Eɢᴏᴄᴇɴᴛʀɪᴄ

[genofattolia]

3/? ↠ Jeff Winger, Community

[egoforehead]

Uɴᴅᴇʀᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ Esᴘɪᴏɴᴀɢᴇ 101

Never before had Jeff Winger been slighted like this. Even if he were to count his disbarment, this would still be the most offensive thing anyone had ever done to him before. He couldn't take this standing. The mere thought that a student or teacher at a rotten school like Kerria would insult his pride and dignity the way that they did made him feel physically ill. It was near impossible for the former lawyer to concentrate on anything else; this transgression made him even less productive than he usually was.

He had a desperate need to find out who was behind this obviously malicious prank and see to it that they repent until their tears literally spelled out an apology. And to do that, Jeff needed someone who was capable of the legwork and clearly had nothing better to do than assist him. He stormed into his classroom, finding the Once-ler at his tiny little desk and comedically large chair.

"I don't care if you're busy, Once-ler, but I need you to stop what you're doing and focus on me. We have a situation on our hands."

[egoforehead]

Iɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ Fᴇᴍᴀʟᴇ Iɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

Surprisingly enough, Jeff received barely any reprimanding for his ingenious stint with the paintball game. He was actually a little shocked. However, it was during this moment free of admonition that he realized, belatedly, that his reveal of Weird Glasses' fear of women may have been inappropriate of him. Completely ignoring the general dick-headed nature of not checking to see if it was alright to mention the boy's gynophobia, Jeff announced it to pretty much the entire school. Although to his defense, Jeff never mentioned the boy by name--and not just because he had yet to actually learn his name. 

So Jeff set off to look for the boy with the weird glasses. It wasn't as if the former lawyer was concerned for his student. If anyone asked, he could easily say that this was an excuse to get out of grading his first written assignment. He already had proof of that ready in the form of his student teacher doing the corrections for him right at that moment.

Jeff made it all the way to the library before finally spotting his student. Whether or not the boy was busy--and Jeff assumed that he was--did not matter to the former lawyer. He slid next to him with the grace and ease of someone who oozed nonchalance.

"So, Weird Glasses, how's it going with your lady problem?"

[mrcyril-blog]

for science, or something [closed @ egoforehead]

A pencil twirled in the young nurse assistants hands, looking over the list he had formulated as he spun around in his very professional looking spinny chair. The list he was attending too however, a little less professional. 

Kerria Academy Staff — A Rating of Butt’s.

Call it immature if you will, but it’s not as if he had anything better to do. The head nurse handled most of the troubles heading their way, and aside from the general check, Cyril’s timeslot was most usually free. Leaving him to deal with small, entertaining activities such as this. Honestly speaking, it was rather time consuming if taken seriously. Did it seem pathetic? Perhaps, but it was done damn well. 

He’d gotten a good rate out of most of the staff, some aware and some not so aware—though there were a couple blanks. His head fell to his hands, a small sigh escaping his mouth.

  Really, who the fuck was Mr. Winger? Some sort of bird? Did they allow birds to teach at this school? Whoever it was, he was the only blank left. This whole list was a joke in retrospect but—damn, if that one blank wasn’t irritating the hell out of him. 

It was an interesting play of luck just then, when someone called out the bird-sounding name somewhere in the teachers lounge. With curiosity, Cyrils eyes scanned around the room, till he saw said bird man (and said birdmans butt).

"Hm. A 7..maybe 8? No no, more like a low 6." He said to himself rather obnoxiously. 

[egoforehead]

What Jeff couldn't understand about the school was it's bizarre way of handling class schedules. Being an elective teacher, Jeff didn't have nearly as many students as those who manned core classes--if he really tried, he could probably get three packed classes. Four, if he was being lenient. Yet, due to the students being able to schedule their classes however they wanted, Jeff was left with a full schedule of students scattered across seven periods. He actually had to stay in campus the entire school day instead of wander off somewhere in the middle like he originally wanted.

His only saving grace was the teacher's longue, but even then he could probably only spare 15 minutes at a time before having to teach his next class. Sometimes it seemed that he was better off hiding in his Lexus.

"Hm. A 7..maybe 8? No no, more like a low 6."

Though the words weren't directed at anyone in particular, they resounded loudly in Jeff's ears. For someone as aware of his appearances as the former lawyer, he automatically honed in on any type of comment that could have been either a compliment or an insult to his looks. There was a very, very small chance that the speaker could have been talking about anything other than the brunette, but Jeff was far too vain to truly believe that it could have been aimed at anything other than his stunning good looks. Besides, the timing of his entrance to the room and the remark was too close to be a coincidence.

Jeff turned to the source of that wildly inaccurate voice, spotting the school's nurse--who, by the way, wasn't even that handsome and therefore had no leg to stand on with his criticism.

"I hope that's a rating of the piss poor quality of this school--and if that's the case, I'd have to agree with you. But if that low 6 is supposed to be some sort of rating on me, then let me tell you something, Only Mildly Attractive, you either have no taste or are in need of glasses."

[egoforehead]

If you thought that things were over because the event ended, you were wrong. Armed with a gun with only one bullet, Sapphire emerges from her hiding place beneath one of the desks in the Law classroom and fires directly at Jeff's face.

There wasn’t enough time for Jeff to dodge the attack—truthfully he was just grateful that none of the paint got on any of his clothes. His priorities were clearly set in the right order, as the former lawyer wiped the paint off his face. He saw this coming, in a way; he certainly didn’t expect to get out of this paintball game without some form of repercussion. If anything, the childish attempt was just a reminder of where he was.

[egoforehead]

Fɪᴇʟᴅ Sᴛᴜᴅɪᴇs ɪɴ Pᴀɪɴᴛʙᴀʟʟ Mᴀssᴀᴄʀᴇ

"Well, now that the dust has settled and the custodian staff has started glaring daggers at all of us, I want to take this opportunity to give each and every one of you a pat on the back. Because like L'Oréal, you're worth it. You should be proud of what you guys have accomplished in this game.

"Take the Red Team for example. The Red Team, whose first captain--for whatever, his own personal reasons--is terrified of women, yet he managed to recruit more than a handful of female students and teachers onto his team. He conquered his fears, he built up his team into a formidable opponent that would be neck and neck to the winner's spot for most of the game.

"And then we have the Blue Team, who had with them a sickly child that deserves not pity for his illness, but our respect for brilliantly leading his team when the position of captain was passed on to him. And then kept trucking on even when he was out to further expand his alliance.

"Finally the Yellow Team, a team that started out a pitifully as humanly possible climbed back up and temporarily took the lead--all in a single day. They never gave up even when absolutely no one believed that they could win.

"I want you to listen because this is the truth: you are defined not by your grades, but by the actions you take. You are more than belligerent students scraping against your fellow classmates for a measly grade--you are comrades in arms who have just gone through the most harrowing, the most pointless trial of your lives--and you did it together. Together, you have become a community." 

Just as he was about to turn to leave, Jeff stopped and paused.

"Oh, and by the way, to the students who are still needlessly obsessing over their grades: I would like to just point out one little thing. The prize of this game was--and I quote: 'a guaranteed passing grade'; now, a lot of you assumed that to mean that the winners were going to receive an A for the class, but here's the thing: I never once mentioned an A grade. A passing grade is anything that is not a failing one--a passing grade can be as low as a D-. It was a loophole; the rules were a landmine of loopholes, and as law students I should say that you guys should be ashamed of yourselves for not catching any of them. The only one of you who caught a loophole was eyemole, so I guess I should reward him by saying that the lowest grade he can get is a D."

[egoforehead]

Iɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ Fᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴛʏ

[prosperist-blog1]

To the Once-ler’s great misfortune, he regrettably lacked the know-how to always think and rethink his co-worker’s words. Were he a wiser man, that alone should have been some sort of tip-off to the elder’s dastardly intentions. However, as things were, the Once-ler merely shot the man a glance more curious than skeptical (as it very well should have been).

"What, did you pack me a lunch?" The brunette fired back in good humor, in the next moment sliding from the seat of Jeff’s car, briefcase in hand. A moment more and he had rounded his way to the trunk of the Lexus, popping it open to reveal the contents. What he pried from its confines was a bag akin to those suited for golf clubs over sandwiches; a generous gift he took with him to the curb upon slamming the trunk shut.

"Jeff…" The precursor to his inquiry accompanied a mild frown as he made his way back towards the open window, having since parted the zipper of the bag to just scarcely reveal the tool which lay within. “…What is this? Where are you going—!?”

[egoforehead]

But it was already too late. By the time that Jeff was certain that the Once-ler had taken the paintball gun, he was already preparing to leave. From the start he had never intended to defend himself--because really, the amount of time and effort it would take to not only explain the paintball game in general, but to also justify his reasoning for doing it was not something that Jeff was willing to spend. Not even a second glance was spared to the younger man as the former lawyer drove off of campus grounds.

[egoforehead]

Iɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ Fᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴛʏ

[prosperist-blog1]

To say that he was indebted to the former lawyer was by no means inaccurate, although to what breadth this stemmed would soon be tested. Rather, it was on the good will of this man’s advice that the Once-ler had for the time being taken a step back from business, attentions instead tightly focused on a more immediate goal. For now…that was making it through Day 1; an ordeal perhaps more of a literal trial for him than he was privy to at first sight…

"Man, don’t you ever get embarrassed spouting of speeches like that?" The inquiry was accompanied by a broad grin, the likes of which was indicative of suspicions being at an all-time low. Embarrassing or not, Jeff’s speech had expectedly had the effect intended, lulling the younger man into a false sense of security which was undoubtedly too good to be true.

"You’ve got it, Mr. Winger. Just so long as you don’t intend on abandoning me to your students.” The brunette quipped in return, little attention paid to the other’s reaction as he simultaneously made to undo the seatbelt which locked him in. "If you’re not in by the time I finish roll I’m ditching you for Business and Economics."

[egoforehead]

Perhaps a small part of him felt bad for what he was about to do--but luckily, if that part truly did exist, it was smothered by the notion that the Once-ler did actually owe him.

"Oh, trust me, I'd have to be the absolute worst teacher in existence to leave you out there completely unprepared." Jeff chose his words with care, the same way that he had always done in court. Knowing that if this somehow did come back to bite him in the ass, the former lawyer could simply defend with the fact that he technically didn't tell a single lie. If there was anything that Jeff Winger was talented at, it was talking his way through any situation; one didn't become a high priced attorney with no college degree without superb communication skills.

"Speaking of that, before you go, there's a bag in the trunk that you should get. It might come in handy for you today."

[egoforehead]

Iɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ Fᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴛʏ

Jeff Winger didn't normally allow his prized Lexus to be used for carpooling, however he had to make the exception for this special case. A former client that he--successfully, mind you--got off from a misconduct charge would now work as a student teacher beneath him. Frankly, one ride was the least he could do considering what he was about to put the Once-ler in.

"First days are something that people stress over, thinking that they'll somehow ruin their first impression. But let me tell you something: you don't have to worry about that. Once-ler, you have a unique quality that draws people to you. The moment that you cross over that threshold is the moment that you'll captivate the student body. You have that power within you. I'm sure you'll be a big hit."

His classic Winger speech now given, Jeff slowed down into a complete stop at the entrance of the school. He turned to give the Once-ler an expectant look.

"There's something that I still need to do, so why don't you go ahead and I'll meet you at class."

[egoforehead]

{Since I am officially here and since I saw the others teachers doing it earlier:

If you're in Law, please like this post. If you signed up for the paintball war, then don't worry I already got you.

[ounosora-deactivated20140805]

Meet the Mun!

[egoforehead]

Basics:

Name: tama URL: maaaaaaaarrr Characters Played: Jeff Winger here and Abed Nadir @ Citta Birthday: august 6th Height: 5'4" Eye colour: brown probs Hair colour: black??? dark brown??  Gender: lady Sexuality: ? ?? ? ? bi?  Relationship Status: looks up... looks down...

Favourites:

Character: Enjolras from Les Mis Colour: red... green.... white... christmas colors Singer/Band: sam tsui mebbe School Subject: creative writing Book: Les Mis or Good Omens Sites: twitter mostly. tumblr for rping only... flight rising... Past-Time: drawing and writing

[egoforehead]

From the Headmaster - I love the third idea! Whatever you think works best, really, I trust your judgement. And no problem whatsoever, this event is absolutely fantastic.

{Thank you, dear headmaster! It comes as a huge relief to hear you say that oh gosh ⁄(⁄ ⁄•́⁄ω⁄•̀⁄ ⁄)⁄

ALRIGHT SO! This is especially important to the members of the Red Team. The headmaster and I had a small discussion on the fairness of the Red Team being ineligible for getting the 10pt scoring on the shooting the headmaster and came with this solution:

If the members of the Blue or Yellow teams (let’s not forget those unaffiliated, too) fail to shoot the headmaster, then the 10 points will go to the Red Team at the end of the event. 

I’ll add a note to the point system page about that, too.

[ka-paintball]

Just a suggestion: implementing something similar to the way D&D does things with shooting people, so that people 'roll a die' and if it's 5 or higher, the shot hits the target, and if not, the shot misses the target? Since everyone wants to win, giving in isn't really an option to some characters.

{I like your way of thinking anon. This is actually a really great idea, so I gotta give you kudos for that. I’ll make posts on here with randomizer caps stating whether or not shots hit. Thank you ♥

[egoforehead]

"Wow. I would think that the inebriation around the air would be the perfect chance for the teams to get rid of all the teachers, but I guess we can't all be opportunists."

[egoforehead]

{Inbox is clear, so I'll hop on the intro train

Hello, good people. I'm Tama, mun of the fabulous Jeff Winger and the founder of the even more fabulous paintball event going on now. I s2g Jeff may be a butt but I am half the time a shaking baby deer and the other half just hella cool. i'm super cool. the coolest.

I made an open twitter for kerria things @maaaaaaaarrr so hit me up?? ? ye ye

[egoforehead]

"Mister Winger, would you say the size of your forehead makes a rather sizable target?"

[egoforehead]

Hey Sensei, I heard a really great song recently and I thought I'd share it with you! Ahem... "There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.You became the light on the dark side of me...!"

"Are you trying to serenade me? Aren't you like 15?"