velvet @thenumberonevelvetcake - Tumblr Blog

sepiamestus

I would like to apologize to every single one of my wips ever

blackberrys0da

I should pin this as a warning

i-am-a-fish

affected by the following status conditions:

orange

cat-called-ghosty

Additional status condition added:

Small

i-am-a-fish

"enjoy it while it lasts" (undercuts itself, needlessly doomerish, foreboding)

"enjoy it!" (straight to the point, actually encourages enjoying it)

i-am-a-fish

"enjoy last it'll it" (what)

homunculus-argument

Wednesday the 15th. What an excellent day. Middle of the week, middle of the month. Truly, we are in the middle of things.

applestruda

First batch of artfight attacks!

[ sonas/characters belong to @/eydilily, @/boxofoxberry, @/peanutbutter255, @/xmaruu11 and @/kitsuneisi, @/anpanbun ]

m0nomercy

Just a bunch of kids btw

realised i never posted my ratgrinders photocards here </3 i feel many things about them

certified-silly-guy

LOCK IN LOCK IN LOCK IN.

joy-and-whimsy-official

But I don’t wanna…

yeehawpim

we go together Is a surreal slice-of-life webcomic by Pim updated three times a week

transgambit

what is the truth

comedyke-deactivated20171209

they’re married you asshole

transgambit

u right, my bad

h0odierich-deactivated20170708

what-ever-what-ever-what-ever

thats their lesbian daughter

the-tired-opossum

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

krimsoncat

new couri design yayyy yayy

n0seferatu

big pharma will try to sell u $20 cold medicine like spicy ramen doesnt cost like a dollar a pack and orgasms are free

n0seferatu

damn british people cant cum..... this is so sad.......

n0seferatu

big chemist will try to sell you £20 paracetamol like beans dont cost like a quid a can and havin a wank costs fock all

homunculus-argument

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

thekijs

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

weaselle

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

amnesiaguy

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

amnesiaguy

weird as hell, thank you for asking

dinopant

Love the universe need of all babies human and animal to just lay on adults

dinopant

A collection

dinopant

Further proof

amemait

Let’s snuggle on mama

not-your-average-url

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.