Meow

Just a tacky catgirl who takes too many selfies 🐈 31 | She/Her | Trans Girl | Lesbian | Tourettic | Michigan

[infpisme]

[precioustranswoman-deactivated2]

The effects of trauma don’t really hit peak bad until later, when you’re out, and you’ve had time to process it. You realize how bad it actually was, and then the PTSD sets in, and the panic disorder sets in, and your triggers develop. That’s when it finally hits peak bad.

[duhtrinity]

Identity Crisis // these are my poems.

[n6mcv]

being suicidal from such a young age really fucked up my decision making process. dumb brain always being so dramatic. bad day? k*ll urself. get into a fight? end the relationship. room is messy? burn the house to the ground. like damn bitch pick a reasonable response for once

[alifechasingchaos]

Misplaced Anger.

Sometimes I notice myself being overcome with rage at little to no provocation.

Rage is absolutely terrifying when you can’t see it coming.

I find myself having breakdowns over small irritations or lashing out at those I love.

Trauma repressed an anger within me that’s forced to find alternate ways to be felt.

I’m so inherently angry for events I often refuse to accept, that I end up fixating on insignificant things to artificially ease my pain.

It’s much easier to be angry than it is to feel grief.

This misplaced anger fractures relationships, creates a perpetual anxiety, and is yet another source of overwhelming guilt.

And yet, confronting the source of my emotional distress is far more terrifying than embracing my rage.

[infpisme]

[vulture-jack]

Me, about to be killed in a horror movie by a sweet looking monster: Oh sick creature design glad I got to see it up clo

[miamitu-illust]

some words of encouragement from the gaang <3

[abysswarlock]

[easyluckyfree88]

A beautifully lit shot of a beautiful and kind person ❤ @glittertomb

[valtsv]

getting approached by an animal that wants you to pet them is such a magical feeling. like they saw you and went "yeah there's love in there"

[anxietyproblem]

[dellianarose]

Yea really.

[rabbittongues]

[desultory-suggestions]

What triggered me?

[furiousgoldfish]

traumatized people can’t meditate bc we’re busy dissociating… being present in the moment is not a luxury we can afford in this life

[furiousgoldfish]

It is likely you will feel the worst of your trauma only after you’re safely away from your abusers. A lot of you need to hear this and be prepared. Even if you didn’t have a strong reaction to trauma while it was going on, even if you felt like you were fine, and even if you can manage your symptoms now, once you’re safe (as in, abusers physically can’t get to you), the absolute worst of trauma will hit you because it will be finally, for the first time in your life, safe to feel it. This can mean exhaustion like you’ve never felt before, because it’s the first time you’re allowed to rest, and you don’t have to expect a sneak attack like you normally would. It can mean more panic attacks, more breakdowns, flashbacks, nightmares, feelings of terror, re-living past, feeling frozen in trauma, paralyzing, shaking, crying, having your entire body hurt and ache, your chest feeling like it’s tearing in pieces. You might experience bursts of rage and feel so irritated and restless you’ll want to jump out of your body. Your fear of the abuser will increase thousandfold and you will feel like you’d rather die than spend one additional second in their presence after what they did to you. It will become completely insane to you that you were able to live in their presence ever before.

This post-trauma effect isn’t irrational or exaggerating, if you feel this it’s because this is how horrible the trauma really was, but your were not able to feel it in the moment for several reasons; one of them is that it was unsafe to feel those things in front of abusers, they have already taught you that you will be punished for displaying trauma symptoms in front of them. To be additionally hurt in the middle of such pain would be unsurvivable. The other is that it would have killed you to feel all that as a kid. Keeping all that repressed to feel later is your body’s strategy of survival, you can only feel it now because you’re still alive in order to do it.

What you’re going thru is extreme and something nobody on the earth should be put thru. No matter what you do, do not blame yourself for your symptoms, because it’s impossible for you to cause this to yourself. Know that whoever caused this to you did it on purpose, and is absolutely evil for it. You did not deserve this. Go easy on yourself and allow yourself more comfort, more rest, more ease than ever, you do not need any additional stress, grief or self hatred in this time of your life. It is awful, and extreme, but it will get better. It wouldn’t be happening if your body didn’t estimate that you can survive it. It will come in waves, so don’t despair if you get a little better and then worse, it’s designed to allow your body a little rest before the next wave hits it, again in order to be survivable. Trust your body to know what to do, because it already pulled you thru so much trauma alive. And do not trust anyone who doesn’t think you should be safe from people who have done this to you.

[queersonalitydisorder-deactivat]

march 28 2020

[appalachian-in-2103-deactivated]