only golden plated.

[electricxdreams-blog1]

nothing to lose except my life  and I don't give a fuck about that so you do the math how many fucks you got tonight? 

[electricxdreams-blog1]

[continued // @hautemistakes // soundtrack.]

Cecilia hated to see what he had been going through. The press had not exactly been gentle in their takedown, and though she did try her best to avoid it, she couldn’t suppress the urge to check up on him regardless of source credibility. His parents didn’t know any more than she did and a call to Adrian would hardly earn her more than a prompt dial tone – what other option did she have? A late evening or two of consuming far too much tabloid drivel had driven her to his doorstep. Despite swearing to cut herself off from him entirely, Cecilia hadn’t been able to resist to urge to make sure he was okay.

Although she had known it would be asked, his question still caught her off guard. Looking at him, she was asking herself the same thing; what was she doing here? “I just…” She trailed, pausing as his fingers wound through her hair. “… I um, I thought…” Did it even matter? He wasn’t listening anyway, and the smile that accompanies the huff of a laugh from his lips as he zoned out on her hair frustrated her in a way she couldn’t fully explain. She hadn’t ever subjected herself to the state he was currently in, but it didn’t take experience to spot the fact that he was clearly tripping out on something.

Promptly interrupting her thoughts, Cecilia was more surprised than anything by the suddenness of his kiss, but an underlying blossom of frustration remained even as he stole her breath. She was mad at him for the way he worked so tirelessly to tug her down when all she had been trying to do was to help keep him afloat. His hands were desperate, the grasp of his fingers entangling in the hair at the back of her neck rough in a way she wasn’t sure he had intended, a needy eagerness that had her swearing she could feel the metaphorical water creeping up her legs as his struggle sought to pull her under right along with him.

“Stop.”  She breathed far too quietly against his lips, an attempt to side with her better judgement severely impaired by the intoxication of his touch. “Julian…no.” The murmured request falling on deaf ears was all it took to reignite the fire in the pit of her stomach and she raised her hands between them, giving his chest a shove with firm palms. “Julian, no!”

As soon as they were disentangled, Cecilia stepped back, arms encircling herself in a reminder to keep her hands to herself despite how much she wanted to reach out. She couldn’t handle that – it took him seconds to start edging through the weak spots in her foundation, knowing exactly which bricks to pull to make the whole thing collapse in on itself. One of them had to be strong, and as per usual, it had to be her. This was the best thing for both of them… and if not both of them, then for her, and that mattered too, despite what the kind of fans who ‘loved’ him so much they wrote lengthy think pieces about the explicit selfishness of her personal decisions might say.

“Who are you?” She asked, brows knitted in a disparaged mixture of anger and sadness. She loved him, of course she did, but that was the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t himself anymore, not when he was like this - which he was far more often than not. Dropping her eyes, unable to look at him and say what she needed to say, Cecilia took a moment to swallow the lump in her throat before she shook her head softly.  “I’m sorry I came.”

She didn’t have the energy to fight him, nor the desire to do so. Nothing had changed – why would it? Julian had made his decision painfully clear, and she would not take a backseat to the acute prioritization of drugs. He said he loved her, but clearly not as much as he loved whatever had him looking at her like the shimmer of mist from a garden hose as it caught the light, squinting to see if the rainbow colors were really there or just a trick of the imagination. Despite the fact that she had considered her available supply of tears to have been fully tapped out, the searing sensation glazing over her eyes prompted her to straighten out and move to pass him. “Excuse me.” She mumbled far too cordially as her shoulder nudged his – if she had to cry, he didn’t get to see her do it.

[electricxdreams-blog1]

[continued // @hautemistakes]

Although Clay looked beyond ready knock his teeth out for doing so, there wasn’t a moment of hesitation before he opted to argue in response. “She wouldn’t get so upset if she’d just listen to me.” Jesse cut in, his own irritation bubbling at the other’s defensive posture. It was understandable that Serena’s brothers would have taken her side in all this mess – why wouldn’t they? – but he had been told on more than one occasion that he had a ‘sensitive soul.’ It really hurt him that they could go from welcoming him into their inner circle (not without the underlying ‘protective big brother’ shtick, of course) to this; squaring shoulders on the sidewalk out front, projecting threats and pulling up the figurative drawbridge. He was a man – could he not understand Jesse’s plight at all?

He hesitated at the question, taking a moment to run his tongue along his teeth in contemplation. What would it take to get the message? “I wanna talk.” Jesse concluded, a firm nod attempting to push away the uncertainty in his tone. “To her… not you.” He clarified. Maybe he’d get his ass beat, but it’d be worth it, right? “Five minutes, Clay.” Despite his attempts to hold up the front of a tough negotiator, his voice took a pleading edge that softened the forced hardness in his eyes. “That’s it, that’s all I want. Just a tiny little chance to make her understand.” Although he managed to relatively keep his cool, internally he had all but fallen to his knees and clasped his hands together in desperation. “Five minutes,” He reiterated, “She doesn’t even have to leave the porch.”  And to think this was his sober bid for her attention.

[electricxdreams-blog1]

“What is my part in all this?”

“You tell me.” Jacob returned, eyeing the blonde withunguarded caution. While he had managed to slip into the party aided by the incrediblyexpensive suit he had most definitely notpaid for, Natalie looked every bit in her element in the lustrous silk gownthat clung to the curves of her body so perfectly that it was almostirritating. “You wouldn’t happen t’ be followin’ me, would’ya?” He asked,though the hint of a grin on his lips betrayed the accusation in his grufftone. As much as he had wanted to run into her again, he hadn’t actually expectedto – certainly not here, in themiddle of yet another scheme.

@hautemistakes // ask meme.

[devilsbckbone]

THE HEROIN DIARIES STARTERS [PART THREE]

“I just got woken up after one hour’s sleep.”

“This girl really doesn’t know me too well.”

“If you really love somebody, you would kill them so nobody else can have them, right?”

“I mean, I don’t think I can ever really love anybody.”

“But murder is not out of the question.”

“How dare she cheat on me?”

“She reminded me that the last time we talked I told her I was gonna slit her throat.”

“You’re a fucking asshole, and you’ve always been an asshole.”

“I had no idea what I was talking about.”

“It’s fucking cool!”

“I did the stupidest fucking thing today…”

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Why take a shower if you’re only going to get dirty again?”

“Why get sober if you’re only going to get drunk again?”

“The only reason to be sober is if you have to do something.”

“Fuck, he’ll get over it.”

“People don’t make sense to me…”

“I hear things other people don’t hear.”

“Am I insane?”

“It’s getting harder and harder to know what’s real.”

“All in all I think it turned out pretty good…”

“I need my bed…”

“Fair comment, I guess.”

“I think things are looking up.”

“Even I was shocked.”

“Hey, practice makes perfect….”

“Who was I to argue?”

“I’m not surprised she left.”

“I suspect she won’t be coming back.”

“Man, that’s the fast track to heaven.”

“I don’t understand why, as big as my heart is, I’m alone.”

“Maybe I don’t have a choice?”

“Maybe I don’t know?”

“I can’t control my moods.”

“It seems I’m always falling apart.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“She said we were soul mates and asked me to marry her.”

“My funeral will come before the wedding.”

“I need to get out.”

“Well that was a fucking disaster of a night.”

“Come on let’s go, let’s get out of here.”

“I didn’t care about that, or about anything, I just wanted to get back here.”

“I wish all these people would go away…”

“I can’t keep doing this, but I can’t stop.”

“It’s so fucking dark in here, I feel like a ghost.”

“I do not wanna know.”

“I respect him for that.”

“I’m going to be strong for him.”

“At first it seems so sweet, then one day you wake up next to a monster.”

“I have to go lay down.”

[devilsbckbone]

THE HEROIN DIARIES STARTERS [PART SIX]

“You know, I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“It’s scary, but intriguing.”

“Is it childhood issues or am I just losing my sanity?”

“I’m drunk and in a great mood.”

“One of us slipping back is bad enough.”

“Maybe I just dreamt it.”

“Is this what sobriety would feel like?”

“We’re gonna break up… trust me on that one.”

“I’m not gonna die…. I’m not that fuckin’ lucky.”

“We’re not so different.”

“I fucked her first, so fuck off.”

“I’m going home…”

“Now that, my friend, was insane.”

“Does it really matter anymore?”

“I guess I knew it all along.”

“I’m good at hiding it.”

“This is sad.”

“Fucking lies travel fast…”

“Fuck off and die already.”

“It made me feel loved…”

“Fuck, what else do I need?”

“I’ve failed miserably, and I feel miserable.”

“Isn’t there an easier way?”

“Well the kicker to the story is I woke up with all my clothes on.”

“I actually don’t feel anything, but maybe that’s just me.”

“I don’t have any plans.”

“I need to collect my thoughts.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Shit, I don’t know if I believe me.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“I don’t wanna, but sometimes we don’t get what we want.”

“I have to be honest, this has been painful.”

“What is my part in all this?”  

[devilsbckbone]

THE HEROIN DIARIES STARTERS [PART FIVE]

“I’m going back to bed.”

“If I believed there was a God, I’d ask him for strength right now.”

“The problem is, I’d probably fall in love.”

“She’s not a bad person, I know she can’t help it…”

“We don’t belong together.”

“THAT wasn’t much fucking help.”

“Talk about bad timing.”

“We’re a lot alike.”

“No drugs, just a few beers.”

“It’s the best for both of us.”

“Now that was fun!”

“I still feel drunk.”

“If she mentions God one more time I’m gonna stab her in the face with her crucifix.”

“I can’t fucking believe it.”

“Fucking psycho bitch!”

“Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am… I’ve been pretty sane lately.”

“Tell me about it…”

“It’s better to be this way than that way.”

“What the hell – what can it hurt?”

“I’m pissed… and to think I was having fun.”

“Am I a sucker or what?”

“I’m not going out.”

“I’m so hungover…”

“Thanks, but these aren’t my panties.”

“He told me I’m overreacting.”

“I can’t shake it off.”

“I’m starving.”

“Come on, just one.”

“It’s too beautiful not to stop and take it all in.”

“I told him to fuck off and he arrested me…”

“I can’t do it.”

“I’m getting a weird vibe.”

“You can have mine, I hate it.”

“Tonight should be fun.”

“I’m too proud to ask for help, but that’s what I need.”

“At least he cares.”

“It felt magical.”

“Can’t anyone take a joke around here?”

“Be careful what you wish for…”

“The bar isn’t even open.”

“Rather fitting if you ask me.”

“It’s good to be home.”

“Impending chaos is good.”

“Fuck, I feel bad… it’s always fun until someone gets hurt.”

“Why am I here?”

“I don’t understand anything anymore.”

“What the fuck is happening to me?”

[devilsbckbone]

THE HEROIN DIARIES STARTERS [PART FOUR]

“I haven’t slept much.”

“I haven’t eaten anything but candy.”

“My whole body feels like it’s cracking into pieces.”

“Fragile doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel.”

“It’s when I’m left to my own devices that I go fucking insane.”

“I’m not fucking stupid.”

“I can’t believe I finally did it.”

“Days like today are beautiful.”

“I’m excited.”

“Should be interesting.”

“What a nightmare!”

“I had to look down and away so I didn’t burst out laughing.”

“Of course, I foresee problems.”

“Or no, maybe not.”

“Why do I put myself in these situations?”

“I need to learn to say no.”

“I’m a bit smashed right now.”

“We had too many margaritas at dinner.”

“Something is fishy.”

“I’m gonna lie in bed all day and watch TV.”

“I’m really gonna try and be good today.”

“I’m fucking tired.”

“I hate it when people try to control me.”

“I wish I could go back.”

“I mean, it’s cute and all, but…”

“Chicks = trouble.”

“Only in America.”

“Fuck, I did it again.”

“I hate cocaine.”

“I wish everyone would just relax.”

“I have got to get rid of her!”

“Yeah right, can you imagine?”

“Maybe having these dealers follow us is a bad idea.”

“It seems like a pattern is developing in my life.”

“Why not, it’s a day off, right?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I need to take a deep breath for a minute.”

“Maybe it’s a good time to veer from the darkness and lighten up for just a second.”

“At some point you have to ask yourself who is really to blame.”

“How is this fucker still alive?”

“See ya…”

“I’m pretty proud of myself.”

“We’re not fucking rich.”

“God, I’m an asshole.”

“I guess I drank more than I thought last night.”

“Why do kids relate to me?”

“Fuck everything…”

“I’m fucking bored.”

“I guess I’m just tired.”

“I can’t wait to sleep.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

[devilsbckbone]

THE HEROIN DIARIES STARTERS [PART ONE] 

“I have no friends left.”

“Why do I do this? I hate it… I hate it so much but I love it even more.”

“My bones were shaking, I thought I was going to explode.”

“I’d been doing good until that point.”

“I even managed to take a shower.”

“We meet for all the wrong reasons.”

“I mean, she’s a sweet girl… as much as I’m a sweet guy.”

“Truer words could not be said.”

“I just can’t seem to focus on anything.”

“Then everything went wrong, just like it always does.”

“I fucking hate that shit.”

“I’m ok now.”

“Nobody would believe what happens inside my head.”

“I could have killed somebody.”

“I need a padded cell, I’m telling you.”

“This is life, like Burroughs or Kerouac, or Ginsberg… the ones who burn bright.”

“I really don’t care about anything.”

“I love that it’s so dark.”

“I don’t want to ever leave here.”

“He still owes me the $9,000 bail I posted for him.”

“I think it’s a fucking wig!”

“This has to work.”

“I can do it…”

“We have nothing to say to each other.”

“I just felt dead.”

“Last night was a bad one.”

“Dude, what’s on your hand?”

“What happened to me yesterday?”

“Between me and you, I guess I was in a bit of a blackout.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I have to pull it together.”

“I make myself sick.”

“I had nothing else to do so I figured why not?”

“I am so pissed.”

“She may be fucking insane, but she’s my girl!”

“If I see that dwarf, I’ll kick his ass!”

“It’s not cool to look too eager.”

“He’s the brother I never had.”

“Is this a crisis or a needed creative outlet?”

“I’m not listening.” 

“I’m really trying.”

“Let’s see what happens.”

“I feel like throwing up.”

“I don’t know how to stop thinking about it.”

“I know it’s not real.”

“This isn’t how I thought my life would turn out.”

“You must think I’m insane, but I’m not.”

[devilsbckbone]

ok I apologize but I am about to mobile as fuqq spam all of you on both this account & @electricxdreams. I have a ton of asks but obviously have been struggling super hard with writing. So send in a couple memes from the following reblogs with a to -> from & over the next few days I’m gonna do my best to make this shit happen <3 

[electricxdreams-blog1]

there’s this kid at work who gets dropped off every morning by his older brother and it’s the cutest sweetest saddest thing ever like obviously someone else drives but this like nine year old coming in and helping this lil four year old get his coat and stuff in his cubby and saying bye to him and then peacing out to go to ~big kid school~ literally gives me feelings every time @hautemistakes

[electricxdreams-blog1]

What was the last thing that broke your rp heart?

THE FACT THAT I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING. THAT’S FUCKING WHAT.

[electricxdreams-blog1]

mightybigpill replied to your post: mightybigpill replied to your post: ...

baby i was literally scrolling and i have no idea why the fuck you put a gif of a guy getting his ass eaten out. i was really glad when i scrolled horrified to find it wasn’t that it was just baby z

GOODBYE KATRINA 

[electricxdreams-blog1]

mightybigpill replied to your post: me looking at this blog like 

BABY I MISS YOU SO FUCKING M U C H

[electricxdreams-blog1]

somethingpoetiic replied to your post: me looking at this blog like 

Babes come love me down

[electricxdreams-blog1]

me looking at this blog like 

[electricxdreams-blog1]

and you'll feel better when you wake up swear to god I'll make up everything or more when I get back someday chasing dreams like I'm on novocain screaming through your airways looking back I almost thought I heard you say you’re so much better than that

@hautemistakes