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[casbadass]

This is what happens when I’m procrastinating a paper.

[elj90-blog]

Lol! I <3 it!

[engineeringnow]

[all-the-other-humans]

Fucking physics

[tastefullyoffensive]

29 Facts You Might Not Have Known About Toy Story [aron]

Previously: Pixar Movies as Infographics, Theory of the Pixar Universe

[onessmokin]

Fuckin Pixar

[therelatablepost]

[gnarville]

[elj90-blog]

I Miss You

I miss you. The real you, the old you the happy you. I miss that real smile the one that used to reach all the way to your eyes. I see it only when you talk about your kids or laugh with them, another other time it's gone. I miss how you used to get ready and be healthy looking person not just thrown like nothing. Your thoughts aren't the same they are always depressing and always second guessing not only in yourself but in the life you're living. I sit back in the dark shadows of your mind just waiting to be able to come out again to show you that this new person you have become isn't you and shouldn't be you I'm you. I can see you look at me and want it all back to just keep fighting and we will be as before but with more.. These were the thoughts I could hear in my head today as I was driving and it's crazy because it's myself telling and yelling at myself to open my eyes and realize that this is toxic to me the relationship I'm in is toxic for me. And so that's what I'm doing I'm opening my eyes and putting my pride down if I have to move in with my mom so be it! At least I know I'll be one step closer to happiness not only for myself but for my kids..

[elj90-blog]

Last Straw

Tonight was it I'm done! This dude has disrespected my daughter way too many damn times! Not like that though shoot if it was like that he would've fallen off the face of the earth like nothing. But no I mean as in just being plain rude and mean to her. He likes to say and practically is her father but we also have an actual son. And he likes to treat him a lot better than he has ever treated my daughter. I hate it and I have always but me being naive I've always felt like well it's my daughter of course I'm going to get mad when someone yells or spanks her other than me. But lately and for the past few months I'm getting real tired of it because now I do see the difference between the way he treats our son and my daughter. Well tonight we were at his moms and just because I didn't say bye to her he flipped! We were already in the car kids ready to go car on and warm and he tells me that if I can't say bye to his mom then me and my daughter need to find our own way home. Again he can't drive so he couldn't leave her house either so he stayed with my son. Anyways I tell him really and he was like yea. So I turn off the car go to give his mom the keys since the car is under her name and it's automatically her car when ever he doesn't get his way. Then he tells me to take off his jacket and walk like that in the cold! I was like fine what ever have it. He goes takes our son out of the car while I'm inside giving his mom the keys and he leaves my daughter in there! So I walk out grab my daughter and walk my ass to a friends down the road. Thank God for nice people that a couple asked if we wanted a ride. Me and my daughter get to my friends house and they give me a ride back to my sis-in-laws house since this is where we live. But right now i was just thinking of what an asshole he was to even say something like that to me about me and my daughter finding our own ride! Like really?! I understand if he would've been like you leave and leave me both the kids but no! Ugh! My body gets heated and I get even angrier and angrier the more I think about it! It's crazy though what really pushed me to the edge was our friend (boyfriends friend first) as her and her hubby took me and my daughter home could even see how bad he treated my daughter and how good he treated his son. That's what really got me tonight and got me to say fuck him, his ass is trash to us, WE don't need him! I know I'm a horrible mom for barely realizing it but it just hope my baby girl doesn't hate me too much for it already. I just wish I would have listened about how he treated his last step daughter and walked away before my daughter would've been put through this crap of loving him like her father when he doesn't treat her like his own.

[elj90-blog]

Christmas Present

You know after my SO being always such a jerk and saying that we might as well not be together because I'm going to leave eventually (-_-), I still bought his butt a Christmas present. What posses me to buy one every year after him being a complete jerk and never buying anything for me except for one year, I don't know. And I do mean like every anniversary, every valentines day, every Christmas, and every birthday he's been a jerk and had to fight that day to ruin it and hasn't ever given me a damn present like I have to him! Ugh! Jerk! Oh well I guess I'm just too nice of a person to not ever get him something. I hope he likes it though and doesn't come hot with some smart ass remark to it, or I'll throw it and break it no matter how much it cost me (only $100). Just a question how many women have this same problem? Or what about you men? And your SO not having a job is no excuse! I haven't had a job since we have been together and still bought him something every single time! Wait am I talking to myself here? Lol oh well :/

[elj90-blog]

lol right! #myself #lookgood #bitchplease #stupidquestions

[elj90-blog]

Emotions Taking Me over..

Do us women after PPD ever really get better? Now that I look back and think about it I have had depression since about high school. Back then I thought it was just a phase we all went through. But I was always trying to fill my time with friends and what ever else I could just to make it seem like I was always happy. And I started to believe I was happy and so I was. Fast forward 2 years after high school after having a child. I got into a relationship quickly and got pregnant with my second child. I started feeling like crap at the beginning and slowly even falling into more depression as my pregnancy came to an end. After I had my son I got it bad where I would cry over everything and literally anything, one time it was over accidentally over cooking a pizza. I told my doctors and they prescribed me meds but I decided not to take them because I was breastfeeding, and thought I'd be able to handle it myself. And I did work my way out of it and am happy, most times. I just can't seem to get my self out of a slump though. My son is now 1 1/2 and I still get depressed out of no where. I can be having a great time and not be thinking of any troubles, but then it just hits me out of no where. I hate it. I just want to know if it goes away or if I will keep having to fight this forever. I'm not saying I won't fight or I will tire of fighting because I won't quit fighting this depression, for the sake of my babies. I just want to know if it ever gets better if not so I can try harder.

[elj90-blog]

Grow up already!

Another day that I feel like just getting up and going to the local shelter. I honestly feel like I would rather be living in a place filled with random people than to be living in the same house as you. I hate how I always get up and go without actually getting ready just so that you don’t get mad because you think I want to look good for someone other than myself! I hate how you treat me like the lowest of the low when I’ve never given you a reason to even think I was cheating on you or ever have! Then when I don’t want to get up at 5 to go pick you up in 4 degree weather because you can’t drive because you are too lazy to go get your DL or too busy buying stupid things and don’t have the money to go get it. And when I tell you I don’t want to go get you and and I won’t and to have that girl the visits you at your work pick you up, you freaking call your mom to make her make me go get you at that time! Like really you take advantage that I can’t tell your mom no out of respect you jerk! And then for you to sit there and get mad that I don’t work but when I actually look for a job or get an interview you throw a fit and give me a damn ultimatum between being with you and having a job! Like who does that? I’m tired of having to rely in a guy to get me what I need, even though your my bf it still doesn’t feel ok to me. I want a job I want my own money to be able to buy me what I need. But you know what if you don’t want me because I want to better my life by having a job and trying to achieve my dream of working in the medical field. Or if you don’t support my thoughts of wanting to better our families lives as in being able to get a place of our own, because 4 people living in this small room with all our stuff packed in here is not healthy for us. Then you are a damn kid still and need to grow up! Just grow up!

[elj90-blog]

Couponing?

I just spent the last 2 hours learning how to coupon. Maybe I will start up and see how it goes for the next few months! Just maybe, though. We will see how this goes..

[elj90-blog]

Random Feelings

I look through my friends photos and think how I would love to be with friends like that again. Just to be able to go out and have fun just for a little. Have someone to talk to other than just the dude laying next to me or my kids. I can't talk to his family because they'll never actually listen since he's their blood. I can't talk to mine because I don't want them to know how much I hate my life. Don't get me wrong I love my kids and I would do anything and everything for them, but that's also the reason I've been in this situation for what feels like a million years now but has only been the past 3 years. I want to be able to feel beautiful again sexy and wanted. Not just someone who is wanted when his manly needs need to be fulfilled. I want to be able to have nice clothes not all crazy but just something that actually fits me that I'd be able to wear. I have nothing nice as in a cute outfit like I know every girl has I have two pair of pants that don't fit. And I'm not looking for sympathy because I know it's my fault I've been put in this situation so long. If you look into our bedroom you wouldn't see one piece of thing that was mine except for my clothes sticking out of the laundry basket. I know what I'm saying is all material stuff but is it really so bad that I wish I could have at least one new cute outfit to be able to look cute in if I was ever able to go out and hang with friends, if I had any? My head is filled with so many words and my heart with so many emotions I don't know what to do anymore. Time to start pretending I'm alright again.