velvet

SO MANY fandoms :3 despair at the disco any

[sepiamestus]

I would like to apologize to every single one of my wips ever

[blackberrys0da]

I should pin this as a warning

[writing-prompt-s]

“You call us livestock, but you don’t treat us like livestock. You don’t make sure each of us has been fed, you don’t protect us from predators in the night, you don’t help deliver our young or tend to our ills. You’re not a farmer, you’re a parasite, and we will deal with you accordingly.”

[bipirate]

the inherent homoeroticism of sparring with your rival

[pukicho]

I drank a shitload of honey last night and slept for 12 hours

[pukicho]

Stop calling me bear

[i-am-a-fish]

I work at a pizza place canonically now. I makea the pizza 🤌

[desk-drawerr]

since i got a few comments about bowling alley graphics, have this whatever. ducky goes bowling.

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[i-am-a-fish]

if I fought 50 badgers at once I would lose

[i-am-a-fish]

if I fought 60 badgers at once I would do even worse

[totally-india]

I would win easily but it's only because I'm a country

[i-am-a-fish]

India cleans 60 badger matchup hands down

[pukicho]

I’d honestly be scared as fuck if a bunch of basic shapes came floating towards me. Yellow Prism. Red Sphere? Fuck that.

[javascript-official]

You are really gonna freak out when I tell you about the sun

[pukicho]

The Sun's fine as long as it stays over there

[veltroxx]

this made me smile, sending you warm vibes today

[pukicho]

… How warm?

[bacteriumphage]

Thought that post was cute so i drew it

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

[catchymemes]

[lizawithazed]

Love that his reaction to being pranked was to pull the exact same prank on his buddy

[iput-witch-inmyurltofeelvalid-d]

It's a good prank when the person you pranked immediately wants in on it, and it doesn't cause any harm.

[kaijuno]

[tsunderebird]

[willemdaflutist]

[beeshibe]

my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were pretty easy to raise as teenagers. all you did was sleep and eat.” 

so to prove some point she’s going to nail a small cup of jello to a tree. 

[beeshibe]

she’s so pleased with her self

incredible

parents are weird 

[voidbat]

yeah but this is about as accurate as it gets.

you say “nail jello to a tree” and most people think jello all by itself.

but if you put any actual thought into what you’re doing and then give it just a little support

well gosh. look what happens.

please tell your mom good job.

[margaretssmallworld]

also love how the original metaphor of “nailing jello to a tree” is about trying to force your bizarre and arbitrary will on something that is categorically disinclined to do such a thing, for no conceivable reason.

[corpsings]

textless version

[homunculus-argument]

There's this one specific interaction on reddit that I wouldn't call "infamous" but I also know that everyone who knows it knows it by the punchline, so in order to not ruin it for the ones who haven't, I'm just going to talk all of you through it as I'm saying this.

The beauty of it is that you could place that exact same dialogue into any time and place in human history and it would make just as much sense, you could have it as a conversation between sailors in a 1600s ship, a group of bronze-age warriors cleaning their weapons, stone age hunters walking home from a hunt, or a bunch of 21st century redditors on the internet, and it would hit just as splendidly.

There was this conversation about if you could have sex with any specific person from any time through human history, which one would you choose? Famous legendary lovers were brought up, queens, emperors and such were popular, might as well fuck Rasputin just to see what the hype was all about, the kind of answers one would expect.

Then some guy said he would choose his own late wife. He went on to talk about how brutal it is, that you might find the love of your life, but there's no promise that this life couldn't be suddenly cut short. That his body aches for hers and how there isn't much he wouldn't do for one more opportunity to make love to her one last time.

Now, I'd like you to imagine a pause in the conversation. A solemn, contemplative moment of silence, with several of the people present nodding in agreement that this is indeed the finest answer - it wasn't a competition, but there's no doing better than that.

And then someone breaks this solemn silence and says:

"I also choose this guy's dead wife."

[enby-denby]

For the sake of letting the full story be known: you have to imagine that after another moment of horrified silence, Dead Wife giy bursts out laughing and says, with a bittersweet smile "yeah, that was her sense of humor..."

[homunculus-argument]

Oh fuck that's right I neglected the most important part of this.

[taurzza]

oh to be loved by the sun

[prokopetz]

Game where the ancient hero is awakened from the deathless sleep of centuries in the hour of their people's greatest need, only to find that civilisation is thriving and there are no obvious threats on the horizon; the game then becomes a fish-out-of-water detective sim as they try to figure out what woke them up, and also solve other, smaller mysteries along the way.

[nearo]

[boymounter]

[life-on-our-planet]

eepy mourning dove cupping its wings under its belly for cushion ©Ella

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This eepy mourning dove is joyful and whimsical!