@sprucewoodmpreg 's roadtrip au has infected me in the brain and i couldn’t stop thinking about it, and i have a concoction of headcanons here that’s also based off of someone's 3rd life high school au, specifically, the part about bdubs’ crappy, crappy car. //
● scar and grian are, you know, chilling, nowhere to go because mumbo took his car and then just yeeted. they are chilling in the middle of a cornfield in iowa. it’s super.
● so they’re just walking aimlessly around, and decide to hitchhike, or rather, scar enthusiastically suggests hitchhiking, and grian, who is pretty sure they’ll get picked up by an axe-murderer but can’t muster enough energy to care at this point, goes along with it
● cars drive by. more cars. even more.
● it is now the afternoon. they’ve been standing outside for at least two hours.
● finally, a car drives by, and it’s shitty, and terrible in all the ways, and grian hopes it doessn’t stop for them— it stops for them. grian is pissed, but too tired to care (a running theme, honestly) and wow, the car is even shittier up close, amazing, fantastic
● a guy pokes his head out the driver’s seat, and that grin is definitely that of an axe-murderer, and he’s just like “hop on in!” and scar is Very Enthusiastic and babbling
on and on about the really beautiful and handsome car that this man has, and grian tries to get in and the door handle just— removes. when he tries to open the car, and so the driver has to crawl into the back seat and kick it open from the inside, and scar is still smiling, for some reason.
● the seatbelts are stuck. of course they are. the ceiling is so low that even grian has to stoop down, and the man ahead of them is cheerfully babbling on, and his name is apparently bdoubleo (BOO, grian thinks, and that is certainly a psychopathic murderer name) but his friends call him bdubs. bdoubleo does not offer them to call him bdubs.
● the car is very crappy. this cannot be emphasized enough. grian is pretty sure at least two children have been conceived in this car.
● the car also has a name. the car’s name is lulu.
● it does not help that bdubs (grian decides to call him bdubs anyway just to spite the man) is a terrible driver. absolutely awful. and not in a “haha he hit the curb twice and gets honked at a lot” way. awful as in “this man is swerving over the median strip and running the traffic light when it’s red and honks at everyone and is laughing maniacally and grian is pretty sure they’re all dead by now”
● they stop in the middle of the road and scar scream like he’s being murdered, which is odd, because again, they’re all probably dead already
● it turns out that the thing scar was screaming at was the farm on the side of the road, and more specifically, the llama inside the farm behind a barbed wire fence, chewing something that looks suspiciously like feathers.
● scar, apparently, has a thing for llamas, because, as he excitedly explains while he gets out of the car in the middle of the street with a line of traffic behind them, while grian follows to keep scar from getting run over (although he would be deserved it) as a child, scar had lived in a farm. that had llamas. more specifically, a llama he loved very much and called pizza, before it died tragically because a travelling renaissance fair with an archery act had accidentally shot it.
● grian doesn’t want to unpack any of that, but thinks it’s fine if scar just pets the llama and coos over it for a while. what’s the harm?
● there is harm. a lot of harm. so much harm, an unnecessary amount of harm because scar now loves the llama and decides to take it with them and now they are in bdubs’ shitty car with a llama now named Pepperoni Pizza sticking its head out of the window, and a police car chasing after them, and bdubs is having the time of his life and mentions that he had a friend with a cat named Pineapple Pizza, and grian does not know what is happening right now.
// sorry if this makes no sense, i wrote this in a blur.
you didn’t see me heavily imply that renchanting was a traveling renaissance fair and etho was definitely once a part of it, no you didn’t.
jbbartram-illu
dededos
2087
blakekathryn
origamiaround
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
discoholicmusic
