the eavesdropper

i can hear u hoe

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Wendy the Rebound Queen

Ever since her huge debacle with Stan, breaking up in the group chat, to finding out he knocked up her bestie, Wendy has been a self destructive tornado. Sources claim she slept with Kyle, Clyde, Detective Yates, and even Bradley Biggle once he was released on bail after his sexual harassment case was dismissed. Who will Wendy open her legs for next? Maybe she'll go to the conversion therapy camp and save a life, or maybe she'll become Cartman's wife. Our best guess is Clyde, she was reported to be very giggly about Heidi throwing a tea party and putting them next to one another.

Until next time, you know you love me. Xoxo

@wendy-the-great @thekyleyb @coloradokingpin @cludeswoleovan

[wendy-the-great]

this is the biggest load of horse shit!! i don't normally kiss and tell, but Clyde is the ONLY person I've slept with since I broke up with my cheating asshole of an ex boyfriend.

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Explain why Bradley Biggle told everyone that he gave you syphilis? It's just not adding up with your story. Unless you already got the penicillin dose and wanna pretend it's all behind you.

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Mercedes got a New Job

One of the towns' sweetheart retired Raisins girls Mercedes was spotted dancing on stage at the Peppermint Hippo, this is not the way we expected her to be showing off her raisins. Allegedly Roger Donovan of all people was throwing wads of cash at her, is she going to be Clyde's new step mommy? Some sources claim to hear her sniffling loudly in the stalls between and even during class time, is she doing this to pay for a drug addiction? In a town this small she's going to be snorting SoDoSoPa meth made from local tweakers, before she'd get her hands on real cocaine. Sources are speculating that she got hooked when she was in the rumored sugar baby relationship with her English teacher. A little sugar goes a long way towards an easy A. It goes an even longer way towards collapsing a nostril.

@mercedesxoxo

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Wendy the Rebound Queen

Ever since her huge debacle with Stan, breaking up in the group chat, to finding out he knocked up her bestie, Wendy has been a self destructive tornado. Sources claim she slept with Kyle, Clyde, Detective Yates, and even Bradley Biggle once he was released on bail after his sexual harassment case was dismissed. Who will Wendy open her legs for next? Maybe she'll go to the conversion therapy camp and save a life, or maybe she'll become Cartman's wife. Our best guess is Clyde, she was reported to be very giggly about Heidi throwing a tea party and putting them next to one another.

Until next time, you know you love me. Xoxo

@wendy-the-great @thekyleyb @coloradokingpin @cludeswoleovan

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Kenny and Stan--- MURDER SUICIDE ???

Kenneth McCormick and Stanley were last seen leaving Clyde Donovan's sleep over on May 10th. They've been missing ever since. Recently Kenneth's body washed up ashore at Stark's Pond. Stan is still at large. He may be a killer, he may have seen a horrible crime.

If you see Stanley Marsh, please call Detective Yates at [phone]

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Kyle Broflovski EXPOSED

Our local ginger hothead has been up to some shady behaviors according to witnesses, starting before the end of winter break.

Witnesses report seeing him working as a cashier at the sex shop next door to the Peppermint Hippo. Ever since his very public falling out with his rumored crush Heidi Turner due to fucking Wendy Testaburger, reports are coming in that he's been spirally ever since. Is this new job a reflection of that? More news coming.

@thekyleyb

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Wendy Testesburger & Eric Cartguy are official!

@wendy-the-great

[eavesdroppingonurn]

BREAKING NEWS

As of 6am on the morning of November 8th, we received a tip that the results of Bebe's ultrasound have come in. Although the genders are unconfirmed, we have photographic evidence of twins. Congratulations @bebexstevens and @stan-r-marsh . And a very warm extra special congratulations to @wendy-the-great for not getting pregnant in high school (yet).

[bebexstevens]

Where the fuck do you people find this shit

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Your icloud actually

[eavesdroppingonurn]

BREAKING NEWS

As of 6am on the morning of November 8th, we received a tip that the results of Bebe's ultrasound have come in. Although the genders are unconfirmed, we have photographic evidence of twins. Congratulations @bebexstevens and @stan-r-marsh . And a very warm extra special congratulations to @wendy-the-great for not getting pregnant in high school (yet).

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Crack Baby

Rumour has it that the president of pregnancy, Bebe Stevens ( @bebexstevens ) has been doing some crack cocaine this Halloween season with our local dads. Does the whoring never stop with this two bit skank? Come on Bebe, we don't need another crack baby fighting ring.

[eavesdroppingonurn]

i heard that wendy was the center of a bukkake last night

oh wendy u dirty girl @wendy-the-great

[eavesdroppingonurn]

wendy had a threesome with kyle and clyde

Very interesting tip

@wendy-the-great @thekyleyb @cludeswoleovan

[eavesdroppingonurn]

This Girl is the Nastiest Skank Bitch I've EVER Met. Do Not Trust Her. She is a FUGLY SLUT

Wendy Testaburger, 17, a senior at South Park High School. But what do you know about her? You may not know that despite hating Bebe Stevens for getting pregnant with Stan's baby, Wendy herself aborted Stan's kid herself. Sophmore year, he was getting it in, as the whole locker room can confirm. And Wendy was getting fuck trash vacuumed clean from her womb. She loves to blame God and say Bebe stole her future, when she threw that idea of a future away when she had a premarital pregnancy covered up by her mother and the PTA.

She thought she could get away with doing half the town dirty by sleeping with everyone's brother and father, but here at the Eavesdropper we stand for justice. Keep being a liar skank whore, your IUD will be so saturated by the whole football team that you'll have to go back to Unplanned Parenthood for round two on the abortion table.

@wendy-the-great

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Wendy TestingOurPatience

Wendy was seen today lying 🤥 Though she claims to have never slept with Kyle, multiple sources confirmed it to us. One being from his own household. They had the chance to be honest, but the cat must be let out of the bag.

@thekyleyb @wendy-the-great

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Furrykle on the loose!

Furries? In our town? It seems there's been a sighting of these wild animals, and not just a regular furry either. A goth furry. It seems @disconsolatememoir (Firkle) was spotted picking up a custom made furry tail from the post office this afternoon. Is he finally making his fluffy debut? Can't wait to find out!

[eavesdroppingonurn]

craig sent us a video with a peen in it arrest him barbrady

[eavesdroppingonurn]

CRAIG SECRET HETERO

A reputable source submitted this image to us, claiming the people kissing are actually Craig Tucker, our local gay hero, and Heidi Turner, Student Council VP. What does this mean for Craig? Did he turn straight for the night or is he the victim of an evil twin?

@spacemancraigx @heidisturn

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Incel/Femcel DREAM TEAM

Craig and Heidi are always been spotted whispering to each other in the corners of rooms. But what are they talking about? Well a source reports hearing them talking about recruiting guys from the church to take Craig's virginity.

It seems that the quest to find Craig a man might not be going so well as the last boy got sent away and shot himself at camp.

Maybe the next try will result in true love or something. @spacemancraigx @heidisturn

[spacemancraigx]

Hey it's not my fault that guy shot himself

[eavesdroppingonurn]

Mormons have a high suicide rate. You should have known