The Only Son

Elijah Parrish. 27. Lanford Native. Big Brother. Coroner. I am sad and angry and I want everyone to be alive again. I want more landmarks, less landmines. I want to be grateful but I’m having a hard time with it. var sc_project=11345123; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="3bc21110"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[elijah-parrish]

anniejoncs‌: 

For so long Annie had repressed this side of herself, hidden it away. Only allowed herself to truly breakdown when she was alone, afraid that she would only be adding to Elijah’s hurting by letting herself cry and feel around him. Annie just couldn’t do it, not anymore. She’d spent the longest time pretending like she was strong, putting up all these walls to try and protect herself from what ever fallout she assumed was inevitable. But, right now, she just needed Elijah. The way she used to need him, before all of the bullshit and the arguing and the hiding. She needed the person who knew her better than she knew herself. 

Annie wrapped her arms tightly around Elijah, her hands grasping tightly to the fabric of his t-shirt. Burying her face into his chest, as if she could just hide from everything and transport herself back in time. As soon as his arm wrapped around her, she felt herself relax. She paced her breathing to the smooth patterns he was drawing at the bottom of her spine, happy memories flooding her mind. All the times they’d spent curled up just like this, over the years.  

For the first time in a long time, Annie got a wave of an almost forgotten feeling; she felt at home. She felt safe, lying in the circle of Elijah’s arms, knowing that he wasn’t going to push her away or that something was going to happen that would rip them apart again. It felt like a massive weight of her chest, that she could let go of all her defences and just be Annie and let Elijah in. 

Annie tightened her grasp on him as he spoke, scrunching her eyes up in some attempt to stop the tears falling from her eyes. ‘’I’m sorry, I just couldn’t take anymore… I can’t take anymore, I just can’t.. I’m so tired Elijah…’’ She whispered against his chest. ‘’I can’t take the fake smiles anymore, I don’t have the energy. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay, because I’m not.’’  

“It’s okay,” he repeated. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Words had never been his strong point, and what else was there when this was all his fault anyway? His fault that she was crying. His fault that he was sleeping in the guest room. His fault that they were even in this town. It was easier to admit that now, watching her fall apart under the weight of all he had placed on her. His fault. His fault. 

His gut instinct told him that this was the time when he should get up and run - find some quiet place, and beat himself up until he wasn’t sad anymore and was angry instead. Let the armor build back so he could get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Survival instinct. But it was that same instinct that had gotten him - them - here in the first place, and he knew he had to fight it if he ever wanted to end this awful cycle. So instead, he squeezed Annie even tighter into his side, placing a kiss into her damp crown of hair. 

“I’m sorry.” It was so quiet and muffled, he wasn’t even sure if he had heard it. He said it again, just to be sure. “I’m sorry.” The words were heavy as they rolled off his tongue, but the good kind of heavy, and he felt lighter afterwards. “Annie, I am so sorry.” 

[elijah-parrish]

sofiaflxres‌: 

                  Pulling her hands away from the counter again, she crossed her arms decisively in front of her chest and shifting her wait, hip jutting out to one side while her gaze inspected her friend closely. 

“Honestly Elijah,” She started, her voice harmless but clear, “I have no idea what your idea of a good time is.” She challenged him with a cock of her brow, a firm tilt of her head. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard him laugh, and when that dawned on her, she could barely keep the grin on her lips, something in her chest collapsing instead. That’s probably what she missed the most… hearing him laugh.

“Oh, you mean like this?” She mocked and pulled at the front of her shirt, all the way up to her chin so it instead exposed her midriff and the lace covering the underwire of her bra. 

“My idea of a good time is anywhere there’s not a flock of drunken pervs,” he replied contrarily. He wasn’t sure he knew the specifics of the actual answer to that question, and he knew now was not the time to be searching for it. ‘A Good Time’ was more a state of mind than anything these days, and after his reboot/whatimacallit with Annie, he’d been more actively trying to seek them out. 

“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, reaching out instinctively to tug her shirt back down. “You’re going to get yourself arrested! Indecent exposure is a crime, you know.” 

[elijah-parrish]

jasxncash‌: 

                      “––Alright,” The word was spat out in a mutter, gruff and defensive beneath his breath. A looming pair of footsteps had been following him for some time now, winding and meandering through Westbrook’s side streets on his tail for a reason that, to him at least, had to be sinister. A deep drag of his smoke, a pivot in his footing, and he was turning to ‘stalker’, “Fuckin’ enough already.” Paranoia was a dear old friend to Jason Cash; the devil on his back, if you will. It was what you got when you dabbled in the felonious–– even worse when you lived it, breathed it, and drank it, too, “I know my ass is nice on the eyes, real nice, but it ain’t nice enough to be stalkin’ for ten blocks. So? The fuck you want?”

Elijah could tell the man was getting agitated, but that didn’t stop the fact that he just so happened to be following the same path it took to get to Elijah’s apartment. Tough shit. There were worse and far more intimidating types you could run into in North End. It was really only because he had a right to be indignant that Elijah was able to stand his ground. “What I want is to get back to my apartment. It’s been a long day and I’ve got a shitty futon to go sleep on, okay?” 

[elijah-parrish]

isxbelmeadows‌: 

“Hey, so can I buy you a drink in exchange for helping me avoid that guy over there?” As Isabel asked the question, she glanced back very cautiously, trying to indicate where the problem lay. He’d been following her around the bar for the last twenty minutes or so and seeing as who she’d been meeting had been waylayed, with no idea when they’d be arriving, she was kind of stuck now —- with extremely unwanted attention. “He’s, uh, a little full on… I’d blame the drink, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

Elijah’s eyes darted around the bar uncomfortably at the woman’s question. He spotted the guy in question, and everything about him screamed sleazeball. He wanted to help her out, but at the same time... “I have a girlfriend,” he responded lamely. It wasn’t exactly a shutdown, but it still felt necessary to say. 

[elijah-parrish]

sofiaflxres‌: 

                        Pushing another drink in front of Elijah, on the house of course, Sofia shot him a look and chuckled. “Was he?” She asked, as if she hadn’t noticed. Sometimes she genuinely didn’t notice, but it wasn’t like he’d been very subtle about it.

“Well, I can’t blame him,” She jested, laughter stitching through every syllable as she paused in front of Elijah, hands perched on either side of her on the bar’s edge. “Is that why you’re here? Making sure guys only look, but don’t touch?” Even if her tone was light, reminiscent of something playful, Sofia was in fact grateful that he cared.

Elijah rolled his eyes, but there was no distain in the action. “Yeah, because my idea of a good time is watching men ogle you.” Okay sure - maybe he sometimes worried about Sofia’s choice of jobs; maybe he sent more texts than were strictly necessary, making she was okay and that she got home safe. It was just- he’d done the hands-off approach before, and it didn’t work. He was trying something new. “Y’know, it wouldn’t hurt if you tugged up your shirt just a bit. It’s kind of low cut...” 

[elijah-parrish]

anniejoncs‌: 

Seeing the spare room being inhabited, almost made her worse. Made her remember all the bullshit that had lead to Elijah sleeping in the spare room, all the fighting and crying and trying to make everything feel okay. Which just added to the drowning feeling that seemed to have formed in her chest. All the more reason why she needed to pretend, pretend that this was some other reality where everything had gone to plan, where everything had worked out for them and they weren’t fighting to stay afloat.

Annie wasn’t sure what she would have done if Elijah had denied her request, there was a small part of her that was sure that she would have crumbled on the spot. She knew herself that this probably wasn’t the kind of thing that was supposed to be allowed in their current situation, but she just needed someone to hold her. Someone to tell her that everything was going to be okay when it felt like everything was crumbling around her. 

As soon as Elijah had lifted the edge of the blanket, she all but dived into the bed next to him. Curling up against his side, letting the tears fall from her eyes as she breathed in the comforting smell of Elijah. He’d been her rock for so many years, this was her reaction to anything. To lean on Elijah, even now that they were so broken she couldn’t help herself. 

Annie wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling herself closer to him. Trying to stop herself from crying, just long enough to try and explain what was wrong with her. ‘’I couldn’t take being alone tonight…’’ She managed to choke out. ‘’I really hate being alone…’’ Annie admitted, rubbing at her eyes with her hands. ‘’I’m sorry..’’

He hated seeing her like this. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like he was actually seeing her. Not the shades of her she purposefully set forth to project whatever defense mechanism she needed. Not so clouded by his own grief and anger he never really saw behind whatever sorrow he felt projected back at him. It sent a fresh stab of pain to his gut to realize this was the first time in over a year he’d been able to interact with her where didn’t seem entirely predicated on him getting in his own damn way and making it all about himself. His hurt. His loss. Maybe it was imagining something good and then watching it drift away before his mind’s eye, but for once he felt uniquely unselfish. Soft and gentle. Patient and kind. 

When she tucked herself in beside him, he curled around her on instinct, resting his hand on her lower back as his thumb traced patterns between the two dimples at the base of her spine. The motion was second nature now, a habit he had developed early on in this relationship - when they’d snuggle on the couch watching TV, as they dozed in the afterglow of making love. A thought occurred in the back of his mind: still here. after everything, he still had this... 

It was easy to allow himself to slip behind a bubble devoid of time; now that he’d stepped far enough back that it didn’t feel like everything was looming directly above him, he could ignore the way he still caught the occasional flash out of the corner of his eye. For tonight, he could just be Elijah, and she could just be Annie, and she needed him. 

“Shhh,” he breathed calmingly. Her head on his chest, his cheek on her crown. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here. You don’t- you don’t have to explain anything. Just- it’s okay...”

[elijah-parrish]

@sofiaflxres

It was kind of weird to see Sofia behind the bar. He knew, intellectually, that she was a bartender, but it was entirely different to see it in action. He wouldn’t be so patronizing as to say in his mind she was still just that little girl he grew up with, but some pills were harder to swallow. “That guy was blatantly checking out your boobs,” Elijah said bluntly after she finished serving some surf-douche. The disapproval was obvious in his tone. 

[elijah-parrish]

anniejoncs‌: 

@elijah-parrish

There wasn’t often a time where Annie could say that she hated her job, but today was one of those days. She’d arrived to work, and the place was already jumping, there had been an accident and the ER was filled with people with various injuries. It was horrific, normally this sort of thing didn’t bother Annie. It was all part of the job, you got on with it and that was that. But she’d been so emotional recently, what with everything going on at home, the littlest things were getting to her. At the end of her shift she had dealt with far too many traumas for one day, she’d lost two patients and she’d had to stick on a brave face and fake smile for the remainder of her day; she was emotionally and physically exhausted. 

Normally she’d take the bus, but decided she needed the fresh air; so walked back to the flat she shared with Elijah. Everything at home was so weird, she wanted to time travel back to when she felt comfortable enough to come home, cuddle up to her boyfriend and have a good cry. But, she wasn’t even sure if she could do that anymore. 

On arrival home, it appeared that Elijah was already in bed . Or just hanging out in the spare room, either way the living room was empty. Annie made a bee-line for the shower, in an attempt to scrub the bad day off of her. Finally letting herself cry the tears she’d been holding in all day, letting the water carry them down the drain. On entering their empty bedroom, it made her feel ten times worse. It made her feel empty. The last thing she wanted to be tonight, was alone. 

Moving quickly before common sense took over, she quickly pulled on her pyjamas and made her way through to the spare room. Knocking softly on the door, before entering slowly, closing the door behind her. 

‘‘I’m sorry if this is weird, or breaking the rules or whatever. But can we pretend that we’re not taking a step back? Just for a minute?’‘ Annie asked, her bottom lip starting to wobble as tears threatened to spill over again. ‘‘Because I could really really use a cuddle..’‘

It hadn’t even been two years, but Elijah had discovered that each season brought it’s own distinct kind of melancholy. There was winter, with the holidays where he gathered together with the broken remnants of his family; spring, with the promise of new beginnings, and the anniversary of one awful end; summer, when everything was supposed to feel light, but it really just felt empty... It was coming up on his second fall, and Elijah didn’t think it had any right to hurt as much as it did. 

He just kept thinking: Noah should be getting ready for his second year of college now. Elijah always imagined his little brother following in his footsteps and going to NYU. He’d be an English major, or maybe Art History, because of the two of them, Noah had always been the more creative one, and he would take his teenage angst and commit his pain to paper. 

He could be moving into his dorm right now. Elijah and Annie would be helping him. Annie would go through the pains of making his bed, and organizing his desk, and Noah would collapse on the bed halfway through moving, claiming he was done for the day and they could just buzz off please. He would say it with a smile, though, and Elijah would roll his eyes and remind him that they were just a matter of blocks away as they left him to his peace. 

... It was kind of a nice thought, actually, and Elijah smiled sadly despite himself. 

It probably wasn’t healthy, the way he kept envisioning alternate futures, but lying alone on a lumpy futon, chasing sleep in a quiet room that wasn’t really his own could do that to a man. He’d heard Annie come home, heard her run the shower before making her way into their - her - bedroom. It felt right that this would be the kind of night they wouldn’t speak to each other; he felt raw and vulnerable in a way he couldn’t understand, that made him feel soft and desperate and infinitely safer tucked away on his own. 

He hadn’t expected to hear a knock at his door, and though she didn’t wait for his confirmation, he wasn’t sure he would have denied her. And when he heard the tone of her voice, the whisper of unshed tears, his resolve crumbled completely. He didn’t even say a word - just scooched over on the mattress and lifted the corner of the blanket as a sign for her to crawl in next to him. It felt, for the first time in a long time, that they were on the same wavelength. 

[elijah-parrish]

adrianohara‌: 

               The call from Elijah was received and replied with little judgement and a fast comply. A request to help him move into his and Annie’s guest bedroom was met with a ‘Sure, man, just say the word’, and whatever half-second it took him to process, to let his heart sink into his chest was clandestine. Gone with a breath.

               Adrian kept his promise; dressed for it too. After dropping Idris at the Fosters’, he stood before Elijah in gym shorts and a tattered, paint splattered tee, short sleeves rolled, and a case of beer in hand. He was ready to go, “This strokes my ego, man. You wanting my brawn,” He grinned in jest, walking in, “No, but I’m happy you called me, E. Moving furniture’s hard enough on your own,” He assured, “So what are we talking here? A bed? A dresser or two?” 

Adrian was just a far better man than him. At this point, it was pretty much a forgone conclusion. It wasn’t even the kind of thing Elijah could resent him for, because he was just grateful for the weird, unlikely friendship that had bloomed between them. If someone would have told him in high school that he’d be friends with Adrian O’Hara - that Adrian O’Hara would be showing up on his doorstep ready to work and with a case of beer in tow - he would have thought that person was crazy. Because even then, Adrian had just been so... good, and Elijah had always been Elijah. 

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You just went through this process not too long ago,” he said, reminded of how it hadn’t been that long since Adrian and Zoe had moved in together. He often forgot that it had only been a relatively short amount of time, considering he’d always thought they should have taken that step sooner. “ I mean, moving, not the....” He trailed off, because obviously the situation wasn’t entirely the same; it was actually quite the opposite. 

“Anyways,” he sighed to change the topic, closing the front door and awkwardly shuffling towards the spare bedroom, past the meager living room with its worn carpets and threadbare couch. “The room’s just back here. We’ve been using it for storage, so there’s a lot of boxes and junk to get out. There’s already a futon in there I can use, and then we can just bring my dresser in as well...” 

[elijah-parrish]

@adrianohara

The second bedroom was really more of a broom closet than anything, and Elijah and Annie had always treated it as such. It was the place where they stored whatever few possessions they owned that weren’t readily useable: seasonal items, cleaning supplies, all the miscellaneous things they hadn’t been able to part with when they’d consolidated their items when they moved in together all those years ago... So there was a bit of a ‘moving out’ process that had to occur before Elijah could begin ‘moving in.’ 

Adrian had been the first person he’d thought to call for help, and luckily he’d agreed. “Hey man,” Elijah said with a small, but genuine smile as he greeted him at the door. This was a hard experience, but it was a little bit easier with support. “Thank so much for this. I know you probably have better things you could be doing...” 

[elijah-parrish]

anniejoncs‌:

Everything had been to odd the last while, that a simple gesture of winning a bear at a festival made Annie’s heart swell a little. It was the kind of things that normal couples did, that they might have done all those years ago when they first began. ‘’It’s definitely a big deal!’’ She smiled brightly, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek. ‘’It’s an even sweeter gesture!’’ Annie gave him a soft smile. ‘’Do you reckon calling him Bjorn, like from Abba, is a little too weird?’’ Annie asked, cocking an eyebrow in Elijah’s direction. 

Sure, he’d been the one to make the first gesture, but he couldn’t help but be surprised when Annie leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek. It had been... god, he didn’t know know how long since they’d been physically affectionate with each other, and he supposed it was only lucky that the surprise had shocked him stiff, as his second instinct might have been to recoil away. It wasn’t a bad feeling, per se; it was just a bit overwhelming. 

“I knew I’d come to regret going to see Mamma Mia,” he sighed teasingly, rolling his eyes for good measure. It was sort of adorable, in that endearingly awkward way, just how much she liked Abba, especially the flair-ups that happened not-so-randomly. “Pretty sure most people just think of Bjorn as in ‘baby,’ but if you want to be the one to explain it, then go for it...” 

[elijah-parrish]

sofiaflxres‌: 

                “Yeah, a drink,” She repeated after herself when he agreed (though only barely). “I think that’s what we need— we’ll get shitfaced and it’ll magically make everything a lot better for a couple of minutes, alright? At least if you let it.” She chuckled softly and gave Elijah’s elbow a light tug towards the shaded bar off to the side of the street.

“So how is everything?” She asked on the way there, glancing over at him.

Honestly, a drink sounded like a great idea. Even though he was trying to be better, something about the crowd left him feeling on edge, and alcohol might help him calm his nerves. And if it helped him wash away some of the shame at snapping at Sofia, then that was just an added bonus... 

“Oh, I’m peachy,” he replied, half-joking but all-sarcasm. It drawled out in a more natural way - not biting so much as his own instinctual self-deprecation. “I’ll tell you more once I’m a couple beers deep.” He didn’t trust himself not to get snippy again when he told her. “How about you?” 

[elijah-parrish]

adam-sterling‌:

                             “Alright, well, that’s good, man— right? Not breaking up, I mean.” Adam shrugged put managed a kind smile, optimistic for Elijah and Annie. “Plus, taking a step back is helpful in a lot of situations. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” But of course he didn’t know for sure. He was a hopeless romantic at heart however, and part of him would always find a way to believe things would turn out well as long as there was love. “Sometimes that’s what it takes, right? A little space to make you realize what you risk losing.”

Elijah didn’t feel like pointing out that ‘space’ had been what had gotten him into this whole mess in the first place. And besides, he knew that Alex was really only trying to be supportive, which was probably more than he deserved. He knew that Adam and Sierra were close, and the fact that Adam hadn’t been poisoned to him completely honestly meant a lot to him. “Yeah, I mean, any movement is better than staying the same, right? Even if we end up breaking up, at least... I dunno...” He ended his incomplete thought with a shrug. He wasn’t even sure what he was saying. He just knew he needed to get rid of the stagnant air in his life. 

[elijah-parrish]

sierra-moore‌: 

                She could sense the unease as Sierra poked her head in, not out of interest but through genuine concern. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything, but it was too late to back out now… As she had learned with these two, they weren’t breaking up any time soon. And if she was any kind of friend, offering some insight or advice, or simply listening was the least she could do. “I don’t know, I guess so?” Did anyone really ever tell you anything, that was the real question. “We talk about most things though, the good stuff, the bad stuff…”

It wasn’t like the news should have been particularly surprising - if anything, he knew should be glad that at least Annie had someone to talk to when he spent all his time shutting her out - but it still left something sour in the pit of his stomach. It left him feeling vulnerable, like a part of him had been given away without his knowledge or consent. “She must secretly hate me then. I mean, if she’s told you everything and you hate me as much as you do...” 

[stydixa]

[elijah-parrish]

@margctknight

[elijah-parrish]

margctknight‌: 

He needed a break. If Margot could it to him in the capacity that he deserved, she wouldn’t waste a second. But she knew she could be there for him 24 hours out of the day every day, and that it wouldn’t be enough. At this point, maybe there wasn’t anything that would truly be enough, and that was the worst part of it — knowing that this pain he had to carry around might never fully go away, but only subside and lessen in intensity with time. That wasn’t good enough, but as with so many other very, very unfair things in life, Margot felt powerless to change it.

She tugged at his hand to bring him closer so she could wrap her free arm around him, holding him against her frame. “I see exactly the right amount of good in people,” she said clearly and let go of his hand to hug him properly. “You’ve been through a lot, and you’re… full of hurt and anger, I see that, and I get it, I don’t fault you for it, because you’re still the same person. But sometimes I think you forget that…” She pulled him back to look at him with endless tenderness in her eyes. “You are not the sum of your regrets and mistakes, and certainly not the things you can’t or couldn’t change, or have no control over. You are Elijah Parrish, my best friend, and I love you, not because I have to, but because you deserve it.”

Goddammit, he told himself he wasn’t going to cry. He couldn’t stop the few tears that leaked out from his eyes as Margot pulled him into a hug. But what surprised him was that they weren’t the painful kind - the tears didn’t make him feel like he was going to crumble and dissolve, not the way they had with Annie. It felt... good, almost. Safe. That was the word. Because Margot, he knew, was never going anywhere. It wasn’t the car that was Old Faithful, it was her. 

He squeezed her back tightly, and didn’t make any secret of wiping his eyes as he pulled back. “I love you,” he said simply, emphatically. Because as much as he was unsure about what love meant anymore, he knew he felt it for Margot - in the purest, most unadulterated sense that not even he could ruin. She was everything good in this world, and if there was any testament to his worth as a person, it would be that she loved him too. 

He allowed that moment to sit with them, until it passed and he was pulled back into the reality of the broken down car they were standing in front of. He exhaled all the emotion on an airy chuckle, feeling purged in a good way. “Now, I think it’s time I admit that I have no idea what I’m doing. We should definitely call a mechanic...” 

[elijah-parrish]

avaxblake‌: 

                        Holing up in an apartment for days on end with town being a hubbub of summer activities was, for lack of a better word, pathetic. Even for Ava Blake–– a recluse creature with an attraction to solitude and an affair with loneliness. It was the self-disparage and the lack of Vitamin D that drove her to pack a beach bag and make her way down to Lake Munroe, set up camp on a towel, and watch shirtless men rally in a particularly intense game of beach volleyball. 

                       Eyes hued of water and silt were glazed with faux interest in the match, head in the clouds, until a bout of loud cheering broke her from her reverie and harnessed her attention to court; one team celebrating as the other sulked in their losses as if a family member had just died, and the urge to role her eyes was crippling. It was then she turned to the group of strangers beside her–– and a slow but sure, enigmatic smile curved her mouth, light jest on the row, “… Was that a touchdown, or a hat-rick? A slam dunk?” The bad joke left her as soft as her features, but it swiftly went ignored; a cringe rattled her bones. She was bombing. Home was looking real good right about now. 

Elijah was very much aware that he was probably the only heterosexual man watching a group of sweaty, shirtless guys running around trying to make sure a ball didn’t touch the ground. And that wasn’t to say that it wasn’t impressive - in a way that didn’t help his already battered self-esteem - but basically... Adrian owed him. Big time. Because it wasn’t like he was lacking for cheerleaders. The good-looking kind, too, that probably would have made Zoe jealous were she the type of girl to feel that sort of thing. 

Basically, he felt ridiculous, even as he clapped and cheered when Adrian dropped into the sand and saved the ball from falling. The other team was not so fortunate when the ball sailed over the net, and Adrian was at least considerate enough to throw a wink and wave Elijah’s way as he celebrated with his teammates. At least that was something: if he was a fool, at least he was a king among them... 

He didn’t realize at first that the woman next to him was speaking to him, and he tuned in only at the final few words. “Huh?” he started inarticulately, still somewhat distracted by the game. “No, I think that’s basketball...”