Elda Calrissian

Multi-hyphenate artist, musician, shapeshifter and politics nerd. Artistically NSFW. 18+. Unavailable. 🚫AI. She/Her. linktr.ee/EldaCalrissian

[gothredy]

[eldacalrissian]

Just because

[bebs-art-gallery]

Two Women Kissing in Nature (b. 1859)

— by Georges Rochegrosse

[escuerzoresucitado]

[eldacalrissian]

(Excerpts from) Swan (lyrics, 2023)

I eat the toxin

No reason to know

The secrets have fallen

They're somber but grow

Foolish answers

Feeding the soul

Danger in writing

A bleeding of tone

Blind eyes

Whilst I'm determining

The reasons to give trust

Blind eyes

Lest I've run into

A reason to collide

Silence overflowing bitter

Turn the page

And I will say

The words that you deny

A mindless sage

A silted phrase

A loss of all divine

Yet I am holding still

I eat the toxin

Confused and forlorne

Danger in riding

A sheep in wolf's clothes

Yearning or fighting

A curse and a toll

Stains still so vibrant

My ears have grown cold

Blind eyes

Whilst I'm determining

The reasons to give trust

Blind eyes

Lest I've run into

A reason to collide

[shawtyinblack]

*day dreams about you* *night dreams about you* *afternoon dreams about you* *evening dreams about you*

[eldacalrissian]

I miss living with music freaks. People who would sit with me for hours with headphones listening to something new and interesting. Laying on the floor in front of nice speakers and listening to a song on repeat to savor every detail. I mean really listening too, not just playing music in the background while having a conversation. Maybe I would write more music if I had more active musicians in my life.

[eldacalrissian]

I don't think I'm ready for the heat of the summer

[eldacalrissian]

Can't sleep.

The romance novel in my mind is unceasing.

I feel a pull I have not felt in a long time.

I line up distractions to visit on various days.

I kiss their lips with the shape of your name held in my tongue.

Like a weak dose of acetaminophen, I feel little relief.

My fever is resistant to all available treatment.

A soft voice whispers between my ears that it is only a matter of time.

I hear your name more as the days go on.

I write what the voice says and put it in a place you will see it, but my own fear and self preservation force me to take it down.

Even this, I fear, may be too much.

Yet here I am, sleepless and wrapped by the sparkling shade of you.

[deadlydelicious]

people saying "we know Claudia is the only one who told the truth because she wrote it down"

NO SHE ISN'T

THAT IS THE POINT OF THE STORY

'The odyssey of memory' is the point. We are seeing a broken family from 3 different sides but the reality is ALL of those sides are just subjective recollections. they are true to each individual, but none of them can ever possibly be 'the truth'. They lie to Daniel/the audience to make a better story, they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better, but they also just fundamentally misremember things because time and pain warp memory. We saw this over and over again with Louis in season 1 and 2. MEMORY IS NOT OBJECTIVE REALITY, THAT'S THE POINT OF THE STORY - you can retread the past as much as you like but memories are unreliable and if you base your understanding of events of your memories alone then you are remembering a lie.

Claudia is not 'the only one who we know told the truth' because of her diaries. her diaries are the angry subjective thoughts of a singular persons perspective. AND WE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALL TRUE. In her diaries she talks about not being able to dream anymore, which emotionally tortures Louis, until he remembers that he saw her dreaming. The things she writes about Louis, Lestat and Armand are all coloured by her varying levels of affection and disdain for them.

When she remembers Charlie burning, she remembers it as a moment of Lestat taking pleasure in her suffering, fighting to force her to watch, lording his control over her, BECAUSE THAT IS HOW SHE FELT. When Lestat remembers it he sees it as a moment where he was cruel to her yes, but they both stood in mute still horror, her holding his wrist as though its some sort of horrific bonding moment, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW HE FELT.

neither version is true. neither version is untrue. both versions are how that night existed to the two of them. The point is not whose version is right or wrong. the point is no matter what actually happened that event caused a festering wound, and now that Claudia is dead it's one that Lestat can never hope to heal. He failed as a parent, and he has to live with that, forever.

[eldacalrissian]

This is a huge reason that I love the story. When I look back at traumatic conflicts I've had with people, I think of how often versions of reality misalign. People tell themselves whatever story makes them the most comfortable, even when they are absolutely in the wrong. Or they tell themselves the story that requires they take the most responsibility because it gives them a sense of control.

I very much believe that everyone is capable of harm. Everyone can and probably will be the villain in someone else's story. People will torture themselves for years over individuals they never get over. People will behave as if the ones they once loved are going to be the only ones they can and will ever love. People will haunt themselves and make ghosts out of people they had to go no contact with. People will carry their own cages around with them.

When Lestat talks about loneliness, that's not a big mythical idea. It's an experience that many traumatized people are familiar with. The concept of being abandoned or harmed by family is a story held by almost every queer person I've ever met. Many queer people carry the shame of destroying the family they built on their own in a whirlwind of trauma and maladaptive habits. I've known an Armand and a Louis. I've known a Claudia, a Madeleine and a Daniel. Most of all, as a musician, writer and attention seeker, I see myself in Lestat. Not in every aspect, of course, but there are shades I think everyone can empathize with at some level. That's why the story is so powerful.

[kyra45]

Guide to common scam comments + messages:

“I need to to tell u something important pls DM” - accidentally reported you scam

“Someone impersonated you and I reported you by accident” - accidentally reported you scam

“You sent me free tumblr premium link but it scammed me” - accidentally reported you scam

“You stole money from me so my friends reported you” - accidentally reported you scam

“I saw your post about looking for artists to commission. I do commissions and would love to illustrate your idea.” - commissioner scam

“I read your fic and was inspired by a certain scene. I’d love to draw it for you as a commission just let me know your budget.” - commissioner scam

“(Ai generated summary of a fic) and I’d love to draw dm me on discord pls.” - commissioner scam

“Your account has been put into lurker mode” - verification scam

“Creator funding has been paused.” - verification scam

“Pls kindly go to this link to verify.” - verification scam

“Insulin is $300 nt asking for a windfall” - donation scam

“Need medicine to prevent lungs collapsing.” - donation scam

“Nose freezes and asthma” - donation scam

“DM me if commission open.” - Commission scam

“I’d love to purchase this artwork as an nft” - nft scam

[eldacalrissian]

People keep trying these on me so I just mess with them to see if they'll get mad or reveal anything incriminating

[eldacalrissian]

The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn’t a Guy at All aka The Green Manga has an animated adaptation coming out and the theme song is Breed by Nirvana. At first I didn't think much of it but then I saw this.

“I think that Kurt definitely would’ve loved this... It seems like the same message, aesthetic, and the vibe — it’s cool.” Dave's got his issues but at least he's a real ally.

[eldacalrissian]

Sometimes I write incredibly passionate things. Later I realize how risky it is to be a passionate person, so I hide the things I write. I can't tell if that's anyone's loss besides mine. Either way, I close the floodgates in the morning. The mess it makes will dry in the sun.

[eldacalrissian]

You know what? Fuck it. Thirst traps. Take them and run.

[eldacalrissian]

This is the best and I am going to try to tattoo it to my mind.

[faustique]

why text when you can send a telepathic wave of yearning

[eldacalrissian]

I hope you can feel it

[titsay]