masterlist > yong | twenty-one | she/her | mdni.
previously on egohaus - bad blood, d.a x f!r
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masterlist > yong | twenty-one | she/her | mdni.
previously on egohaus - bad blood, d.a x f!r
I actually think that’s where we differ a little, ofc im not disagreeing with what you said, I agree with it to a certain extent. I think pain and love coexist more often than we’d like to admit. A lot of people leave relationships still deeply in love but unable to stay because the pain eventually outweighs what love can sustain. I don’t think the love disappears, I think it just stops being enough? In a way. Love can make someone want to come back, but accountability is what makes someone feel safe enough to stay (given again, that their words and actions line up with said accountability). Being accountable for what you did wrong, stripping yourself raw of the mistakes youve committed can truly rebuild trust, not automatically but it is a stepping stone.
I think redirection onto a new path can teach you alot about you as a person and what you want. If they chose to go about a new path to do the same, even if it costed them hurting someone else in process… it’s somewhat unfortunate. Im not sure if in your case it was purposeful or not, but nonetheless both parties would still be affected (im trying to be neutral here). It isn’t correct and yes its life and people are always bound to get hurt no matter what, but still. Do you think there are people we only lose because of timing, or do you think if someone was truly meant for us, timing would’ve never separated them in the first place? Because what if keys were thrown but they try figuring out which key could open up said locks. What if they find themselves and realize what they want was right in front of them, but they never realized it until they took a step back and looked at everything as a whole instead through small lens?
Following your heart isn’t meant to always be joyful and worth glorifying. It isn’t meant to win every single battle. Theres nothing wrong with following your heart, alot of people encourage it because despite it all everything that is meant for you will happen no matter the amount of heart squeezing in agony or excitement. Maybe the heart doesn’t exist to be followed blindly. Maybe it exists to remind us what we’re capable of feeling yk?
do I know you?
Honestly, (and I hope this doesn’t come across as intrusive) but I think having resentment toward someone you once loved is such a heavy emotion to carry because love and resentment can coexist. I really like your mindset when it comes to self respect. At the same time, I think if someone genuinely comes back, sincerely apologizes, takes accountability, and shows they’ve changed, not just SAY they have, it’s worth being open to hearing them out. Reconnecting or reconciling doesn’t necessarily mean abandoning your self respect… unless you have reason to believe they’ll repeat the same patterns or continue crossing boundaries you’ve clearly set. A lot can change during time apart.. mind, body, and soul. But I also think forgiveness and access are two different things. You can forgive someone without letting them back into your life! The way I see it, resentment is often just your mind remembering the cost of loving someone. So if they ever come back, the question isn’t only “Have they changed?” but also “Is loving them worth it again?” I just believe love has a way of making exceptions that logic never would, which is why I think both your heart and your judgment have to agree before you let someone back in. It’s tough, but you should always honestly follow your heart more than your mind, I only say this because sometimes your mind can be your worst enemy.
And of course! Growing does take time, especially when you have to get used to abrupt change. Time always goes by no matter what, so it’s best to continue to live with an open mind.
exactly and it’s not only that but it’s the person you have become now compared to the person you used to be, the faults you carry can still show up in someway shape or form and no you don’t have to be completely healed to love again but rather self aware to understand that your mistakes need to be considered in presence of the new person you’re giving attention to. I have many complexes where I wasn’t the best or understanding but I give myself grace in situations my emotions couldn’t be controlled because sometimes it gets to a point. pain and love are oil and water. they can’t coexist sometimes because pain becomes overbearing and love becomes underwhelming. faults between you and the old person you loved once holds contrasts in how you both reflect in yourselves. the capacity to hold another person in your life shouldn’t be dictated by the person that had once or more disappointed you and neither should you stop yourself in giving love just by the fact you hold resentment or disappointment towards yourself in how you handled your last partner.
all I ever do is follow my heart but sometimes roads are blocked and I’m not able to let my heart navigate to a person I once called home especially if the key has been thrown and the locks have been changed. sometimes people need to close doors in order for newer ones to open and I can’t blame them because I too needed to be redirected onto a new road. from there on, logic takes control and my heart no longer serves anybody.
accountability and transparency are main factors in self respect and I think it’s important to understand you don’t need to be fully healed but you need to know yourself, your boundaries and what you want. people are able to take accountability, it just matters if they want to or not. trusting someone takes a lot.
living with an open mind? I’ll try to.
I know but always just expect the unexpected, if you think the door should be shut then ofc don’t reply, if you want the door opened.. reply! Always remember your fate is in your hands.
And for me? Well my friends told me that I’d be navigating through life in a new lens, yk growth mentality, physically. And how I’d be building relationships capable of me growing alongside people and allllllllll that
yes of course I follow that mentality, I’m not opposed to things cause I genuinely find reconciliation or reconnection an important aspect of me showing how I value people especially if I did care. I just think it comes down to if I want to allow space for a person that the old version of me had resented yk? self respect is difficult when love or desire distorts your inhibitions and in that you start emotionally thinking rather than logically understanding that what this person did now has blurred lines. unfortunately I’m one of those people who hold grudges but it will go away (somewhat) the minute you’re nice to me. but fate is in my hands and curiosity for me will always kill me so really I have no choice but to bite the bullet and become a fiddle in fates hands. and no this doesn’t only apply to exes but to old friends as well as I’ve lost a good one on the way of me completely growing out of mindsets where I wasn’t being seen the way I wanted them to. I feel that it’s important to acknowledge that people in our lives (sometimes) are just another pawn to be moved in situations where you need to step in a direction that needs a decision. if it does/n’t serve you, you will make the choices fate has already decided.
good for you, I’m sure you can take your own advice but genuinely what you do for yourself will reflect in everything else you do, so your perspective for things will always be good or bad depending on your approach, your growth is a reflection of you I’m sure you got it down
You sound like you dreading the thought of an ex coming back oh lord, do you hate them? LMAOOO but for real, it wouldn’t be a crush because they’re apart of your present life not the past 😭 also it really could be anyone, it’s just more common for it to be someone you were once in a relationship with… THATS WHY I SAID if you don’t want it happening cut any ways of communication man. But it also depends how they are as a person, because they could also be wanting to do it but are too stubborn to go through with it. It can also be a fling, but only if you had a deep connection with it because anything surface level won’t really make its way back to you and if it did, it would mean the person wants more of a emotional connection rather than a experience with you.
no no it’s not that at all I don’t hate them at all, in fact I have deep respect for them. It’s just I don’t have the capacity to open old doors because it just doesn’t fit within my life atm It’s a bit scary but if it happens cool if it doesn’t cool, and yeah it makes sense for the crush and fling thing, I’m not actually expecting much.
but anyways, enough about me, how about you?
Oh my I knew it would get you freaked out 😭 its very normal for someone to feel that way. Honestly follow your gut!! That’s very important, especially if you have a feeling about someone who can potentially come back! although it really depends if you want it to happen, because if you don’t you could always stop it by honestly blocking them (assuming they aren’t) that’s what my friends do and typically nothing happens to them! Or just deadass don’t answer it LMAO. If you do perchance want it to happen, then of course tread carefully but always keep your heart open it’s genuinely what you’re known for.. especially if you have/had a soft spot for them yk? Because like I said, it’s most likely going to be something positive nothing like impending doom. Ofc the past being brought up can be exhausting , but the universe WILL make sure that if a chapter is unfinished, it will come back and continue to be written down differently or from where it was left off on. But basically!!!!! I just hope you aren’t dreading over what I said/what COULD happen.
Also thank you!!! I agree though, astrology can be very confusing when it comes to that rising stuff and birth charts and all that… its such a loop hole but with my friends helping me it made everything just easier!
I feel like choking myself out I didn’t mean it about my ex specifically but now it’s sounding like it (KMS RN KMS RN KMS RN KMS RN) but yeah yeah um you’re definitely right of course yeah no literally open heart right right good things all great not answering if it goes bad got it! and follow my gut! yeah pshhh of course! whoever the person is!!!! it’s gonna be fiiiiiiinneeee. (right….?) and nooooo I’m not dreading on it, if anything Im manifesting my irl black cat from spider man yk my own felicia hardy although this is kinda defeating the purpose cause now it’s genuinely sounding like what I think it is oh god I think I’m going batshit but yk what?????? I’ll be fiiiiiiinnneeee…(side eye) but like I meant it in a way my crush texts me type shit unless someone else I had a fling with might want to come back………oh god.
but yes astrology gets easier! the birth charts and stuff, extensive research huh? it’s pretty long I find but that’s what friends are for, helping understanding things. lucky you
LMAOOOO did I really? I usually do all of this for fun, so im shocked myself that I was accurate enough 😭 also I was friends with many people into astrology so that kinda helped me get into it. From there I just did research on every zodiac, so for example I would do research on leos and how they typically act. So again, in example, they’re usually very generous and compassionate people.. very emotionally intelligent and hardworkers especially when it comes to themselves they’re very goal oriented. So based on those traits I would do deeper research on why specifically those traits stick out to them and not any other zodiac. Given, every and any person can be like this but they just display it more! I would read books and all kinds of things… so that’s kinda how I got into it. I would lowkey help my friends with certain things and it would just… come true half the time. I usually did research on zodiacs and the universe in terms of it’s energy and all sorts of stuff. And yes I do sometimes try and figure things out for myself based on what I know, its usually easier because…. I already know how I am 😭 and with how Libra’s are generalized I can guide myself in certain situations. Although I do prefer someone tell it to me because I only am human so guidance and opinions from others is useful too!!!! It took me some time to really embody the concept of astrology, and I would lowkey consider myself a newbie still because I still am learning about certain aspects.
Also I just wanna say real quick, I hope I didn’t scare you with the whole past thing btw, I know people can typically be worried about that. My friends usually freak out but I mean everything in a good light!! so perchance you don’t want it happening, it might be worth it! And it could be a friend!! its not always a past lover, so incase your dreading a conversation with some ex you can chill a little knowing the chances are 50/50 😭
the way my eyes are widening like a deer in headlights at the last paragraph like girl you can see me sweating balls rn…and yes, past people or something idk what’s expected but I do feel a gut feeling or a sign something might happen but I feel like if I wait, it won’t happen as if a loading screen will stop loading if I pretended not to care LMAO
but honestly that’s amazing, good for you on that, learning astrology is absolutely confusing especially as I know so little about it and stuff like what’s your moon rising or whatever yk? but at least in a way it helps guide you and others as if it’s a small premonition. It’s interesting really. I’d probably literally go to you if I felt like an energy, a gut feeling or connection of some sort might be wrong. you have a knack for being right about things especially as you’re not living through it. It’s super cool.
Hmm okay well since saturn retrograde is approaching in end of july/august… I’d say for your sign basically it means you’d become more intentional with how you communicate, change of mindset, and the stories you tell yourself. you're also learning that your words create your reality. Soooo I’d say you’ll most likely be more into being creative and shaping how you want your future to look like based on career goals. Relationship wise, since you’re typically a hopeless romantic… I’d say you’ll probably encounter talking to someone. I don’t think you’ll be in a relationship right now, but you’ll probably be wanting someone so perhaps a crush on someone? although usually the saturn retrograde means the people who hurt you will hurt the same way you did. and the people you hurt, you’ll be hurting the same way they did. So perchance if you’ve ever hurt someone, you’d be paying karma for it. I do think the past could come back and haunt you because of it, I don’t mean it in a bad way… could just mean clarity through communication? Either with yourself or the other party especially if it’s some sort of soul ties, it can be why mercury retrograde had you feeling all these emotions that made you anxious or your heart basically twist up, it’s usually due to the other side feeling the same way (if you don’t have that type of thing you can ignore this!!!) the way you handle it is really up to you, but it could be the kind of thing where you’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief? Nonetheless I do think a crush would be prominent because yall just stay going through it with your past 😭 (but your not gonna be facing any kind of impending doom with all of this I promise)
BUTTT all in all I think the retrograde is gonna be bring alot of venturing with how you want to change yourself, finding yourself and what you really want. Being firm and embracing the confidence throughout it all. August usually brings in growth and changes in every aspect of life. So typically you’d let go of any kinds of things that are holding you back, so you can continue to flourish the way you want to and without the judgement of others. So expect changes in job, relationships, mindset, etc etc. you might start to become more in tune with your emotions via journaling? or meditating? Im not entirely sure but it does seem like you’ll start to become more mature in the way you present and handle yourself. Life will definitely start to pick up itself for you, so it’s relatively only up from where you are rn.
LMAOOO im sorry this is so lengthy I went on a tangent, you can take this with a grain of salt because obviously im not a true psychic person haha my friends usually just ask me for the same kind of things for fun so!
YO YOU JUST EXPOSED MY LIFE WITHOUT WHATS ACTUALLY HAPPENING 😭😭😭😭😭
that’s literally so crazy you’re very on par with what you said and yes I could take it with a grain of salt but somehow I can’t cause this is deeply detailed to what’s actually happening, like yes I do have a crush on someone, I do journal and am practicing a lot of intuitive thinking to be more in tune with my emotions, and yes I did go through some crazy shit in the past 4 weeks regarding my past like hello what in the world
this is a talent you’re cool for that really, the research or whatever when it comes to astrology is so fascinating, how did you even get into that and do you ever use it for yourself, reading into your future or what you can expect with yourself???
and also please! don’t mind writing to me I enjoy it, it’s nice to speak to new people, I love new perspectives :))))
Depends what it is!
honestly predict anything like the aquarian future or sumn..Like relationships or idfk like literally anything gang
😭😭 I can almost read into any kind of zodiacs im kinda a geek for astrology
can you lowkey predict the future
Probably that you guys are emotional people. Like you can be very in tune with how you feel, and when you feel a certain way you feel it intensely. But sometimes you contradict those same feelings either to yourself or someone else. I’d also say you’re socially conscious. And as a plus, yall are pretty stubborn too 😭😭
oh okay so you just gonna call me out in front of everyone (i literally asked you to) oh okay whatever
Weren’t you the same person that said birthdays were special? 😃 But yes libras are usually free spirited and calm .. LMAOO I do crazy search into zodiacs I know every trait of everyone
Never said mine was 😛 and just cause I’m an Aquarius what’s a trait you think is actually true
Aquarius?? Oh I know you go through ittttt, but your sign is the rarest is so you’re unique 🥹
IS IT???????? thank you though I do be going through some shit 🤪 that’s why I hate my birthday LMAOOOO but yesssss, I feel like libra’s are free spirited people like they always chill af
What’s your sign though?
I’m an aquarius
Woah woah woah hate that i love you is MY song bro. Also chill.. mercury retrograde is just resurfacing every emotion known to man so this want will probably pass unless the shadow period does something drastic. My sign is a libra though.
I cal dibs on that songggggggg and yes mercury retrograde does resurface every emotion known to man but I do believe it gets to a point actually and cooollll you’re a libraaaa my fellow air signnnnn
His music touches my heart so deeply. But I listen occasionally when I’m in my feels. Also please I just really like eternal sunshine 😭 I don’t relate to it that much, to me it’s like wanting to go back but also wanting to see someone new?? Like wanting that familiarity back but curious about what has yet to be discovered. Idk man, if you know what mercury in retrograde is… then that’s what’s up for me
I be listening to ari but her latest song hate that I made you love me hits me deep in the feels like I sob to that song like nobody listens to that song better than I do like deadass.
damn bro who is your ex for you to be lowkey wanting to go back 😭😭😭😭 ALSO what yk about mercury retrograde what is your sign and literally yes there’s plenty of fish in the sea you’re gonna HAVE to let that fish go #LetItGo
Omg why is everyone always cursed with Daniel Caesar 😭 Ari has goodddddd songs, I got obsessed with her again recently. For me i’ve been listening to eternal sunshine on repeat.
bro daniel caesar is the reason why we all heartbroken, his songs hold so many memories for people who were so in love but were literally doomed from the beginning 😭😭😭😭
eternal sunshine??? who broke your heart like hello do I know you who broke you