Love, Expectations, The Loss of a Friend
Everyone talks about breakups. The pain, the recovery, the PTSD of it all. No one talks about the end of a friendship. The bittersweet moment you grow apart... you grow into people you don’t recognize. I’ve lost a friend.
I’ve lost a friend even though I fought to save the friendship. I’ve lost a friend despite telling them about the growing rift. I lost a friendship despite all of the care and support I provided over the years. I never think people will do things like that... and every time it happens, I get hurt
They don’t care that I miss them, our humor, our hangs... they don’t care that I relied on talking to them every day. They’ve found a significant other and no longer have space for other people in their life... I never thought I was so replaceable or unimportant.
Talking everyday went to talking every other “Don’t worry, nothings changing.” Now we talk maybe once a week. I know it’s my expectations that hurt me, not the other persons actions. I know I’m responsible for how I responed.. but it kills me that I can’t do anything about it. It kills me that everytime I scream don’t go... a person leaves.
In a perfect world.. friendship wouldn’t ebb and flow. This isn’t a perfect world though, so I have to accept it. I have to accept the pain that comes from being a very sensitive person. I’m just dissapointed
I thought this person’s character was strong. I though they did the right thing.. but looking back I don’t think that’s the case. I think they kept me around as emotional support and a stand in girlfriend. They didn’t support my engagement... or try to interact with my partner past using them to get rid of a mutual person we don’t like. The way he’s treated me, my partner, and my friends has made me sad.. if I were normal I could write it off and not get hurt....
With my emotional-ness, sensitive side, and abandonment issues it’s so hard to let go of.. but talking to them did nothing.. they didn’t care... and that’s what hurts. They don’t give a shit that the friendship is over. They don’t give a shit that I’m hurt... rather then talk about the change they want to let it be... so I guess they just don’t like me. They just don’t care.. .and I’m hurting my own feelings.