I’m laughing so damn hard right now.

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@ein-schein-sein
I’m laughing so damn hard right now.
my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe
We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.
First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths,“ I snapped. ”Get on Asda’s website right now.“ His face froze.
“A-Asda?” he whispered. “But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.”
This was a good start.
We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast,” he said.
“Toast,“ I said. ”Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—”
“Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.”
“You WHAT?“ I choked. ”You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?”
He frowned. “Who doesn’t?”
“Okay,“ I said, ”but what will the children eat?”
He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?”
We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes,“ he agreed; ”if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.”
He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh,“ I said. ”Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.”
“But I’m not.”
“Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—”
“We’re married!?”
“Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?”
He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.”
We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay,“ he said, clearly thinking hard; ”for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?”
“Vegetarian.”
“Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.”
“We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.”
“You and your children!“ he yelled, and the whole class looked around.
“They’re your children too!” I screamed back.
He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!”
“Please,“ I cried, standing up also. ”Don’t—”
“I want a divorce!”
And he walked out of the classroom.
The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry,“ I whispered, ”but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.”
I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.
READ THE WHOLE THING
I AM DYING
““A-Asda?” he whispered. “But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.”” As lower-middle class guy this is true perfection and accuracy
Wenn das beste zum Schluss kommt, ist es doch okay am Ende zu sein
K.I.Z. (via jedentag16bars)
found this in a doctors office
im not convinced they know what drugs do
this is literally just a list of stuff i do when im high
NSFW because you’re not allowed to cry at work.
MY SOUL
critical hit in my feels
JESUS CHRIST YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME WHEN I’M PMSING.
Holy crAp I’m crying
my heart
I TRIED TO SCROLL PAST.
I REALLY DID.
THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD, YOU CAN’T NOT REBLOG THIS…
I fucking love otters so damn much.
“I got this tattoo a couple days before my wedding. My boyfriend, at the time, wrote me a hand-written note on our anniversary that said ‘You have my heart.’. The first time he ever saw this tattoo was when I met him at the alter. The look on his face will never leave my mind.”
NO ONE TAKE THAT CAPTION OFF^^its so cute!
may be the most confusing picture I have ever seen.
I wonder whose arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved.
this becomes almost deeper when you think of non-romantic loves too (via bl-ossomed)
Because the first time I got raped, my boyfriend broke up with me because I had “cheated” on him. Because the word “rape” is considered a joke. Because over 70% of women let their partners fuck them when they don’t want it. Because 17% of American women have been the victim of sexual assault at some point in their lives. Because only 39% of rapists get reported to the police, and only 3% of them go to jail. Because about 13% of the rape victims commit suicide. Because the first time I got raped, he put a knife to my throat and told me he would kill me if I said I didn’t want it. Because when I wanted to report him, people told me I couldn’t because I hadn’t said “no” to him. Because at least half of all babies born to minor women are fathered by adult men. (10+ years age difference) Because I can’t wear a skirt without being told “I’m asking for it.” Because when I went to a party when I was 14 and I wore a skirt and a guy kept touching my ass all night, my mother told me it shouldn’t have happened if I wore sweatpants. Because a 16 year old girl who had her first orgasm while getting raped, had to watch her 34 (!) year old rapist go free because she had had an orgasm. Because when my guy friend told me and some friends he got raped by a women when he was 12, a “friend” laughed at him and said he should be happy he got laid that young. Because my 17 year old best friend’s parents let her 14 year old brother walk outside until 12pm, but she has to be home at 10. Because a guy from my old school got raped by another guy, but because he is gay, they said it wasn’t considered rape. Because a 19 year old lesbian got raped by a guy, and he didn’t go to prison because he said “he only tried to turn her straight so she would get accepted by her parents” Because in some cultures, girls (and boys) still get thrown out of the family because some guy/girl sexually assaulted them. Because they’re still teaching girls to walk faster at night instead of teaching guys they shouldn’t rape. Because I have to explain why rape makes me angry.
(via stay-ocean-minded)
why he lick me
text posts are like children you delete the ones that dont succeed
Leider gab es kein Happy End in diesem Drama, alles kommt zurück auf dieser Welt, Engel, Karma.
(via flyingbesideyou)