ELIOT-RAY

online portfolio; visual diary; information and inspirational scrapbook. included but not limited to streams of consciousness, and the expressive byproducts thereof.

[fortheethrill]

One uptown night // 35mm Film

[eliotray]

two of my most favorite ladies.

[eliotray]

FEBRUARY 27TH: Nothing in this world can be compared to the ecstasy of a great soul. Simply remembering one who is the embodiment of love fills your entire being with the great one's light.

Swami Chidvilasananda, from Resonate will Stillness: Daily Contemplations

[eliotray]

3rd Base

Swing batter batter swing swing batter batter swing Typical jock mentality Clocking yards, tally tackles, thumbs in asses, hits at bases, let’s count the score. Swing batter batter swing swing batter batter swing Oh boy how I adore all that we planned in store for this war of hearts but tiny psychological clues made me privy to your ruse and turned me on to the truth about you. We played the game, by the rules we set before we placed bets, a whole season, with 7 games – and it took you a hit a 3rd base before you made a move to work for the grand prize. Took a lick a 3rd base, a feel at 3rd base, a hit to 3rd base… For you to “feel” something… enough “feel” to verbalize intent, express regret – NOW? You wanna feel something? Swing batter batter swing swing batter batter swing You say I “complain” – I said “why did I have to wait?” – What took you so long? Why the lack in motivation? Am I not enough to warrant inspiration, this goalie is wide open, I’m clear for the shot, I got a straight path to the in zone, and baby boy how you liked to, but didn’t dare to make the play. Instead play for other means and other schemes and create and destroy another young mans dreams hoping he can play on your team. Swing batter batter swing swing batter batter swing Thought you slide into home base, there’s no ball throwing into this zone, you’ve been intercepted by a short stop by the hand I’m pulling the trigger on this gun, so dive into the pool you’ve emptied, you’ll be taking your last fall here – there’ll be no sliding into home base, no home runs, no score for you on this field, you’ve ran around enough Swing batter batter swing go back to spring training, you could use some practice anyway. Eliot-Ray, 2014

[eliotray]

New York Weather

Call my love bipolar My senses polarized, babe, come hop in my streetcar named desire – spitfire, kisses I spill will send you higher. Call my love bipolar It runs neither hot nor cold; more like blazing or frozen. Like taking a shower at a friends house – no matter how much you spin the faucet you can get never get my temperature right, but hey – at least I’m always wet, I keep you wet. Everything’s wet. I love hot and cold, not just warm and cool. Just a lover’s disclaimer; like the extremes of New York weather, when I’m hot or cold I’ll keep you inside – but what’s wrong with a little quality time? I just want a few moments of every second of every day with you until I get tired of you then grow infatuated and miss you more before I get to the door. Like the extremes of New York weather when I’m hold or cold, I’ll coax you outside, make you dance on sidewalks barefoot, kiss in the sun shower rains, run for cover underneath the mezzanine shades waiting for an uptown bound D train – we both live along the same lines, the same lines of transit, same lines of communication, same lines of energy, same lines of cocaine, same lies, same dreams it’s all the same. Call my love untouchable Quote you about my eyes, said “I know what’s inside, your eyes lie say ‘I’ve nothing to hide’ it’s adorable and sigh but the sign in your smile lead me to realize you’re dangerous; there’s no “off” switch – you only intensify.” Go on to say “you’re much to young and wild for my tastes – I can’t live with your body and heart at flight risk” – The gist of the bullshit being he’s not going to fight for me – I call his love complacent, let’s call his love lazy. Call my love intense This knife stay sharp through all the flesh I cut, was cut, we cut, in the cut, the taste of indica sativa saliva and salvia the mania and anima in tandem with animus create the impetus to our magnum opus – the crescendo of our union is beyond human like flower blooming and universe expanding; similar to my fondness of you. This blade stay smart, wise to your games of cards your casino lights and commercial sale and business heart, I knew the deal long before we shook hands, shook hearts, shook bodies to seal the real. Call my love uncontrollable I’d do more than capture suns to prove, I can write our names across the stars, a comets stardust will be our new drug, we’ll taste and smoke the ice of the rings around Saturn, dance in the diamond rains of Neptune, and I run cold like Pluto’s skin but my touch can keep you safe when I run hot like Pompeii, the fire will keep you suspended in dimension, heat flashed, like orgasm, muscle petrified, arms and legs catatonic your torso shake like the earth when the Richter ticks, your breath disassociates all rhythm like fish out of water. Do you like the feel of water? I’ve 4 planets in water, baby I can make you drown in emotion, toss you in motion, but this sea remains calm, for it can claim a single soul or raise a death toll with a single breath. Do you like the feel of water? My temperatures just right for an almost tropical delights, cocoa butter skin underneath the right sun, chocolate eyes and many brown of hairs I shine like the black gold of the stars, fruit of the earth, your liaison to god, I am a piece of your divine paradise, my faculties are neither hot nor cold, it comes in varying extremes, much like my New York weather. Eliot-Ray, 2014

[eliotray]

existence

This existence is bittersweet, life is a game, it’s funny and tangy, so I savor every flavor of salt and pineapples on my tongue full of zest I’m young restless with heart undressed to the world. This existence is temporary like pain or a flame, don’t judge what you see, judge what you feel, energy mind and soul, based on other realities, in other galaxies you see; I-N-I and you and I are eye to eye in every world. This existence is far from basic comprehension; my spirit, your spirit, our spirit, "the" spirit based in another dimension if you’re brave enough to dare to dive is a matter of time and faith, a question to answer, should we arrive to that point… excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

journal entry, 8/26/2013

We’re either always searching, always running, always playing – both sides of the romantic fence – devil’s advocate of the heart, why do we look for love from the start, just to run away when cupid rears his naked ass our way. Sometimes it’s unfortunate when the things we need to feel are found in a body face or mind we don’t want to keep around. Talk about never satisfied, god forbid a good man comes around, we run and hide – why do we do the things we do? excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

self explanatory

This love has cruel intentions lust never warrants the answer to my questions this love has cruel intentions touch is never worth the mention baby can you spare a dime of your time I’ll take the shot with a grain of salt and a lick of lime don’t listen for the rhyme this love has cruel intentions how can we poorly handle the temple so reckless although true, our bodies connected at the hip but your minds’ a slip so will I meet you in the other dimension? This love is based on misguided passions this fire will not last it couldn’t even light my cigarette after. We love with infatuated fashions unspoken intentions lead the heart to wonder. This touch this love this lust is detrimental it goes against all norms violates all personal laws How can we be intimate strangers; heart at bay mind and body at play in dangers way – this looks and feels like where I don’t want to be. It doesn’t bring you any closer to me; we both know this love is wrong. excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

black and 3 sugars, hold the milk

Spinning clouds in my morning coffee turn slowly, slowly reminiscent of the atmosphere of Jupiter, burning energies trapped in the ebb and flow, the cosmic know-how, the what to do, and right now, match the groove between me and you. Merge gently, collapse and fold, submerge and surrender to the groove. Liquid ebony abyss confectioner’s sugar on a black velvet sheet, sequins, never before would it have dawned such a painted beauty at this, the break of dawn. Who would’ve guessed that from out of all of this, it would lead to you and me, something sweeter than our kiss, something greater than all this earth, and all this pain and for what it’s worth I’d rather not gain another way without rain, if disturbing the natural balance means we can’t be one, I’ll just lick the bottom of my cup.

september 2013

[eliotray]

love letter: 4/3/2013

I care not how long the road may be, or where it leads you or me. Where it leaves you or me, I care only for the trees the scenery for you and me. Hear that wind chime a hint of lime taste the air of pine? I don’t care for quantity but quality, of time spent with company is never time wasted with you and I hold my head up high and hope that you’ll improve my way of life and I the same for you. Stay close and press your lips to mine hold your spirit closer and I can keep this second in exchange of my entire lifetime. Relive these moments in lieu of my life forever. In lieu of each new experience is the same old moment with you. Stay close and feel this heat to night hold each minute closer and I can keep you through each moment forever. excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

DISCLAIMER

What am I but just an undiscovered piece of you? An extension of you and connection to, my god, discover the relation between us two, it’s beyond just “us two” – I am the same as you, if not you. Hint, I am you. Amidst this chaos, this place and time, this high, I can feel "us" too

And who are you… but a choice in the matter at hand – heart on my sleeve. You’re not a former or the latter in this moment times a factor what matters is how we act with faith and waste no energy wrap your arms around my waist – let’s call this “chemistry” – with you, add me, keep your heartbeat to my pace and build on this synergy.

And where are you? When your message reaches me, or doesn’t, but still spreads the need to be, feel intimacy, the need to be. So where are you when I have the time to be, the want to be, the time to be with you, in my sky so blue like you when we aren't two. If you don’t say the word, how can I shine my soul like a flashlight on you?

excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

PARÁDEISOS

Tell me about your idea of paradise – where do your dreams take place? I wanna go to where your visions collide explore your depths on a mission to you without ever leaving the room without ever leaving your field of vision we can go to the moon and this point of view by far has never been a clearer vista near my crashing sounds of cymbals heart beating –out of my chest point being all I see right now is beauty in you and me. Tell me about the mountain and the sea since we’ve explored our middle ground before I’ll ride to and through the high and low remind me of your dreams again your idea of paradise – the one you wake up from on a beach sands of peach you lay place where ideas crash and sweet imaginations collide with the rocky jagged edge of psyche a line of rocks along the lips that spill this secrets on to me like a bursting bubble is how I am too – fade in like the mist and kiss my skin a thousand times over and over and over Tell me your dreams as corny as it seems what puts the smiles on your face – where does your heart live? If your soul had an age how old would you be? What’s your ideal wake up call – if you would want to be awake when the sun is up at all remind me of the color on your shores it’s been too long a time since I’ve stared into the waves faced the horizon and hide caves that yet to be explored And what of me in your dreams? Am I clear like a lake, cold gusts from the water in the fjords a kiss of wind above the cliffs from the lapis lazuli crisp below or am I hidden in the valleys, pulpit of the tulip, do you keep me secret? Take me to a place where I wouldn’t need to satisfy my earthly needs meet me at the crossroads between rhythm and time I can see a glimpse of it – a secret sealed away so that I can only catch a whiff of it I can see a gist of it – in your kiss a taste the sweetness of the vision like Shangri la I can feel a gist of it – a second glance or a hit or miss it’s a taste of nirvana in your kiss I’m dancing on the line of ignorance is bliss It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt - lost in the remarkable comfort of it lost I can be still in the hold but still so very far from the galaxy that lingers in your kiss I’m on the road to el dorado a second chance at grace lies in your embrace collapse all need I’d free it all just to exist excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013

[eliotray]

ACADEMY AWARD

Everyone wants an Oscar worthy romance but never takes the chance to make some b-roll. I never see you in my lens. I’ve never seen your audition. Still I’d rather Hollywood curb the magic and keep those schemes; let those loves remain on screens than in the dreams of you and me. Everyone wants to fall in love, but while at the playground never expects bruised knees. Well, guess what, gravity doesn’t discriminate, time waits for no man, like going to the beach and complaining about sand in your ass – how dare you. It’s expected – and to pretend like it’s not the same is playing games with your mind – the heart does not control bodily function, your legs were meant to get you up when you fall. So get back up again. Every outtake, every blooper, improv, ad-lib, deleted scenes are beats for my heart song – I’ve fallen for the nuance in your love, your stellar performance. Your actor’s repertoire – every moment in my eyes is a home movie for my mind to play I get to see my favorite actor – you could be my star. You could be a star. So keep on acting superstar, like every heart break ain’t the same like every heart break don’t feel the same, just a different face, a different set of lips a different set of hips, another repeat of the same old sex, re-runs of your favorite day time drama playback of your real life soap opera. Same shit, different actor; same shit different body; same shit different smell; different shit, same heart; let it go before you start again. Different faces different roles, different feels different back stories, different facial expressions to fall in love with write songs about for the end credits kind of fall in love and hit a wall and act like you don’t know how to walk in love in love style love. Everyone wants that Oscar worthy romance big screen love, that everyone else dreams of. But never wants to play the part of, well… Everyone wants an Oscar worthy romance but never takes the chance to play the part of leading role, rather keep the two bit part of some blurred out extra in the post production seat filler in the back seat of the restaurant just on the edge of the frame a face in the night a stranger – a bump in the cobblestone a cloud in my coffee and cigarette smoke you’ll float and become the sky – Out of sight and out of mind. I’d rather Hollywood keep those schemes than live in dreams of you and I. excerpt from For Your Consideration, Eliot-Ray, 2013.

[eliotray]

phoenix syndrome

it dies and comes back more beautiful than the last every time it spreads its wings I feel like I can soar, in your presence, in your arms, keep me grounded each time. We share the same sun, moon, and stars, but on separate highs and obviously different skies. You are the ashes we could rise from, display a patterned light like a prism from the sun you’re on the move again - escapades at bars, ducking romance because you’re too scared to love from afar. Yet you bring it back to life every time you had the pleasure, the want, the need, to have to be around me. Then stay around me! You die and come back more beautiful every time. It comes back and feels stronger than the last, much closer than the last, an air much colder than the last, much like the winter doesn’t last, but still holds over in the body like the last. Should you come around don’t be surprised to find a metaphorical grave where we lived, I won’t be here on this plane in spirit or emotion. When your plane makes it’s way across the ocean, I won’t be apart of this groove you lack the rhythm for the motion. Catch the notion? I don’t think of you as often, my empire hasn’t fallen due to your absence – but what were you in my world before since you still haunt me so? I couldn’t have been more vulnerable, fresher. More raw, practically naked in love, naked to your world. But still fully clothed. But still fully clothed. I don’t even know what you smell like let alone what you taste like – the cold winter air stunned my senses I could hardly get a whiff should I be close to you. We stood on this same intersection like so many nights like so many chances we put up so many fights, like so many nights underneath these same city lights. All I ever wanted was a piece of you. On this college square would I dare to kiss you? Over and over and over until I had no lips, until I lost my grip. That hit or miss we never got. All I ever wanted was a piece of you. I call us phoenix syndrome. We die and come back. It comes back and feels stronger than the last, much closer than the last, an air much colder than the last, much like the winter doesn’t last, but still holds over in the body like the last. excerpt from For Your Consideration Eliot-Ray, 2012

[eliotray]

Had the honor back in the last week of August of 2013 to be shot using Cheebavision. photo cred: Sunny "Cheeba" Vásquez, Bronx, New York, 2013.