-ˋˏ 全知全悩

if i make one wrong move, i might choke on what i've eaten

[icarusty02]

shivers down your spine with the presence of high buddy... @egoistblue dated: saturday, november 1st.

there are only certain things that dj would do sober and going through a haunted house is not one of them.

he's been in plenty when he lived in america—walking through a corn maze and getting scare actors screaming in his face while fog blew everywhere, the atmosphere being super stuffy and the flickering lights that gave him a slight headache the more it persisted. even when he was more friendlier and full of life... he remembered looking at his friends and, with an honest smile, telling them that it was the most overstimulating experience and that he'd prefer to just go for the hot apple cider donuts and the campfire to make s'mores.

so, realistically, he would hate to be at the theatre club's haunted house... that's why he and touma went behind the school with his vape pen and took hits, inhaling and exhaling the thc... in all honesty, dj didn't really know many students in yeonhwa who were... chill like that. sure, he had yichen to thank for getting him some of his stuff, but he still felt like he had to be very... secretive about what he was smoking, given the fact that it was technically illegal. so he thought that if anyone in yeonhwa were to find out, they'd get his ass behind bars or nag at him about it. but not this guy... for some reason.

and now, the two of them were going to get ready to get into the haunted house together, trying their best to act... as normal.... as possible.

he's already made sure to check that both of their eyes were not red so that no one would suspect a thing. with the smell of pumpkin in the air and some deodorant and cologne, they were able to get rid of any obvious smells. as they are about to enter the entrance, dj steps to the side so that the other could go in first. "after you, hyung," he says with a smile that was clearly meant to be in a teasing way. "you're the oldest, so i imagine that means you'll have to be the braver one out of the two of us."

he knew he wasn't. dj was using that as an excuse so that he could point and laugh at him from behind.

[egoistblue]

it's not touma's best moment, agreeing to yet another event that might just backfire on himself. last time it was skinny dipping at ass o'clock just to feel something, which is a dumb suggestion he was only half-serious about at the time anyway. unfortunately for him, dj is basically agreeing to heading into the haunted house without much of an argument. luckily though, at least the two of them have made some preparations before tumbling inside after a few puffs.

"do you think i still smell weird?" touma questions, hovering closer towards dj and urging the other boy to check for him. he can't exactly ask anyone else—that'll just expose him if it turns out touma still smells... strange. either way, hopefully the coast his clear. touma feels like he's on high alert and his senses are numbed simultaneously, if that's even possible. maybe it's because of the atmosphere they're in too, it's dark with splotches of blood red scattered across the floor and walls.

oh boy. why did touma get himself in this mess again? he only has himself to blame.

a shiver runs up touma's spine, pushed forward simply because of the misfortune of having been born earlier. curse you, ageism! "that's not fair, you're the young and strong figure of youth, it should be you in the front!" touma thinks fighting is futile though, especially when his head is spinning and he can't focus himself in the moment. "in the first place, we could just walk side-by-side. why haven't you considered that option?"

touma takes the few steps forward first regardless, flinching at a sudden movement from the corner of his eyes. "god, this is so trippy," touma says aloud. "if you suddenly went off on your own i'll curse you with all my heart, dj!"

[prodbyzinnia]

"i mean, if you really wanted one i could probably make you one," she says, thinking about it. pottery had been something that she had been interested in getting into, but she hadn't wanted to give up having somewhat long nails since it helped so much when undoing knots in yarn. but that's not something that she's been doing as much, so maybe cutting her nails could be worth it.

make touma a personalized mug from scratch and also learn how to throw pottery at the same time? that could be convincing enough to persuade her. a new hobby was a new hobby, right?

jiahn pauses at his words, looking a little amused but also somewhat touched at what her friend says. "i'll take that as a compliment," she says, though she's also pretty sure he had meant it as a compliment. and if he hadn't ... well, she was taking it as one. that's all that mattered, right?

"i thought it was blue ... is that wrong?" she asks, unsure now that he's questioning her but she rolls her eyes afterwards. "i was always going to give you a discount ... don't i always?" she indicates the bracelets she had made, a few different styles laid across the table and she adjusts everything a little so it doesn't look like there are any obvious holes from the previous sales.

"these ones are just simple flower ones on elastic strings, though if you want a custom colour combination, i can probably make it for you if you wait like ... 10 minutes," she says, pointing at them before moving on. "and these are like, those rope friendship bracelets that you can adjust to your wrist size," she adds, grinning. "also customizable, but those take longer so i'm not willing to do them on the spot. i'll give you 50% off for being a returning customer!"

stamp cards, she thinks, looking at touma expectantly. maybe she should make loyalty stamp cards for people who had bought from her before. food for thought.

[egoistblue]

touma isn't surprised when jiahn quickly jumps on the idea. his friend isn't exactly known for her amazing impulse control and her ability to stick to one thing before jumping onto something else. he would never judge her for it though—if anything, it's an admirable trait of hers that he certainly cannot replicate. even back when he was still an active student, his focus was on one thing and one thing alone. now that he's like this, it feels like he wasted a lot of his life dedicating himself to one specific hobby instead of trying something new.

oh well, the past is in the past—he's more interested in whatever jiahn is trying to sell him right now.

"if you ever take pottery classes in the future, hit me up. i kinda wanna know what they're like too," touma says, although he can't promise he'll actually show up once called for. he hasn't been the best at actually being there when he's needed or being looked for. maybe he'll get better at it as days go by, maybe he won't. touma can't predict his already bleak future.

back to the matter at hand, touma wonders whether he should cough up a few won just to appease jiahn. she did guess his favorite color correctly—half-half. "you fail to mention what kind of blue! navy blue, sky blue— there's so many blues in the world, you should be more specific."

he does smile at the mention of a discount though, he has to live the frugal life and jiahn is definitely helping him with it. now if only she can make ricecookers or working fridges...

"i can't believe you're only saying this now! aren't i already a returning customer? i've given you business before!" touma crosses his arms, but he's intrigued by the arm decor being propositioned to him. "let me see you make one in ten minutes, i live for the show. oh, make it fifty shades of blue—if you even have fifty shades."

[knightguilt]

hwaryun presses his lips at that. ah yes, here we go again. you approved this yourself? touma isn’t the first person to be surprised or shocked from this. he knows that others probably thought he approved this without thinking much… the reality is that he wasn’t so keen on the idea in the first place. but things worked out, somehow. besides, he may be the student body president, but it doesn’t means he has absolute control over everything. “i get it… sometimes i’d wished i could split myself into two…” he jokes about. “or wish there would be 48 hours in a day…”

then he blinks confusedly at what touma says next. “breathplay…? you’re not entirely right, but i get what you’re trying to say. you usually have either air choke or blood choke when it comes to it, and in sports you’ll see the latter case more often. it compresses your carotid arteries or jugular veins instead of your airways…” he pauses for a bit, remembering his studies. “so not really?” he makes a mental note to check out breathplay for further reference, just in case!

the boy smiles cheekily when touma eventually gives the 7,000 won. “don’t worry! i get that kisses are intimate and all that, something you’d want to do with your partner you know? or a cute crush if you have one!” he winks at him as he records down the transaction swiftly. “oh! and thank you for supporting our service~ now, come here!”

he widens his arms with an even bigger smile on his lips, beckoning touma to come closer for The Infamous Chokehold™ from mister jeong hwaryun himself.

“i will take care of you, don’t worry. if you’re hurt in any way, i’ll refund you right out of my own pocket!”

[egoistblue]

"i think you're being way too technical and scientific about breathplay," touma says, a little weirded out by how detailed hwaryun's explanation had been. is this what they call a mix breed of nerd and jock? touma's not one to judge—he barely remembers what hwaryun even studies to warrant this medical a description of sports injuries and whatnot. he has seen hwaryun in his psychology classes ( should he choose to attend, which is a rarity these days ).

"sometimes i forget you're in medicine and would know all this. actually, you're in medicine and psychology and you still have time to handle all your clubs?" touma thinks that's a form of self-torture he'd never put himself through, but to each their own. hwaryun is a big boy with his own big boy brain, he doesn't need touma to tell him he's playing pingpong with his health and time. "at least this means i can trust you a bit more when it comes to choking the life out of me! remember to breathe life back into me if my soul is slowly leaving my body!"

he doesn't want to talk about breathplay with hwaryun anymore, lest hwaryun figures out that was just a stupid dirty joke and not a medical marvel for him to vigorously discuss under the lense of a med student.

touma assumes his position, leaning down a bit so hwaryun can easily grasp his neck in between his arms—what a strange way to put it. "alright, i'm ready!" the camera is positioned not too far off from the two of them, perfectly capturing the angle from a higher position. it's kind of embarrassing, actually.

once hwaryun starts squeezing is when touma is regretting all his life decisions. but hey, anything for the memes! and the memories! "woah, you really do have muscles!" touma tries to say although his throat is being constricted. not so much that he can't fully breathe, but enough that when he talks it sounds like he's being squeezed. "do i have a good pic yet?" he asks to no one in particular. maybe the camera if it had ears and a mouth.

[snowsorrow]

there’s nothing particularly spectacular about dancing. seol had always been like this; trying out new things on a whim, and then going onto the next the moment he gets bored. he’s never stayed in the same club for more than a semester, and yet here he was, dumped with responsibilities he never wanted. he could simply leave, there’s nothing to gain out of this stupid position. but isn’t it pitiful, if the dance club crumbles just like that? and wouldn’t it be more fun to see how long the guilt-ridden asakura touma can keep this up?

a laugh comes shortly afterwards when he listens to the boy’s response. it’s what he’s expected. except that this time, touma has given him an opportunity to flirt back. strange. “that’s lukewarm kissing, even i have my standards. i guess french kissing would be too much…~ especially for someone as prudish like you.” seol relaxes his shoulders, tilting his head as he glances at the soju bottle that touma eventually picks up. before he could say anything, touma is already drinking it straight from the bottle.

so stupid, he thinks to himself. what a stupid look. none of these thoughts are translated to his face. “look, we had an indirect kiss~” he leans in closer with the usual sleazy smile he always has on his face. “if only that was a direct one, huh?” a jest, or maybe not. who knows? kissing touma would be both hilarious and unsatisfying. “mmh, missed you so much that i have to burn the memory of this into my brain. it’s like there’s an empty space in my heart now~” he knows that this entire conversation is nothing but absurd nonsense, that touma is taking none of this seriously. he was a little more passionate back then, and now that light has dimmed.

he remembers that pale, sleeping face in a room of white. ghostly, even. a body laying there with a human melancholy he could not understand. when touma leans into his shoulder, his heartbeat remains unchanged—until the mention of that peculiar visitor he brings up. heartbeats cannot lie, can they? but it’s not like the other boy would detect the slightest change in heartbeats. seol swallows it away, he’ll need to shift this topic away.

“huuh? that’s odd… a secret admirer of yours then? it’s not impossible.” he pretends to ponder. “or maybe he’s a stalker… you should be more careful, then.” seol catches the glance. yet again, looking absolutely stupid with the reddened cheeks. he smiles an insincere smile back. “getting drunk already? that was quick. you kinda suck, touma-san.”

so pathetic, it’s irritating him. amazing, isn’t it? how touma could pull out such an emotion for him. he wants him to burst into flames, leaving not even ash behind.

very gently, seol pries the soju bottle away from the latter. he pushes the cold neck of the bottle against touma’s lips, “i think you’re really pretty though.” you aren’t. “i might fall in love, for real.” i won’t. “it makes me want to kiss you right now—“ he dips his head down, pressing his own lips against the opposite side of the glass, closing the distance. his eyes doesn’t smile as they pierce into touma’s, there’s no glimmer of light in them, only a dark shadow looming over.

“just like this,” a whisper, soft and mellow. “i missed you dearly, touma.” i don’t miss you.

[egoistblue]

seol had always been someone able to blurt such embarrassing words straight out of his mouth. touma knows why, has learned how to ignore every bit of it, allow them to bounce off of his ears like a protective shield. none of the intimate phrases seol says is uttered in a serious manner, simply practiced sentences seol could say to anyone. touma's usual response would be to brush him off, or to shove seol into the practice room and tell him to start rehearsing. he never once entertained the notion — until now, that is. there's no dignified reason why touma decided to throw caution into the wind. if seol doesn't take it seriously, why should touma?

"lukewarm kissing...? there's a hierarchy to kissing now?" touma snorts, glossing over his lack of experience, even though seol oh-so-graciously points it out regardless. "have i ever confirmed anything with you? you're just making assumptions that i'm a prude! you don't know that for sure," touma responds with a roll of his eyes — big mistake, considering how dizzy he's already feeling from the alcohol he's taking into his body. whatever notions seol has decided to believe doesn't matter to touma in the first place, because seol is just using these facts to tease him.

often times, seol's prying can be embarrassing — but the buzz in his head diminishes any sort of concrete thought. it's pleasant, actually. "you're such a liar," touma rebutts, tapping the centre of seol's chest with a laugh. "i never had any space in here, so why would it be empty now?" touma's presence in seol's life had been like a torn on his side, dragging him to places he probably doesn't care to go to. back then touma would say it's for the greater good, seol's skills would be a waste if no one were to see and appreciate them — nowadays, it's touma who became difficult to find, like fading into a ghost story that teachers can tell as a cautionary tale.

"if it truly had been a secret admirer, then he must be disappointed right about now." he takes a breath, before letting go. "there's nothing left to admire." touma admits, catching a glance in seol's direction from the corner of his eyes, wondering how the other boy would react. "i always wondered what type of person would just come in and stare, say nothing, leave no trace, except for a gift basket with no sender card." touma chuckles, reliving the memory, the nurse's excitement from encountering such a handsome fellow. who could it be? touma has no solid evidence to prove one way or another, just a gut feeling that he's keeping close to himself. "i wonder if he'd still stalk me afterwards. a part of me wants him to."

only once seol pries the bottle away from him does touma fully face his friend, eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. it's a little disorienting, but it's made worse when a cold and hard sensation is placed against his lips — it's the bottle, with seol's face by the other side. seol's next set of words echoes throughout the dark night in messy fragments, all thanks to the alcohol numbing his barely functioning brain. you're really pretty, fall in love, want to kiss you. lies — touma hears himself say, unsure whether the words properly came out of him or not.

and then, seol's lips reaches the opposite end — a gentle, soft touch that touma can't feel, the bottle acting as a transparent barrier between the two of them. foolish, stupid touma — he chastises himself, his flushed cheeks turning even redder once the reality of the situation had caught up to him. "ah, what?" it slips out of him, falling back to his native language out of surprise. processing, confirming. it takes a while, but even in that pause, touma makes no move to pull away.

maybe he really is an idiot.

i missed you dearly, touma. he blinks, lets out another breath. "that's not fair," touma finally replies, laughing, his throat tight. "i don't want to believe in a lie, seol. so don't make me."

eventually, touma takes the bottle instead of pulling away, setting it back down. "we shouldn't waste a good bottle. should i bring this with me as a keepsake?" he questions, lighthearted, setting the mood. "the first time kim seol kissed me." his eyes flash towards seol, quick, unfocused. "it was lackluster, wasn't it?"

he doesn't need an answer.

"you must've been disappointed. just like my secret admirer."

[yum-nyang]

SHOTARO: overdose

[knightguilt]

kissing booth. when hwaryun first heard of the plan to incorporate it into yeonchella, he was scratching his head with confusion. charity, that’s nice. the aim of this booth is to do good things. but kisses? isn’t it dubious? on top of cheek kisses, chokeholds? and it’s mandatory for sports captains? if anyone is going to ask him why this was allowed, hwaryun is just going to smile and laugh it off.

he’s not a team captain, but he’s an assistant team captain. his team captain is MIA somewhere, so hwaryun is here. he knows he could have gotten away easily from this job, he’s literally the student government president. and yet, he’s still here with a shift. maybe it’s because he’s president, there were people coming around to check on him… it’s not all day you get to see the role model type of student at a dubious kissing booth. perhaps this is how hwaryun can come off as relatable.

hwaryun has seen many familiar faces coming by, throwing him the surprised or shocked looks. he shrugs at touma, crossing his arms with an awkward, yet cheerful smile. “yup, i’ll kiss you if you pay!" the boy answers his questions, one by one. “and nope, i wasn’t blackmailed! i approved of this kissing booth myself. it’s compulsory for team captains to be here, and being one… i felt obliged to do my part too. besides, i’m not here all day. you won’t see me here for the rest of the day after my shift ends.” he still has his president duties, after all. he can’t let the rest of the team tank for him, just because of some kissing booth…

“i don’t know… i lost count, really,” hwaryun says after thinking for a while, then looking into his friend’s eyes. “i didn’t think of keeping track. but there should be receipts, so… if you really wanna know i could count for you?” he knows touma’s answer would be a no, but his tone of voice comes out as too earnest for his own good. “okay, it won’t be that mean or strong. it’s just for the pictures, touma!” he raises up his hands, as if he was surrendering. “i’m not sure if i’m happy about that, but i guess i do get the weird looks when they ask for a chokehold from me…” he doesn’t expands on this.

a grin laces his lips then, turning his hands as if he was reaching out to touma. “alright, so you wanna try it for yourself, for just 7000 won? all funds goes to charity, by the way!”

[egoistblue]

"you approved of this yourself...?" touma repeats, as if he needed the words said aloud twice for it to make sense and properly register in his own head. actually, that's exactly what it is—who in the right mind would do that without a second thought? narrowing his eyes at hwaryun though, he supposes hwaryun would exactly be the type of person to do that. "sometimes i forget that you're in the student government and can actually oversee all the events on campus... you're, like, everywhere. it scares me." that last sentence was meant lightheartedly, of course. touma does wonder how hwaryun is able to juggle so many things at once.

touma's eyes glazes over the rest of the booth, looking at the other athletes, one in partcular currently comitting the holy act The Infamous Chokehold™ on another student, who seems more than willing, while another takes a picture to commerate the once-in-a-lifetime occasion. "is this some sort of breathplay thing?" he mumbles to himself, before returning his gaze back to hwaryun who is standing at attention like a dog waiting for his next instructions.

"well, i wouldn't pay you to kiss me, so..." he starts, briefly thinking about it and decides he isn't pathetic enough to stoop that low. "it's not you though, it's me. i'm not ready for that kind of commitment!" he jokes. plus, that's kind of intimate—not that he would admit that thought out loud. not a lot of people know that touma has little to no experience in the woes of romance and love.

he coughs up the 7,000 won, because why not, and he should be supporting campus business anyway... right? "if i pat your bicep three times it means i need air stat, so don't choke me for too long!" he reminds, sliding the cash across the booth like he's making a shady deal.

[dearparadigm]

track 06: giving up the ghost ft. @egoistblue released: september 6, 2025

okay, maybe trivia night didn’t end so well. tensions between polaris and lyra have been slowly but steadily building, and while a bit of healthy competition never hurt anyone, things went too far. conflict has never really been sungmin’s strong suit. while he did his best to break things up, he got one of his signature migraines immediately after going back to his room for the evening. just what he needed on the first night of mt.

gravel crunches beneath his sneakers as he walks the path leading up to the lake, the area quiet save for the soft rustling of the nearby bushes and trees. all of the rowdiness is left behind him, the lights from the cluster of buildings gradually fading as he strays farther away. for the first time all day, sungmin can stop, breathe, and—

… what was that?

aggressive rustling immediately makes him stop in his tracks. his head whips around to find the source, but the sound dies almost as quickly as it came. strange, but there’s wildlife around here. it’s likely nothing, right? he takes a deep breath, shaking his head slightly before continuing.

that is, until he sees a figure in the near distance. he blinks, it goes away. every nerve in his body is telling him to turn around, to run right back to his room and forget this ever happened. he’s just tired, that’s all it is. but when he turns around, he’s face to face with that figure again, in all of its (his?) pale, slightly damp-looking glory.

and the scream sungmin lets out definitely startles a few birds out of the nearby brush, too.

[egoistblue]

asakura touma is a failure. in every sense of the word, sure, but the fact that he failed at skinny dipping of all things somehow builds his character ( downwards of course, a decline of severe magnitudes, if that's even possible ). it's really cold though, the night proving to him once again that he came up with a stupid idea and he wishes he had more control over his brain-to-mouth filter sometimes. unfortunately, this won't be the last time he jumps on a stupid idea, sometimes against his own will.

he’s shivering, the after effects of bad decisions, small fits of sneezing and coughing to accompany him on the way back to his room. touma already separated from his skinny-dipping buddy earlier, slightly embarrassed with how easily he climbed back out of the freezing waters. and now he’s out here, dark and suffering the consequences of his poorly thought out actions.

the path ahead of him isn’t very clear, navigating through the pitch-dark with nothing but his blurry eyes and foggy brain. he doesn’t consider the possibility that someone else would be wandering the grounds at this hour, paying no attention to the hustling and rustling he’s doing.

until he is caught up in a surprise by the sound of a loud scream—which caused touma to let out a guttural shout of his own, along with a few string of curse words in his native language that his mother would scold him for.

he tries to focus his vision on the loud figure that disrupted his late night walk of shame—only to sneeze again, and then having to refocus once more—coming to see a familiar face.

“woah, it’s you! how—achoo!—are you? you look like you saw a—achoo!—ghost.” he takes a moment to catch his breath. “what are you doing out here late at night? hunting bugs? hunting… ghosts?” touma questions, playing into the scenario he’s setting up himself.

“i’m pretty sure there would be a lot of those in these types of places,” he concludes without even asking the other student.

[andechoverie]

time to get nakeeeyyy with @egoistblue

when he got convinced to take part in this weekend, hwaseong had very little expectations. no plans, no thoughts, and no desire to do anything super taxing because honestly he was already tired before the weekend even begun. none the less, all of that lead to where he is now.

shirtless, in the dark of the night, about to step into what's probably cold water with his friend.

"so like..." he starts, fingers fiddling with the button on his jeans as he stares out at the water. "is there a reason why this is considered a fun past time?" there isn't any hesitation in his movements as he sheds his pants. after all, he's watched enough dramas and teen shows back home to know the jist of what goes on in this situation. the whole 'skinny dipping' had seemed much more of a problem in the television shows than they have been in real life.

[egoistblue]

it's not his smartest idea. touma has long since run out of smart ideas in the first place.

a miss on his part that he blurted out the fuck-the-rules-let's-skinny-dip!™ spur of the moment impulsive thought for hwaseong to hear, because the other student simply agrees. okay great, now he's gonna have to actually do it. it's no time to be a chicken!

hwaseong didn't take his time to literally strip—actually, isn't hwaseong way too casual about this? he sure is fine to just shed his clothes and jump into the water at ass o'clock in the morning! granted, it was touma's stupid idea, he simply hadn't expected hwaseong to pounce at the opportunity either.

now he's here, tugging at his shirt and dipping his toes in the water to test the temperature. not good, touma concludes. fuck.

"i don't know? i guess some people just like to swim naked! seems... refreshing, almost?" touma replies, laughing his thoughts away, which he is an expert at by this point. "you never tried before? well, i never have either," he admits.

"is it cold in there?" he questions, procrastinating his own entrance into the body of water. "feeling any refreshed? the cold waking you up?" he blinks, coming to a sudden realization. "did we even bring towels?"

[moncoeurseo]

with one of her first biggest assignments so far out of the way and the rest of her day free to finish other tasks, seoyun's plan was fairly simple: go to the library, read a few chapters of the books she was assigned for the semester, and take notes.

the only bad part was that she was now stuck carrying proto samples of her dress designs all the way to her room. not necessarily the most annoying thing to have to hold onto for a few minutes, but not exactly fun and comfortable either.

completely unknown to her—because she had her headphones on and wasn't exactly paying attention to her surroundings closely—there was a little dog making its way directly towards her. she didn't even realize there was a boy yelling to get her attention until a second later, when the dog had basically met up with her.

"what the—?!" she was lucky just enough to raise her arms over her own head in time, taking a cautious step away from the dog yipping at her feet. “no, no, no! bad! bad dog!” looking up and seeing touma coming up towards her, she immediately scurried to hide behind him, as if the dog was actually vicious and scary.

"uh, hey," seoyun starts off, voice strained as she lets her headphones slide down to rest around her neck. "is this your dog? would you mind, i don't know, getting it, please?" she was a cat person for a reason.

[egoistblue]

in some poetic way, the dog slipping out of his fingers is basically adjacent to how touma feels when he had been forced to switch majors and give up his dreams of dancing. or maybe he's just being dramatic, with his brain reminding him constantly of things he'd rather put in his mental trash can, especially when he's supposed to be doing other things. like walking a dog, for instance.

he swears he wasn't distracted enough to let go of the leash or anything though, running towards the puppy before he makes even more of a mess than he already has. luckily, the potential victim of melon's (the cute but ferocious creature of today) itchy teeth has already protected her belongings. as much as she can, anyway.

"he's not mine, actually." touma laughs a little, if only to ease the tension as much as he can—although he realizes belatedly that laughing during this situation might just irk the other student more. oh well, it's not like he can swallow his laugh back inside him. "i'm sorry about him, i think he was just very curious about your dress!" he shouldn't add that melon was curious because he might have perceived it as a chew toy though, that will only add stress to this already bad situation.

"calm down melon," he says with his hand raised and palm open, trying to direct the puppy's energy elsewhere and hopefully blocking the dress from melon's view. "stay, and sit!" he says sternly, eyes locked to the dog's. after a few seconds, melon concedes, and touma swoops in quick enough to properly secure the collar around the puppy.

"okay, he's contained!" touma declares, making sure the leash is safe and all is well. "is your work okay? i'm sure you put a lot of effort into it and i would literally be on my knees right now if my slip-up caused something to rip."

[egoistblue]

and they were roommates.

some days, it's hard to get out of bed.

touma wishes that isn't the case, especially not right now, when he's supposed to at least act happy and chipper to be out and about on a field trip he would much rather skip. it's nothing against nature of course, touma simply finds it difficult to force any sort of energy out of himself these days, especially when he's supposed to kick himself out of the confines of his own miserable head and participate in the festivities one way or another. instead, here he lies, bound to the bed with no motivation to even get up.

what's the point? there's so much to do but touma is still here, stuck to the bed, refusing to get up despite all the huffing and puffing outside. asakura touma of a year ago would have been up and about, insisting on trekking each hiking route, waking up early to catch the morning outdoor yoga session, stretching his limbs and being an active member of society. now though, that's the last thing on his mind—then again, what is going through his mind these days anyway? nothing, other than a loop of his failures and mistakes.

it has only been a day in this shared room and touma has already made a small mess out of his stay. at least it's a concentrated mess within the confines of his aptly claimed top bunk. he naturally feels kind of bad, his roommates don't deserve a roommate who's constantly down-in-the-dumps. worst of all, the world has decided to give him the middle finger and stick @juunnam into the mix. again.

when the door swings open, touma fully expects it to be his caretaker of a friend. touma can't stress enough how much he wishes junho isn't the one who sees him like this, but apparently the more he wishes for something the less of a chance he'll get it. "why are you here? you're supposed to be out there enjoying the sun!" touma insists, clutching his pillow to his chest and turning the other way. it's not that he wants to ignore junho—but junho should be doing activities that does not include taking care of touma.

his stomach rumbles, as if complaining to touma for his bad decisions. "you should do some yoga, i hear it clears the mind of useless things." like me, touma wants to add. "it's way too early to be a saint..." he mumbles as he closes his eyes, hoping that once he opens them back up junho would have taken his advice and stepped out.

[snowsorrow]

seol has never liked crowded festivals like this one. before long, the stench of body odour mixed with various other environmental factors would reach his nose. then he’ll see waves of slimey-looking swirls around, trying to keep him in the crowd. he’s used to seeing such sights, but at the end of the day, it’s still overstimulating when combined with the noisy music. he leaves the festival. forgoing all of his plans that he’s made with friends… or strangers, that would probably get mad at him for ditching them out of nowhere.

dragging himself to some afterparty under the stars with nothing but a bottle of unopened soju, he sits down to gaze upon the night sky. it’s quieter here, even though it’s around the time for more people to come around. this peaceful tranquility—it’s mundane. seol wonders, where’s the beauty within the little twinkling stars, hopelessly shining while being surrounded by darkness? he can’t see any of it. when dawn breaks the stars will disappear, as if they never existed to begin with. for what reason, do they shine then?

his train of thoughts were cut short by approaching footsteps. at the corner of seol’s eye, he sees a familiar person. instinctively, he smiles even before the latter says anything at all. oh, pitiful asakura touma who vanished like the wind, leaving his responsibilities to him and acting as if he didn’t sank into the abyss. is there any piece of guilt that’s tugging at your swollen heart?

“then you should try to get to know me better, touma-san~” seol sighs dramatically as he rests his cheek against his palm. with his free hand, he raises his soju bottle, waving it in touma’s face. he doesn’t comments on the leader part. not now, not yet. “if you’re proud of me, gimme a reward? like a kiss?” touma is used to this by now, but the very least he could do is indulge in his meaningless words, right?

a soft, yet insincere laughter comes shortly after, “if you’re that cold, some alcohol in your body would warm you up.” the boy drops the soju bottle in between them. “the stage area gave me a headache, i’m here to cool my head off.”

he doesn’t tear his gaze away from the pitiful boy, continuing to stare at him, as if trying to peer into his soul, waiting for touma to point it out. even if he doesn’t, he’ll still smile tenderly, “i wonder how long do i have the pleasure of looking at this face, before it fades away, like candles in the wind.” there’s never a clear reason for these meaningless words. “if i ask how you have been doing, would you tell me, my real leader?”

[egoistblue]

touma never knows what seol is thinking. filth comes out of seol's mouth easier than air does, breaths substituted by playful remarks that mean nothing to the beholder. it has been a while since allowing himself into seol's space, purposefully avoiding the rehearsal rooms and the responsibilities that comes with them. he doesn't actually know how seol is faring, but he never imagined seol would stray too far from how he usually presents himself. always an enigma, hiding underneath piles of trash.

"if you wanted a kiss that bad, you should've volunteered for that weird kissing booth. or would that be too easy for you?" his words come with no malice, but he does pucker his lips as if he's going along with seol's weightless whims. "unfortunately for you, such tactics won't work on me! can't you flirt better? or is that too much effort on your part too?" asakura touma of some-months-ago would have shoved seol away, tell him to get serious, but his long-gone mannerisms have become relics of the past. there isn't anything to work hard towards anymore.

his gaze linger at the soju bottle calmly perched between the two of them, the only wall that stands in-between. "you don't even have a cup? are you going to force me into an indirect kiss?" touma questions, eyebrows dramatically furrowed as he tilts his head. regardless though, he picks up the bottle and brings it to his lips, taking a few sips before seol could even answer him—his sense of self-control effectively halted by the white noise in his head; muted, but persistent nonetheless.

"this feels like the first time you've stared at me so intensely. it feels like you're going to burn holes into my skin." he comments, swirling the bottle in his head, listening for the audible swish of its contents like he's measuring hoow much more toxin he can take into his body. "i never thought you'd realize i've been gone! you're surprising me more and more today. to what do i owe this utmost pleasure?"

bullshit upon bullshit—that's basically one way to describe how this conversation is unraveling. "you can look at my face all you want, seol. you might even fool me into thinking i look pretty tonight if you keep it up," touma laughs, hushed and lulled. "just kidding!" he adds on, setting the bottle back down after another sip, the color of his cheeks slowly turning a darkened crimson.

"you're curious about my wellbeing?" he smiles, delivering no precise answer to seol's pressing question. "look at me, i'm alive! isn't that what matters the most?" his reply provides no satisfaction, but he does lean his head to seol's shoulder, humming as if he is procrastinating coughing up an answer. "i've had a visitor, you know." touma reveals, with no other context explained. "he would leave me with a gift. no sender card. no nothing. i wonder who it is, and i wonder why i'm telling you. maybe i'm starting to get drunk."

another laugh escapes him, a little more wretched than the last. "the nurse kept saying he's handsome though. it was kind of funny. wonder how he looks like!" he sneaks a glance at the other boy, still smiling.

[juunnam]

╰ ㅤ ☁️ ㅤ rewind  .

there's a lot of things junho could expect from his day-to-day life: waking up at... some hour, going to classes, his clubs, locking himself in his room to work on music or maybe wandering around for inspiration, and finding time to eat throughout it all.

the things he doesn't expect are plenty but perhaps what's most surprising at the moment is coming across touma sitting on a bench on campus. considering it's been too long since junho last saw him in person, and not just as a string of letters at the top of one of his recent chats and the many messages below it (all from himself, and almost none from the other), he's shocked.

maybe it's not surprising then that he can't help but edge closer to where touma is sitting, moving almost like he doesn't want to make any sudden movements or sounds and alert the other of his presence too early. in the nearby distance, he sees touma moving the phone away from his ear and before he knows it, he's standing next to the bench that the other is sitting on - only to receive a crumpled up ball of paper to his chest.

understandably, it catches him off guard and junho glances down at it now laying on the ground for a moment before looking back up at touma, watching how he turns away and acts like he's not there (or is he just feeling embarrassed? junho's not sure he knows anymore; touma hasn't told him anything in a long while so maybe things had changed for him - or things were not as junho had thought). it makes him sad, honestly, and he wonders how they ended up like this when they used to be so close before... but junho doesn't really want to get into that right now. not when he finally has touma here, in front of him, and he's actually greeting him in what he hopes is an attempt for things to be normal between them for once.

"is this how you're saying hi to me now? throwing paper?" junho decides on replying with, a teasing smile on his lips as he lifts a brow, fully intent on easing the tension with some hopefully lighthearted joking-- and also because he's scared if he says or does the wrong thing, touma will go back to ignoring him again. it had taken a while--and a lot of messages--to even get to this point (even if that point is touma finally replying to one (1) of the several messages junho had sent to the other) and junho will be damned if he messes this all up.

he bends down to pick up the paper ball, briefly wondering what it was that had touma crumpling it up and throwing it away like he did, but assumes it was some kind of flyer or something. "is this garbage?" he asks next, intending to throw it out for the other, only to be cut off by touma's words. junho pauses his movements, crumpled paper still in one of his hands, as he stares at the other again, this time with a look of hurt in his eyes. he thinks it's a bit unfair for touma to react like this; if he's staring at the other like he's just seen a ghost, junho think it makes sense for him to. wasn't he the one basically being ghosted?

instead, he pushes down the words he wants to actually say and smiles patiently instead, continuing to hold the paper. "well, if you want it back then it must be important to you after all, so why are you throwing it out then?" it might sound petty and manipulative of him, but junho just wanted answers from the guy he considered--considers--his best friend and this is the only way he could think of right now.

[egoistblue]

touma can't stress how badly he wishes that junho would just turn around and leave. it'd be cruel of touma, to ask junho to turn around and erase this encounter from his memory—right now though, junho is the last person that touma wants to see, the last person that touma wants to see him like this. a horrible mess, clinging onto the last hinges of his broken dream, doing nothing with his life and simply parading forward with no significant goal in mind anymore. touma used to be more than this, he used to be something, enough that he could keep junho by his side. nowadays, he's well aware of the fact that he no longer holds the right to listen to junho's songs, lost the spark that junho saw in him.

"i missed," touma defends himself, not forgetting to add his signature pout that oftentimes—at least he deludes himself into believing—would tug at junho's heartstrings and get junho to go along with whatever game touma is currently playing. "it's not my fault that the trash can is far away," touma replies, excuses spilling out of him like a sprinkle of dirt, not a single one landing on the right spot. just like how he completely missed the garbage can and ended up meeting face-to-face with junho, of all people. his worst nightmare is reeling itself out before his very eyes, and touma doesn't know how to properly navigate the situation without making a few wrong turns. just like how he's already doing right now, even though the conversation with junho just began.

junho has no reason to be so patient with him, not after disappearing right out of junho's life for a significant portion of undefined time, showing no signs of returning back although he came back to yeonhwa as an active student. just like his dance team, the rest of his friends, the songs he promised he'd cover—touma left junho behind with no warning, nor did he engage in any options for junho to seek him out either. a ghost; that's basically what he became. even then, junho still looks at him with the same gentle gaze that touma had gotten used to, despite months of convincing himself he's no longer worthy to stand underneath it, to receive it. now that he's cornered, he can't look away—it was always easier when junho was separated in distance and a phone away.

"it's nothing," touma hurries to clarify with a lie, which is his next mistake. junho knows him well enough to pinpoint touma's tells, the cadence of his tone whenever he's spitting out untruths. unfortunately for touma, he's also wholly underprepared for these set of circumstances. sure, he could go around playing with junho, tease and push him around like he always does—but when it's genuine lies like this, involving the two of them or touma's wellbeing... junho can probably clock it better than anyone else.

"come on, you don't believe me?" but he hasn't given junho any reason to believe him in the first place. he tries to ease the tension with a laugh, leaning into comedy and his usual jokes, even putting on a whine to appeal to junho's kinder side. while he doesn't think it will work, it's still worth a try now that he doesn't have any other choice. he can't back out now, and if he leaves—touma can't bear to see the look on junho's face, should he run away in real time like this. it's not fair, he thinks.

he shakes his head, keeping his eyes glued to the crumpled piece of paper in junho's hands instead of junho's expressions, the faces he's making. "i just... it's kinda mean of me to make you throw out my trash, right?" touma attempts to reason, sounding like he's grasping at straws with the amount of mitigation he's doing. it's a piece of paper for gods sake—touma should really invest in some acting classes! how is he struggling to lie out of this mess, when he can usually smoothly talk himself out of anything?

maybe it's a junho-exclusive special. touma thinks he can handle himself better, if it wasn't junho who's confronting him like this.

"don't think about it too hard," touma says, knowing that junho is already deeply weighing the situation in his own mind. "just give it back to me so i can throw it away like a good citizen!" he doesn't want junho to unravel the contents within the paper, he doesn't want to witness junho's next course of actions should he uncover the very fact that touma has been missing his doctor's appointments on purpose—that touma's condition had been that serious, but he never told junho a word.

what happens if junho starts interrogating him afterwards? touma's first instinct is to flee, but he has a messed up knee that he hasn't been attending his follow-up physical therapy for, which means junho has a high likelihood of catching up to him fast. touma can only stand there, trying not to escalate whatever is happening, knowing nothing of the near future.

[dumpsteroracle]

check your texts // starter for @egoistblue

dating in the 21st century is hard. kangmin has no idea how to navigate this. why, kangmin thinks, why is it so hard to find love? whatever happened to pure romance? meet-cutes? that heart fluttering moment when two pair of eyes meet and your chest tightens and you see nothing but pink and light!

but kangmin is also of the firm belief that no, romance isn't dead – romance is just... different now. romance in the 21st century comes in the form of a screen, a phone and kangmin's uh... haughty photo. he'd spent a good amount of time trying to angle this photo, not too sure how to make it seem... desirable?

"looks like a chub," he mumbles to himself. "or a turtle with a sweater..." he squints, zooming into the photo only to disgust himself momentarily. nobody should stare at their own dick with this much intent. but this is all for the sake of romance! kangmin reminds himself.

he pulls his pants up and searches for the name touya – a cute japanese exchange student he'd met in a class and had been flirting and texting with frequently – and that had sent him a photo while trying to grab his attention.

it's been a full twenty minutes since touya's waited for a reply though, because kangmin had been focused on getting a good angle of his dick without looking like a complete fool. this one should be fine, he finally decides.

to: touma → [image.png] → what do u think of my dick ?

wait. wait. kangmin blinks once, then twice, and then he lets out a horrifying scream. "fuck, no! fuck – wait – that's!" thats TOUMA not TOUYA. kangmin is terrified. he screams one more time and shakily sends another message.

to: touma → FUUUUCCCCCKKKKK → TOUMA IM SO SORRY → 😭 IM SO SORRY MAN THOSE BALLS WERENT MEANT FOR YOU TO SEE

[egoistblue]

there's a pile of messages sitting in touma's drive that he has been, to the best of his ability, ignoring. it's his own fault for falling under the joyous temptations of making a ton of friends in a foreign country, all in order to not feel lonely. taking on responsibilities beyond his own capabilities was for naught, especially as he lays on his bed uselessly and avoids club meetings like his life depended on it. touma can't bring himself to get out of the soft, comfy confines of his lovely mattress—despite having every reason to, it hasn't been washed in a while too. filthy, he thinks. worst of all, he's being lazy.

or maybe he's just depressed, his lifelong dreams crushed under the heel of his stepfather's shoes. so what? it makes no difference, he's not going to a professional therapist anytime soon to find out.

several rings echoes within his miserable room as he continues to tune it out of his head, eyes boring into the ceiling above him. it's only on the millionth loud beep that he decides to finally check his phone, open it up and scroll through his many missed messages. he skips the ones that he knows will be emotionally draining to read and respond to, the most he does is click on them and leave some on read, which might be arguably worse.

but there's one that's a little different. an image, then the mention of dick—followed up by frantic apologies and curses. wow, that's a dick alright. a real one. right on his phone. before he knows it, he's laughing and curling into himself from the sheer shock and hilarity of the sudden situation—to think all he needed to laugh was a picture of kangmin's dick unprompted.

( ✉ ) outgoing → kangmin ! > dude, did you seriously just dickpic me? > 😨😨😨 > this is crazy > i could report you for harrassment btw > i won't tho

touma knows it's an accident, he expected nothing less from kangmin. the guy walked around with this huge himbo energy, he believes that kangmin would accidentally send him a dickpic. yup, that checks out.

( ✉ ) outgoing → kangmin ! > who were you trying to text lol > do you need a review before you send it to the real receiver

of course this is the first text message that touma properly replied to in months.

[prodbyzinnia]

004 — upselling of sorts for @egoistblue

she likes to think that whenever there's a fundraiser or market of sorts, people will expect her to be there. she's also just hanging around trying to sell things whenever she's sitting at a more visible table but that's neither here nor there.

either way, touma is someone who she can always expect to somehow show up and find her no matter where she's set up, trying to sell her newest catch to the student body of yeonhwa university.

and today is absolutely no exception.

she's talking with another student who's perusing her wares as she would like to say, when she catches sight of him walking towards her table and she grins, waving at her friend.

"are you here to support my small business dreams?" jiahn says with a bright smile, indicating towards the array of hand beaded bracelets she had laid out in front of her. it's not her best business idea, if she's honest, but she had hyperfocused and accidentally made way too many to just hand them off to all her friends so ...

here they are.

"i bet i made one in your favourite colour," she says, happily closing out the sale and receiving some money from the girl that had been there before, waving her away and thanking her before she can turn her attention to touma again.

[egoistblue]

there’s some people you admire for a lifetime. for touma, it’s jiahn—although that’s a fact he’d rather keep to himself, lest he boosts jiahn’s ego. no one needs that.

still though, it’s jiahn’s undeniable determination that makes her someone worthy to look up to. no matter how many times she gets knocked down, or her business ideas fails miserably, she seems to find the strength within herself to try something new. or maybe his friend is just fickle? touma can’t tell the difference. all he knows is that if he were in jiahn’s shoes, he would’ve probably quit by now. just like how he essentially quit dance.

“that depends. do i get a free mug? you know, those cheesy ones with the words #1 supporter printed on it. i like to feel special,” touma claps back, leaning forward to inspect jiahn’s latest products.

“wanna know something? i seriously have no clue how you keep coming up with these ideas. at this point, my brain would be empty and effectively squeezed, no working braincells to brainstorm.” even though there have been moments where it’s not necessary for touma to buy whatever jiahn is offering, he still takes out his wallet to show his support.

“do you actually remember my favourite color?” touma questions, squinting. “i’ll get one if you can actually guess right.”

even if jiahn got it wrong though, there’s still a high likelihood that touma walks away from her sale with a new trinket in hand. “you’re supposed to pitch your product to me first anyway! treat me like a real customer. unless you’re going to give me a generous discount, then you can treat me however you want.”

[egoistblue]

starry sky.

loud. touma expected this, of course an abundance of uncontrollable noise would come out of a music festival where the main point is to dance and jump to the music you hear until your ears start bleeding? back then, touma would be part of the crowd, instantly busting some moves, needing to be restrained before he jumps onto the stage and takes over the performance. nowadays, he watches from the faraway end, the images an enthusiastic audience looking up at him slowly fading from memory.

as it eventually nears the end of the concert, touma shuffles over a some distance away from the track field, entering a quieter and more peaceful subspace with high-definition telescopes he never dared to touch before. truth be told, it'd make the perfect date spot for couples looking for some quality time, but he suspects it'll be filled by drunk and exhausted concert attendees who can't make it back to their dorms. it's a good thing touma decides to head over earlier, before it gets too hectic.

touma spots a familiar figure not too far off, an elusive individual who touma remembers needing to find whenever rehearsals are scheduled, always trying to avoid responsibilities and promises. he had gotten used to it, falling into the habit of searching for @snowsorrow and drag him to practice. months have passed without touma popping his head into the practice room though, leaving seol to handle whatever was left behind, leaving no guidelines for him to follow. a part of him feels guilty, but the other part justifies this as karma too.

like touma hadn't disappeared into the wind with little to no signs of life, touma dumps his tired body onto the picnic blanket that seol had been occupying alone, providing only a small wave as a proper greeting. "fancy seeing you here, leader-nim." he pulls his lips into a smile, dimmed under the starry sky above the two of them.

"i didn't take you for a stargazer. look at me, getting to know you even better." he kicks his legs forward, getting comfortable as he breaches seol's space without asking. "even more surprising—you don't smell like alcohol! should i say i'm proud of you?" he laughs, nudging seol with an elbow. "it's been a while, hasn't it?" he doesn't ask how seol is doing, so that seol doesn't return the question. he doesn't ask how the team is faring either, because that piece of information won't do him any good—he doesn't want to know, not anymore.

"it's kinda cold at night," touma muses, rubbing his arm with a sigh, chasing the brief friction of warmth. "i like it though."

[egoistblue]

kissing booth (irl).

yeonchella sounds like another excuse for touma to run around flaking everyone around him. 'sorry, can't come, busy with yeonchella!' would be a convenient excuse to make for the doctors hounding him to come in for his check-up. it's not like he'll be performing anyway, he's not doing anything substantial except checking out the booths and running to the roof if things get too hectic to handle. maybe that's something he needs, unpredictability in the face of his inevitable crash out just waiting to happen.

what he hadn't expect was the existence of a kissing booth, of all things, to exist among the array of creative activities surrounding the event. it feels like a cheap cop out, fill up the booth with visuals and tempt guests to experience a brief moment of delusion with the student-athletes of their choosing. for a specific price, of course. despite his perspective though, touma still picks up the brochure and reads through it for his own entertainment, blinking at the offer of a chokehold.

touma looks up at @knightguilt with a raised eyebrow and searching eyes, wondering just what the other man is thinking of as one of the hosts of this lovely temporary establishment. "so if i pay, you kiss me?" he questions, straight to the point, turning the flyer over for hwaryun to see too. "you just agree to this? or were you blackmailed into it?" he can't imagine anyone would be desperate to kiss some random person who comes by—or worse, choke them with their bare hands—but maybe some of them are willing participants with certain kinks touma would like to ignore. he won't judge.

"how many chokeholds have you done?" he asks next, kind of curious about the technicalities, even though it doesn't concern him. unless he becomes a customer. would he be dubbed a weirdo if he did? would hwaryun? no, hwaryun would most likely just go along with it for the sake of his club, never thinking too deep into the request, simply happy to be of service. touma doesn't know which is worse.

with his eyes, he scans hwaryun up and down, as if assessing his physical attributes to asses the results of the service later on, should he take it. "well, i guess you do have the body of someone who can do a mean chokehold. or someone who people would want to put them in a chokehold."

[egoistblue]

similar flavours.

it's a habit touma would like to break. the missed texts, the avoidance, the sick attempts at parkours he'd do just so he wouldn't be seen by people he knows would come up to him and ask him how he's doing—force him to explain, to relive, exactly why he lost the spark he used to have. touma wasn't always like this, he always wore a friendly face and could easily start conversations with a random stranger over what seems like trivial common interests.

there's an underlying guilt persisting because of how he has been acting lately, the emotional consequences of his impulsive actions, but he can't help it. touma can't comprehend how he could face the people who used to believe in him, those same people who look up to him a certain way, now that he's fallen short of their expectations. maybe it's all in his head, but if that's the only message he's receiving in a constant loop how can he ignore it?

he shouldn't have left @versionloop hanging for so long, but time passes as he mulls over the endless and piling predicaments in his head and suddenly he hasn't spoken to reiko in months. no random memes sent that reminded him of her, no attempt to coordinate their busy schedules so they could meet, no exchange of words. he never meant to, the longer time passes the lesser he feels he holds the right to contact her, unable to crawl out of the mess he made himself.

isn't it stupid? he thinks to himself, head-in-hands, nails digging into his palms. how long are you going to use that as an excuse to avoid her inevitable disappointment? his brain hammers the last word over and over in his head, never once letting up, conjuring an image of reiko's clear dissatisfaction for him to visualize and replay repeatedly. maybe if he reached out any sooner, it wouldn't reach this point—he made his bed though, now he has to lie in it.

it's in the halls that touma finds reiko, as day slowly shifts into evening and students are shuffling out of their last classes. "hey reiko, done with your classes?" he still remembers when they ran through the buildings trying to map out the area for their newer classes for the semester, campus halls too confusing, wandering around as if they were trapped in a maze. that was years ago though, reiko probably doesn't need him as much as she had before.

"i heard there's a new ramen stall opened up. do you think they make killer tantanmen? it's been a while since i ate one with a rich broth... you know?" he shouldn't be so casual, he knows inviting her out to eat will take a lot more effort than enticing her with the taste of food that fills the void homesickness left behind. so he sighs, rubs the back of his neck, gives her a sheepish smile. "and i missed you, i wanna make it up to you. my treat."