Spencer had made a few questionable decisions in his youth — namely, the decision to procure a fake ID && utilize his card counting ability to swindle strangers out of their life savings.
Now, it had been for a good cause, && he tried his best to only go after those who seemed like they wouldn't actually miss the money. He needed it to pay for his mother's treatment; at 18, when he'd had her committed, he was still working on his 2nd && 3rd PhDs, && his mother never would've forgiven him if he'd dropped out just to get whatever job he could find that would pay enough to care for her. Counting cards meant he could make as much as he needed in the abundant casinos of his home city, but he had to be 21 to do it.
It was a good thing he at least looked like he could believably be in his 20s, if only barely.
For 2 years, he was able to gamble on his breaks from CalTech often enough to keep his mother in a facility, && to do so without incident ( other than being tossed out on the street when whoever was in charge eventually figured out what he was doing. ) He'd hop from casino to casino, && when one would ban him, there were plenty enough close by to add to his list instead.
Until he was utterly charmed by a cop, of all people.
He hadn't known David was a cop, not until after he'd slept with him. Before then, he was just another casino patron Spencer happened to hit it off with. There was an immediate spark between them; David was handsome, nice, clearly liked to listen to Spencer. All of David's attention was on him, && Spencer couldn't lie, it felt incredibly nice, even if it was distracting. He'd quickly abandoned the gambling in favor of just talking with David, && that turned into something Spencer had never done before — he left with David.
It had felt like something was finally going right in his life — up until they were laid up together after, && David mentioned offhandedly that he was celebrating his graduation from the police academy. He'd met a cop while he was gambling with a fake ID.
He hadn't wanted to run, but he didn't have a choice; sure, he could convince himself that David probably didn't have the jurisdiction to arrest him, or that David would understand why he was doing it && let Spencer off the hook — but he couldn't take that chance. Not when his mother needed him.
So as soon as David fell asleep, Spencer fled. He didn't want to — he wished so desperately that things could be different, that he could stick around or at least leave David some way to contact him — but he had no choice. It wasn't a risk he could take.
He never stopped thinking about David. Maybe in another life, they could've been something.
Or maybe they still could, in this one.
The very moment Spencer had stepped into a police present years later as an FBI agent && locked eyes with David, time seemed to stop very briefly. First of all, he was infinitely more attractive than he had been years ago, && even back then, he had been one of the most attractive men Spencer had ever seen; now, he was older, rougher around the edges with a build that threatened to bust the seams of the button down he was wearing, && tattoos across his knuckles && on the side of his neck. Second of all, Spencer had never expected to see him again.
He's pulled back down to earth by Derek Morgan nudging him, asking if he's okay, do you know that guy or somethin'?? Right, their past doesn't matter, because he's here to do a job, && there are children that are counting on him to do it. He shrugs off Derek's question && hurries to go look through the evidence && files the precinct had prepared for them; now wasn't the time for reminiscing && wondering if he could try again.
David probably hated him for vanishing, anyway.
&& yet, the more they worked alongside David && the rest of the police department, Spencer couldn't stop himself from stealing furtive glances over at the detective. The years really had been kind to him, at least in some way; he could tell he wasn't the bright-eyed && bushy-tailed, freshly-graduated soon-to-be cop he had been back then. The job had gotten to him, as it got to everybody. But Spencer couldn't say he was exactly unappreciative of what the years had done to change David physically.
Spencer caught himself staring many times; he could tell the team had seen it, too, the way they all exchanged glances any time one of them had to clear their throat to get his attention. &&, eventually, David himself caught him; Spencer looked away as quickly as he could, feeling heat begin to curl around the tips of his ears. He'd tried harder to focus, after that, but occasionally still caught himself glancing in David's direction when he thought no one was looking. It was hard not to imagine how different things could've been if he had stayed.
Then the case is solved, && Spencer is as happy as he always is to provide closure, to get kids back home to their families. But as he's packing up his things, preparing to head back to his hotel && then onto the jet back home the next morning, he can't help but feel a bit melancholic; it had been nice, to see David again, to work alongside him. He could say something — he should say something, test the waters && see if there's still something there between them — but what if David hated him for disappearing like that??
He doesn't get long to ponder that train of thought, not even long enough to begin spiraling until he was too anxious to do anything more than hurry out of the front doors, because David approaches him first. A mix of unbridled hope && nearly overwhelming anxiety clash inside of him almost immediately; he wants so badly for this to be the second chance he'd never truly let himself hope for, that he was being given a chance to explain himself && at least let David know that he had really && truly liked him && just been young && terrified of the consequences at the time, but he's also terrified of screwing up his second chance && ending up alone.
Of course, he voices none of this. His hands shake && his stomach twists from the nerves, but even before David said please, Spencer was always going to say yes. Even if it goes terribly, at least he can say he tried. ❛❛ Yeah, of course, we — we can talk. ❜❜ He tries not to sound as nervous as he feels; he's not sure if he's successful.
He makes his way to the empty office David had gestured to, stepping inside first && turning to wait for David to close the door && turn to face him. Spencer fiddles with his fingers as he waits — a nervous habit, one he's had for years. His gaze flits around the room, too, && his teeth worry his bottom lip. There's a part of him that's bracing for this to go completely sideways, for any possibility of them perhaps rekindling what they'd started all those years ago to crash && burn completely, if only because very little ever seems to go right in Spencer's life.
Once David turns to him, the anxiety gets to him && Spencer can't stop himself from blurting out, ❛❛ I'm sorry. For…For disappearing like that. ❜❜ He forces himself to find David's gaze && hold it, so he can watch his facial expressions && discern what he can from them. He needs to know if he's screwing this up or not. ❛❛ You didn't deserve that. ❜❜
