Book of Shadows

[echoaeviternus]

Metellus Cimber- Lilith Spread

Rider-Waite Tarot deck, Lilith Spread from Crone Tarot

1. For what do I lust?

Ace of Pentacles

Manifestation of goals, financial security, abundance

2. What do I forbid myself?

The Tower

Emotional upheaval, chaos, destruction

3. What did I most desire as a child?

Temperance

Purpose, balance, harmony, moderation

4. What do I most desire now?

The Chariot (reversed)

Emotional control, loss of emotional control

5. What do I reject?

Five of Wands

Conflict (internally and within a group), esp. that prevents progress

6. What do I steal?

Ace of Cups (reversed)

Repressed emotions, numbness

7. What gives me power?

The Fool

New beginnings, the start of a journey

8. What takes my power away?

Nine of Cups

Accomplishment, satisfaction, contentment

Here's what I get from this: Metellus Cimber spends all of her energy striving to accomplish her goals, but doesn't like the feeling of being finished. The important part is the doing, the dedicating herself entirely to something. Part of this complete dedication is not allowing herself to feel much, and certainly not allowing herself to experience any kind of emotional upheaval. I think this is pretty easy for her- she is to me as Octavius is to Emily. She has an incredible amount of control over her emotions, not just what she shows but what she feels to begin with. As a child she wanted a harmonious and peaceful life, and she realized the best way to do so was not to change the world but to change herself, so she learned how to control her emotional responses. At this point she wants desperately to keep that tight hold over herself, yet simultaneously wants to lose control and experience that emotional release in a way she never has before. She is so completely focused on efficiency that I think she has some disdain for anyone who causes conflict that could interfere or slow the process. Morals are pretty much irrelevant to her-it doesn't matter what side of the war she's on as long as she's fighting. This is also not explicit, but I think she also has a sort of meta awareness of the world that leaves her somewhere between zen-ness and nihilism. She gets her power from movement, and stillness, in any context, is hard for her. In this way, she can never let herself finish anything or experience that moment of satiation and accomplishment because her power lies in the beginning of the journey, not the end.

[echoaeviternus]

Octavius- Lilith Spread

Rider-Waite Tarot deck, Lilith Spread from Crone Tarot

1. For what do I lust?

Queen of Wands

Strong, energetic, dynamic, and charismatic leadership

2. What do I forbid myself?

Ace of Pentacles

Abundance, financial stability, manifestation of goals

3. What did I most desire as a child?

Seven of Swords (reversed)

Taking a new direction, breaking free from habits and expectations

4. What do I most desire now?

Ten of Pentacles (reversed)

Familial stability, experiencing loss

5. What do I reject?

Ace of Swords (reversed)

Lack of mental clarity, the possibility of not having all the facts

6. What do I steal?

Queen of Swords

Stern intellectuality, brutal honesty, devoid of emotion

7. What gives me power?

Page of Cups (reversed)

Emotional immaturity, acting on impulse

8. What takes my power away?

Wheel of Fortune

Universal cycles, external forces

What I gather from this is that Octavius really looks up to Caesar (who in this case I think is represented by the queen of wands). Not explicit in the spread is that Octavius probably has some sort of past family related trauma/familial instability that makes her relationship with Caesar really important to her-he was filling a role her parents couldn't..financially? Emotionally? It's not clear, and it's not super important, but because of this Caesar's death is a true crisis, and she really doesn't know what's going to happen to her now. As a child Octavius definitely wanted to march to the beat of her own drum, but at this point mostly just wants to have her family back (which is kind of just Caesar). Now, she knows that can't happen, but she's forcing herself not to experience the grief and uncertainty and instead channeling all of her resulting emotions into revenge. She's forcibly ignoring the thought that solving this problem is more complex than just killing the right people. What she needs to do for her emotional wellbeing is allow herself to grieve and also be the child that she kind of is, but the circumstances and forces out of her control prevent her from doing so- she's just been thrown into a war in which she's a very public figure. All of this leads her to behave in this cold, angry way that is not at all natural for her, but I think it's mostly what she needs to do to survive.

[echoaeviternus]

Peach Moonstone

- Promotes a traditionally “female” energy; stone of love, eroticism, and fertility

- Encourages depth of feeling and gentleness with oneself, love, and self-value

-Aligns bodily rhythms, menstrual cycle and hormones, useful in treating insomnia and promoting good dreams

- Meditating with moonstone encourages introspection, reveals missing pieces and deeply hidden things. It is associated with the crown chakra

-Divinatory meaning: now is the time to speak what is in your heart

-Dreaming of moonstone can indicate impending danger

- Traveler’s stone: protective of travelers at night, by water, under the moon

info from: http://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/moonstone

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Astral traveling visualization

Lately Vivec has been exploring what she calls astral traveling. I’ve been very interested in the concept too, so when she asked if I wanted to go try it with her, I said yes. As she described what she had planned, I realized that we have very different definitions- I typically think of astral traveling as leaving one’s own body to move through the physical plane, and what she was talking about seemed like intense visualization as a method of accessing a different plane.

Nevertheless, I went with her and didn’t voice my concerns. We went to the bigger physics pit, that had a chair in it. I drew a sigil for protection around the chair, and then we began.

She lead me through a house that apparently represented me. It was very sunny here, and the house was very clean and mostly white. I walked through and found a door to the basement, which I was a little afraid of. I decided to go down anyway. Both the light and the energy of the stairs and the basement were dark and unclean. I was scared of the well, and left. I went upstairs to the attic. It was furnished in a warm, earthy and woody way, and there was a window to let light in. I looked through a bookshelf, and found an old book that I felt was a story of an ancestor’s adventures in Scotland. I couldn’t read the title. I put the book away, sat down on a couch and thought about music.

A misty figure entered the room and sat across from me. I asked it what it was and it told me it was everything. So I asked it what I was and it told me I was everything. And I asked it where I could find my power and it told me to look in my bones. The figure left, and Vivec brought me back to reality.

What I’ve gathered from this is that I need to explore my roots to reconnect with a deep piece of myself and access my personal power in a way I haven’t been able to. Vivec says I’m a summoner. I don’t know what to make of the fact that I keep having run-ins with this wise misty figure.

[echoaeviternus]

Spiritual Journey Celtic Cross 5/11/15

Thoth deck, probably Kyle

Present Situation: Princess of Swords

Curious, learning new things. Truth and justice above all else. Risks in communication to get closer to the truth.

What crosses you: Judgement

Rebirth, new beginnings

Unconscious Aspect: 3 of Disks (reversed)

Lack of team synergy, disagreements, failure of teamwork.

Conscious Aspect: Queen of Cups

Empathetic, nurturing and motherly. Moody.

Past: 7 of Swords (reversed)

Guilt or deception. Overwhelmed. Uneasy feelings about past decisions/behaviors.

Future: 10 of Wands

Success, burden of said success, new responsibilities. Speaking to immediate future.

General Advice: 3 of Wands

Make a plan and follow it. Long term engagement/commitment.

Outside Forces: 2 of Swords (reversed)

Coercion. Disagreeing but not speaking up. A choice that’s already been made-must deal with repercussions. Manipulation. Faulty logic, emotion-based decision making. 

Hopes and Fears: 6 of Cups

Past, childhood memories. Naive kindness, small gestures, friendliness, innocence.

Eventual Outcome: The Lovers

Union. Celebration of love in all forms. Making choices with the head and heart, acting out of love.

[echoaeviternus]

[echoaeviternus]

Meeting my spirit guide

http://low-budget-witches.tumblr.com/post/112212798606/so-i-recently-tried-this-and-its-really-amazing

Tonight I went on this guided meditation to meet my spirit guide. At first i wasn’t sure I would be able to. The lights were too bright and my roommate walked in as I was beginning, interrupting me every few minutes. I didn’t want to tell her to leave, so eventually I told her I was on a guided meditation and asked her to turn out the light. Very early on a heard a deeper voice speaking with the narrator briefly. It never came back. The meditation lead me into a sitting room that had dark green walls, and green velvet chairs and couches. I sat in front of a fireplace and a warm grey figure floated in through big wooden doors at the back of the room and sat in a chair next to me. I felt things moving slowly over my skin-at first I thought they were bugs, and tried to brush them off my skin, but they didn’t go away and I accepted them. I asked the figure who it was. I asked the figure who Rysmik was. I asked it why it was touching me. It didn’t speak. We kissed and it floated back out the doors. The meditation lead me out the doors and into a forest. The touching stopped. I went through the forest and into a cave. The meditation lead me into a boat in the cave and the presence of water made me a little anxious, but I think this was part of the waking up process and was therefore necessary, if uncomfortable. I want to try this again sometime, and maybe hold a conversation.

[echoaeviternus]

Group Magic

A few weeks ago Vivec and I were feeling restless so we decided to do a group ritual to help me find my magical path or forte. Lilly is very good with energy work, Demian’s great at divination, and Vivec tends to practice a very active and protective type of magic. I, however, am still finding my footing, partly because I haven’t been practicing for very long and partly because I haven’t been immediately drawn to any of the schools of magic I’ve encountered. So Vivec, Lilly, Demian, Gryps, and I went into the canyon to do some sort of ritual (we hadn’t planned much, though Vivec had some ideas). We wanted to do it beneath the theater building, but we could’t get across the stream and an air compressor turned on every few minutes, which was startling. We moved to the island instead. Lilly lit candles behind each of us, casting a circle, and three in the middle. Vivec created a servitor “from the echoes of her old servitor,” and placed it behind me for protection, which made me feel much safer (I was initally worried about something coming up behind me). Lilly drew up energy for the group and then Demian lead me on a visualization that began at a fork in the road, with about twelve different paths. At this point both Demian and I were nervous and unsure that we would be able to make the ritual work. As they lead me down the path I was drawn to, however, we both became more confident. The path had a red light about it, with thorny vines. I reached a clearing at the end of the path with a small lake made of quicksilver. I felt like I should go to sleep there, or look into the water. They seemed to be analogous actions. A white, semitransparent robed figure floated down towards me from the sky and I felt there was a mutual desire for connection. Demian lead me out of the clearing into the metaphorical ether and back to myself, we grounded, and then blew out the candles. When we discussed it later, others mentioned a large and earthy presence at the beginning of the ritual that may have been the spirit of the canyon. It left, however, and a white robed figure that seemed to be a corporeal version of what I had seen appeared. I didn’t notice, but everyone else did. I’ve drawn from this experience that I should look into witchcraft involving dreams, spirits, and/or water. I’m not sure what this means for me yet.

[echoaeviternus]

Death Tarot Spread, 2/22/15

1. What is naturally dying:

Strength (inverted) Weakness, self-doubt, lack of self-discipline

2. What I need to kill:

Justice (inverted) Unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty

3. How to kill it:

Seven of Wands Challenge, competition, perseverance

4. What is killing me:

The Chariot (inverted) Lack of control and direction, aggression

5. General advice:

Ten of wands Burden, responsibility, hard work, stress

6. What waits on the other side of Rebirth:

The Hanged Man Suspension, restriction, letting go, sacrifice

[echoaeviternus]

[echoaeviternus]

Alter Ego

I've been thinking about magic alter egos, and I've settled on the name Echo Aeviternus. I thought about the concept of roots a lot when i was brainstorming, but none of the greek, latin, or english words were really all that compelling. I've come to realize since then that the concept can still be a part of my magic self, and I'm working on visualizing what that self looks like. I'll try to draw a sketch, although i'm sure it will be a constantly changing image.