꩜ I just a odd lil porcelain doll in my cathedal ꩜ ♱ The Arcana fanart and horror enthusiast ♱ ☆Alternative music, oc's and rants! {16+}☆ (Matching with Ani)
MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE MANIFESTING A GOOD JUNE
I want to practice backgrounds more. I'm usually trash at perspective and stuff like that but I might as well practice more while I wait for a new drawing tablet cord.
I don't really like using phone to make stuff but it's better than doing nothing. I might post more traditional art instead but it never really does well on tiktok or Instagram.
Maybe it's because of the glare and lighting. Its a lot harder to make traditional art look good when I use acrylic paint and a glitchy phone for my posts.
My cord for my drawing tablet broke because of my cat. So I won't be able to draw for a while. I'll instead try out lore posting about my ocs but ive never been too good at that. (^-^;
To start off. I couldn't help but notice how Jax looked... of? The entire episode. And no, just to make it clear, I am NOT insulting the animators. They worked really hard, and it shows. This entire episode was amazing and looked great. What I mean to say is that throughout the episode, Jax's expressions seem exaggerated and forced. A lot more than usual. When he switches to his default face, it looks downright creepy. I personally believe that it's a result of the previous episode when Ragatha goes way too far.
It's clear that Jax is going through a lot now mentally. From the start of the episode, he's very exaggerated and over the top. Yeah its a running gag that Ragatha is always at the receiving end of Jax's violence. But I can't help but think that he just shot her as a small bit of revenge for what she said.
Now, onto Jax's breakdown. Jax himself reveals a lot about himself here. And about other people, like how he calls Pomni out a bit, stating she doesn't know any of the characters before now. And even implies that no one really knows who anyone is even while their abstracting suggesting that maybe he saw first hand someone abstract. But, I might just be reaching.
What I really wanna focus on, though, is Jax's whole "villain monolog" he gives to Pomni. It's something I focus a lot on because it's so... over the top? Like, cartoon villain over-the-top. The whole thing of calling everyone in the Circus his playings... im sorry, but it's cringe. And I blame Ragatha for it. Please listen first, but in the scene where Jax corners Ragatha and she tries to "call him out". Her entire accusation is comedically stupid. Saying his plan will never work, accusing him of trying to... corrupt Pomni? It's dumb.
And its clear it got to Jax a lot, we can see how pissed off he is when he keeps shooting her. And I think that's where he gets this monolog from.
In this episode, he's goes on about the stereotypes of everyone. Boiling complex personalities of real people down to a character trait. Including himself. Who's to say that the reason he says all of this is because he's trying to embody that cartoon villain that Ragatha sees him as. His whole coping mechanism seems to just be to play a character. Everyone hates him and thinks he's a jerk, so he plays into it. Ragatha accuses him of being some sort of master manipulator, so he plays into it. It's clear he doesn't want to acknowledge that everyone at the Circus is a real person with real emotions and genuine feelings. He repeatedly refers to Pomni as a "Cartoony Clown" and almost calls himself a cartoon bunny.
He fears the thought of being left behind a bit. With how frustrated he gets when Pomni races off to chase Zooble, when Gangle refuses to partner with him, and when he's asked if he has any real friends. He wants a "dynamic" he likes his situation with Gangle because she is too shy and scared to stand up for herself. He liked having someone to poke fun at and poke fun with. And he genuinely enjoyed hanging out with Pomni... until Ragatha ruined it for him. And to an extent, I think he might also be afraid of getting close to people because of this. It's easier to become friends with someone who's already known for being a jerk. But to hang out with someone where it feels like everyone sees you as a bad influence, as someone who would "CORRUPT" a person? That bad? Yeah, you'd wouldn't really want to be seen like that. So you push them away.
This isn't me claiming that Jax is a good person deep down. He's still a jerk. And this isn't me claiming that Ragatha is an evil villain. Everyone is complex. We've seen that with Pomni, Zooble, and especially Kinger, for example. But it's clear that Ragatha's issue with herself and wanting to be a savior is toxic. And while she is a kind person deep down, she holds an exception for Jax, and she takes it way too far just because they hate each other and she doesn't bother to think about his feelings. Hence why she could be seen as possibly fake by Jax. With everyone, she puts on an extra clean filter, but for Jax, she doesn't.
In the worries of who might abstract first. In the fact between Ragatha and Jax towards the abstracting finish line... 5 definitely going to be Jax. Unlike Ragatha, he has no one who cares for him. No one who understands what he's going through and yes it is self inflicted. But whereas Ragatha has outlets and is willing to talk about her struggles. Jax is not. Other than Pomni but he tries to push her away as well. If anyone even did show worry for him, it'd be either downplayed by the others. Or it'll just be seen as fake by Jax himself. He's aware why people don't care about him. He's a jerk, a bully. But he's also hurting. And if Pomni isn't able to talk to him, he'll probably abstract.
Thank you for reading this far! If you have any opinions, please feel free to leave them! Im sorry if it seemed like I was everywhere. But I just wanted to get all my thoughts out as quickly as I could. Have a good day or night!
God this whole rant is flawed and pretty dumb. Lets try and make some sense of what I was TRYING to say the vs what I think now.
In short, last year me thought that Jax's odd behavior and weird villain monolog stemmed from his self-induced loneliness, his need for a dynamic, and him minimizing everything he's done up to this point. For some reason, I placed a lot of blame onto Ragatha for this. I honestly don't know why, but my main guess was just because at the time I thought she was a bit two faced and saw her comment about Jax no longer having any friends being a jab at the fact his only two friends abstracted. This mindset is very dumb of me and to be clear, Jax 100% desvered to have shade thrown his way, especially by Gangle and Ragatha.
In present day, I will agree with one sentiment, which is the idea that Jax likes to play into people's ideas of him. Positive or not. He does this to avoid the harsh truth that he is a bad person who abused literally everyone around him. He then frames those abusive traits as his acting out what he sees as being the "cartoon comic relief."
Now, to what the original rant was supposed to be about...
The meltdown. It was corny. Soooo corny. And it was just him trying to hide the fact his asshole behavior hurt and pushed the people around him away so he once again tries to make it apart of his personality. I will agree somewhat to my original take that Ragatha accusing him of a whole mastermind scheme to corrupt Pomni like she was some sort of innocent little girl influenced this whole "you're all my playthings that I can control" or whatever he said during his yapfest. But it could also just be his weak ass ego grasping at straws. Hope this version of thw rant makes more sense. Either way, that last rant aged like milk. Readers discretion is advised.
It has officially been a year since this blog was created!
During the course of a year, this blog acquired 188 followers, which is a LOT (my main barely even has 50). I wasn't expecting this much support for the blog, like at all. I thought this would have 10 followers at max who were just my friends. I can safely say this blog has become a big part of my time in this fandom and I'm very happy to know that all of you enjoy this content aswell!
A shoutout to @pholoka for being the first actual follower (besides me and my friend lol) and shoutout to @savage654studios for being the most recent follower!! A shoutout to @ilostmyfuckingmain @eclipseddoll @kaztastr0phe for having been the most engaging people on this blog so far (not counting the delightful anons ofc... And I would've picked more people but only narrowed it down to 3 sigh)!