Request: “ Can I get a bucky reader request. Where the reader is messed up and no one understands her. She runs away plenty times then comes back. One night the reader sleeps under a train and Bucky finds her (or they meet however you like) and he understands her and starts to love her.” by @rebel-different
In the tower. Out the tower. In again. Back out. This was the cycle for (Y/N). The cycle of trying to find peace, any sliver of hope which would support her wreckage of life. Everyone noticed how it was a regular routine - she would be happy for a short period of time, go on a mission, something dreadful occurs (no matter how big or small), then she says that she’s going for a drive to clear her mind then comes back to the tower hours later. But surely, if they’re staying over at Clint’s and Laura’s then she can’t just drive away, can she? How they were proved atrociously wrong.
“Thanks again Laura for letting us bunk here, I know there’s more of us this time but you still took us in.” Natasha’s arms wrapped around her shoulders in gratitude, pulling apart when Laura laughed at how she found the thought of the avengers feeling guilty because of this.
“Nonsense, you know I treat you all like family, even if there are newer team members. Just one thing - is everything alright with James?” Just like any mother with a newborn baby, Laura worried about Bucky’s mental stability. Natasha calmed her nerves down, explaining how she was definite that Bucky wouldn’t do anything at all.
“Alright so, the kids will be bunking in our room tonight. Nat, Steve, Tony, Thor, and Bruce: do you guys wanna stay in the same rooms as last time?” Upon enquiry, they all agreed. Clint proceeded to assort us into the newer guest rooms - Thor and Loki offered to stay downstairs so that Pietro and wanda can stay in the Kids room. Sam decided to bunk in with Tony and Steve - “it’ll be fun, we’ll tell stories and have a sleepover.” Which left Bucky and I to be in the loft which Clint ever so kindly cleared out for us.
“If you want, I can stay with Bucky. You can stay with Tony and Sam.” I understood that Steve probably thought I felt uncomfortable being in a room alone with Bucky - given his history, but honestly that was not the case at all.
“No, it’s alright. I think Bucky might get fed up of me though, I gotta warn you that I’m a night owl.” A small chuckle left my lips as I lightly elbowed Bucky, a diminutive smile made its way to his face.
Unpacking the contents from my single bag, a ring slipped out from the jeans I had packed. A dainty silver ring with a single ruby heart gem.
“So this one is for you, and I got one for me, I know you’re going to be thousands of miles away but remember that I’m always here… With you. You’re my best friend, (Y/N) and you’ve always been there for me but now you’re going to put yourself in dangerous situations and… And what if I can’t be there for you?” This was goodbye to the only person who cares for me, my best friend who picked me up when I was falling. This was the last time I’d see her.
“Gosh (Y/N) you’re lost in thought aren’t you? I’ve been calling your name for ages.”
Breaking me out of my trance, Bucky strolled into our temporary room. “I was wondering where you wanted to sleep, you can have the bed and I’ll be on the floor.”
Bucky and I were friends but he still had that old fashioned mentality where a guy shouldn’t be next to a girl no matter what. “There’s no need for that Bucky, we can both be on the bed. Gosh, I don’t bite.” When we both got into bed, a feeling of panic settled in. 1…2…3…4…5… My heartbeat increased rapidly. I kept my eyes shut. My breathing became unsteady and ragged. I’m shaking.
“(Y/N)? Are you okay? (Y/N)?” I could hear Bucky’s voice, but it’s like my body lost its control to answer. I felt his hands wrap around me, allowing me to sit up. “It’s okay, just breathe” I couldn’t even do that. The heaving slowed down to a more relaxed state. I had to go outside. I slowly pulled myself up from the bed - dressing myself in jeans and a hoodie I had previously packed.
“(Y/N) it’s almost 3am, where do you think your going?” Bucky towered over me, taking on his protective persona.
“Going Out. You can come with me if you like, but please don’t stop me.” He did nothing but pick up my car keys.
We both sat on the roof of the closest abandoned building we could find - an hour away from the farm house. The sun-deprived air tickled my bare face, silence surrounding me. I just can’t do it anymore. The vulnerability I refuse to give into, feasts on my past. I live every damn day knowing that I can’t live my life the same, it wasn’t perfect but it was everything.
“I’ve seen you… Walk out like you did tonight. I’ve seen you return hours later. What’s going on?” His voice sounded like home, a feeling I’ve being yearning for. It was enough to allow my tears to fall.
“When I joined, I left my whole life behind. My family, my friends, everything. Yes I know that’s what everyone here had to do so I’m not any different, some of you went through hell too. But just knowing that you can never meet the people from your past makes me realise that I took everything for granted. So every time I feel like shit, I go to the top of a roof and watch the sunrise or just look at the scenery because it reminds me that’s there’s always another day.” I stopped speaking just in time to see the sun rise, specks of sunlight first scattered through the trees, before touching everything else. The new warmth caressed me, welcomed me.
I watched how her lips moved while she spoke, the way her teeth graze her bottom lip as the sun rises. The light made her tears visible, the way they coated her lashes and floated in her eyes. I knew how it felt to want peace, I understood what it meant to leave everything behind knowing that you can’t turn back.
My hands lingered around her waist before she moved closer, allowing me to embrace her. I felt peace. Not in the scenery before me, but in (Y/N). She looked up at me, those eyes held unheard stories. She brought herself closer and laid her head on my chest, I knew she could hear my heartbeat because it was beating damn fast. My right hand slowly touched her hair.
“Can I tell you a secret?” She didn’t move from where she was, I didn’t want her to.
“You are my peace, Bucky.”
jacobvanloon
