way down we go

side blog, main is @crimsonicarus

[json-derulo]

"you were always such a good kid! we never had to worry about you :)" thanks! you actually should've, though. like about this specifically

[johnnycrass]

cant believe im a real person what the hell. the good lord will just make anybbody

[elicarocarmesi]

Maybe I'm not the kind of person that can be loved

[elicarocarmesi]

I no longer can write, I just bottle things up in my mind and beg for it to ignore all the noise so I don't have to break myself from the pressure.

I'm so very sorry if someone actually liked my poems, I'm sorry I can't even do that

[elicarocarmesi]

Life just keeps happening and im not ready for anything and im sorry you died, and im sorry i stopped taking my meds and im so sorry i will never be 11 again

[elicarocarmesi]

Sorry i lived here,

Sorry i never said anything of value

Sorry i never was anything of value

Sorry i lived

[elicarocarmesi]

It's getting harder to write these days, yes. Shit keeps happening, nd I'm still feeling through it. But it's harder to let it out, I'm exhausted, too sad to even write about it and that's worse. I no longer have an outlet for all the stuff that's going on.

Im tired

[elicarocarmesi]

I'm tired,

i feel like I'm going to die

i dont even want to fight against it,

let it win. Im tried

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Quotes by Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

[lettersfromzephyr]

[elicarocarmesi]

You can back off,

Its okay.

you dont need to elaborate

Theres no need for you to offer a call back

You dont have to love me,

Its okay

Please stop saying sorry

Im begging you,

Just stop saying sorry

[elicarocarmesi]

I know im hard to have around

I know I'm indigestible

I'm built in nothing but broken glass

Stitched together by the fear of giving completely into destruction

I know i cut into your flesh every time you come closer

I know this, i swear i know this. I would be better if i could

Please stay

[denial-stage]

Figs

The person ive loved the most loved figs

She would joke around

About how she loved them more than she would ever love me

I have only seen them on pictures

I had no idea of their taste either way

Just assumed they must be sweet

Sweeter than me, softer than me

More worthy in some kind of way

Its been two years since i heard of her

And my uncle brought a package home today. Fig filled biscuits

I was expecting more,

Guess you would say the same about me

I don't know the fruit as i no longer know you

And these cookies are the closest i have to your love

They smell weird and taste odd

As i swallowed the first bite i got a memory

The taste resembled the smell from that thing mom would rub on my knees

whenever i fell from my bike

"be careful" she said "you could break something important" she said

Guess figs would always be a memory of falling

[elicarocarmesi]

Home

Pain grows inside my chest

And builds a home were

Blood once run

Pain may be a consequence of the exposure.

A consequence of standing defenseless in front of you and say "this is what i am"

Your words also made a nest in my chest

They thought it was nice from them to accompany the pain

They cuddle and caress each other

As they were one, and belonged together

Vulnerability and suffering

Have become equally beautiful

Since I opened the door

And you decided this was your home too

[elicarocarmesi]

Sepulchral

The night, so dark, so bitter

An hypnotic litany of shades of blue

Blue is the sky, blue are your fingers

So is the sepulchral glow

We buried our aspirations under the dark blue sky of a night like this

But since then

All the nights are the same

I thought i had buried my last hope

I thought i had buried my last dream

Without the weight of expectation, I thought to be free.

But now, with your fragile, cold, pale fingers tracing my forehead

I can't help but think

As long as you walk on these earth

There will always be something for me to want

As long as you walk upon these soil,

I would never be free.

We should bury each other.

[elicarocarmesi]

Testify

Your love pitiful and merciless

Crawled into my flesh, my bones, my mind

I left it build itself a home between my ribs

And we both felt it belonged there

We let it grow

Until my body couldn't hold it anymore

My frame was not made to contain

Such a violent version of care

You said it was unique

Pure, flawless

Something never seen before.

Worthy of me.

I thought it was soulless

Liquid, cold.

Worthy of me

And even after all I can knowingly say,

You loved me

On your own way,

But you loved me.

Both my mind and soul can testify it

[elicarocarmesi]

Itchy

Everything itches lately

From inside out

Blazing, burning

My soul, my skin, my sanity

Thoughts accumulate,

Create discomfort,

Tiredness (contempt).

To the point where it even becomes hard.

To form ideas

The itchiness is intense,

Intense enough for me to doubt,

If it's even there

I must be imagining it

But it won't go away…

As an annoying buzz

At the back of my mind.

But it hurts

It hurts, it disturbs (shows)

The itchiness makes me remove layers of myself

I wasn't ready to take off,

Unveil sections of myself

I wasn't ready to see.

I guess i will keep scratching

Until I'm nothing but walking bones

Pure, clear (empty)

A hollow structure

With nothing to hide