Damaged people damaging other people. How unfair is that? It took you years to make yourself whole again, to heal and then this person comes into your life. At first, everything was fine. And then she realized that she was damaged. But why did you have to drag me into this? And now, I am back to my 3 years ago self. Back to square one. How do I start again? This feeling sucks. Every night, I think about the decisions I made. And sometimes, I wish we didn’t meet at all. I am hurt. I am broken. I am damaged. But my regrets won’t make me feel better. I actually do not have an idea how to be better. I am trying to appreciate the good things in life instead but I can’t help but include you in those good things.
Every night, I ask the universe why do I have to feel this. Why me? I haven’t done anything wrong - to you, to the universe. But still, it chose to hurt me, to break me. I don't think I've ever hurt someone so much to deserve all this pain. And at the end of the day, you only have yourself. You cry yourself to sleep until you feel better - even if it won’t make you feel better. But that’s the only choice you have. If I tell you that it hurts, would it make any difference?
And this is how I lost the ability to love and trust again.
I guess it’s time to erase you in my life - your face, your laughter, your smile, your hugs and kisses, the memories, the moments, the warmth, the words you said, the way you look at me, the way you hold my hand, the way our eyes meet, the things we laughed about, the silence we shared, you and I. And you are and will be forever a stranger to me.
