Election Tips (Australian Edition)

Why should politicians have all the fun? Fun ways to lighten the mood of Australian elections.

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… stay glued to the TV on election night, to see if you can spot your vote being counted in the election coverage.

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… the “Australian Democracy Drinking Game”: take a bottle of hooch with you when you go to vote, and enjoy a swig every time a volunteer approaches you with a how-to-vote card or to sell you on their candidate — or tripple-swig if an actual candidate speaks to you. The aim of the game is to make it to the voting booth before passing out.

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… if you want to have a genuine democracy sausage be sure it has the bovine mandate.

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… voting below the line may reduce your life expectancy, but for every vote above the line a cute puppy drops dead.

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… to improve elections, use the over-the-counter drug “Liagra”, which is specifically designed to overcome electile disfunction.

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… it’s no good demanding change at the ballot box… they don’t keep the cash there.

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… if you cannot make a rational choice at the ballot box, use irrational numbers to indicate your preferences, e.g. π, e, √2, etc.

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… if you don’t like any of the candidates on the ballot paper, return it and ask them to reshuffle the ballot pile and give you a new one from the top.

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… take a stand this election… I recommend a book stand since it’s easier to carry into the voting booth than a conference stand or a fast food stand.

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… A.I. has proven it can drive cars more safely than humans, maybe we should let it vote for us as well.

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… a donkey vote may not be wise, but taking a donkey with you when you vote would certainly make it more legitimate.

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… spread a little election cheer and stuff your postal ballot envelope with glitter.

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… your vote will be more democratic if you write your preferences using Ancient Greek numerals: Α, Β, Γ, Δ, etc.

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… vote 1 because we don’t want it to be lonely.

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… if you find yourself agreeing with a candidate, you should seek medical attention.

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… let fate decide your vote. Take a mini roulette wheel with you to vote, and have a spin to determine each preference.

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… don’t waste your vote. Eat it all up.