.
Dex let go of the tension from the past few weeks with one kiss, one forehead touch, and then he forcefully exhaled into the side of your neck as you squeezed him as tightly as you could, showing him that just like the books in your store, he deserved another look and he deserved to be with someone who knows what they have and will appreciate a good man when they find one…even if his cover is a little dented and his pages are a little wrinkled.
It’s the content of his story that matters. You believed Dex had a good heart, he just needed a second chance to prove it. And starting tonight…you might just let him.
**********
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Inside all of us is Hope.
Inside all of us is Fear.
Inside all of us is Adventure.
Inside all of us is…A Wild Thing.
Tag List: @gijos
Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago
I don’t really have a tag list for Dex as of right now but if you would like to be tagged in anything I write for him, feel free to let me know!
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
The Perfect Combination
While giving a statement to investigators and your HR department about a potential threat at work, you meet a very handsome yet shy FBI agent who asks you out on a date. After a couple of drinks, you end up telling him a secret and he uses his deadly aim to give you something no man has ever given you before.
I Hate the Way I Don’t Hate You
Starting fresh in a new place after your divorce was exactly what you needed and it helped that your neighbor was friendly and easy on the eyes. But when you started to get the feeling that someone was watching you, he was there to offer his help. What you didn’t know was he was the reason you were being watched in the first place.
Second Chances
After a close call at work, Dex needs something to bring him back to his center, back to his mental baseline, and he finds it in your secondhand bookstore. He finds his North Star in a place where he least expects it…and maybe he finds more than one but not without a few bumps along the way.
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Benjamin Poindexter x F! Reader
Warnings: Mild stalking, PG-13 smooching, fluffy bunnies and unicorns, Dex talking about his childhood and Dr. Mercer, maybe a swear word or two
Summary: After a close call at work, Dex needs something to bring him back to his center, back to his mental baseline, and he finds it in your secondhand bookstore. He finds his North Star in a place where he least expects it…and maybe he finds more than one but not without a few bumps along the way.
Word Count: 7.8K-ish (Another long one…sorry, not sorry)
A/N: I’m having such a good time writing for Dex. I’m sorry, it’s taking me so long to get stuff out, it’s hard finding the time and the headspace (brain fog is real) Thank you again to @bartonsparrow25 for beta reading this for me, love and appreciate you to the moon and back! I hope you all like it!
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
The cut across his cheek appeared to be fresh as well as the one above his eye. Otherwise he was very handsome with his blond hair, very chiseled jawline, and green eyes that looked like a few drops of dark roast coffee had been added to them. There was also a sadness to them, a look of desperation that he was looking for something specific in your bookstore window although he wasn’t exactly sure what that could be yet.
Suddenly he saw it, whatever it was that caught his eye, he found it, as you saw one side of his mouth curl into a slight smile. He also had no idea you were watching him, studying him, and even admiring him. You felt guilty for doing all of this without his knowledge but he intrigued you.
Who was he? Why did he choose your shop? What happened to his face? And the most important question of all…What was he looking at inside your storefront window?
But before you could go outside to introduce yourself and ask him, he was already gone.
Ah well…Maybe he’ll come back.
**********
And he did come back…a few more times but you still didn’t know which book in the window he was looking at. He always showed up at the same time, like clockwork. He stood outside, sipping on his cup of coffee, taking quick glances inside the window, almost like he was making sure the book, whichever one it was, was still there.
People from all over wandered into your secondhand bookstore, Paper Stars Used Books, sometimes looking for something specific but most times they were just browsing and they wandered in because it was just so inviting.
Every used bookstore had a very unique scent and they were all similar but different and you had come to recognize yours every morning when you unlocked those doors, ready to welcome customers from all over the city, some visiting from different parts of the country and even travellers from all over the world. People from all over love books and they love to read.
Books absorb the scents of their environments, like if they had been stored in an attic or a basement, abandoned and forgotten about for many years until they had somehow found their way to your shop.
The deep, earthy odor set into a vintage volume that may never leave, had mixed with dried binding glue was sandwiched between two pieces of weathered leather.
All of these books came together to bring people a sense of adventure, humanity, and because they were pre-loved, a sense of decay.
If time had a scent, it would smell like a used bookstore. It would smell of faded ink, oxidized paper, and memories of past readers.
Opening this store was your dream so watching people leave with a new, used book and smiles on their faces brought a smile to yours. That’s why you were incredibly curious about what was so interesting in the window to the man outside. You wanted him to have it but you couldn’t give it to him if you didn’t know what it was.
Someone had distracted you from him and had asked to be rung up. He briefly locked eyes with you for a moment through the large display window and then he was gone again.
His behavior was almost like a stray dog, looking at fresh, hanging meat from the window of a butcher shop, but gets scared with any movement from the butcher if he lingers too long.
He showed up again the next day, same time, same cup of coffee, and he immediately checked the window upon arrival. Lucky for you, he hadn’t been out there very long before the unsettling gray clouds grew darker and they were followed by a low rumble. The skies parted, allowing large raindrops to pelt against the littered city sidewalk.
It was early, your shop was empty, and it was raining…a perfect time to invite your mysterious, handsome stranger to come inside.
“Come in here, before you get soaked.” You said, holding the door open and motioning for him to come inside.
He hesitated briefly but the rain was really starting to come down now so he quickly ducked inside and you closed the door behind him.
He looked around to check to see if anyone else was inside. Your mysterious stranger seemed to always be aware of his surroundings.
“It’s ok, no one else is here right now. It’s just us.” You said, softly, trying to make him feel more at ease.
“I’m actually glad it’s pouring outside because it’s an excuse to finally get you to come in here. Hi, I’m Y/N and welcome to my store, Paper Stars Used Books!” You said with a wide smile. “So, there are two things I need to know…What is your name and what caught your eye in my display window?”
His face was filled with apprehension as he extended his hand and answered, “I’m…Dex.”
You gave him a kind smile and shook his hand.
He continued, “And I, uh, noticed you have one of my favorite books from when I was a kid. I grew up in a boys home so as far as possessions go, I didn’t really have much but I had that book. It even looks like the one I had…old with a hard cover and a shiny gold spine.”
After he described it, you knew which book he was talking about.
“Where the Wild Things Are.” You said.
Dex answered, “Y-yeah, that’s it.”
“Ya know, I used to read that book to my younger brother all the time when we were kids. It was one of his favorites too.” You said.
The cuts and marks on his face had started to heal but you could still see them. The bruises were now changing colors with the healing process so you felt the need to ask because you were nosey.
“Are you…ok, Dex?” You asked, pointing to the marks on his face.
Dex reached up and grazed the cut above his eye and replied, “Oh…yeah. I’m fine. Happened at work a few days ago, and after it happened, it’s actually the reason I…uh…came looking for…” He started to trail off. “Ya know, maybe coming here was a mistake. I should just…”
He turned and started to walk toward the door.
But you didn’t want him to leave. That was the last thing you wanted him to do so you did the only thing you could think of to get him to stay, even if it was just for a couple more minutes.
“Wait! Dex! Please don’t go!” You called out after him in a concerned tone as you walked toward the front window, grabbed the book and caught him before he walked out.
You watched his shoulders relax when he saw you had the book in your hands.
As your lips curled into a warm smile, you held out the book to him and said, “Here…I want you to have it.”
Dex started to protest, “Oh no, Y/N, I couldn’t…”
But you interrupted, “No, I really want you to have it, Dex. Something tells me that you really need it right now. Maybe with whatever happened at work for you to get those injuries…or not. Maybe I’m way off base and you can tell me I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about but something tells me I do know…what I’m talking about.”
Both of you had your hands on the book now as you closed the gap between your bodies, the width of the book was the only space that kept you from touching him as you looked up at him through your long, dark lashes into his deep green eyes. His expression softened, like he was unsure on how to act when someone was showing him kindness.
“It’s just a book, Y/N.” Dex scoffed, trying to brush off the kind gesture you had just shown him.
You replied, “It’s ok, Dex. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe one day you’d like to. You know where to find me, if you do.” You said, letting go of the book.
But he couldn’t hide his excitement for very long. The apprehension, the tough exterior, not making a big deal about it…all signs of someone who’s never known what it’s like to have never been shown kindness, genuine kindness before.
You were a stranger to him and actually surprised him and threw him off his script. Giving him that book meant the world to him.
With a nervous smile, he stammered, I-I don’t really know what to s-say, Y/N, except…thank you.”
As Dex took the book from your hands, he couldn’t help but stare at the dainty pendant around your neck. The diamond in the center caught the light just right.
“Your necklace is really pretty, Y/N.” He said, touching it lightly with his finger.
Glancing down, you replied, “Oh you like it? Thank you. It’s the North Star. You probably picked up on it but I kinda have a thing for stars…The name of my store, as you can see, this whole place is decorated with stars, they’re on my business cards, the bookmarks I designed and sell…all the things!”
Dex’s breathing became increasingly shallow which concerned you.
“Your necklace is the North Star?” He asked.
You reached out and gently touched his arm and asked, “Hey…Dex? Are you ok? Here…sit down for a minute. I’m gonna get you some water.”
He shook his head and bolted for the door.
“No…I, uh, I have to go. Thank you again for the book, Y/N.” He said, his voice cracking.
Before you could reply or even say “you’re welcome”, he was gone again and you were left wondering if you would ever see him again. Even if you didn’t, your only wish was you hoped the book would bring him the relief he seemed he desperately needed.
**********
A few weeks passed with no sign of Dex, no sign of him at all but you didn’t let that get you down. You had a store to run and it was doing really well but every day that he didn’t come back was a day you thought about him…where he was, if he was ok, and maybe, was he thinking of you too?
It even continued when you went home at night. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. Something happened when you touched his arm that day. The flutters in the pit of your stomach danced around in circles when he looked at you and heat rose to your cheeks as you inched closer to him to give him that book.
You needed to know how Dex just didn’t know how to react to someone just being nice to him. You desperately wanted to see him again but had no idea where to begin to look for him. Dex probably wasn’t even his actual name, it was probably short for something.
After a long day, you returned home and started to think out loud.
“He said he got those injuries at work. Who gets THOSE types of injuries at work?” You asked yourself.
You thought it was maybe some type of law enforcement. And then you thought about why he was at your store in the first place.
“He had started to say that after he got those injuries was the reason he came looking for…and then he stopped talking. He came looking for something that would bring him comfort, maybe be a mental baseline? Be a…a” You said.
You were talking it out, trying to figure him out, and then it hit you like a punch in the face and why he got scared when he saw what your necklace actually was.
“He came looking for a…North Star.” You whispered to yourself as your knees started to shake and you made it to your couch just before they gave out.
You weren’t positive Dex was in some sort of law enforcement but he definitely could be. What were you supposed to do though? Go around and to every police station or government agency in the city asking for someone named “Dex?”
With the pillow cradling your head, you listened to howling wind cut through the silence of your eerily dark bedroom as you tried to fall asleep. Your only hope of seeing Dex again was if he showed up at your store or if you ran into him on the street which seemed highly unlikely. He seemed like the type of person that if he didn’t want to see you, he’d make sure you didn’t.
Maybe it would be best to try and forget about him, at least for tonight so you could get some sleep. You could certainly use one less distraction in your life, although it would be difficult to forget one so handsome.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.
**********
You always arrive to get ready to open the shop at 8 AM. You liked to take your time, get things ready, change the display window if the mood strikes you, so that’s why you liked to show up early and you always went in through the back entrance. It was mostly so customers wouldn’t see you walk in and follow you in, assuming you were open that early.
This morning when you went around to the back door, you found a piping hot cup of coffee with your name on it and a star drawn on the paper cup. You looked around and didn’t see anyone, no one came around the corner when you were getting your keys out to unlock the door, it was like the coffee was left by a ghost. When you picked up the cup caddy, you noticed a little slip of paper inside one of the cup holders so after bringing everything inside, you picked up the note and began to read.
Y/N,
I’m so sorry for just bolting on you. I hope this makes up for it a little bit.
-Dex
He obviously knew what time you arrived at the store every morning, otherwise the coffee wouldn’t be this hot. He knows your schedule. Has he been following you? Watching you? Maybe you were being too paranoid, reading too much into it. It was a sweet gesture and finding out what time someone shows up to work every morning was THAT crazy. You only wish he was around to thank him for it.
**********
It had been a long day, a busy day, and it was Thursday which meant after you closed for the night, you stayed to do some bookkeeping before heading home for the night. After staring at your laptop screen for what felt like hours, the numbers were all starting to run together and your stomach was making some pretty loud growling noises.
You decided to take a break, so you removed your blue light glasses, glanced away from your laptop screen and pinched the bridge of your nose, releasing some of the tension behind your eyes. As you let out a long, deep exhale, you heard a gentle tapping against your display window.
The closer you walked to the window, the clearer his face became. The blond hair, the chin dimple, his handsome face that was all angles…one corner of his mouth was curled into half a smile and he had a pizza box in his hands. You gave him a smile in return and motioned for him to go to the front door.
Still surprised to see him, you asked, “Dex? What are you doin’ here?”
He replied, “Hey, Y/N, I was on my way home, saw your light was still on, thought you might be hungry too.”
“I’m starving, actually. Come in, please.” You said, holding the door open and locking it behind him.
You cleared some space on the glass counter, found some paper plates, napkins, and took out two sparkling waters from your mini fridge.
Dex opened the pizza box and said, “I got margherita tonight, I hope that’s ok.”
Your eyes widened and your lips curled into a warm smile as you replied, “Margherita is actually my favorite but I’d probably eat this plate if you covered it in sauce and cheese, because I’m so hungry right now. You’re a lifesaver.”
He got a good chuckle out of that as the two of you sat down to eat.
You found out a few things about Dex during your late night impromptu dinner at your store. His actual first name is Benjamin but everyone calls him “Dex” because of his last name which is Poindexter and he is a Special Agent for the FBI.
The conversation was nice. It was easy and he was very sweet. You didn’t want to scare him off again so you decided to thank him for the coffee first before you brought up anything else.
“Thank you…for the coffee this morning, Dex. It really hit the spot and saved me from having to order one. I had one at home before coming here but I was extra tired this morning and thought I would need another one.” You said with a kind smile, slowly reaching out and gently touching his arm.
Dex glanced down at your hand touching him, and as he slowly brought his gaze up to meet yours, his mouth tipped up into half a smile.
“You’re welcome, Y/N. I felt really bad for running away like I did, especially after you did something so nice for me when you didn’t have to.” He said softly.
Still smiling at him, you began to delicately graze his arm with your thumb.
“Dex? Did something happen at work that made you go looking for that book? Or something like that book?” You asked.
Visibly agitated, but still calm, he reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through his hair and spasms of irritation crossed his face.
Dex’s lips curled back to reveal clenched teeth as he replied, “I did what I was trained to do. The convoy was attacked and I took out everyone who pointed a gun in my or my fellow officers direction and now they wanna try and take my badge for it. They’d all be dead if it wasn’t for my accuracy. So when I saw your shop, I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for but I knew I needed something.”
He paused, while he tried to get his breathing under control.
In an effort to try and comfort him, you whispered, “Hey, hey…Dex, it’s ok. You’re ok.”
Dex inhaled sharply, let out a deep exhale and said, “I just needed something to bring me back to my center and that book always did that for me when I was a kid.”
You decided to push a little harder.
“Did that happen a lot when you were young?” You asked, in a concerned tone.
Dex answered calmly, “Ya know, even when I outgrew the book, it still brought me comfort to look at it, even just holding it like I did the day you gave it to me, helped me a lot.”
Knowing that such a small gesture brought him the level of comfort he needed to get through a tough time was an almost euphoric feeling. To be able to help someone in their time of need warmed your heart and put the biggest smile on your face.
You were happy you were able to do that for him and Dex seemed like he could really use a friend.
“Well, I’m just glad I could help.” You said, lightly squeezing his arm. “And thank you for sharing your pizza with me, that’s very sweet of you. It’s from my favorite place too.”
He leaned in slowly, inching closer to your face until the two of you were sharing the same air.
“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He replied.
You were nervously biting down on your lower lip as Dex continued to close the gap between your faces until there was only a breath of room between the two of you.
“I don’t know if you can tell but I kinda like you, Y/N.” Dex said nervously, in barely more than a whisper as he brushed your cheek with his knuckles.
You could feel your heart beating firmly against your chest as you swallowed hard before whispering back, “Well…I kinda like you too.”
He delicately pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, then touched his soft lips to yours, sending a delightful spark down your spine. You wanted to be closer to him but the glass counter in between your bodies prevented that from happening as your fingers wandered through his soft blond hair, your lips parted, and his tongue lightly stroked yours while needy whimpers fell from your lips.
Dex abruptly stopped, pulled away, and started to apologize.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He stammered.
You asked, “Why? Why are you sorry, Dex?”
Nervously, he replied, “I-I dunno, maybe I s-should just go, I’ll let you get back to your bookkeeping.”
You never told him you were doing the books when he showed up tonight.
“How did you know I was doing my books, Dex?” You asked, in an uneasy tone.
Smoothly, he replied, “I just assumed that’s what you were doing with your laptop here. You can online shop at home…on your phone. I figured you wouldn’t be doing that here.”
Well…he wasn’t wrong.
“Well…you’re not wrong. I was doing my books. And I do shop…on my phone…late at night.” You said with a shy smile.
“I probably should get goin’ though.” He said.
In a disappointed tone, you replied, “Oh…ok. I understand. It is getting late.”
Dex then asked, “But, could I have your number? I’d love to talk to you tomorrow.”
Your lips curled into a wide smile as you replied with an emphatic, “YES!”
He put your number into his phone and said he couldn’t wait to talk to you tomorrow. When he started to walk toward the door, you stopped him, “Wait Dex! You forgot your leftover pizza.”
Dex cupped your cheeks, leaned in close, gently pressed his lips to yours, and replied with a sly smile, “You keep it, sweetheart. Have it for lunch tomorrow or somethin’. You did say it was your favorite.”
“I did say that, didn’t I.” You replied. “Well, goodnight Dex. I had a nice time tonight.”
“Goodnight, Y/N. Don’t stay too late. A lot of weirdos out there.” He said with a wink and a smile. “I had a nice time too. I really can’t thank you enough for just… being so kind to me and…listening to me.”
“You’re welcome, Dex.” You whispered in his ear, then kissed him on the cheek. “Get home safe, ok?”
“Of course…you too. Like I said, a lot of weirdos out there.” He replied.
You promised, “I will.” Then asked, “Talk to you tomorrow?”
Dex nodded.
“Ok, goodnight.” You said, closing the door behind him.
You waved and watched Dex walk away not knowing that he was just moving out of sight to a spot where he would patiently wait for you to lock all the doors for the night and then he followed you home to make sure you would get there safely and unharmed. He had done that every night you had worked since he had met you and he had obviously done it without your knowledge.
At first it was just the book that he thought he needed to use as his mental baseline. Standing outside your book store, he had gone over all of the different ways he could have gone in to just take it because he needed it, desperately.
After that mission went poorly, he’d do anything to feel grounded again and that book was the pathway to getting there again until he actually met you. The kindness and generosity you showed him was something he hasn’t been shown in quite some time.
And then he saw your necklace. The book is something tangible he can hold, something he can touch but you could actually be his “North Star.” You’re wearing the necklace so that must be some sort of sign, right? A sign that you are his purpose, that you are someone that he has to intensely protect.
But how could he tell you that without scaring you? He liked you. He liked the way you smiled at him, how generous and kind you are, and not just with him but he watched you with others and he really admired that. Dex also loved the way your lips felt against his and he wanted to feel that again but he was scared of what your reaction would be if you found out he had been following you…everywhere.
It wasn’t just your work schedule. He knew what you did outside of work and when you did it. It wasn’t just a coincidence Dex bought pizza from your favorite place or ordered your favorite pizza. He knew those things because he watched you, studied you, and he was starting to know you better than you know yourself.
His instincts were deeply ingrained and couldn’t be helped when it came to manipulating or trying to destroy the things he cares about. Obviously, Dex could tell you liked him too. He only hoped that those feelings would be strong enough to forgive him for what he was doing and for what he had been doing since he met you because he didn’t know any other way to be.
**********
Just as he had done every other night, he made sure you arrived home safely before he went home for the night and woke up extra early because he had something for you, a small gift that he wanted to leave for you in addition to the cup of coffee he ordered for you.
When you arrived at the store the following morning, another cup of piping hot coffee was waiting for you as well as a small origami crane folded out of what looked like a picture from a magazine and it was a picture of the night sky, filled with stars. The crane was perfectly folded with its crisp creases and clean geometric folds. The razor-sharp edges and precise points seemed almost impossible to create with the size paper that he used but Dex did it and it was…perfection.
A small gift like that might seem trivial to someone else but you loved it and thought it was incredibly sweet. After setting your things down, you took out your phone because you wanted to thank him but when you looked at your phone, you noticed you already had a message from Dex.
Do you like your gift?
His message made you smile so you wrote him back.
I love it! Thank you, Dex. And thank you for my coffee.
The three dots appeared which meant he was typing so you waited for his response.
You’re welcome, sweetheart. I have to get to work. Is it ok if I text you around lunch time?
Seeing the word “sweetheart” in his message gave you butterflies.
Of course it’s ok!
The three dots appeared again.
Great, I’ll talk to you soon.
You couldn’t wait.
**********
Just like he said he would, Dex texted around noon. Back and forth you went as you tried to keep up between helping customers and answering his texts. You were really starting to like him more and more but he was still quite a mystery to you. There just wasn’t a lot of time for you to really get to know someone. Running your store took up most of your time so there wasn’t a lot of time left over for dating or a love life but you really wanted to try because you liked Dex a lot.
He startled you after locking up the store for the night. You weren’t expecting him to walk around the corner after hearing the click from the lock but there he was and he looked flustered and overwhelmed.
“Dex? Are you ok? What’s wrong?” You asked, slowly reaching for his arm.
In between breaths, he answered, “Um, Y/N…sweetheart…hey, do you think we could go somewhere and talk? My boss…well I, uh, they suspended me from work and I just…”
Dex had a hard time catching his breath.
“Ok, I need to take some deep breaths for me, Dex. It’s ok. Come on, let’s go get some pie back at my place.” You said.
His breathing slowed down long enough to answer you.
“Pie? Cherry?” He asked.
“Yeah…how did you know that?” You asked with a furrowed brow.
One corner of his mouth curled into a shy smile as he said, “Well, it’s in season.”
An uneasy smile stretched across your lips as you hooked your arm with his and walked with him until you reached your apartment.
When you unlocked the door to your apartment, you said, as you turned on the lights, “Make yourself comfortable, Dex. I’ll get the pie and make us some tea, ok?”
He nodded and made his way over to the couch.
As you walked into the kitchen, your hands began to shake slightly and you could practically hear your heart thumping rapidly in your ears. Dex was inside your apartment but you had to get a grip because he wasn’t here for fun, he was here because he needed to talk.
With two mugs of tea in your hands, you asked, “Will you put two coasters down for me, please?”
Dex set down two coasters.
“Thank you…Just two more seconds, hang on.” You said.
Grabbing the pie slices from the kitchen counter, you walked into the living room and handed him his slice of pie.
“Here you go…” You said with a warm smile.
Dex replied, “Thank you, sweetheart.”
You sat and listened while he talked. One thing you had learned about Dex is not only did he love his job, he loved the structure that his job brought to his life. He needed it. He craved it. And without it, his world would become chaotic and start to unravel. Dex was starting to have that feeling again of becoming unhinged, the one he had before you gave him that book. He needed you now more than ever…his North Star.
“How’s the pie?” You asked, trying to distract him.
Dex answered, ‘It’s good, Y/N. It’s really good.”
“Good…You feel a little better?” You asked, resting your hand on his arm.
He set his plate on the coffee table, turned to you, smiled and replied “Yes, sweetheart.”
Dex stared down at your necklace.
“That really is a pretty necklace. Ya know, when I was younger I had a therapist, Dr. Mercer, that told me I would benefit from finding a ‘North Star.’” He said.
With a confused look on your face, you asked, “So, what does that mean exactly?”
“It just means she wanted me to find a structured environment, ya know, like my job to fixate on. She said I needed it.” He said.
You replied, “She actually used those words? North Star?”
“She did.” Said Dex.
“And when I was young, I fixated on my book when I was having a hard time and then when I got older, I had the army for structure and then my job but when my job was up in the air, I needed something else to bring me back. And then you gave me the book but when I saw your necklace and you said it was the North Star…well, you know I kinda freaked out. Mostly because I thought…” He trailed off.
You asked, “Do you still see her?”
“She passed away. Cancer.” He said with a tight jaw and through clenched teeth.
“Oh Dex, I’m so sorry.” You said, reaching for his hand.
“So when I saw your necklace, I thought maybe…she sent you…to me.”
You inched closer to him, closing the gap between your bodies until you were sharing the same air.
“Maybe she did.” You whispered, ghosting your lips over his.
You could feel the heat radiating from under his shirt as he gazed down at you with his dark green eyes. Looking up at him through your long, dark lashes, you silently begged for him to kiss you, the tension continued to build before he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to yours. His kisses were soft and delicate at first before he parted your lips with his tongue, pressed it against your teeth, begging to twist and knot with yours. Pulling you into his lap, Dex nipped at your jaw and chin before leaving little love bites down the side of your neck.
It felt so good to have him pressed against your body like this as you snaked your arms around his neck and scraped your nails against his scalp, gently tugging on his soft blond hair while his large hands explored your body and touched the soft skin of your lower back underneath your shirt. Goosebumps erupted across your skin and his touches sent fresh shivers down your spine.
This is what you wanted last night but the glass counter had been in your way. His hardening length was pressed against your core as soft whimpers escaped your lips. As you threw your head back to give him better access, you felt his lips skim along your collarbone while his rough calloused fingertips dug into the soft skin of your back. You hear him breath out your name which causes a wet spot to form on your panties and as you close your eyes to kiss him again, you picture him with his head between your thighs.
In barely more than a whisper, you said, “Dex…”
“What is it, sweetheart?” He replied.
“I…Oh…Oops. I forgot.” You popped off of his lap. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”
“No, it’s ok. What’s the matter?” He asked.
You started to head toward your bedroom.
“Just stay right there, I just forgot to feed…” You started to say.
Dex interrupted you, “Your fish?”
“Dex? How did you know I have a fish?” You asked in an uneasy tone.
He became visibly uncomfortable.
“Oh…Just a lucky guess.” Dex said.
“No…No, that wasn’t a lucky guess. Dex, how did you know that? Oh my god. Have you been watching me?!” You asked.
Dex didn’t answer.
“Answer me, Dex!!” You demanded.
Dex got up from the couch and started to walk toward you but you put a hand up to make him stop.
“Don’t come any closer. Stay away from me, Dex.” You said.
Dex pleaded, “Sweetheart, just let me explain.”
“Explain?!! You’ve been watching me since you met me, haven’t you?!! The pizza, the coffee, me doing my books and staying late on Thursday nights. You knew about it all!” You shouted. “I want you to leave.”
“You’re my North Star, Y/N and I was meant to find your shop! Please!” He begged.
“I can’t be around you right now, Dex. You need to go! Now!” You commanded, pointing at your front door.
He had a deep sadness in his eyes as he closed the door behind him when he left your apartment. They were silently apologizing for what he had done. Dex knew he shouldn’t have done it but he just couldn’t help himself. That instinct is always there, no matter how hard he tries to push it away or ignore it. It’s deep-rooted in his DNA to try and influence and sabotage any relationships or friendships he ends up having.
You felt so stupid. Nothing was that coincidental. Locking the door behind him, tears welled up in your eyes and spilled down your cheeks. You were wondering if the story about his therapist was even true but the look on his face while he was telling you the story said he wasn’t lying. You could tell he was very fond of her, maybe even had a motherly type love for her. It seemed like she taught him a lot which has carried him from childhood all the way to adulthood.
That still wasn’t an excuse for spying on you, for following you, stalking you. He manipulated you and used it to get closer to you, to get you to think it was a coincidence that he was just walking by late on a Thursday or that he happened to buy your favorite pizza from your favorite place, that it was all just fate, or that it was…in the stars.
But it wasn’t and it broke your heart to find out because you really like Dex. The look on his face when you gave him that book was genuine appreciation and it was clear to you that Dex wasn’t used to receiving gifts in any form but he needed to know that following you and spying on you was not ok. Hopefully throwing him out tonight got that message across.
**********
His texts didn’t go unanswered but you kept your distance. You told him you needed space and made it clear to him that he can’t spy on you or follow you. The morning after you kicked him out, you woke up to a series of messages.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking. I just really like you. Please forgive me.
You didn’t want to ignore him but you didn’t want to just forgive him right away either. He hurt you and you needed him to know that.
I need space right now, Dex. If you really like me, you’ll give me that.
It was radio silence after that but it didn’t stop him from leaving you an origami crane outside your door every morning, nothing else.
After two weeks and 14 cranes, you sat in front of your laptop, late on a Thursday night, nibbling on your cold pizza while trying to do your books but it was hard to concentrate. All you could seem to think about was Dex…what he was doing, wondering if he was ok, hoping that Where the Wild Things Are was keeping him centered. You completely forgot about him telling you the FBI suspended him so you hoped he wasn’t spiraling out of control.
You decided to text him.
Dex?
The three dots appeared almost immediately.
Hey, sweetheart.
The “sweetheart” still gave you butterflies.
Are you ok?
He replied…
I’ve been better.
His answer gutted you but you knew what you did was the right thing to do.
You know I had to do that, Dex. Now, I hate to ask this but are you watching me right now?
The three dots didn’t appear right away this time but he did reply.
No.
You weren’t sure you believed him.
Dex??
The three dots appeared right away.
I promise you, sweetheart. I’m not.
You replied.
If I asked you to come down here, would you?
Dex answered again, right away.
I’m on my way.
Impatiently, you waited for Dex to arrive at the shop. You tried to continue to work on your laptop but all you managed to do was tap your nails on the glass countertop in a silly little melody you made up until you heard a light tapping on the glass window out front.
You rushed to the display window and caught his gaze. Dex awkwardly waved and smiled. He looked so sweet and cute, you almost felt bad for making him leave your apartment that night but no, he betrayed your trust and he can’t just do things like that.
One side of your mouth curled into a shy smile when you opened the door and you greeted him, “Hey…come on in.”
Dex replied with a warm smile, “Hey, sweetheart…thanks.”
You pointed toward the chairs near the glass countertop, “Take a seat, please. You’re probably wondering why I asked you to come down here.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I’ve missed seeing you, Y/N.” Said Dex.
You asked, “Have you? You haven’t been watching me without me knowing again, have you, Dex?”
Dex looked a little uncomfortable like he wasn’t telling you something, so you asked him again to see if he would tell you the truth.
“Dex? I want you to tell me the truth. Have you been watching me?” You asked again, curtly.
“After you kicked me out, it was hard for me to stop. I just felt like I needed to protect you and you walk alone at night, I don’t want anything to happen to you! But I understand why that’s not really ok so I stopped and I stayed away like you wanted me to except to drop off your gifts every morning and that’s it, I swear.” He said with his eyebrows raised, a hitch in his voice, and his arms outstretched.
“Do you always try to destroy things that you care about by doing stupid shit, Dex? I show you genuine kindness and your first instinct is to stalk me and think that’s going to win me over?” You asked, somewhat sarcastically.
Dex became very quiet, almost like he didn’t know how to answer you. His movements were nervous and uneasy.
“I don’t know any other way to be, sweetheart and I don’t want to use that as an excuse but I am sorry. And I did my best to stay away.” He said.
“It’s difficult for you, isn’t it? To try and understand how people are feeling? Almost like you don’t know how.” You said softly, reaching for his hand.
Dex replied, “You can say it, I’m used to it…I’m a monster.”
“That’s not true. And you’re not a monster, Dex.” You said. “That’s what Dr. Mercer was helping you with, wasn’t she? She was trying to teach you about empathy. I know you have strong feelings, Dex. It’s just hard for you to understand how what you did made me feel. Would that be accurate?”
Dex pondered for a minute and then replied, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“And that’s why she had you keep everything structured and regimented…so you would stay on the straight and narrow and all you need is your North Star.” You said with a warm smile.
He nodded.
“Maybe you should have been a therapist instead of a bookstore owner.” He said with a slight chuckle.
You laughed a little and replied, “I don’t know about that.”
Smiling at each other, the tension between the two of you eased slightly as you inched a little closer to him. His feet were propped up on the bars underneath the tall chair and his knees fell open, inviting you to come closer.
“Did I tell you why I wanted to open a secondhand bookstore instead of a new one, Dex?” You asked, moving in a little closer.
“I don’t believe so, sweetheart. We haven’t gotten that far yet.” He replied, capturing your gaze with his deep green eyes.
Glancing down at the floor, you brought your eyes up to meet his and replied, “It’s because I wanted to give discarded things a second chance, another chance to bring a smile to someone’s face that’s never read Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Harry Potter series. Or to help someone looking for a certain book to complete their collection. They wander in here, hoping I might have what they’ve been looking for for months, maybe years! And I actually end up having it? That’s why I love running this place. Or when a handsome FBI agent finds his favorite book from his childhood in your store and it helps bring him back to his center…to his North Star. That’s why I love this place, Dex.”
A sly smile stretched across Dex’s lips when he said, “You think I’m handsome?”
You could feel heat rush across your cheeks as you replied, “That’s all you took away from that speech? Is that you’re handsome?”
A lighthearted chuckle escaped your lips.
“Look, I know I probably don’t deserve it but do you think you could give this discarded thing a second chance?” Asked Dex.
You moved in close so you were standing in between his legs. As you snaked your arms around his neck, you gazed up at him through your long dark lashes and thought for a moment about Dex’s life and what he’s been through, what he’s had to endure, and how you might have turned out if you were in his shoes. Wouldn’t you want someone to give you another chance? Would you want someone just to read you over one time and then toss you aside when your pages were still crisp but dogeared and your binding was still firm but a little bent?
He placed his strong hands on your hips, pulled you in close, and said in barely more than a whisper, “Please, sweetheart. You gave a piece back to me that was missing, that I needed to get back on track. Will you be my other one? My other…North Star?”
Inching your face closer to his, all of a sudden all you could hear was your heart pounding loudly inside your head and it was all you could feel forcefully beating against your chest. You could feel his breath coasting across your lashes and fresh shivers dance down your spine as you gently press your lips to his. Parting your lips with his tongue, he silently begged to twist and knot with yours as your nails delicately scraped against his scalp. His body was a hard cradle for yours and you fit perfectly against him. You could stay like this all night and be content.
“You know there’s only ONE North Star, right Dex?” You said with a slight giggle.
Dex rolled his eyes and his mouth tipped up into a half smile, “I’m trying to be a little romantic here, sweetheart. You don’t have to get all ‘Well, actually’ on me.”
He laughed a little. It was nice to see him laugh. Maybe you could get him to do that more often.
“I think second chances are my specialty so, I’d love to try to be your other North Star.” You replied.
He gave you a warm smile, relaxed his shoulders and touched his forehead to yours. His gaze slipped from your eyes to your mouth and he kissed you again before letting his forehead rest against yours.
Dex let go of the tension from the past few weeks with one kiss, one forehead touch, and then he forcefully exhaled into the side of your neck as you squeezed him as tightly as you could, showing him that just like the books in your store, he deserved another look and he deserved to be with someone who knows what they have and will appreciate a good man when they find one…even if his cover is a little dented and his pages are a little wrinkled.
It’s the content of his story that matters. You believed Dex had a good heart, he just needed a second chance to prove it. And starting tonight…you might just let him.
**********
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Inside all of us is Hope.
Inside all of us is Fear.
Inside all of us is Adventure.
Inside all of us is…A Wild Thing.
Tag List: @gijos
Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago
I don’t really have a tag list for Dex as of right now but if you would like to be tagged in anything I write for him, feel free to let me know!
Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.
Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader
Warnings: Trauma, mentions of abuse, couple of swear words, some fluff
Word Count: 2.5K-ish
Summary: You are in the process of trying to heal from a past relationship with a man who was verbally abusive and somewhat violent. Billy is doing his best to help you.
A/N: So I know it’s been a minute since I’ve written for Billy. I hope you like it and a shout out to @prompts-and-circumstance I used a couple of your prompts “She flinches when I reach for her face. If I ever find out who did that to her, I won’t hold back.” And “Remember this sunrise. You won’t live to see another.”
As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕
The wine glass fell in slow motion, like a snow flurry, but crashed to the floor like a turbulent avalanche and scattered across the kitchen floor. Glittering in the dim lights, the chips of glass were peppered everywhere.
Horrified, you were frozen in place and didn’t want to move on account of your bare feet but Billy put you at ease by gently draping his arm across your body and telling you not to move.
“Stay right there, baby. I’ll clean it up…don’t want you getting cut now, do we.” He said with a perfect smile.
Billy retrieved the broom and dustpan and began to sweep up the broken glass. You had hand washed them and while you were drying one, it slipped from your grip and before you knew what was happening, it was in pieces at your feet.
“Billy, I am SO sorry! It slipped…I-I’m s-sorry! I’ll replace it, I swear.” You said, nervously.
With your hands resting at your sides, you felt your hands begin to shake and your heart start to race. It was beating rapidly inside your chest, and felt like it would explode at any moment. Little beads of sweat formed on your brow as you tried to stop yourself from shaking uncontrollably.
“No need, beautiful. I’ve been meaning to buy new ones anyway. You did me a favor.” Said Billy.
Protectively, you immediately put your hand up as a reflex when he reached for your face to try and comfort you. Catching his hand in yours, you closed your other hand over his and tried to smile and distract him.
“I really am sorry, Billy.” You said, as tears stung the back of your eyes.
He knew that look well. The look of someone who’s been hurt, possibly by someone who claimed to love you, by a narcissist who blamed everyone else for their failures except themselves, and takes zero responsibility for their actions.
Oh yeah, he knew that look.
Slowly, he moved his hand toward your face and gently wiped the tear away from your cheek. He deliberately did it very slowly so as to not scare you or cause you to flinch just as you did the same for him. Billy didn’t really like you touching his face either but he was more open to the idea as your relationship progressed.
You knew it wouldn’t happen overnight and you were getting help for the emotional pain you had because of him but your fight or flight responses still happened just not as often.
And Billy was a big reason why it happened less frequently.
No one had ever made you feel safer, more loved, or understood what you have been through more than Billy did. He did not like talking about his past but if it helped you talk about yours, then he was willing to share more than he ever had before.
The only thing you hadn’t told him was your ex’s name. He didn’t need to know, but mostly, you were afraid of what he might do if he knew.
“Sweet girl, I told you, it’s ok. Now I’m gonna lift you and set you on the counter so you don’t get cut.” Billy said with a warm smile.
Before moving his hands down to your waist, Billy looked down at you with his eyes that were the color of wells of ink. You were thinking that if you looked hard enough into his endless brown eyes, they might tell you all of his deepest darkest secrets. But he distracted you by gently pressing his lips to yours, still faintly tasting like red wine and marinara sauce.
Billy finished cleaning the broken glass, went over every inch of the kitchen to make sure he didn’t miss any and even took out the vacuum to really make sure.
He was so sweet. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you and he did everything he could to prove to you that you deserved love, not ridicule.
**********
The first time Billy had reached for your face to cup your cheeks, you shied away from him and briefly shut your eyes. He thought maybe it was a one-time thing and he just caught you off guard but when it happened again, he just knew someone had hurt you.
The flared nostrils, the way his lips pulled back to expose clenched teeth, and the way his jaw tensed even before you started to speak…you knew he was beyond angry.
Billy listened intently as you told stories of your ex. His knuckles were white as he tightly gripped the glass with his bourbon in it, muscles stiffened as you told him story after story, but he was surprised to hear that your ex had never put his hands on you.
He only threatened to, acted like he was going to, and came close to doing so only to abort at the last minute and punch the wall or kick the door. He threw things though…a lot. He broke glasses, dishes, and anything small enough that he could grip in his hands and throw in your direction.
That was his favorite thing to do.
You didn’t stick around long enough for him to graduate to physical violence but it was long enough to leave you with scarring that wasn’t visible on the outside. Your heart was snow flaked with tiny cuts, each one a little deeper than the last, from every time he lost his temper.
In the softly filtered glow of the fire light, Billy spoke in a wicked hissing whisper and his face darkened with rage.
“Do you swear to me, he never hit you?” Growled Billy.
You swallowed hard before you replied, “I promise you, he never laid a finger on me, Billy. He didn’t have to. His threats and violent behavior scared me enough. And with the violence and the threats, came the empty apologies afterwards.”
Billy replied, “I should make him pay for what he did to you.”
As you placed your hand against his chest, you leaned forward to delicately place a kiss against his lips and said, “He will pay…sooner or later. He will, baby.”
Your words seemed to soothe him a little and calm the anger that coursed through his veins. You felt his body relax under your touch as he slowly snaked his arms around you and pulled you into a tender embrace.
Every little cut on your heart was a reminder that you had every right to get revenge. He should pay for every time he broke the glass in a picture frame, put a hole in the wall with his fist, or kicked the door in if you were taking too long in the bathroom.
Revenge would definitely be freeing but actually carrying it out would be immoral which you knew Billy didn’t care about that. He had done a lot of immoral things and smiled like a Cheshire cat while he did it.
Billy knew it wouldn’t fix everything but it would make him feel better, not powerless which he hated more than anything especially when it came to you.
But he could try and all he needed was a name.
**********
You strived to just feel normal again so that’s why you liked going to get drinks with Frank Castle and his wife, Maria. It was a standing weekly date and you really enjoyed unwinding from the week and their company.
As you sat and chatted with Maria, Billy and Frank went up to the bar to get more drinks where they had a conversation of their own.
“…And how is that going? She still a little, uh, jumpy?” Frank asked.
Billy took a sip of his beer and replied, “She flinches when I reach for her face, Frankie. If I ever find out who did that to her, I won’t hold back.”
“She won’t tell ya, huh?” Said Frank.
Billy said, “She said it’s not important because he’s not in her life anymore and she just wants to concentrate on feeling ‘normal’ again.”
Frank took a sip of his beer.
“But you can’t let it go, can ya Bill.” Frank said.
“Would you be able to?” Asked Billy. “If someone hurt the person you love most, would you?”
Frank pressed his lips together in a straight line, shook his head, picked up Maria’s drink as Billy picked up yours and headed back to the table.
He knew the answer to that, he just didn’t want to say it out loud.
While enjoying another round, you suddenly heard a laugh you hadn’t heard in a long time. It was menacing, almost evil sounding which caused your body to seize and stiffen like a statue and you felt all of the color drain from your face.
You knew who that laugh belonged to.
Thankfully, he was across the bar and with the dim lighting, you didn’t think he could see you but you’d rather not take that chance.
Billy felt you tense up immediately.
“What is it, sweet girl? What’s wrong?” Asked Billy.
You leaned over and replied into his ear, “Can we go, please?”
Billy looked across the bar and somehow knew which one he was. Your ex was a large brick wall of a man, strong, and arrogant.
You pleaded with Billy to leave the bar, to not even make eye contact with him, and try and slip out, unnoticed. There was no explanation needed as both Frank and Maria knew what had happened to you.
Before leaving the bar, Billy whispered something in Frank’s ear. Frank nodded, the two of you escaped the bar undetected, and headed home.
“What did you say to Frank?” You asked.
Billy replied, “I just told him I’d pay him for the drinks after we get home. That’s all, sweet girl.”
Now that Billy has actually seen your ex’s face, you may have a harder time keeping his identity a secret. Maybe he didn’t get a good look at him, the bar lights were in his way, or he didn’t know which one you were looking at. But if you knew anything about Billy, it was he didn’t give up, always remained determined, and always got what he wanted.
And he wanted nothing more than for you to feel safe again.
**********
A Few Weeks Later: Billy’s POV
The frigid winter air stung the exposed skin on your face as the cold infiltrated your entire body. It was going to take some time before you could get warm again.
You hated lying to her, told her last night that you had to work late and so you would just see her later tomorrow morning but it was easier to set up on the rooftop at night while the city was mostly asleep.
During the very early morning hours, the city sounds were elevated, very clear, and unmistakable. Car alarms, police sirens, people stumbling over glass bottles on the sidewalk underneath you…they all sounded like they were right next to you as you waited patiently for any movement in the apartment across the street.
Your mind drifted to y/n, to the paper that Frankie brought you after he found out who he was and his laundry list of crimes he’s committed. His name is Arthur Lennon and by his name alone, you knew why she didn’t want you to know it.
Fired from a couple of jobs because of his anger, Arthur Lennon added court ordered anger management and assault and battery to his resume. He nearly beat a man to death that had accidentally spilled beer on his boots in a bar and then decided to take a couple of swings at the arresting officer before being tased a few times.
But when you found out he had seen her that night while out with you and then followed her home from work a couple of days later, your blind rage could not be contained. Arthur said he missed her and could easily get rid of you so they could be together again. That was when your mind was made up and you were going to kill him.
You had told Frankie, “I won’t be threatened…ever again, Frankie. And I’ll die before I let anyone threaten her either. The world would be a better place without him in it.”
Frank replied, “Leave your phone with me and lemme know if you need anything else.”
Frank was a good friend.
The sun would be coming up soon.
You’ve had Arthur followed for the past two weeks, someone watching his every movement, where he goes and at what times…exact times like what time he gets up in the morning. And how he drinks his coffee in front of the window as the sun starts to rise.
“He won’t even feel it, be dead before he hits the floor. And good fuckin’ riddance.” You thought to yourself.
The sky was just starting to brighten; the fluffy clouds above were lined with a lavender hue as the morning winter sky began to turn pink with the sun breaking the horizon.
Camouflaged, your rifle rested on the ledge of the building directly across from his. The rooftop was comfortable compared to some of the surfaces you were forced to sleep on overseas and you had learned to sleep anywhere whenever you needed to.
This was child’s play.
Covered in black from head to toe, you focused your weapon on the window, and waited for him to appear. It should be soon.
You could feel the sun warming your backside as it started to appear on the opposite side of the building. Laser focused, you needed him to show his face soon before the glare would become too much.
“Don’t worry, sweet girl. He’ll never bother you again.” You whispered.
You wondered if y/n was awake yet; she was very much a morning person, loved to get up early and make coffee for the two of you but she would have to enjoy her coffee alone this morning.
You had a mission to accomplish.
A large figure with tousled hair and sleepy eyes slowly moved into your line of sight, a cup of coffee in his hand, and almost a smug look on his face like he was trying to figure out how he was going to ruin someone’s day today.
Your blood boiled just seeing his face again but this will be the last time you’d have to lay eyes on him. Carefully, Arthur brought his hot coffee up to his lips, and took the last sip of coffee he’ll ever have.
Through gritted teeth, you growled, “Remember this sunrise, Arthur. You won’t live to see another.”
As Arthur swallowed his coffee, you watched his throat move up and down, almost like it was in slow motion, felt the corners of your mouth curl up into a sinister smile, and slowly squeezed the trigger.
Your target was dead and y/n was finally free. No more run-ins and no more looking over her shoulder; maybe she can really start to heal now.
You’ll be home in time to enjoy coffee with her after all.
If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again
I’m almost done with this one…I thought maybe I’d give you a little snippet…
The cut across his cheek appeared to be fresh as well as the one above his eye. Otherwise he was very handsome with his blond hair, very chiseled jawline, and green eyes that looked like a few drops of dark roast coffee had been added to them. There was also a sadness to them, a look of desperation that he was looking for something specific in your bookstore window although he wasn’t exactly sure what that could be yet.
Suddenly he saw it, whatever it was that caught his eye, he found it, as you saw one side of his mouth curl into a slight smile. He also had no idea you were watching him, studying him, and even admiring him. You felt guilty for doing all of this without his knowledge but he intrigued you.
Who was he? Why did he choose your shop? What happened to his face? And the most important question of all…What was he looking at inside your storefront window?
But before you could go outside to introduce yourself and ask him, he was already gone.
