velvet

SO MANY fandoms :3 despair at the disco any

[sepiamestus]

I would like to apologize to every single one of my wips ever

[blackberrys0da]

I should pin this as a warning

[n0seferatu]

big pharma will try to sell u $20 cold medicine like spicy ramen doesnt cost like a dollar a pack and orgasms are free

[n0seferatu]

damn british people cant cum..... this is so sad.......

[n0seferatu]

big chemist will try to sell you £20 paracetamol like beans dont cost like a quid a can and havin a wank costs fock all

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[amnesiaguy]

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

[amnesiaguy]

weird as hell, thank you for asking

[dinopant]

Love the universe need of all babies human and animal to just lay on adults

[dinopant]

A collection

[dinopant]

Further proof

[amemait]

Let’s snuggle on mama

[not-your-average-url]

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

[lortharn-art]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

YEE-CLAW :D

[daddysdeepdesires]

@joy-and-whimsy-official

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This Yee-Claw is joyful and whimsical!

[valtsv]

i feel like if you stabbed an angel the blood trail would look like this

[amazoogle]

[kvothbloodless]

Hey. Hey!

[puke-ur-gutz]

[mintaii]

the magic she loves

[taraxippos]

I think this is the single funniest artfight rule. Like....I guess?

[taraxippos]

[taraxippos]

WHO DID THIS

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Fun fact: Egyptian gods do not have ‘animal heads’. The depictions of gods are meant to contain a duality, as is important in Egyptian Religion (life/death, red land/black land, chaos/order, human/animal). So when you see, say, Anubis with a man’s body and a Jackal head it represents both his human form and his Jackal form, meaning he might appear in either form. But never as a human with a Jackal head. That is only something you’d see on temple walls for the duality aspect.

[ezairick]

How di you know??

I mean it sounds likely but where are you getting your information from?

[thatlittleegyptologist]

I’m an Egyptologist? This is literally my job.

But if you want a source, read: Silverman, D. (1991) Divinity and Deities in Ancient Egypt, In J. Baines, L. Lesko, & D. Silverman, Religion in Ancient Egypt: Gods, Myths and Personal Practice. Ithaca and London: Cornell University Press. 7-87.

[ezairick]

Thanks for the sources.

I had just never heard about that fact before.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

No worries! (I realise I put a full stop instead of an exclamation mark at the end of “this is literally my job” which might have sounded harsh, so I apologise!)

[imboredofthisurl]

This is a very pure interaction

[unyanizedcatboys]

this is exactly how you should react to hearing new information that you’re skeptical of or don’t immediately believe is true

[theyhaveacavetroll]

also I’m fascinated by the punctuation question here. Full stop means “I’m done with this interaction and not amused” whereas exclamation mark = hey no big, I’m happy to explain!

Our generation has solved an issue that written English has had for centuries and I love it.

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[bpwpbshika]

[idkitsartman]

This is very stupid but it’s genuinely what I think about every time I consider skipping dinner after work

Edit: legit did not realize that senshis fighting for his life in the sexyman polls but I’m very happy to be spreading pro senshi propaganda

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

[ihatenearlyeverything]

its ok theyre Gods lil helpers

[oatmealbrain]

And boy are they clumsy

[hydrangeafae]

Hi, these bees are babies! They’re not clumsy at all, this is what is called orientation flights. After birth and before beginning their careers as foragers (as all Honey bees cycle through all the jobs in the Hive throughout their lifespan), Honey bees take short flights back and forth, to and from the Hive, to orient themselves with their wings and their home so they can learn its location and how to get back home after foraging! Everyone has to learn, these are just smol little baby turkeys. Bees use the angle of the sun for location so adults have a better and more direct sense of location than any human

[polar-solstice]

IM SO PLEASED TO LEARN THIS!!!

They are just!!! Student drivers!!! 😭

[sindri42]

BONK!

[should-be-sleeping]

[homunculus-argument]

Day 195/365 of listing something good I saw today:

The fuzzy fluffy highland cows that they have on a nearby field were there again, grazing in the open instead of sitting in the shade, now that it's not too hot for them anymore.

[appystruda]

the garden fairy designs

[homunculus-argument]

If Ratatouille mechanics were real, there would be a whole market of businesses offering the services of operating rats to people who want them, and it'd be like how bees produce honey. People in the rat business would be so exhausted of having to explain over and over again that no, the rats aren't being exploited. If the rats didn't like how they're being treated, they would simply not return. There's no goddamn way to force a rat to be so passionate about playing the saxophone that they'll figure out how to puppeteer a human to do it for them. All that the business does is finding a way to put that specific rat in the hair of someone who's about to go on stage.

[terrie01]

The rats 100% think the businesses are being run for their benefit and worry about the humans being exploited.

[homunculus-argument]

A rat manager who is a rat and deals on their end of the deal is exhausted of having to explain over and over again that look, an average fully grown adult human being is like 200 times your weight, their hands are very fast and they can throw things better than you want to imagine. If one of them things didn't want you in their hair, you're not going to stay there for long. You'd be yote out the window in two seconds flat.