sick and full of pride;

i heard you tellin' lies i heard you say you weren't born of our blood i know we're the crooked kind but you're crooked too, boy, and it shows ******** E.G. - writer, hopeful filmmaker, professional pessimist *** [multiverse independent eli goldsworthy floater]

[egoldworthy]

[✉︎] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Okay, stop.. don't do that. You don't disappoint me. I just don't know what else to say to that.

Becky: Do you think I should try one of those things?

Eli: I'm going to enjoy getting high and all that, Becky. That's how I am. I don't know what to say.

Eli: I don't see you /actually/ doing it since I bet you'd be too scared, but I think you should give drinking a try. Just once.

[egoldworthy]

[✉︎] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Oh.

Becky: Isn't there something safer to do?

Eli: I just keep disappointing you left and right.

Eli: Sure. But nothing as fun as those two options.

[egoldworthy]

✉ø#%$♀

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

Eli: [11:43 PM] I keep imagining what that kiss would have been like, had we actually done it. I could make you so happy, Bee. I think it could have been really amazing and it would have made it so I could just be honest with you. Completely honest, for once. I really need to stop hoping this will happen.

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

Eli: [2:39 PM] Hey, you said you’d be here by midnight. Everything okay? Not trying to be overbearing or anything, I just want to make sure you’re alright. There’s a box of ice cream here with your name on it. Hope that’s incentive to come by soon. Just be safe, okay?

Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

Eli: [7:34 AM] So...remember that coffee you asked me to get for you? It ended up on the ground in the parking lot. Blame my clumsy hands. I hope you’ll still love me.

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

Eli: [12:02 AM] Do you think you’d ever date someone down the line? I’m not asking for a specific reason, just curious. I know you think you’d be a shitty girlfriend, but I really disagree. You’d make whoever you dated a lucky guy.

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

Eli: [5:47 PM] If you end up dragging Bianca along with you to go shopping, and you convince her to try on anything embarrassing, you have to promise to send me pictures It would mean the world to me, Imo. The perfect blackmail. Don’t let me down with this.Eli: [4:48 PM] Shit. That wasn’t supposed to go to you. Oops?

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

Eli: [3:30 AM] Do you like being stuck with Vince? Do you like getting harassed and having your life completely dictated by that asshole? Because I’ve told you a million times that if you want out, I’ll help you get out. I’d do anything, Bee. You know that. But every single time, you refuse. It’s like you’re so used to this that you can’t imagine having a better life. Or you don’t think you deserve one. That’s bullshit. No one deserves it more than you. But I can’t do a thing to help if you’re not going to let me. You have to want this. You have to be brave enough to let yourself have it.

[egoldworthy]

[✉︎] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: But have you not because you haven't found any or because you don't want to?

Becky: Considering I didn't even realize it, I handle it just fine. So what do you suggest if I'm so tightly wound?

Eli: ...the former.

Eli: Drink. Smoke. Both, if you're feeling brave.

[egoldworthy]

[✉︎] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Maybe you can't, but I sure can. I just really care about you, and I can't imagine how I'd feel if I knew you were sent to the hospital. Hey! I don't need loosening up!

Becky: ..Do I?

Eli: Which is why you've been so sheltered for your whole life. I'm not going to get sent to the hospital, okay? I haven't even done hard drugs since getting here. Wanted to, sure. But I haven't. I've just smoked weed, not a big deal. Pfft.

Eli: You do. You're so tightly wound. I don't know how you deal with it.

[egoldworthy]

[✉︎] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Is that such a bad thing, though? But it could be a bad batch again. How do you know for sure? I'm sure you would. I wouldn't have a clue what I'm doing, though, and I'm sure you'd get a kick out of that. Good, I'm really relieved to hear that.

Eli: It is when there's no reason to be. I guess I never know for sure, but I'm doing everything I can to make sure it's fine. I can't live life worrying all the time, Becks. You know? I'd never do anything in that case. Totally would. Maybe next time you should take a hit. It'd loosen you up.

[egoldworthy]

✉⁇✿ø✘&%♀

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

Eli: [7:39 AM] Sometimes I really wish you’d drop out of my class just so I could take you on a date. That’s really selfish of me. I’m pretty disgusted with myself for even thinking it.

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

Eli: [10:58 PM] you’ve become 5000% hotter now that you’re my student. it’s the whole taboo thing i think. youre like forbidden fruit.Eli: 11:03 PM] god i just wanna fuck you

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

Eli: [8:46 PM] Come to class without any panties on tomorrow. I’ll make it worth your while.

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

Eli: [2:31 AM] You’re seriously really smart. I’m sure you know that. But your papers are damn good, probably the best I get out of the class you’re in. I don’t think I’ve actually told you that before.

Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

Eli: [9:39 PM] That’s it, alright? We’re done doing this. If that door hadn’t been locked, we both would have been screwed, and you know it. I’m not this random guy you can fuck anymore, Alli. I’ve got a job, a career, things I need to keep intact. And what do you have? Nothing. You’re a child, the only thing you have to be concerned with is your grade in my class, which you know I wouldn’t fuck up for you. We’re through.

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

Eli: [4:55 PM] Hey, you alright? You weren’t in class today. I can swing by with anything if you’re not feeling well. Just let me know.

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

Eli: [4:02 AM] Are you fucking anyone else recently?Eli: [4:02 AM] Sorry, that really isn’t my business.Eli: [4:03 AM] Don’t feel like you have to give me an answer.

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

Eli: [11:08 PM] Listen...this is going to suck to hear, I already know it. But I recently met someone and I’ve gone on a few dates with her. They went really well. I’m considering asking her out on a steady basis, which would mean this whole thing we’re doing -- it would have to stop. I think we both knew this wouldn’t be forever, anyway.

[egoldworthy]

%✉

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

Eli: [6:43 PM] Are you going to be around when I meet your dad? You don’t have to be, or anything like that. I was just wondering. It’d be nice to see you again.

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

Eli: [8:27 PM] I think the best thing about you is that you don’t realize how great you are, inside and out. Which is why it drives me crazy to see you dealing with people who don’t even care to acknowledge how amazing you are, how full of depth you can be.

[egoldworthy]

✉⁇✿ø@&%♀

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

Eli: [5:03 AM] I’ve been up for hours and for once, it’s not because I’m feeling shitty. I’ve just been thinking about you. Feels nice.

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

Eli: [9:45 PM] is god against giving blowjobs? becuase i’ve been thinking about it and i just think it’d be funEli: [9:46] fukc you’re going to get mad at me arent you

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

Eli: [4:30 PM] That bathing suit you wore to the beach today was fucking hot. I mean, it’d be even better completely off, of course. You should invest in a bathing suit that leaves less to the imagination, js

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

Eli: [12:02 AM] Is Father Baker asleep? I’m right outside your window. Live dangerously. Come out for the night with me. There’s a make out session and hand holding in it for you.

Send “@” for a SCARED text.

Eli: [3:52 PM] I only have about a month and a half left before I have to go back. Isn’t that crazy? I’m kind of dreading it.

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

Eli: [10:22 AM] I’ve never actually missed people when they weren’t around. But I haven’t seen you in a few days and it’s bothering me. I guess I miss you. Eli: [10:30 AM] I definitely do.

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

Eli: [11:58 PM] Do you think we’ll keep in touch when I leave? I could picture you being too busy at school to even have time to talk to me, ha. I dunno, I was just wondering.

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

Eli: I’ve been really bad for you, I just kind of realized that. Has anyone seriously made you ignore your morals and values as much as I have? I doubt it. I was really selfish and sometimes I just think you’d be better off without me; that your summer would have been a lot better without me. I can’t stop imagining you regretting all this a year from now--even six months from now.

[egoldworthy]

rpmememaker:

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text. Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text. Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text. Send “#” for a RANDOM text. Send “@” for a SCARED text. Send “&” for a LOVING text. Send “%” for a CURIOUS text. Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text. Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text. Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.

[egoldworthy]

[✉️] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: I know, I know. But what if there's another fluke? No, I know nothing about weed, but it's hard to believe that, I guess. What would you have done if I actually did.. take a hit/ Yeah, I'm alright. You are, too?

Eli: You're such a worry wart, Baker. I'm careful, okay? It was a bad batch, I was just really careless about who I bought from. I'm not that reckless anymore. I probably would have laughed my ass off, I would have been really surprised. Yeah, I am.

[egoldworthy]

[✉️] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Yeah, you doing drugs. I know you say that, but that's not going to stop me from worrying anyway. Yeah, I know, but it still made me really nervous, just being around it I guess. And seeing it in your hand.. I don't know. No, I'm sorry. My mind was just all over the place and I didn't think it would be fair to kiss you then. That doesn't mean I don't want to continue kissing you, though.

Eli: I told you I'm careful. That one time I ended up sick, it was a total fluke. And if I had done pot, it would have been harmless. You know that pot just gets you high, right? It doesn't fuck you up. I guess that's why you swiped it from me then, ha. I was actually thinking you might take a hit or something. Alright, fair enough. As long as we're both alright.

[egoldworthy]

[✉️] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: No, you didn't. I don't do things just because someone else wants me to do them. If I'm being honest, I really just wanted to be alone with you.. mostly because I was scared of what else was going to happen during the party. I freaked out when you were offered that joint. But once we were in the bathroom, I don't know, my mind went somewhere else -- somewhere it's never been before, and it's scary looking back on that, but it was also really, really fun. Maybe I'm not making any sense, I don't know. Just know that I'm not mad at you.

Eli: What else meaning...? Me doing drugs? There's no reason for you to be worried about that. Plus, I said I wouldn't do that shit around you. No, it makes sense. When you didn't let me kiss you, I was worrying that I really just pushed you too hard.

[egoldworthy]

[✉️] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: It wasn't that I wasn't ready to talk.. I always want to talk to you, I just didn't know what to say. Of course I'm not upset with you. There's no reason to be. You did nothing wrong, Eli.

Eli: I probably pushed you too hard. And at a party of all places. I feel like a dick for that. Like I took advantage of you somehow. I guess we just got really caught up in things, but I should have been more, like, aware. Or something. I'm not used to being with someone who has boundaries.

[egoldworthy]

a world alone || thebdesousa

[egoldworthy]

thebdesousa:

It was funny how relaxed Bianca was able to feel in a room that wasn’t hers. The concept was far from foreign to her. Even at a very early age Bianca would always feel more comfortable at places that weren’t hers. Whether it was a friends bedroom, the ravine, or some random guys apartment; It felt more comfortable than somewhere that was meant for her. The distance she occasionally put between herself and her reality is what made her feel the most safe. The way Bianca rummaged through Eli’s room, to anyone else, would seem domestic, and it was - in the most innocent sense of the word. She took the common phrase make yourself at home very literal. A small smile appeared on her face as she looked down at the Dead Hand shirt she absentmindedly threw on. “It’s the boobs.” she assured. The shirt itself held a lot of significance for Bianca. It was a shirt that sparked the only friendship that mattered to her. Although they were already acquainted they didn’t begin to bond over common interests until he came into school one day wearing the band tee. The article of clothing meant a lot more to her than Eli knew. 

Bianca was eager to see Eli’s reaction to the question she posed. Although earlier she mentioned how one of the things that made her pursue a friendship with him was the fact that he didn’t try anything with her, Bianca couldn’t help but let her mind wander into that ‘what if’ territory. His question was honest and exactly what she expected it to be, but there was one thing he said that bothered her. “How do you know I wouldn’t want to? Its not like you ever asked.” She was unsure as to why she was so offended by his assumption. Its wasn’t as if she had shown any interest in him over the years. Truth is, even though she wondered several times why the two have never hooked up she never once took a second to think of Eli in any way other than a friend. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to think of him in any way other than that. Laughing in response to his playful quip, she kept the banter going. “I don’t know, Goldsworthy. You sure the heterosexuals of the world aren’t gonna shun you after they find out you have a girl in your room almost every night who changes in front of you, and sleeps in your bed while you just sit there and do nothing about it? I’d be careful. They might take your membership away.” Bianca thought about her next response carefully, unsure of how to answer at first. Her an Eli were close like siblings, but she found it a tad creepy to think of him as a brother; Especially while exploring the current topic she laid out. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly use the word brother, especially since I just got half naked and crawled into bed with you. If our lives were some cheesy 80s movie you’d be the cute, dorky best friend with a heart of gold.” she corrected with a quiet laugh. 

The next sentence that left his lips caught Bianca off guard. The last thing she was expecting was for him to propose an experiment. Whether it was meant as a joke or not didn’t matter to the curious girl. She was willing to give it a shot and see what would come of her bold move. “Okay.” She said with a simple shrug. Without stopping to think she sat up and tucked a few curls behind her ear. Within the same second she had scooted herself closer to the boy propped up next to her, now only an inch or two away from his face. It wasn’t until her eyes met his that she stopped to take a second to realize what she was about to do. Her face lingered close to his momentarily as she felt her heart drop into her stomach. It was as if she was seeing Eli for the first time. Really seeing him. Never would she have imagined herself looking at him in the way she was now. It was all too confusing for her brain to process. “And I immediately regret this.” she admitted in a soft whisper. Moving back to her side of the bed, even further from him than she was before, Bianca kept her composure brushing off the situation as if it was nothing. “I guess that answers that question. We’re clearly destined to be platonic.” 

This topic felt so precarious, and Eli didn’t trust himself to handle it correctly. His emotions for Bianca were simply too strong to be masked in this situation where they were practically being called into question. She’d always been so oblivious even when he hinted at things. It seemed that if he didn’t make an explicitly sexual move on her--which he never would--then she wasn’t going to grasp his underlying feelings. It just wasn’t like Eli to try and make a move on a girl. Even if he knew whatever girl he was interested also held mutual affections, he’d be careful in approaching some kind of contact. Bianca might have welcomed intimacy with other guys, but between the two of them, it felt extremely off limits. Her bringing it up gave him hope. And hope was perhaps the cruelest thing to offer a person if there was none to be found. Eli wasn’t at all sure where this was headed. He had to wonder if Bianca herself knew, since she was the person who brought up the topic. “And it’s not like you ever offered.” he rebutted, smiling softly at her. He wasn’t offended that she hadn’t, but couldn’t have had any idea that she’d be interested without her saying so. Even now, he was skeptical.

Bianca disagreeing with him being seen as a brother by her would have been a relief, had it not been followed up with an equally disappointing comparison. He didn’t want to be the dorky best friend with a heart of gold. The latter part, he could be flattered by, but the dorky comment was gnawing at him. Dorky was not Bianca’s type, not by any stretch of the imagination. Her using that phrasing only solidified his impression that she wasn’t the least bit attractive to her. All the times he’d tried to dress up for her, even subtly, now felt stupid. Bianca could walk into a room wearing a paper bag and Eli would find her infinitely more attractive than another girl wearing a bikini. It was just the way he was wired, holding Bianca in higher regard than virtually anyone. Eli had been told by other girls he’d been involved with that they found him appealing. While that was flattering, it would have been more so had Bianca said it. He was realizing more and more just how pitiful his attraction to the girl really was.

When Bianca said okay, Eli was sure he’d heard her wrong. He hadn’t been joking about his offer, only playing it off as if it was said purely in jest. If she was willing, so was her. But he’d never guess that it was something she’d try out. For all the times he’d imagined them sharing a kiss, a scenario like this one hadn’t crossed his mind. His heart was thudding so violently in his chest that he was worried Bianca would be able to hear it, and then realize just how much this meant to him. With mere inches between them, Eli leaned in slowly, ready to press his lips to hers. Right before he could, Bianca was pulling back, and his heart was dropping straight into his stomach. It’d been too good to be true; he should have known it from the start. With the space she’d created between them, a thousand words Eli could have said occupied the distance, but he didn’t dare say any of them. It would only make this complicated situation that much more unbearable. “Am I really that revolting?” he asked, forcing himself to laugh. It wasn’t a joke, none of this was a joke to him. Pretending that it was made Eli sick to his stomach.

[egoldworthy]

[✉️] ⎯⎯⎯ eli.

Becky: Hi, Eli. I've typed out a billion texts to send you but nothing seemed to fit what I want to say, so maybe this is just good enough? It's been a few days since the party, and we haven't talked.. I just wanted to reach out.

Eli: I figured that when you were ready to talk, you would let me know. I just, I dunno. Are you upset with me? If you were, I'd get it.

[egoldworthy]

blucardinal:

Whether she would admit it or not, Grace enjoyed the way Eli spoke to her. He challenged her in a way that most guys didn’t even try to do so. Though she might have acted as if it wasn’t at all her style, it was quite refreshing to listen to him. “Maybe,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders and challenging him to go on. If he wanted to prove her wrong, she was more than willing to listen. Hearing that he was often rejected was almost a bit surprising to her. While someone like herself would easily be the one doing the rejecting, she imagined that normal girls would have fed off of his type – someone who was a hopeless romantic, always looking for the best in the other. Playfully placing her hand over her heart, she looked at him in shock. “So I’m not the only person to reject you?” she questioned, laughing a bit as she relaxed back in her seat once more. She looked past him as he spoke, nodding along to every word as if she had already expected him to say it. “Right. You didn’t force me, fine. I guess I figured it was time to see what you’re all about,” she admitted, looking back at him now and leaning forward, propping her chin up with her hand. “And second of all?” she questioned, narrowing her eyes as she waited for him to continue.

“Maybe it’s an unintentional thing. Like I just sense it and can’t help myself from pursuing something I don’t stand a chance at.” he said, smiling at her. “But I can’t give myself that much credit for being perceptive. Feels too smug.” Once more, he found himself rolling his eyes at her snarky comment. Every time she spit one out, Eli couldn’t help finding her all the more interesting. Not to mention endearing, though he was sure that hadn’t been her intention at all. “You’re one of about five, that I can remember. If there were others, I must not have been all that offended by it.” he shrugged, only slightly bashful at admitting this. “To be fair, one of them was already taken and I hadn’t realized it. The others, I’m guessing they just weren’t interested.” Grace’s rejection was the one he’d seen coming, and somehow, the one that hurt most. “Second of all...” he trailed off, leaning forward slightly. “You’re enjoying yourself. I can tell.”