This is where I yap.
I am an old school yapper.
if I want to say I wanna eat the sun, then I will state it here without any discrimination or judgement.
if you don’t like it? Then scroll, block or whatever you wanna do. You’re in charge of what you do.
I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR KIDS— So this is an adult place! I’m 30+ years old and I’m way too tired to be dealing with childish games or internet drama stirred by children or very bored teens.
Naruto is such an amazing series!
really hate MOST of the filler, not all.
one character that I absolutely fell in love with is Yamato. He just got it BAD— Team 7 going wild on his first day was INSANE and he didn’t deserve that!
also Yamato’s filler was SOOOOO bad… like— oh my god it was bad. Sure we got to see Yamato’s past— But Orochimaru gained Yamato as a baby and not a small child.
another thing I loathe is the lack of merchandise Yamato has? Like us Yamato fans are licking the floor for CRUMBS of merchandise of him.
anyway Naruto is amazing— can’t wait to read the manga next.
life is so much easier, I haven’t had panic attacks, I haven’t hyperventilated or cried since you’ve been gone. I’m so much more healthy now.
I cannot let myself be abused and lied to like that again and I will do anything in my power to keep myself safe.
Thank goodness that is over!
“I feel so much lighter like a feather with you off my mind~—!
Floating through the memories like whatever, you're a waste of time — Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitchYou fit every stereotype “send a pic”.
I feel so much lighter like a feather with you out my life ♥️ “
I'd like to apologize for the permanent closure of my Patreon discord server and for the change in plans for sound design in my upcoming YKMET:Strade game.
TLDR version: I have found that running a discord community is too much work and stress to carry along with game development and running my store. Running a server is a full time job that I am not fit for and do not have the resources for.
Unfortunately, Barbatus has decided to cut ties with me and the project, and will no longer be providing the music/sound design for YKMET. I'm very sorry for the loss of quality the game will suffer without his work. Please do not bother him about this, he is fully within his rights to decide what projects he contributes to and who he associates with. I will do my best to purchase fitting royalty free music and sounds for the game.
I will continue to work on the game.
Long version, if you need more details:
What happened in the server:
For a long time, lots of people have disagreed with how I handled disputes. I often took a long time to decide, or let both sides talk at length about their feelings. This led to a lot of discomfort.
As the community within the server grew, more disputes took place. People became upset that moderation was not keeping up with the growth, and also upset with moderators for not meeting expectations.
Recently, the server erupted into a large fight about how much negativity and venting was taking place. I failed to stop the negativity because I was obsessed with helping people with their problems. I realize now that my tendency to try and fix everything for everyone was completely out of control. It was egotistical.
At the same time, the fight was making me extremely stressed. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder that makes adrenaline flood my system during an anxiety attack. It can get to the point where I suffer from the effects like a poisoning.
I was absolutely not in the correct frame of mind to be trying to trying to fix the situation, or even to be talking to anyone.
A couple of people sent me very long 7 paragraph messages privately on Patreon, very angry at how I have been mishandling the situation and the server. While they were generally correct, I took it personally and got really defensive.
I freaked out and replied very poorly. I was emotional and unprofessional.
My replies were screen capped and used on twitter to make a callout post, then circulated around, kind of just exacerbating the situation as much as possible.
This is around the time that Barbatus told me that he no longer wishes to be part of the project or associate with me.
From that point on, things were mostly calm, until the full deletion of the server- 9:00am MSTJanuary 25 2024.
Please don't mistake this event as 'what caused the server deletion' however. As I have told others, it was merely a drop in a bucket that was already overflowing. Just another symptom of something that needed to change a long time ago.
My person feelings about the situation:
I realize now that it was a mistake to leave the server open after its initial purpose [ beta testing for TPOF ] had been fulfilled. I've struggled before on the internet for years to find a peaceful balance with how much of myself I personally share online. Several years ago, I realized that I had been using the internet to fill a void created by my own deep loneliness, engaging in parasocial relationships with my followers.
I thought I had learned my lesson then, but the pleasant and delightful community in my beta testing server filled me with delusions that "I could handle it this time". I was wrong, of course.
I loved that server. I loved talking with everyone, hearing about their lives, and sharing mine. But that love wasn't healthy. Even in the joyful best of times, I was constantly surrounded by praise and attention, borderline worship. This is not healthy.
I let my addiction to that attention lead us all further and further into the dangers of parasocial relationships. I knew that perfection was expected of me, and instead of getting out of that situation I said 'I can be perfect for them'. Of course I couldn't. I was being delusional, as I have done many times before in toxic relationships from my past.
My work's popularity has grown to a size where I can no longer safely put myself emotionally out there. My real self needs to live in the real world now. It's time to sever my last personal tie on the internet and only post for my work.
What is going to change going forward:
I will no longer be hosting a discord server, nor will I be using my social media accounts for anything but work [ that's already pretty much the case, so people who weren't in the server honestly probably won't notice much difference ]
Final thoughts:
I've heard people say "I really like how you actually interact with your community" and I'm very sorry to have to stop.
I also just want to profusely and deeply apologize for my failures. I'm sorry for leaving the server open after beta testing and creating this ticking time bomb. I'm sorry for the way I handled disputes and how afraid I always was to 'take sides'. I'm sorry for my behaviour during the server meltdown. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm sorry for creating this thing that people came to love so fiercely, and then taking it away. I'm sorry for putting all of you who suffered into this position and exposing you to this toxicity.
I will continue with my work on YKMET:Strade. I will pour my freed up time and energy into my work, where it should have been in the first place. And I will find more time for myself as well, with hobbies and a life outside this all.
I hope the community will continue to find peace and joy with each other. Please care for each other and give each other grace.
This is so sad to hear. Discord servers always lead to fights and friendships falling out. I really do hope with a little time, everything will be okay. Most of all, take care of yourself. Anxiety is rough and when everyone is shouting at you, it feels like death.
We still love you Gato and this whole thing really was too big to handle for just one person. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it.
Move on, be better, feel better. Humans can make mistakes and learn from it
This is evidence-based speculation, based on real facts, and not a head canon.
We know about the personal journals William kept, but not what was specifically in them.
What secrets did this mysterious journals hold? We are given a vague, one-liner:
TSE p. 351: A search of his house…found stacks of journals full of raving paranoia, passages about Henry that ranged from jealousy to near worship.
What was he paranoid about?
It could be the murders, however, police recovered them and if that were the case, they could have been used as evidence to convict him, unless he was very cryptic about it and used metaphors, perhaps. The only problem with this theory is that they were his personal journals, so why would he need to write in a way that would need deciphering, unless his paranoia was so extreme that he suspected the journals would be found.
Still, the descriptive word “raving” is used to emphasize bad and extreme qualities and is akin to gibberish, which would actually strengthen the cipher theory. It may have seen incoherent to someone who did not know the code. There is proof in the books that William was smart enough to use such a cipher. However, raving also means rambling, meaning lengthy and often changing topics.
Next we have Henry, one of the only specific topics that is mentioned. We already knew William was jealous of Henry from other points in the novels. Jealousy is a feeling of discontent or resentment caused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
William definitely wants what belongs to Henry.
TFC p. 84: “…Henry found a unique spark-created something truly different, something he didn’t deserve, or intend, to stumble upon (Henry implanting his memories into a robot)…you will bring it (Charlie) to me.”
TTO p. 258: “I’ve been a master of all these creatures…All the animatronics…All of this is mine.”
TTO p.257: William to Charlie: “You have something that belongs to me.” (Henry’s memories).
One possibility is that William wanted to be a skilled as Henry at building animatronics. He seems to gloat and be prideful over his own animatronics and enjoys reinforcing the fact that he’s superior to Henry.
TTO p.258: “I’m…far more than Henry.”
TTO p. 261: “Do you think my robots would be as poorly designed as (Henry)?”
He must talk about it with Elizabeth, too, because she says herself,
TFC p. 99: “(William) was more brilliant than Henry.”
A possibly explanation is that William may have a college degree in Business and not robotics, like Henry. Henry was also a smart man and knew he needed to hire someone to handle the business end of his work. He would have most likely gone for someone with a degree in Business. This could mean that William may have not had any prior knowledge of robotics and engineering, unless is was an elective or hobby. Yet, he could have dual degrees, or maybe Henry chose someone else with a degree in robotics who was just knowledgeable in business.
TSE 350-351: Afton seemed like the normal one…the businessman. William Afton was the one who made Freddy’s a business, as he had (Fredbear’s Family Diner). Afton was as robust and lively as Henry was withdrawn and shadowy. He was a hefty man who had the ruddy geniality (friendly and cheerful manner) of a financially shrewd Santa Claus.
In either event, William borrowed a lot of what he knew from Henry.
TSE p. 344: “I helped (Henry) create.”
So Henry must have at some point allowed William to work with him and possibly taught him.
TFC p. 108: Jessica: “How did you create her?” (Circus Baby)
William: “I can’t take complete credit for this, unfortunately…My only real accomplishment was making something that could walk…No small accomplishment but it’s not happening as fluidly as you think. A lot of what you see is just in your head…that was Henry’s idea not to try and reinvent the wheel.”
The next word is worship. Since William knew Henry was not a deity, the next definition is honor given to someone in recognition of their merit (being particularly above average). Scott most likely meant that William looked up to Henry because he was so skilled at robotics. It’s highly unlikely it was romantic since he had no qualms about hurting Henry by killing his child.
So three things are clear: William looked up to Henry, but it caused him to envy him and eventually resent him.
Maybe someday we will get more insight into what else was in these mysterious journals.
OP does not claim this post to be canon, rather something to consider.