Eliza is on Fire

Just a hollowed out heart with too much to say.

[elizavm]

Red

My favorite color used to be red. Red hair. Red lips. Red eyes. Red wrists.

I drowned myself in it and I called it romance.

I killed myself every day and I called it love.

(A butterfly with razor blade wings, I sliced through the arms that tried to hold me.)

My favorite color used to be red. Red nails. Red sheets. Red hands. Red cheeks.

I shattered myself and I called it healing.

I killed myself every day and I called it love.

[elizavm]

every now and then, when the weather is just cold enough, I think of Cecilia Lisbon in her white dress, half submerged, dropping the virgin mary on the bathroom floor. did she ever dial the number just to see who’d answer?

[elizavm]

negative space

You think that, if they say they love you, they can't kill you. But then they do, and you're left with a hole where something important used to be.

You're left in the ground with your own filthy heart, and what do you do with it? What do you do?

[elizavm]

Even at the height of your summer, I am still a wintergirl.

All ice and bone and "leave me alone!" You made a place in my heart but my body isn't your home.

[elizavm]

Misery

Misery sits on my doorstep, peering through the windows. Eventually, she rings the doorbell and I invite her in for a cup of tea.

We talk about old times and it feels like home.

the sound of glass breaking can be heard in the background but she pretends she doesn't notice.

Her friends came through the back and fuckin' wrecked the place.

She slips me a mickey and gives me a kiss; says "Call me in the morning if you need me."

I always call. I always call.

[elizavm]

Soleil

She looks more like me everyday, with her hazel eyes and her sour disposition.

I told my mother and she laughed softly. Said, "She's just as much a gift as you were."

Things aren't always wrapped up nicely with a bow, but, when it's good? My god, it's amazing.

[elizavm]

Huntress

i lick the salt off her skin and it tastes like heaven, her fingers coiled tight around my wrist.

she smells like smoke and perfume and i hate to say i like it but, jesus christ, i do.

she eyes me like prey but i love it. i l o v e it.

i won't ever run away.

[elizavm]

Everything I love turns to ash before I can even light the match.

[elizavm]

I hate myself for what I did more than i hate you for driving me to it.

[elizavm]

I am a hurricane and I am not to be trifled with.

[elizavm]

Perpetual

There is no rest for the wicked and no peace for the insane.

I can clean this mess a thousand times but it gets fucked up again and again.

[elizavm]

M O R E

we could've been bigger, could've been more, but you packed all your things and you walked out the door.

and after all this time, after cleaning up our mess, the worst part is i don't love you any less.

[elizavm]

I am still reeling and feeling the aftershocks. You are the worst thing I have ever survived.

[elizavm]

White nail polish makes me feel dirty because I had it on my toes when you planted your seed.

I still harvest my guilt every Sunday.

[elizavm]

I Regret So Much

I count the lines and the spaces between, tiny acres of skin, never again to be barren.

[elizavm]

Fort Knox of a Girl

How selfish of me to ask you to open a door for which I had already swallowed the key.

[elizavm]

I made a wish last summer during the worst of times.

The sun was high and so were you, your voice slow and sticky like molasses.

I put my head underwater and opened my eyes to see nothing but murk and bubbles.

I resurfaced and found you right where I left you. I knew then that wishes never come true.