hello, it's been a lot of months since i've talked to anybody i know through ffxiv, and i owe everybody at least something after this long.
i'm sorry for the way i've treated close friends over the past half year. you didn't deserve the cold shoulder. i have not been a good person or a good friend. it wasn't any of your faults for the way i acted even if some things that happened months ago really bothered and hurt me. i chose to do this on my own. cutting everyone off so abruptly was entirely and deliberately selfish, immature, and cruel, and i take full responsibility. i don't expect people to forgive me for giving up and running away.
i've been locked out of my ffxiv account for months bc i did some stupid shit with my software token and haven't had the mental energy to fix it, but i've asked a friend to help me sort that out and transfer off balmung. if you see any of my characters around on balmung in the near future, it's not me.
there are many reasons why i'm leaving and why i've been gone, but the main thing is that it'd be best for my mental health. my therapist advised me a long time ago that i was becoming too unhealthily over-invested in things and people that weren't my responsibility, and after reflecting for months, i agree. i love all of you very much and you are all truly good people, but i think i've learned that even if you're a good person, you might not be good for someone.
humans are weird and don't always match up, even with the best intentions. the kind of environment that we made together was good for many people, i think, and it was good for me in the past. i’m truly grateful and appreciative of our time together for many years. but i finally realized that if some things never changed, it was very not good for me in the long run. again it's not any of your faults, this is because of my own personal issues because of the way i grew up, and i only cemented it in my mind very recently with a lot of help from people outside this social circle.
i have a lot of things i wish i said earlier, but it's petty and hypocritical to air anything out now after being a major asshole for over half a year. anything i want to say should have been said a long time ago like a responsible adult and i fucked that chance up a long time ago. so to the friends who have been unfailingly kind: i hope life treats you the way you love others. the world is a better place for your existence.
thank you to ppl who have tried to check on me or keep in touch. you all wanted to see the best in me when i'm a cowardly dickhead, so i hope maybe one day i can become the person you believed in. i wish you all the best.
