i'm a piece of shit (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧.

Hey hi how’s it goin my name is Elizabeth and in an effort to show you the real me here’s my tinder bio: I'm not a good person, I don't have any hobbies, I work overnights so my schedule is whack, and I still live with my mom. A true prize 🎁 If you have a weird animal fetish or you want to trick me into buying you sex toys, someone beat you to it and ruined it for everyone. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

[glitchedcourse-deactivated20180]

Full offense but y'all need to stop fetishizing lgbt ppl. Lesbians arent straight men’s entertainment and sexual fantasies. Gay men aren’t your “YAOI GAYBIES xD” and you aren’t “SINNING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW” Bi people aren’t here so you can have a threesome. Trans men aren’t “uwu soft boys so pure” and trans women aren’t “big muscle wife could kill me”.

You aren’t less homophobic for fetishizing gay ships. You aren’t less transphobic for fetishizing trans people.

Stop.

[bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbby-blog]

Ok but yaoi was a big thing before lgbt people started coming into the spotlight. (I’m just trying to defend yaoi. Don’t mind me)

[mxnia-deactivated20190213]

…. did you just say that “yaoi” has been around longer than gay people

[lesbianalluka]

yaoi threw the first brick at stonewall

[bimbocracy]

Men think it’s ruder for a woman to say “don’t interrupt me” than it is for them to interrupt her in the first place

[fuckyallbitcheslol]

id probably call that ruder. Jus cause I interrupt someone don’t mean I was mentally thinking bout cutting this annoying ass bitch off. it just so happened my g.

[bimbocracy]

I know you would call that ruder. That’s what the post was about.

[bimbocracy]

Me: men think this

A man: no, actually I think exactly what you said men think

Me: right.

[k-eke]

Mood.

[unclefather]

mastercheif, it’s cortana. Your FREE windows 10 upgrade is ready!

[mac-se30-deactivated20190910]

he says maybe later and then Cortana starts the upgrade in the middle of a battle

[bewbin]

[otakusapien]

vampires being the lactose intolerants of the monster world 

“Yes I’m violently allergic to garlic but what’s the point of unliving without Italian food?”

“I know silver is bad for me but this necklace was SO cute and it was on sale”

“Technically sunlight burns my skin but with enough layers and aloe lotion-”

[tedkordisanasshole]

#‘i don’t care how many holy symbols were at the met gala anne hathaway was supposed to be there and i haven’t seen her in 250 years

[renthebarbarian]

i love how this post just casually drops the fact that anne hathaway too is an immortal

[gameandwatch-deactivated2013102]

[sailorbrazil]

tuesday chilling. dont fucking @ me im chilling.

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies

And find a new hiding spot

Hehehe

They up there

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available

Now to hide them right under her nose

She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing

Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos

Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years

:)

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here

You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!

Then a devious idea struck me…

I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…

And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

[shaycode]

Your wife married a monster

[tyrandfenrir]

@whiskeynsunshine

[spyderqueen]

Seeing some people on Tumblr still bitching about how it’s too late for voting and the only thing that will fix things is revolution.

How about you fucking vote anyway? It’s not going to seriously cut into your “sitting on the couch waiting for a revolution to start” time.

There’s no “none of the above” option here. You want a revolution, fine, but there’s still little shit to do in the meantime.

You can vote AND protest. They’re not exclusive. Hell, you can even protest the person you voted for when they fuck up. You’re not signing a blood oath with your ballot. But a desire for an ideologically pure candidate or nothing only serves the status quo right now.

[moriarty]

#voting for someone and then immediately protesting the person you voted for is the only moral decision actually

[antifainternational]

For some reason we felt this was a good time to post this.

[xenocrisi]

[aaliyahbreaux]

I don’t get why people hate immigrants so much… Like they’re literally just… People… From another location….

[bree-3po-deactivated20190814]

My partner is an immigrant from the UK and still holds his citizenship. At a recent event, an acquaintance talked about how many “immigrants” get jobs over “Canadians” and they shouldn’t allowed to be management (which my partner is). My partner reaches across the table and goes “Hi, immigrant here!” and she goes “Oh I didn’t mean immigrants like you…” And you can so tell they just mean “brown people” or “Asian people” but they pretend it’s about jobs and shit.

[i-dont-karo]

That’s the same with my family. We were war immigrants from the soviet union and now live in Germany. Now the syrians are here because they also have war, and people keep asking me why I’m defending them so mercilessly. And when I tell them that my family (that is still alive) has gone through the same bullshit. But they insist that both scenarios are completely different. They’re not different, you’re just racist.

[bearymcbearface-blog]

THEY’RE NOT DIFFERENT. YOU’RE JUST RACIST.

[veryfunnymemes]

[dekoi2501post]

[ithelpstodream]

[memewhore]

[catchymemes]

A drink or two