When I think about my childhood, it comes back in slivers instead of full memories. It could be a smell that makes my stomach twist, a doorway I learned not to stand too close to, the familiar urge to make myself small. I didn’t understand any of it then. I just adapted, the way a plant bends toward whatever light it can find, even if the shape it grows into feels strange later.
There are five common stages that people experience when dealing with mental health recovery. The first stage is acceptance. This stage can be very difficult, but important, as it forces you to acknowledge your struggles and the impact those struggles have made in your life. It is crucial that the individual overcomes the denial that is commonly used as a defense mechanism. Without accepting and facing your problems head on, you will never heal.
That uneasiness followed me quietly into the rest of my life, slipping into places no one would expect. Even now, I can be standing at the bus stop, pretending to scroll through my phone, when I catch sight of someone from my past and feel everything inside me tighten before I even register who I’m looking at. It’s strange how the body remembers before thought does. How a heartbeat can stutter, how shoulders rise, how breath forgets what it’s supposed to do. And it isn’t just moments like that. It shows up in the small ways too: a harmless touch that makes me pull back without meaning to, my mind drifting out of the moment as if it’s been trained to escape at the slightest hint of danger, the instinct to retreat when someone gets too close even if they mean well.
The second stage is insight. This is the part where you connect the dots; one gains a deeper understanding of the condition and figures out the underlying causes. A therapist can be beneficial, as it provides a safe space when reflecting on, thought, emotions, and habits. A mental health professional can offer valuable perspectives, as well as support individuals in recognizing triggers and developing coping strategies.
As life kept moving, those old patterns seeped deeper into everything, blending with new struggles until I couldn’t tell where one ended and another began. There were mornings when getting out of bed felt like trying to lift something heavy with trembling hands, days at school where my chest tightened for reasons I couldn’t explain, and moments when someone’s casual comment hit the exact spot I’d been trying so hard to protect. Somewhere in the mix of all that, I started turning against my own body. I was picking it apart, fighting with it, trying to control it in ways that only left me emptier. The habits felt like a solution at the time, like I could shrink the chaos inside me by shrinking myself on the outside. What once felt like punishment became a kind of solace, a quiet amid the storm. I didn’t realize I was disappearing from my own life in more ways than one.
Action is the third stage, and this is where the real work of recovery begins. What will improve one's well being? Whether it is therapy, medication, or a combination of treatments, the individual has to engage in a concrete treatment plan, which you have to stay consistent with. Some lifestyle changes that may be helpful are; adopting a healthier diet, regular exercise, creating a consistent sleep schedule, practising mindfulness or relaxation techniques.
Woven into the chaos was the part I didn’t talk about for years; the way I pulled into spaces I was far too young to navigate. Men old enough to be my father, treated me like I was someone I wasn’t, someone I tried to become because I thought that was what attention was supposed to look like. I started shaping myself into their fantasies: a naïve, young girl with adult urges, convincing myself the discomfort was normal. It wasn’t. I can see that now — how I was being guided, flattered, nudged into versions of myself that didn’t belong to me. It’s strange looking back at that younger girl, trying so hard to feel powerful while adults blurred every line she should’ve been protected from.
Stage four: healing. Challenges will surface but with developing resilience and learning how to navigate obstacles more effectively, one´s skills will help the individual turn setbacks into opportunities for growth. This is the time to grow, improve, and rebuild. It’s important to acknowledge the hard work and the positive changes, no matter how small they may seem. Celebrate and recognize the progress.
But even without noticing when it started, something gentler began threading itself through the cracks. Not big revelations, just small shifts. A hug I didn’t flinch away from. A laugh that felt natural instead of rehearsed. A day where the past didn’t sit in the front row of my mind. Healing didn’t sweep in all at once; it wove itself slowly into quiet places, offering me these brief moments where I realized I wasn’t held entirely by old fears anymore.
The last stage is commitment. It's an ongoing process, to maintain the gains of the process, to continue self-care and growth. For some people this could mean staying connected with support systems if necessary. For every person in this stage it would mean looking forward and setting new goals. It is about creating a life that's not only about surviving, but also thriving. Lastly: remember that everyone's journey is different, but do not compare, because it is all valid.
For years I built myself around avoidance. If I could stay small enough, agreeable enough, invisible enough, then maybe the world would stay quiet. I didn’t realize I was mistaking survival techniques for personality traits. I still don’t have everything figured out, and maybe I never will. But I’m learning to sit with myself instead of against myself, to look at what happened without letting it define the whole story, to build something steadier than what I started with. The more I learn, the more I understand that healing isn’t a single moment you wake up inside of — it’s a series of tiny choices, a gradual turning toward something softer, something lighter, something new.
And I think, finally, I’m learning how to walk in that direction.
