Wouldiwas Shookspeared @elimac - Tumblr Blog

brucebocchi

whydidisavethistomyphone

Tactical reloading of things that don’t need tactical reloads

taraljc

I lost it at the toaster and couldn't make it past the smoke detector before reblogging

h0ped3lusion

This is so satisfying to watch—

The human body's response to HRT is actually admirable in the sheer indifference. Just pure I Don't Give A Shit, I Just Fucking Work Here compliance to the new instructions. You can get testosterone injected straight into your body and it doesn't even question where that shit came from, coming back from a coffee break and just going

"Okay, everything seems to be in ord- oh fuck now what? Oh huh. Alright fine. New orders came in, cancel the menstrual cycle. Dig up the genetic balding patterns from somewhere, I don't fucking know they're buried somewhere in the dna. I'm greenlighting the growing-hair-on-your-toes thing. Yeah just cancel the ongoing maintenance processes, new orders came in so this is apparently what we're doing now."

skull-bearer

Oh, and we need to build a penis. How? No fucking clue, use whatever we've got lying around. We're going to have to McGyver the fuck out of this dick.

uhuh100

"what do you mean we can't- no, no I don't give a shit, just get as close as you can. yeah just- yeah like that, that'll work."

thedreamthieves

283,000 likes………giant meteor strike the earth rn holy shit. oh my god.

insomniac-arrest

"maybe it's not your pussy" is such a funny phrase and also correct. People wonder why chores are so hard and it's like, friends we used to have a whole intergenerational team on this and now Grandma is locked in a beige box. Cooking is hard.