The key to âAsshole Cityâ is apparently one (1) text sent to a Chad Worthington of the USV Hockey Team. Yuuri doesnât even remember who Chad Worthington is. He has the name listed in his contacts as âChad - Historyâ, and even that isnât enough to jog Yuuriâs memory of the guy that he has to âaccompanyâ into Cold Stone with five more of his bros.
âYuuri! Oh man, I thought for a second you might have lost my number or something! Itâs great to see you!â Chad says excitedly, big green eyes sparkling like a puppy coming to its master. He opens up his arms for a hug as Yuuri goes in for a handshake.
Across the parking lot and watching from the window of Hasetsu Creamery, Minako facepalms.
An awkward fumbling of limbs and hands later, the seven of them make their way inside. The two tables inside are vacant, thank God, but there are two customers ahead of them in line. Chadâs Bros immediately monopolize all available seating, manspreading and continuing their rousing discussion on what their goalie did last weekend with a tub of butter and three pool noodles.
Yuuri knows his part in this ruse as Chad gets his Bros order. He needs to be difficult. He needs to be catty. He needs to be dissatisfied with his ice cream and nitpick anything and everything. Which will then - according to Minako - sway Chad into demanding that Yuuri be satisfied and stir shit up in the process.
Yuuri is one-thousand percent certain this is the worst plan Minako has come up with.
The two customers ahead of them pay for their ice cream and leave, and it isnât Victor thatâs behind the counter this time around, but some other guy with blue eyes and a big smile that just seems to get bigger once Chad and Yuuri step up to place their order.
âChad? Bro, whatâs up?!â the guy greets with no indoor voice whatsoever. Uh oh.
Chad beams, reach a hand out over the top of the display case to fist bump the guy. âJJ! Bro! You work here?â
The guy - JJ, an apparent friend and fuck, this plan gotten significantly harder - gives a wry grin and shrugs.
âSomething to get some money on the side, you know? I gotta keep my lady happy. Wanna buy her some nice things and need some extra cash outside of my music career,â JJ explains. âWhat can I get for you, Bro?â
Chad turns to Yuuri, his smile bashful and a little bit lopsided. âWhat do you want? My treat.â
Yuuri blinks. ââŠUhâŠuhhhhâŠyou go first.â
He steps back and away, making it look like heâs surveying the menu when in actuality, heâs wondering how fast can he just run out the door, out the parking lot, and down the street without screaming. Chad doesnât seem to notice though. He nods and starts up conversation with JJ, the interior of the Cold Stone immediately filling with the friendly chimes of âbroâ and âdudeâ and âmanâ.
The probability of fucking out of there is at least eighty-two percent. Chad isnât paying attention, the Bros are wrapped up in their own little conversation, and there isnât anyone blocking the door that Yuuri is inconspicuously inching towards. Sure, Minako will get angry at him, and heâll probably invite a flurry of text messages from Chad asking where did he go and if heâs alright and âdo you want to go out again just the two of us my treat pretty please??â. But the door is right there. And Yuuri is so close.
He clears his throat. âIâm going to just step out a bit,â Yuuri says, but he speaks his words very very quietly, so only his conscience can acknowledge that he isnât being a total asshole by giving Chad and the Bros a heads up before ditching. Heâs just taking a breather! Outside! And never coming back! Itâs okay!!
Yuuri turns fast on his heel and starts for the door with the speed of a baby goat about to headbutt itself out of prison. Which is to say, he starts for the door with his head down and feet moving too quickly for him to realize that the front door has opened with the sound of the door chime, and someone is in the doorway for him to ram head-on in the chest.
âWoah woah woah,â Victorâs voice floats into Yuuriâs ear, and that is the last thing Yuuri wants to hear right now (and maybe, actually, kinda the only thing he wants to hear right now). Hands go onto Yuuriâs waist to steady him, stopping him from trying to power through Victorâs body in a desperate attempt to flee. Victorâs hands sit big on Yuuriâs waist. His chest is big too, and thereâs a smell in his uniform that doesnât smell like ice cream, but of cinnamon and allspice and the cinders of a fire slowly smoldering, all woody and warm and making Yuuriâs head spin because whywhywhy are you hot and smell so nice???
âUh, you know each other?â Yuuri manages to hear JJ ask. And in his daze, he realizes that neither Victor or him have moved from standing in the doorway. Victor still has the door open behind him, but now his hands have moved from Yuuriâs waist to have his arms wrapped around Yuuri, holding him close. To Yuuriâs mild realization - and subsequent horror (and also??? delight????) - he too has his arms wrapped around Victorâs waist, and his face is smashed right between Victorâs pecs, inhaling his scent like an absolute creep.
Victor laughs, head cocked to the side. âUh, sorta?â
Yuuri reels his head back as well as his hands, stumbling backwards only to run right into Chad. Strong hands move to hold his waist and steady him, Chadâs chest moving to press against Yuuriâs back.
âYou okay?â he asks, concern dripping off his tongue as he blinks those sad puppy eyes at Yuuri. Yuuri turns to Victor, then Chad, then JJ and the bros. He lets another âuhhhhâ fall from his lips and wriggles out of Chadâs touch, vaguely gesturing towards the door.
âJust - air. I need air. Five minutes.â He bumps into Victor again, who has yet to remove himself from the doorway and who is giving Yuuri a coy half-smirk that is making him feel things.
âOh, well, did you want to pick out a flavor or-â
âJust, Iâll just have whatever youâre having, okay?â The night air bites at Yuuriâs cheeks as he stumbles out the door, and he doesnât hear anything - not the words that are coming from Chadâs mouth nor the incoherent bullshit thatâs coming from his own - as he wanders down the sidewalk to plant himself in front of a massage parlor. Across the way, he sees Minako in Hasetsu Creameryâs window, face pressed against the glass, staring in Yuuriâs general direction. He bets if he were closer, heâd see her making a âwhat the fuck are you doing get your ass back in there!â expression. So, he turns around and pretends that he doesnât see her at all.
The door to Cold Stone jingles its bell as it opens once more, and it is just Yuuriâs fucking luck that Victor is strolling over towards him, hands in the pockets of his jackets and the night air breezing through his fringe. Heâs got his apron tied around his waist, chocolate already smudged and stained against the red fabric. Itâs not fair to look so hot with chocolate all over yourself, Yuuri thinks with a frown. He gets chocolate and various other flavors all over him when heâs working and doesnât look nearly as hot as Victor does, more so looking like a slob that fell into an ice cream vat.
âI just realized that I forgot something in my car,â Victor loudly announces, and Yuuri isnât sure if Victor is talking to him or is talking to himself very loudly. Either way, the car that Yuuri is standing by unlocks itself, and Victor casually moves past Yuuri to open the passenger door and start digging through his glove compartment for something. Yuuri watches him, not having anything better to do and conveniently forgetting about fleeing the parking lot.
Victor takes a while before he comes out of his car with a small tin clutched in his grasp. He locks his car back and approaches Yuuri, sheepishly grinning as he shows off the metal tin. âCanât go wrong with fresh minty breath during work,â he says, striking up conversation and doing so with an awkward grin. He offers them forward. âYou want some?â
Yuuri thinks aloud, ânot reallyâ, but his hands are already taking the tin, popping it open, and tossing two mints into his mouth, so thereâs that.
âSo, uh,â Victor rocks from his heels to his toes, âwas that your boyfriend in there?â
Yuuri nearly chokes on the mints in his mouth before he pops another one. âChad? No. No, I donât even know him. Complete stranger. I donât have a boyfriend. Totally single, and by single, I meanâŠwithout boyfriend,â Yuuri rambles, and he pops another mint.
âOh, I see.â Thereâs something that sounds likeâŠrelief?? in Victorâs voice. Yuuri doesnât think too hard on it. He just pops another mint.
Victor wanders in closer, smile soft on his lips. âI guess since you're single, and Iâm single, we could maybe, you know, hang out? As a pair or singles?â
Fuck, Yuuriâs heart is beating so loud right now! Also, his mouth is burning! He stuffs his face with five more mints, and also starts nodding his head even though he has literally no idea what Victor is even saying right now. In fact, Yuuri is only able to pick up on maybe only a few words Victor is saying: something about a âquaint bistro downtownâ, âthemâ, âFriday nightâ, and âtiramisuâ. Yuuriâs sure Victor didnât say his message in that particular order, and maybe thereâs some words that are omitted. Victorâs lips are still moving, but all Yuuri can hear is his own inner monologue of âfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckâ.
âSo, do you want to?â Victor asks, earnestly smiling as a chuckle rises from his throat. Yuuri starts laughing too; half-dissolved mints falling from his mouth as he does so. He doesnât even know what heâs laughing about. He doesnât?? he doesnât even know what theyâre talking about??? Should he keep laughing? No, what if he stops and then doesnât know what to say and just plunge them both into an awkward silence? But has he been laughing for too long?? Heâs been laughing for too long, oh god.
Aloud in his head, Yuuri counts to three and stops laughing. To his relief, that doesnât plunge the two of them into an awkward silence, because thatâs the time Chad decides to waltz out of Cold Stone with a cup of ice cream messily dripping over his fingers and down his wrist.
âHey! Yuuri!â Chad greets, inserting himself not so casually in the space between Victor and Yuuri with a smile on his lips that looks drawn a bit too tight. âJust thought I should check up on you, you know? Make sure youâre okay? Are you feeling alright? Do you want to sit down inside maybe?â
Yuuri starts shoving mints into his mouth again. The burn returns.
âI - you know - uh - I forgot something in my car, in my roommateâs car. My roommate at home. Which is where Iâm going now,â Yuuri says, mouthful of peppermint pills.
âH-Home?â Chad has the audacity to look like a kicked puppy, offering the melting ice cream forward. âBut, I thought, well I got us an ice cream to share-â
âIâm - Iâm lactose intolerant.â Itâs a lie. Itâs a damn dirty lie. Chad knows itâs a damn dirty lie too, and the quirk of Victorâs eyebrow suggests Victor thinks the same thought. But Yuuri is already backing away from the both of them, moving between the cars backwards. Heâs half hoping he doesnât get struck by a car in his distraction, and also kinda sorta hoping he will so itâll get himself out of this awkward situation faster.
âI - Brian has some pills maybe?â Chad suggests, still hopeful anyways and still offering the fucking ice cream to Yuuri like its a wedding ring. Please donât leave me, his eyes say, itâs peanut butter banana with marshmallows.
âI haveâŠthingsâŠto doâŠelsewhere.â Fuck it. Yuuri turns around and runs. If Chad calls out to him, or even if Victor had said something to make Yuuri stop and come back, Yuuri doesnât hear a single thing. He darts across the parking lot, circles around the back of Hasetsu Creamery to where heâs parked next to the backdoor that Minako comes barging out of.
âNo,â Yuuri says before Minako can barrage him with questions and general âwhat are you doing?!?!?!â rationality, throwing open his car door and sliding into the driverâs seat to start his ignition. âNo, no no no no. Never again. Never again.â
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