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Speech I gave at M.E.C.C.A in Willowbrook on April 18th. Here I introduce the concept of implicit conditioning and ask the question: to what degree are ideas we take as absolutes actually driven by either conscious/sub-conscious conditioning.
For those interested in the Harvard Implicit Association test I mention, you can get more information (and take a test if you want) here.
What hospice calls 'the five things of relationship completion' - saying 'I forgive you'; 'forgive me'; 'thank you'; and 'goodbye'
From the book Dying Well by Ira Byock.
Heard an interview of Dr Byock on NPR's On Being that prompted me to get the book. He has specialized in caring for the dying and this book has very moving stories of people in those last days.
When asked for comment, everyone in New York City said “why are you talking to me?”
There Are Three Americas Hiding Inside Our Country—Which Do You Live In?
Was surprised how dark Illinois was on the creativity scale.
If you take risks and face your fate with dignity, there is nothing you can do that makes you small; if you don’t take risks, there is nothing you can do that makes you grand, nothing. And when you take risks, insults by half-men (small men, those who don’t risk anything) are similar to barks by nonhuman animals: you can’t feel insulted by a dog
Nassim Taleb, in his book Antifragile, describing the meaning of the Arabic word “shahama”, a word best translated as a sense of grandeur that supersedes humility.
Friday speech I gave on July 11th at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook.
At the onset of a newly born Ramadan, having a clear understanding of the goal of the month of fasting is of the utmost importance.
While many know that the goal is taqwa, how do we move from the concept to its real practice? Some not so obvious examples of taqwa in practice are given for young and old listeners alike.
On Friday May 10th I gave a khutbah at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook.
The common refrain of "Islam must be separated from the actions of Muslims" rang hollow for me after the Boston attacks. In this speech I discuss the responsibility of the Muslim community to self assess. In particular, I introduce the concept of "cognitive framing" and how our discourse in Islam must take into consideration how certain narratives can contribute to world views that can lead a young person to be vulnerable to radical messages.
Special thanks to Jalees Rehmen's The Folly of Perpetual Victimhood and Mohammad Fadel's Islam: Theory and Practice for providing inspiration for this talk.
The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.
Author George Eliot in his novel Middlemarch, commenting on the the overwhelming majority of "average" people living "average" lives.
Families rise to the occasion of various difficulties, struggle to love across those divides, and find in almost any challenge a message of hope and an occasion for growth or wisdom. In some instances schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders may be put into this service. Nonetheless, schizophrenia may be in a class by itself for unrewarding trauma. The rich culture of Deafness, the LPA-centered empowerment of dwarfism, the extreme sweetness of many Down syndrome children, the self-actualization of the autism rights brigade— none of this is really present in the world of schizophrenia, Mad Pride notwithstanding. We may hesitate to cure some problematic illnesses because they are also rich identities, but schizophrenia cries out almost unconditionally for treatment. The remarkable parents I met during this research would be better off, as would their children, if schizophrenia didn’t exist. To me, their suffering seemed unending, and singularly fruitless.
Solomon, Andrew (2012-11-13). Far From the Tree (p. 353). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
My response to all the Rick Warren haters who gloated over the suicide of his son with mental illness. Yes as the article says, it does take a "special kind of terrible to be a jerk over a father losing his son".
In Islam, a person with severe mental illness goes straight to heaven.
That is my prayer for Matthew Warren.
Every family member of a person with schizophrenia whom I met was scared by these genetic vagaries. One man told me that his girlfriend had refused to marry him because his schizophrenic brother represented a risk to his future children.
Solomon, Andrew (2012-11-13). Far From the Tree (p. 307). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
After reading this passage in the schizophrenia chapter, I couldn't help but think about what courtship and marriage will be like for my children's generation. No doubt the science of genetics will continue to advance. Will the norm be when my kids are ready for marriage for couples to go through genetic testing to establish a risk profile for what their future children could potentially be exposed to?
Something about a world like this doesn't settle right with me. Where would we draw the line on the factors to test? How about the ethical pandora's box opened when we begin to quantify the "undesirable" outcomes in our genetic makeup? Does my daughter, a cancer survivor, become shut out of marriage because she is "high risk"?
A little over a month ago a friend had related to me his experience with dealing with the terminal disease and passing of his daughter. On the day of her funeral, some extolled him to have patience, a fact that to this day frustrates him.
In this talk I use my friend's story and the story of a family dealing with a child with down syndrome to address the concept of sabr (patience) and differentiate it from the concept of rida (contentment).
But When is the Finish Line?
It has been almost two weeks since I shared the news on the setback with Sereen. Many reached out both online and off to express their heartfelt support and prayers after reading the post. A subset also thanked me for taking the time to write and share, reminding me that the writing creates a vehicle for them to channel this support throughout our journey.
After having gone public with the news though I've sensed a certain level of trepidation emanating from people when they see me for the first time. Something about the look in their eyes, the way they say how are you with an awkward pause, that tells me that having described my feelings in that blog post with nothing more than a solitary, emphatic and in hindsight rather over simplistic "devastating" had most likely caused this.
Where I am now from when I was nothing more than devastated has changed. Time always has a funny of way of doing that.
When you get the news, you are in shock, your world turned upside down. The world spinning out of control, literally overnight. But because you are a parent, you have no choice but to channel much of your energy in the immediate need of taking care of your child. You work yourself into a frenzy researching both the disease and the best doctor/hospital to go to. You adjust the daily routine at home - the new medicine, the new diet.
Your running a sprint.
Now I realize what we are actually running is a marathon. The race has started but nobody can tell you how long the marathon is. The experts tell you that the marathon will get progressively harder. They tell you the biggest challenge will be right before the finish line. But they also tell you that once you overcome the dangers of that final challenge, fortunate to make it to the finish line, there is hope.
So you pace yourself as best you can. Rationalize to yourself how you must focus on the moment not the future. Try and suppress that swelling of emotion that happens at least once a day when you look at her in all her four year old innocence.
You have no choice but to run the marathon.
Heaven's Falling by Amir Sulaiman
This song has become "the song" for me. I was listening to it a week ago on the treadmill, the first time I had gone to workout since the stay in the hospital with Sereen.
It was a 30 minute workout in all and as it progressed I could sense the foundation of the emotional wall shaking. Then this song played and the wall crumbled.
I'm letting go, because I trust You
I'm letting go, its what I must do
I'm letting go of letting go because I love You
Setback
In late December, we took Sereen in for her 18 month post-chemo checkup at the cancer clinic. Blood and urine tests, chest x-ray, and ultrasound of her one remaining kidney. All with a laser focus by the caregivers on finding any traces of the cancer.
First the good news. No cancer.
Then the bad news. Sereen has had a persistent low level of protein in her blood that the oncologists felt required us to see a kidney specialist, a nephrologist. To make a long story short, 4 weeks later, we had to admit Sereen to the hospital to deal with acute swelling, the effect of fluid having built up in her tissues due to the lack of protein. A kidney biopsy ensued on her one remaining kidney.
The results show definite early stage kidney disease. Moreover, there is a very high likelihood that the issue with this kidney, although not cancer, is caused by the same underlying condition that brought on the tumor over two years ago and thus may very well be resistant to any medicines. Does it mean we are on the road to needing to transplant the one kidney she still has? Very possible.
Devastating.
It took coaxing from my wife Asma to blog about this. Yes I had found chronicling our journey with her cancer two years ago therapeutic. Yes it helped to keep people up to date in a way that lowered the burden of us having to explain repeatedly. So compelling, the idea that one day when she is old enough to be able to read about what we went through.
Now though, it feels different. Pain, fatigue, a loss for words? All of the above? None of the above? Something else, something deeper?
Or maybe I should stop asking, stop thinking about it, and let it play itself out.
The Sereen Foundation delivers a new Wow Project to Hospital 57357 in Egypt. Colorful blankets and stuffed animals for the kids.
Last week I asked a Shaykh on what he would advise in terms of special prayers or invocations I should do to deal with the recent health problems of my little Sereen. His answer was immediate and without hesitation:
"Give charity in her name - charity is the shield"
We created the Sereen Foundation last year after Sereen's successful battle with her cancer. Now that she faces another challenge, I pray that all the efforts of the Foundation be a shield for her.
So if you ask me "what can I do to help you in these trying times" - my answer is give charity, no matter how small (even a smile is charity) and do so with Sereen in mind.
For all the value we put on plans and pursuits, what makes us who we are is often what we do with life's surprises. Temptations don't always point to what we really want, but often hint towards who we are trying to become. Maturity is not the ability to pursue or suppress them. It is the ability to take them seriously without always taking them literally.
Getting Stuck May Help You Grow by Gianpiero Petrigliero So appropriate to read this at a time when I am dealing with one of those life surprises. I write this as I sit with my 4 year old daughter sleeping in my arms in a hospital room we have been in since last Friday. Waiting for the results of a biopsy on her left kidney, praying for the best.
To build a starship, you first have to build a future that converts fiction into fact, and that takes a lot more than rocket science. The task isn’t figuring out right now how to design a starship; it’s continuing to build the civilization that will one day build a starship.
From a National Geographic article on space exploration. Advice for any vision, dream we have. Build it one step at a time.
Speech I gave at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook Illinois on January 11th 2013 titled "Empathy (Or the Lack Thereof)".
The topic covers the true meaning of ukhuwa or brotherhood and how in the Quran there are several types of brotherhood presented including the brotherhood of the tribe/nation. The question is then posed on why Muslims have fallen short in their attempts of acceptance in the greater American society and how one cause of this short fall is the lack of a true feeling of empathy and fraternity with their neighbors.
Had a couple of people tell me this was the best khutbah they have heard me give - I am not so sure about that. Either way appreciate the feedback.
